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Chapter thirty-nine

Forest

W e wait on the outskirts of our property, watching the flow of cars working in and out of the busy neighborhood. We offered Mark little detail on what happened today in his sector, not wanting to add to the list of stressors we had piled onto him in such a short amount of time. Realizing that someone might be your family is one thing, but knowing you've spent years treating that same family like they’re worthless and beneath you is another.

By some miracle, we were able to catch one of his last routes to our sector. We begged him to drop us off several blocks away from our regular stop. He didn’t want to let us off the bus at first, pressing us as to why our faces had been showcased on the phone screens of several Officials who had come and gone on his many routes after he dropped us off this morning. We told him as little as possible, unsure how much he could take. He eventually agreed to let us off where we’d asked, mumbling his intentions to speak to Fallan about what was going on.

“How bad is this going to be?” Kai questions, looking to me for some sense of reassurance.

“I have no idea. Whatever happens, I need you to push the blame onto me.”

At least if the blame is thrown on me, any corrective actions they try to take will be aimed at me. With his chip still intact, I’m worried about what they might do to him with a Re-Regulation Device.

“I can’t do that.”

“You have to,” I whisper, no longer giving him an option.

We push past the bushes and make our way to the front lawn. Our eyes meet the gazes of a few lingering Officials. Grabbing our hoods, we reveal our faces, both of us dirtied and worn. The Officials begin pressing their earpieces, talking in hushed whispers the closer we move to our front door. Kai angrily takes hold of the door handle, swinging open the entrance to our home.

Several eyes reach us from the living room. My father’s hand drops from his phone as my mother’s pacing comes to a halt. Xavier leans into the kitchen counter, his face filled with relief. The twins sit at our dining room table, impatiently waiting for us to acknowledge them. My mother’s body collides with my brother’s, grabbing me, too, and dragging me closer. There’s a sudden relieving warmth we get from the embrace. My dad waves away what few Officials linger around the room, letting Xavier stay as he joins my mother in the embrace.

“Where the hell were you two?” my father questions, pulling away from the hug to grab my face, scanning me up and down. My mother’s hands toy with my hoodie, looking over the grime with concern.

“Why are you both so dirty?” my mother pushes, my head unable turn to look at her as I stay locked in my father’s arms.

“We’re fine,” Kai says, pulling away from my father. There’s an obvious shift in how Kai regards him now. An air of disappointment and anger lingers between them, and I wonder how long it will take for Kai to forgive him.

“But I can’t say the same for the people in the Unfortunate sector, can I?” Kai continues, my heart dropping.

“What the hell are you talking about, boy?” my father says, grabbing my brother's collar. Xavier pushes away from the counter, giving me a look of concern.

“It might be best for you two to come back later,” my mother says, looking at the twins, “Xavier, can you see them out?”

Xavier wastes no time guiding the pair outside, silencing Max’s protests with empty promises to speak later. My father drags Kai over to the couch, dismissing my mother’s pleas to let go of him. My father forces Kai onto the couch. Xavier is quick to close the door. My mother grabs my arm to stop me from getting closer to them.

Angrily, I force her grasp away, giving her a cold stare.

“Speak up. Why did you mention the Unfortunate sector?” my father urges, raising his hand, ready to strike Kai for being so insolent.

I concentrate on my father, watching him stagger backward as I will this new mental force of mine to push him away. On the outside, it looks like he lost his balance. My brother steals the opportunity to rise from the couch. The power that usually drains me steadies, feeling less foreign each time I use it. I ready myself to grab my father, feeling a wave of confusion come over me as Xavier's hands wrap around me, pulling me back and into him.

“I promise you, you don’t want to interfere,” Xavier whispers, gently grasping my arms to hold me back.

I keep my head against him and drive the mental block up in my mind to keep Fallan from feeling my fear. Not to mention, the last thing he needs is to know whose hands are on me again.

Kai is facing my father, both men exchanging heated looks.

“Answer me, Kaiden!”

“We went to the Unfortunate sector!” Kai yells, slamming his hand on the coffee table. “We had to see it for ourselves!” My father’s body goes rigid.

“When were you there?” my father questions, looking at Xavier, whose hold on me tightens. I can sense his worry. Worry that we saw something we weren’t supposed to. The space around my father and Xavier is heavy, riddled with something I can only describe as regret.

“Does it matter?” Kai questions, his eyes gravitating to me.

