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Chapter forty

Forest

A n unsettling silence still encapsulates the house. By some miracle, my mother had managed to calm Kai down to a level that made his anger manageable.

He lingers in my room now, biting his nails down to the bed, dragging along his childhood blanket in hopes that it might calm him down. In moments like this, I see my brother as the young boy who always stood in the back of the group, too nervous to move, silently observing his surroundings before speaking.

“You told him?” Kai asks me again, trying his best to get his facts straight as if analyzing our situation makes it any more manageable.

“Just what he needed to know, but yes. We need someone on the inside of all of this, you know that. As long as Xavier trusts me, we have that in.”

He pauses, narrowing his eyes like I’m prey and he’s ready to pounce.

“Is that 'trust,' earned the same way it was with Fallan?” Kai questions, motioning to his neck in small drags.

“Whatever happened between me and Fallan is none of your concern-”

“So, something did happen?” Kai pushes, holding his hands to his hips as if he had any room to judge me. There was something different about how my brother acted around Hunter, but I wasn’t ready to ask about that yet.

“If something happened,” I say, pointing to him, “It was because I wanted it to. Fallan is not the true enemy here,” I clarify, watching my brother rub his temples.

“I know, Forest,” he says, taking a seat on my bed. “I’m just trying to process everything that's happened. My life has been turned upside down in just a few days. One minute, I despise everything about the Unfortunates, and the next,” he pauses, letting out an exasperated sigh. “I’m almost wishing you were with Fallan instead of here,” Kai mutters, letting out a gentle sob.

“W- Why is that?” I question, joining my brother on the soft comforter.

“Because I’d rather be in that bakery, getting strangled by Valerie and watching Fallan put on that terrible act pretending to hate you. It was all so real. The smile on Hunter’s face. Jolie’s kindness. All of it. It may not be practical, but it was real, and I felt safer with all of them than I have in a long time. I can tell you feel the same,” Kai says.

I wanted to tell him the truth about me.

“Remember, as far as anyone knows, our hands are entangled in Blondie’s hair, not Fallan’s.” It whispers in my mind, a gentle reminder of why I can’t admit anything yet.

“Fallan’s hate for me is not an act… genuinely. I find comfort in Xavier,” I say, biting my lip as I force out the lie.

I feel a dull ache in my chest, but it fades as quickly.

“Right,” Kai mutters, shaking his head. “If that's what you need to tell yourself,” Kai says.

A low rumble fills the hallway, both of us looking at the locked door sealed shut with the aid of the back of a chair. I listen to the heavy footsteps of my father stumbling away from his bedroom, my mother quietly pleading for him to go back into their room so that they can talk. Not too long after my time in the bathroom with Xavier, my father had asked him to leave, hauling my mother in the room with him, pairing his anger with a rich bottle of scotch. I could tell Xavier had no desire to leave and became even more determined to stay when I leapt down from my seat on the bathroom counter and immediately started to sway on my feet. At that point, I no longer had the energy to maintain the wall I’d built to block Fallan out, and his concern for me rampaged down our mental bond, threatening to suffocate me in panic before I was able to reestablish the connection to let him know I was alright. Eventually, Kai was able to convince Xavier to leave, promising to send word if our father became too escalated. After much deliberation, I used the bond to reach out to Fallan, coaxing him to relax.

The door handle jiggles, shaking violently beneath my father’s touch. Kai flinches at the noise, my eyes watchful as my hand unintentionally clenches, using what energy I have left to force the chair harder against the door. I want to cover my ears as we sit huddling under the blanket that felt much bigger when we were kids. Now, it barely covers our laps.

“Your heart is racing…. Are you okay?” he questions, the concern apparent in his tone even through the vast space of my mind.

“My father is worked up.”

“Andrew, that's enough,” my mother says, trying to get him away from the door.

“Kaiden and Forest Blackburn, get out here!” my father yells. Kai clenches the blanket tighter.

“Maybe it's best to stay in your room,” Fallan hisses, not making it sound like a suggestion.

“I know,” I start, continuing to hold the door with my mind.

“I promise we’ll talk once I calm him down,” I whisper, unsure how long I can hold the door closed with my powers.

I lean into my brother, overwhelmed with a sudden burst of energy flooding my system.

“I’m not taking any chances on you running out of strength,” he whispers, my mouth curling into a small smile.

“But you needed that,” I protest.

“You need it more.”

“Kaiden!” my father yells again. He’s determined to finish what they started earlier in the living room.

“I’m not speaking to you!” Kai yells, his voice filled with emotion. I hear my mother angrily stomp away, overwhelmed and stressed. Her next shift is only a few hours away.

I shoot to my feet, feeling my brother's hand grasp my front.

“Don’t engage him,” Kai says fearfully.

I say nothing, but pull away from his grasp, making my way closer to the door. My father's banging has silenced, but I can hear him breathing heavily as he waits on the other side of the door.

“No one is going to speak to you when you're acting like that,” I say, finally giving him the acknowledgment he wants.

“Forest!” my father begins, once more jiggling the lock. “You can’t hide in there forever,” he says, his voice broken.

“You're drunk!” Kai yells, putting in his two cents.

