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Chapter forty-four

Forest

M inutes turned into hours. Every second that passed gave Fallan an opportunity to test my capabilities. Once uncoordinated and imprecise, my strikes now hit my target. He watches me with crossed arms, carefully correcting my form as needed. Each time he touches me, I wish his hand would slip beneath the material of this gear and remove the barrier of clothing between us. It's a selfish desire. Something about the way he touches me feels right, like he knows my body in ways I hardly know myself.

“I want you to try something,” Fallan says, breaking his silence before I can get another strike in.

Gently grabbing my elbow, he moves me away from the punching bag, positioning us both in the center of the room. The moonlight hits his face just right, reflecting off several small scars across his skin. He watches me with a relaxed expression.

“I want you to try and reach into my mind,” he says, standing still.

I focus on his deep blue eyes, unsure how I could look at them so often and not get lost in them.

“Reach into your mind? You're always blocking me out,” I say, watching his mouth slightly curl.

“That’s true, and you're always trying to block me out,” he says, taking a step forward. “But your wall falters each time I get close to you…. You like my eyes?” he questions, my face growing warm.

“Stay out of my head.”

“Then keep me out.” His arms become crossed once more. He stays right in front of me and waits.

“Push past the protections I have up,” he starts, running his thumb along my eyes to shut my lids. “Feel that string that runs between our minds,” he whispers, my energy focused on finding the barriers in his mind.

When I can feel the wall he has in place, I run my mental touch along its surface, finding a small crack where it’s weakest.

“Why do you keep up so many walls?”

“Maybe I’m worried you won’t like what you find.”

“I thought my opinion didn't matter. I’m nothing,” I say, throwing his words back at him.

I feel it. The crack in his barrier at my comment. Slowly, I creep through, doing my best not to focus on the warmth of his body. I find his desires and his fears all bottled up in one area of his mind. To my surprise, I see my face. My green eyes watch him as he watches me. I see the curve of my smile paint my expression as I look up at him that night at Josh’s party, our bodies a few inches apart. I see a younger version of myself that day in the medical unit, my smile as wide as it was during our dance. There’s a glimpse of my sketchbook. Its sudden absence is something he’s yet to explain to me.

“Why am I in your thoughts so often?” I question, his body drawing closer.

“You slipped past my barrier?” he questions in shock.

Opening my eyes, I see how close we are, his hand hovering above my hip. His curls dance along his face, his body towering over me in a way that makes his strength so obvious. I hear traces of his thoughts, his mind fixating on my lips, even though he’s looking directly into my eyes.

“You didn't answer my question.”

“Neither did you,” he counters.

A trickle of blood works down my nostril, my mind letting go of its grasp on his. Quickly, I wipe away the small amount of blood, feeling the exertion of energy I used finally catching up to me. He raises the bottom of his shirt to help me wipe away the blood. I can't stop looking down to observe his body. All of his best features are much more noticeable in this lighting.

“My eyes are up here, Little Dove,” he says, gently tugging my chin back up to look at him.

He watches me with a kind expression, my eyes moving back down, feeling ill at the sight of nail marks working up his side. They’re a reminder that whatever is going on between us isn’t what I think it is, especially if he’s taking Valerie to his bed.

“Thanks for your help,” I whisper, gradually taking a step back.

He grabs the front of my shirt, stopping me from taking another step.

“Can I see it?” he questions, my throat going dry.

“See what?”

“Your mark,” be states, yanking up his shirt to expose his ribcage.

I run my fingertips along the rough skin of his mark, feeling how it curves like mine. He shudders beneath the touch, his eyes glued to my movements.

“I’ve never let anyone else touch it,” he whispers, moving my hand from his mark to the nail gouges streaking his side. “The only reason she spent the night was so she wasn't wandering the streets in a drunken haze. I can’t stomach her touch in the ways you think I can. When she touched me here, I was furious. But nothing happened.”

I scoff. “You don't need to justify who you hook up with to me,” I say, pulling my hand away from his chest. His mother's ring dangles from a chain around his neck, gleaming brightly in the glow of the moonlight.

“You were wondering about Valerie. That's why you're angry, right?” he says, his presence slowly entering my mind.

Slowly, I lower the waistline of my pants, showing him my mark. I feel him keep his presence in my mind, ready to test his patience. He eyes my hip with surprise, gently touching the skin with his slender fingers.

“Might as well give him a show if he’s going to creep in our mind,” It whispers.

“Like I said,” I whisper, letting the image of Xavier touching me at the dinner earlier tonight fill my mind. “I could care less who you choose to warm your bed,” I finish.

His hand clenches my waist as I keep the image in my mind. His fingers trail beneath the hem of my shirt. I expect him to back away out of anger, but instead, he stays still, his presence no longer tiptoeing through my mind.