“Why don't you let go of my sister,” Kai snaps, and the look on his face tells me he has no problem escalating this situation. “I’m not beneath slamming you into the counter, blondie-”

I pull away from Xavier, grabbing my brother before Xavier can get to him. My hands grasp his head, taking a mental note of all the cameras as I drag him toward me. I pull him into my grasp, feeling his anxiety pour into me.

“You need to calm down,” I whisper, keeping him close to me. “Don’t say another word.”

I release my grasp on him, watching him take several deep breaths.

“I can take him outside if you need-” Xavier starts, my mind flashing to the Re-Regulation Devices the Officials will want to use on my brother.

“No, Kai has every right to be worked up.”

My father's eyebrows raise at the notion.

“And why is that?” my father questions, dismissing my mother's worried glances in his direction.

“We walked to the Unfortunate sector. We were dared,” I start, ready to conjure up the best lie I can to get us out of this. “We looked through a small opening in the fence, nothing more.” Xavier becomes less rigid, relaxing his posture slightly. “The improvement projects for their sector were a lie.” My head pounds, the strain of keeping up so many barriers taking a toll on me already. “Disease, death... it was everywhere we looked. You made us believe it wasn’t like that-”

“We left right after we saw it,” Kai continues, feeding into my lie.

My dad circles us, watching us closely.

“And you're dirty because?”

“I got into a fight with Kai.” Both my mother and Xavier’s interest peaks, “It turned… physical. He wanted to report the conditions he saw to someone. I thought it best we ignore it since the Officials clearly do,” I finish.

“Not all of them. Going to that sector is hard on a lot of us. Sometimes fixing a problem is a lot harder than anyone realizes,” Xavier says, staring at my father.

“That's all you saw? Did you see anyone you recognized?” my father questions, trying to gauge if Fallan has anything to do with this.

“Who would we know from there?” Kai questions, “It’s not like we have an opportunity to be friends with anyone who lives there. After all, they’re beneath us, right, Dad?” Kai pushes. The thought of Mark being part of this family passes through my mind.

My father winces at the remark as my mother clears her throat.

“I don’t want to hear any more about this. You’ve been hiding things from us, sneaking around, and now you got caught.”

“Everyone should see their sector,” Xavier states. “At least once.”

“You know better than anyone about those conditions,” Kai starts, ready to argue his next point.

“The Unfortunates keep tearing down the new developments. And we’ve tried to seal the ward for months, but they refuse to let us. They'd rather risk going outside to the unknown than accept our help. If they live like animals, they’ve brought it on themselves,” my father snaps.

Lies.

“Is that true?” I question without thinking, turning on my heels to face Xavier. He scans my face, looking carefully between my father and me. He crosses his arms, tapping his foot anxiously.

I need to gain his trust. He’s the only way I can uncover what’s really going on in New Haven.

“I've heard more convincing truths,” Xavier admits with complete honesty, whispering so low even my father cannot hear before broadcasting a different answer to the rest of the group.

“Our people are doing the best we can, Forest,” he says, clearly waiting until my father is pleased before giving me an apologetic look.

“I raised you to believe and respect the purpose of New Haven. The rules we have in place, the way things are set up here protect all of us,” he starts, stiffening his posture. “You’ve continued to break the rules, and you’ve put us all at risk.” His eyes set on me. “There are consequences for the people you drag into your messes too. For years, we’ve cleaned up after the Unfortunates, picking up the slack to make sure things keep running smoothly-”

“I don’t think a history lesson is what she needs right now. She’s banged up. Let it go for today, Andrew. They're safe,” Xavier snaps, his voice unnerving.

My father’s mouth closes, set in a straight line.

“People know about where they were today. If the Commander-”

“Our Commander is a spineless coward who can’t even be bothered to come out and talk to his people. A childish dare gone wrong isn’t something he’ll be concerned enough about to make an appearance. I will tell him what happened was nothing more than fleeting curiosity. Clearly, they saw enough," Xavier’s confidence that the Commander would be less than interested in what happened today surprised me. It’s becoming more apparent the longer I'm around him that he’s got the answers I'm looking for.

“I’m cleaning her up. Let her brother have a moment to himself. We are no saints, Andrew,” Xavier says, his fingers interlacing with my own as he begins guiding me away from the conversation.

“They see it all, boy,” my father says, his eyes on the cameras as his arms wrap around my mother. “Your defiance is putting a target on your back,” he warns. Xavier scoffs at the warning.

“I’d rather the target be on me than them, Andrew. Protecting your family should be your top priority,” Xavier says, not giving my father another look as he moves away and guides us closer to the bathroom. I let out a sigh of relief once we’re inside, and Xavier finally closes the door behind him.