“I just, I just want to speak to you,” my father says, his voice close to a sob. “Please.” My eyes shoot to Kai. My brother shakes his head at me, silently begging me not to give in.

“Go to your study, and I’ll meet you there,” I start, ignoring my brother’s silent “no’s.”

“Just you. Alone. Your brother stays.” he commands.

A part of me was terrified for what would happen when I got to his study; what words would fall between us, either tearing us further apart or bringing me closer to understanding the man I looked to for strength for so many years. I didn’t know if I had the strength to face him alone or to navigate the emotions hiding just beneath the surface of my flesh, threatening to take me over.

But then I remembered Fallan had promised me that I’d never be alone, and suddenly, crossing the threshold into the space beyond my room didn’t seem so terrifying anymore.

The hallway leading to my father’s study is chillier than usual, a draft lingering as we round the corner and reach our destination. Kai lingers in the doorway with me, struggling to let go of me to face our father without him. My mother watches me from the bedroom, trepidation written across her face.

“He’s waiting for you,” she says. My stomach is unsettled at the realization her chip blinks green.

“Why don't you take Mom and have some tea in the living room,” I whisper to Kai, giving him a look that begs him not to push me on this. He narrows his eyes as he observes her, noticing how unnaturally relaxed she seems. Someone has recently activated her chip. I’m not sure who stands in front of us now.

Kai nods, letting go of my hand with a gulp. I let our fingers part, staring at the closed door of the study.

“If I hear anything weird at all, I’m coming in there,” Kai whispers, giving the door one last look before pulling away.

I watch him gather my mother in his arms, guiding her to the kitchen. I watch the light fade behind her ear. I grab the door handle of my father's study, forcing myself inside and into the dimly lit setting.

He sits at one of the chairs in front of his desk, hunched over in its worn leather seat, and swirling his glass of scotch. He doesn’t raise his head as the door creaks on its hinges. The room is dimly lit, with shadows casting into every corner, creating long, eerie shapes along the walls. The small lamp sitting on a table beside the chair he’s in barely illuminates his face, making his features look drained. I close the door behind me, unsettled by the thick and heavy air around me. I watch him closely, clenching my fists to control my nerves.

“You cannot go back to that sector,” he whispers, placing his glass on the side table.

All of that for an empty warning?

“What are you worried I’ll see?” I question, watching his head slowly rise.

“I’m not worried what you’ll see,” his voice shutters. “I’m worried what will see you ,” he says.

I feel Its presence enter my mind, unnerving and ready to speak. I give in and let It take over for me.

“ What are you so afraid of ?” It questions for me, using my voice with ease. He scoffs at the accusation, my mind already working to shove back Its presence.

“You know, the silver in your hair is brighter. Like the metal of a blade,” he says whimsically, pointing to the streaks with the same hand still wrapped around his glass of scotch.

“What are you afraid of, Dad?” I question again, ignoring his comment.

“There are people in this world who will use you, Forest,” he rises to his feet. “People who will take you and mold you into a weapon for them to control,” he continues, swaying on his feet. “They told me what's to come, what has already passed-”

"Who told him these things?” It asks into the recess of my mind.

“Who is hunting me?” I question, watching his mouth slowly curve downward.

“They will destroy anything that’s different. And no one's mind is safe. The Apparatus is near, Forest, and it will take you and all those who fear it with it,” he says, stumbling toward me, nearly falling into me. I grab his arm, trying to get him to focus on me.

“I know about Mark,” I whisper, watching his eyes widen in their drunken haze. “I know who you are,” I reiterate, watching as a strange smile spreads across his face.

“He would’ve loved you and your brother,” he says, barely coherent. “Do you know?” my father questions, his eyes halfway open as his legs begin to give out.

“Do I know what, Dad?” I question, following him to the ground.

“They won't let me,” he says, gently closing his eyes. “They won't let me tell you,” he continues, pressing his head to the cool floor.

“What am I?” I question as he mumbles something I can’t make out. “Why do they want me?” I push, leaning my head closer to his mouth to hear better.

“It's cruel what they did. I thought I was protecting you,” he mutters, touching my face with a cold hand.

“You will lead them all from the darkness.”

His voice is the clearest it's been this whole conversation.

“Or we all die fighting to keep the darkness away from you,” he finishes, my heart dropping at his declaration.

I fall to my ass, backing away from my father, watching sleep overtake him. I feel my heart rate pick up, looking at my reflection in the silver tray that sits on the coffee table. It's there, watching me with a look that tells me It's just as shocked and confused as I am.

“What are we?” I question, watching It shake Its head.

Its posture is rigid, and Its demeanor is somber. For a moment, I wonder if I'm seeing the real version of the monster that’s been tormenting me for the last several days.

“Damn,” It starts, moving Its hands through Its hair.

“We're running in the dark, looking for the light, expecting it to just show up in front of us.” It finishes.

“How long have you been with me?” I ask, unsure if I want the answer.

“Always,” It says, rubbing Its arms. “I've always been a part of you, but we were lost to each other once. I’ve been waiting to connect to you once more ever since.”

Once more?

“Can I trust you?”

“Trust me? When will you learn?” It smiles, pointing its finger at me.

“I am you.”