Page 22

Chapter twenty

Forest

C oming to sudden consciousness, I nearly fall off the cot, unsure of where I am or how I got here to begin with. An ample bright light hangs above me, making it impossible to see my surroundings. I half expect my side to hurt once I begin to move, feeling pleasantly surprised once I realize all of the pain I had earlier has now dwindled to nothing. I raise my hand to my face, looking over the clean knuckles. Both hands look like I never got into an altercation to begin with. My mind runs through the events before I lost consciousness, ending with Fallan and his voice before I found solitude within my mind. With a swat, I move the light away from me, now seeing the recovery quarters of the med unit where my mother spends most of her days.

I feel uneasy seeing a new shirt on my body, unsure how many people it took to undress me or, worse, how many people got to see my mark. My pants rest a bit lower than they did initially, still in the position that nearly exposed me. I tighten my belt around my waist, feeling the effects of my low energy the moment I stand. The door to the room is closed, leaving me alone. I let my back lean against the cot, slumping to the floor to tuck my knees into my chest.

With heavy lids, I close my eyes and embrace the silence, doing my best to listen to the white noise in my mind.

“Are you there?” I question silently in my head, shouting down what seems like a never-ending, empty hallway.

I pause, tapping my foot against the floor, waiting to hear his voice. Seconds turn into minutes before I wonder how real his voice was in the first place.

The door to the room creaks, sending me up from my position on the floor. My mother and I give each other a long stare, and I realize my brother’s anxious figure is waiting on the other side of the door, peeking inside for a few seconds before she closes it on him.

Her hands fiddle with the inside of her lab coat pockets, her body moving closer to the cabinetry in the room. There’s no attempt at small talk, which she always tried to use as a way in when we’re at odds. With a turn of a key, one of the cabinets clicks open, revealing several bottles of pills, all labeled with ingredients I couldn't even begin to identify. She scans her options, letting her touch linger on the bottles with a higher milligram dosage than the rest.

“W-What happened?” I question, wondering why Kai hasn’t burst into the room yet, ready to give me one of his speeches about my health.

“It would seem the Official's light sensor prods triggered a seizure from you during the events in the lunchroom. Unlike episodes in the past, this one nearly caused a brain bleed. Thank New Haven that your chip was able to stop you from hemorrhaging on the spot,” my mother says, sounding more emotional than I expected. I touch the back of my ear, still feeling the heat the chip gives off.

That was what healing from the chip felt like?

“Why do you sound angry?” I question, watching her pause before finally deciding on a medication to pull down from the cabinet.

“Well, let’s see,'' she begins, finally turning to face me. The mask of emotion, once hidden, is now on display for all to see. “My daughter nearly hemorrhages only an hour or so after beating down a fellow Untouchable, and this only comes days after she decides to walk around the house like a stranger, letting me know nothing about what's happening to her. So yes, Forest, I’m angry. Angry that I have no idea what's going on with you, and to make matters worse, your father says an Unfortunate has been nagging you-” she begins, ready to mention the one person I was praying she wouldn't.

“Fallan didn’t do anything,” I begin.

She pauses her rant, unable to fully process what I am saying.

“So there is an Unfortunate?” she asks, posing the question like she no longer knows who her daughter is.

“You said-”

“It was a theory. I wasn't expecting you to be honest given how shut off you've been these past few days,” my mother says, urging me to see how many cameras are listening in on this conversation.

I glance around the room.

Five. Five cameras. Five spies.

“I've seen him once or twice in passing,” I begin, pointing to my mother with annoyance, “Last time I checked, it’s more than okay to communicate with Unfortunates on school grounds,” I state, watching her eyes glance up to the cameras in the same fashion I had.

“Is that all?” my mother questions, clearly aware my honest response would be anything but yes. It certainly wasn’t all.

“I’m not answering any more questions until you tell me why my brother is waiting outside while you interrogate me like I am a deviant,” I say, feeling a small rush of adrenaline come over me.

“Don't do that, Forest.'' My mother sighs. She picks up my hand to drop the small pill into my palm. “Don't speak to me like I am an enemy. I want you to be safe. That's all I’ve ever wanted,” my mom finishes, gently rubbing her thumb across my cheek in a soft caress.

There’s my mother. The one who read me and Kai bedtime stories and broke regulations to sneak us sweet treats past our designated eating windows. I see how tired she is—balancing the world on her shoulders while putting out all the fires with us.