“He’s touched you?” he questions, my mouth curling into a smile.

“Xavier? Here and there. I can show you if you'd like,” I push, ready to feel his anger wash over me.

He clenches his jaw, both hands firmly on my hips now. Even with his barriers up, I can feel his trepidation as he sees the lust in my stare as I keep the image of Xavier at the forefront of my mind.

“If you look at me like that again while thinking of him, Forest, or show me images of him touching you,” he mutters, his anger now more discernible. He moves my chin, facing it toward a metal table filled with odds and ends. “I can promise you I won’t be able to stop myself from laying you across that table and fucking you until you forget his name.”

My mouth snaps shut.

"I will make sure he knows I've had you.”

My heart races at his promise, unable to find my next words.

“My turn?” It asks. I release the lock on Its cage.

I draw in a deep breath and It overpowers me. It pushes us further into Fallan. Suddenly, I'm much more confident in my ability to manage his threats.

"What's stopping you then?” I question, trying to push him past his limits.

He ponders a response, glancing down at my lips.

“It’s getting late,” Fallan whispers, his hands nearly under my shirt.

I watch him back away slowly, leaving us on the same merry-go-round of emotions.

“How many times will you do that to me?” I question, his posture going rigid.

“Until you realize,” he starts. “That you're only a distraction to me.”

“If I’m only a distraction,” I push, pointing my finger to his chest, “Why do you care about Xavier touching me?” I spit.

He looks back at me angrily and turns on his heels. Rushing toward me, he slams the wall behind me, his eyes lowered as he speaks.

“Hate me!” he yells, my heart racing. “God damn it, Forest, just hate me so I don’t have to think of you every fucking time I close my eyes! You eat away at my every waking thought like a vile disease!” he spits, lingering in the space above me.

I don't back down. Instead, I move closer.

“You're a lousy liar,” I hiss.

It doesn't take long before he grabs his things and shoves the door open with a heave, leaving me alone in the gym with my feelings.

My back stays pressed to the wall as I slowly slide down to the cold floor.

I rack my brain, trying to think of the best response to Fallan’s outburst. All scenarios lead back to him only shutting me out more than he already has. Shoving open the doors, I go outside, ready to face him anyway.

I have to stop myself from bumping into another body, my eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the darkness. Hunter stands dressed in his work attire, looking at Fallan's angry figure before pulling his focus back to me.

“You came back?” Hunter questions, my annoyance with Fallan off the charts at this point.

“He asked me to,” I reply, avoiding Fallan’s searing gaze that could burn a hole through me.

“I thought her being here was just a 'coincidence?'” Hunter says, throwing up air quotes when he says the word coincidence like he knew better than to believe Fallan.

“Where's your brother?” Hunter asks me, ignoring Fallan impatiently tapping his foot.

“No doubt being carried home by Xavier right about now.”

Hunter’s expression falters at the mention of Xavier, but he makes a quick recovery.

“So, you're both here? To-”

“Train,” Fallan and I say in unison. Hunter nods his head, only half believing the validity of our statement.

“Right,” he starts, looking down the poorly lit street. “Well, I was planning to go home tonight, but seeing as I’m across the sector right now,” he turns to Fallan. “Do you care if I stay with you tonight?”

“Will there be enough room for him Fallan? Your late-night company is still there.” Hunter's eyes quickly move to Fallan.

“Late-night company?”

“Valerie’s having another one of her… episodes,” Fallan explains to him while his stays focused on me.

Hunter looks displeased, throwing Fallan a scathing look of disapproval.

“Well, I’ll leave you both to it,” I start, pulling my bag over my shoulders. “I should get going before they switch out to more attentive Officials.” A hand closes around my wrist.

Fallan watches me closely, his grasp light.

“I can walk you out of the sector-”

“Don’t bother,” I say, yanking my wrist from him. “I’m sure someone will be waiting for me,” I lie, throwing him yet another image of Xavier.

He frowns, unable to hide his disdain.

I turn on my heels, ready to spend the walk home reflecting on what the fuck I was thinking for coming here tonight.

“There is a function tomorrow night, here, in the Unfortunate sector. Come if you want to see what the people here are really like. Tell your brother to come too,” Hunter says, breaking the silence between us.

Fallan stays silent.

“Can I bring a friend?” I ask, unsure if I want his response.

“As long as you trust them,” Hunter responds, ignoring the shake of Fallan’s head. “Then yes.”

“Then I'll consider it.” My legs move for me on the path back to the sector's entrance.

“Goodnight, you two,” I mutter, unable to be around Fallan any longer.

The night pulls me into its grasp, taking me far away from the Unfortunate sector and even farther away from the man who has the ability to hate me and want me all in one night.

The question is, why can’t I let him go?