I stand awkwardly in front of the door, watching his hands work as he fills the sink with running water. He removes his jacket, his muscular frame more apparent as he shrugs off the sleeves. Once again, I notice the black ink that coats his skin beneath his shirt, hidden away by the uniform he wears every day. I lower the shields in my mind, feeling the connection flood through me.

“Why have you been so quiet?” Fallan’s voice echoes. A smile of relief spans across my face when I realize he’s been worried.

“Did I do something to warrant that smile, or is your head elsewhere?” Xavier questions, watching me in the reflection of the mirror.

“I can sense that blonde twit,” Fallan says sarcastically. A wave of his anger passes through me.

“Thank you for getting me away from all of that,” I finally settle on saying, unsure how long I can remain silent, mindlessly listening to Fallan’s voice before Xavier grows suspicious.

“Happy to help,” Xavier says, moving toward me with a towel. He works it gently across my skin, holding my eye contact.

“It didn’t go well when we got back home. Xavier got me away from my father,” I start, drawing in a deep breath once his hand begins to rub along my neck in all the places Fallan explored earlier.

“Did I hurt you?” Xavier questions, pausing.

“No,” I begin, urging his hand to keep working. “You can keep going,” I whisper.

“I don’t need eyes to sense how much he enjoys being alone with you,” Fallan whispers, my mouth curling up again.

“Why do you care? Maybe I want him alone with me,” I say, feeling the space in my mind grow crowded as Xavier’s hand presses down harder.

I wince once more, letting go of the connection, unable to gauge how much more energy I can expend trying to speak to Fallan.

Xavier’s finger toys with the collar of my hoodie. I look at our reflection in the mirror. The version of me with silver locks and taunting eyes meets my stare. It seems pleased, Its head cocked, watching the reflection of Xavier. It takes me a moment to digest the version of him she shows me. He’s older, more weathered, with stubble along his jawline. He looks less approachable, his eyes dark and brooding. My reflection watches over his own, something dark marking her skin in places I never noticed before. With a blink, the images are gone, replaced with the version of Xavier I’ve come to know. His gaze is held on one of the hickeys Hunter had missed with the Cure-All.

“You sure you didn't go past that fence?” Xavier says, running his thumb along the mark. I push his hand away, brushing the tender skin with my fingers, “You saw Fallan, didn’t you?” he questions, my eyes observing the love bite in the mirror.

I want to trust him. I want to try.

“I may have gone to see him,” I admit, pressing my elbows to the counter, feeling my fingers work through my hair as I lower my head. “I had to see if my father hurt him because of what happened at the house last night,” I admit, letting my back rest against the counter.

Xavier gives me a nod, taking a few steps toward me.

“I saw him as well. Although, I never touched him the way they did,” Xavier admits, digging in his pocket, holding up the necklace Fallan had taken back from me not so long ago. He holds it in the air between us, waiting for my hand to reach for it. Carefully, I take the jewelry away from him, holding it in my palm.

“Why take this from him?” I question, leaning back further as he plants his hands beside me on the sink. I’m caged between his arms, unable to move.

“I liked it better on you,” Xavier admits, motioning behind me. “It was never his to have.”

So little context behind such a significant statement.

“Take a seat on the counter. You have cuts that need cleaning,” he says, his nose grazing mine before pulling away. I don’t argue, taking a seat as his hands rummage through my medicine cabinet. Eventually, he finds a few antiseptic wipes.

“Are you angry with me?” I question, touching the soft skin of my neck. He shakes his head, lifting my hoodie, giving me no time to react as he peels it off my body. I see the scratches along my arms, but I'm unsure where they came from.

“Am I angry?” Xavier begins, holding my hip with his hand, pressing down gently on the cuts with the other. I bite my bottom lip from the sting of the antiseptic. “No,” he says, dropping his hand to my side once he’s done. He keeps his palm planted next to me and leans in closer. I can sense every part of him, feeling my heart accelerate as my head presses back into the mirror. I feel its presence as it watches me, whispering in my ear.

“I know I’m not the only one enjoying Blondie's company,” It whispers, letting me know I’m not alone in this connection with Xavier.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Xavier whispers, gently touching the side of my face.

I pull my attention back to him, feeling him move even closer, his body towering over me.

“I’m just a jealous fool if that's what you're wondering,” he admits, his fingers brushing beneath the hem of my undershirt. I shudder against the touch, wondering at what point I lowered the walls in my mind and screamed out for him. “I want you to look at me the way I’ve seen you look at him,” Xavier continues, my eyes finally meeting his.