“Please, bear with me, Mom,” I plead. Grabbing her quickly, I pull her into a hug.

“I'm not in the best head space right now.” Her arms wrap around me, sighing deeply into my shoulder at the exchange.

“Never question your mind, Forest. It will guide you in ways you never knew you needed.” My grasp tightens around her, as I remember the new clothes I’m in.

“W-who dressed me?” I question. She pulls away, dragging her hands across her eyes.

“I did. I know how you feel about privacy,” my mother says, running her finger along my side. “Who marked you up like that?” she questions.

“Josh-”

“Seal?” my mother finishes, fully aware of the boy's last name.

“That would be the one.”

She shakes her head, silently cursing under her breath between eye rubs.

“That family has no boundaries. They're like thorns in my ass I can never get rid of,” she says, speaking candidly for the first time in a long time.

“Mom, can I come in?” Kai says with a few bangs, cutting off my ability to question her disdain toward Josh’s family.

“I told your brother to wait outside because of how … overwhelming he can be,” she says, looking down at the pill in my hand, “Take that while I speak to him. I upped your milligram dosage to hopefully help the seizures and any episodes you might have because of them. There’s a cup by the sink where you can get water,” my mom says, nodding toward the sink before slipping back behind the door, giving me no time to wave to my worried brother who’s now trying to step inside the room.

The cameras loom over the space, giving anyone on the other side of the cameras a show while they wait to watch me take a medication that I haven’t had in days. It’s like each one is pointed directly at me, waiting to see what I’ll do.

The pill feels heavy in my hand. If the Officials were unsure about upping my regulations after they used my chip, they sure as hell will want to now, starting with this sudden need to increase my meds.

I want to believe my mother wouldn’t do anything to harm me. I want to think that she’d never let them influence her.

But there’s no longer room for hope that people are who they say they are.

Keeping my head down, I move toward the sink, letting the water run while I fill the small glass cup. I shake the pill in my hand, watching the slow green blink of the cameras, eerily similar to our chips once they are ready to make us do as they please. I angle myself as best I can away from prying eyes, raising the pill to my mouth quickly before downing multiple gulps of water, dragging the drug down my front, and slipping it into my pocket.

I mimic the swallowing motions, trying to look convincing before shutting off the sink. My mother and Kai argue on the other side of the door, only ending their standoff once my mother asks him to sit and wait.

Moments later, she is back in the room, looking more flustered than she was initially.

Arguing has never been her forte.

“How hard was it to keep down?” she questions, reaching her hand out to touch my face with care. Her fingers caress my cheeks, lingering on all of the features of my face most closely resembling my father’s.

“It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. You can let Kai in now, if you want,” I say, trying to gauge how little she wants him here.

She leads me back to the cot with her worn hands, placing me down on the thin mattress next to her before pulling me into a leaned position against her. I let myself sink into the touch, hearing the sounds of her strong heart as they steady my thoughts.

“Have things been okay with you? You've seemed so very distant recently,” she finally asks the actual question she’s been wanting answers to.

I know she thinks without Kai’s presence, I’ll suddenly spill everything to her like I always have.

“Why do people keep asking me that?” I question, scooting away from her, only to let my face fall into my hands. She tries to reach for me again, and once more, I brush off her touch with a shake of my arm.

“You have to admit you seem-”

“Defiant?'' I question, snapping at her more aggressively than I meant to.

“Awake, Forest. You seem more awake. It's like you’ve suddenly discovered what your emotions are and have no way of controlling them,” she admits, making it impossible to stop the snide remark from rolling off my tongue next.

“I'm sure suppressing my emotions is something our people would love nothing more than for me to do right now. Have any ideas on how they might do that?” I question, watching the look of confusion pass over her face before becoming nothing at all.

“What are you insinuating?” she questions, sounding just as concerned as she was when she spoke of the potential brain bleed I could have had earlier.

“Nothing, Mom,” I begin, no longer wanting her to press me, “I'm tired and honestly not wanting to talk about anything that happened today. There are plenty of eyes always on us,” I say, looking at the camera, “I’m sure you’ll see everything that happened today at some point and have yet another reason to wish I was more like Kai,” I finish.

Twisting my hands into my hair, I reach into my mind once more.

“Now would be a great time to say something,” I whisper silently through my thoughts. Once again, I’m met with nothing but silence.