This close to him, I notice the speckling of gold in his blue irises, and I can’t help but be transfixed as the colors seem to swirl manically. His blonde curls hang wildly down in front of his face, and something about the way he looks at me tells me the energy between us is volcanic.

“Why do you want me, Xavier?” I question, still motionless.

“Because you're a fire , love , ” he says, my heart racing. “A fire that I plan on kindling,” he finishes, my body reacting for me.

No, not my body.

That other part of me.

I feel my hands clasp around his collar, ready to pull him down and on top of me. I let out a small gasp at my own boldness, feeling his hand drag up the side of my thigh. A part of me is ready to feed into this, feeling utterly enthralled by how his fingers trace circles on my skin. I feel Its control over me growing, and I quickly work to force it back before it consumes me. My body jolts back into the mirror and away from Xavier’s lips. I feel my head hit the glass, turning instantly to face Its angered expression.

“What the hell are you doing?” I angrily question out loud, looking over its wild eyes and watching its smile grow.

"Not fond of double dipping?” It questions, pointing to a portion of my head filled with gray.

“ Tik-Tok. Running out of time to battle me. You'll see how much you need me soon enough,” It whispers, my fist ready to drive into the mirror.

His hand grasps my wrist, stopping the stare-down between me and my now normal reflection.

“I expect nothing of you. You don’t need to yell at yourself because I upset you-”

“You didn't upset me, Xavier,” I whisper, feeling my sanity slip. I hurry off the counter's edge, collecting myself to try and come up with some explanation for what he saw. As long as I have a say, she won’t force me to do this with him.

But he doesn't need to know it wasn’t me giving in to him.

“Everything is just extremely confusing right now,” I clarify, grabbing his hands. I watch his head raise from its lowered position. “A lot is going on, but I’d feel much better knowing you were on my side. I’m unclear on what's happening or why I keep making so many poor decisions. Still, the one thing I know is I feel safest when I’m with you.” He smiles gently, relaxing his hands into my own. “Whatever happened between me and Fallan was a slip-up; just some twisted moment of lust,” I clarify, grabbing his face within my hands.

“I want you to be the person I turn to, which is why I need to be honest with you,” I settle on saying, feeling his curls brush my hands as he gives me a slow nod.

“I saw a Shifter in the Unfortunate sector, which is why I was with Fallan in the first place. It's why I had bruises around my neck,” I say, watching the man's face pull into a look of confusion.

“A Shifter? One got past their ward? How is that possible? An Official would have shot it on sight,” he says, leaning against the wall again.

“It didn't look like the monsters I was told about. It looked… human. Well, before it peeled off its own skin. It's like it was hunting me. It wanted my blood,”

He paused, considering my theory.

“I’m assuming he’s part of the reason you're still standing here,” he says, throwing Fallan back into the conversation.

“I tried to get it off of me. It was stronger than I expected.” I say, watching Xavier’s head gently shake.

“They can alter their DNA. That's why we call them Shifters to begin with. They are humans who are far beyond saving. They hunt a... specific group of people,” he clarifies.

He does know about Marked.

“The Marked are the people our chips were meant to snuff out.”

“Your people,” Xavier finally says, apparently airing out one more truth for us to share. “You're one of them. Right?” he questions, waiting for me to confirm something I can no longer avoid.

“I don't know-”

“Don't lie,” he stops me before I can start.

I run my hand along my mark, drawing in a deep breath.

“Is this the part where you drag me out and expose me to the other Officials?” I question, watching his frown grow.

He takes a step toward me, touching beneath my shirt. I shudder, tensing up as his fingers pass over my mark.

“I saw this a long time ago,” he states. “I was just waiting for you to tell me.”

His hands dip into my pocket, pulling the necklace free. He gently places the pendant around my neck, smiling at the sight.

“There is so much going on behind the scenes, Forest. So much they won't tell me,” he says, dropping his hands away from my neck.

“Where are you from? I mean, how are you not from here?” I question, seeing a sense of loss pass in his eyes.

“That's a story for another time… is what you said true? About Fallan being a slip-up?” he questions, genuinely wanting an answer.

“Yes,” I lie, unsure how convincing I am.

He gives me a gentle smile, running his fingers along the scrapes on my arms.

“I hope that's true,” he whispers. “For the sake of my selfish soul,” he says, pausing to meet my eyes once more.

“Quite a web of lies you’re starting to weave,” It whispers, my head slightly turning to the mirror.

I half expect to see Its vindictive reflection, but it’s only me.

At what point did both sides of me become so hard to understand?