Crazy is starting to look like an accurate label for me.

“I don't wish you were like Kai,” my mother says, resting her hand on my own, pulling my chin up to meet her gaze. “I know exactly who you are, Forest. Whether you realize it or not, you and Kai are my everything. Nothing will change how proud of you I am. You weren't dealt the fairest cards-”

“ Detected criticism against society functions is a low-level violation, Katiana Blackburn.”

The room finally speaks up, stopping my mom’s thought before she can even finish it. I watch her eyes close while she takes a deep breath to relax.

“Everyone was given a fair chance.” She corrects herself, lying right through her teeth.

My mom’s eyes move to my hair, plucking away the silver strands now framing my face. I reach up, grabbing her wrist to stop her from taking any more than she already has.

“I liked those,” I admit, watching her drop the strands in a nearby bin.

“I don’t. It’s time for us to dye your hair again,” she whispers.

I look over her hair, seeing nothing but the beautiful, rich brown color she claims hides hair like mine.

“All the women in our family have it?” I question, watching her hand lower, gesturing me to keep quiet.

“A very rare genetic hiccup that I found easier not to disclose. Loss of pigmentation, nothing to make a fuss about,” she says, sounding like she’s reading from a script.

“No one else has-”

“Forest, not here. Not now,” she snaps, pointing her finger at me seriously.

I close my mouth, clasping my hands together on my lap impatiently. My mother checks her watch, ready to meet her next patient. She walks with an exhausted demeanor, looking more drained each time I see her.

“Your brother will most likely swarm you-”

My words leave me before I can process them.

“Do you trust them? Do you trust that New Haven has our best interest at heart?” I whisper, watching the room light up with yellow as the system speaks again.

“Talk against government and/or rules is a medium-level violation, Forest Blackburn.”

My mom pauses, turning on her heels. She comes inches away from me, looking me over with a wild expression.

“Why would you ask me that?” she questions, grasping the side of my face with shaky hands.

“Would they hurt us?” I push further, pressing my forehead to hers to hide the words I speak.

I need the truth from her. I need to know where she stands.

“Did you see an Unfortunate beating again? How many times must I tell you they deserve that treatment? Without it, there is no balance in the system we must all adhere to,” she shouts, trying to get the cameras to pick up on that statement.

“That's not what I asked, Mom…. Would they hurt us?” I question, letting her grip me tightly.

There are several seconds of delay. She stands still, deep in thought, while pondering the question. Just one word, one word, and I know there is someone in my family I can trust. One “yes,” and I no longer have to navigate this hell beside someone who hates me. Anything is better than being alone in this.

“No, Forest. They would never hurt you,” she says, letting her hands drop from my face, giving me the last answer I would have ever wanted from her.

I slowly back away from her, giving her a nod. The emotions must cover my face like paint on a canvas, because my mother’s eyebrows raise while she watches me move away from her and closer to the door.

“You have other patients waiting on you,” I say, swinging the door open, wanting to be nowhere near her.

“Forest-”

“Get out,” I say, no longer giving her the opportunity to stick around and lie to my face again.

She closes her mouth, looking dazed once she finally decides to accept my command and leave the room. Kai lingers in the doorway, watching me hold the door, waiting for something to give him a clue as to what’s going on. I shake my head at him, letting my mom move past us before following behind her. I want nothing more than to leave this fluorescent nightmare of a med unit. I peered down at the oversized shirt they forced me into, then searched for an exit sign as quickly as possible.

“Stay here, and we can go back together. Let me speak to Mom first,” Kai says, squeezing my shoulder before following behind our mother’s exhausted figure. She sulks away, clearly troubled by the exchange we just shared.

I shake away the way it makes me feel, ignoring Kai’s plea for me to stay put. I begin working down the massive hallway, acknowledging none of the nurses questioning me if I know where I’m going. The bright light of the outside world is only a few feet away. Two large doors ahead will get me away from this nightmare.

As I move closer to the doors, I let my walk turn into a jog. My body fills with pain once it collides with another person in the connecting hallway toward the end of my path, right next to the double doors.

The second body grunts, gently grabbing my arms and stabilizing both of us. I ready myself to pull away like I have been to everyone lately, wanting nothing more than to strangle the next person who gets near me without asking.

“What are you doing here?” he questions gently, rubbing his finger along my sides with a comforting touch I’ve been craving all day.