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Chapter forty-one

Forest- Three Weeks Later

B right oranges and reds paint the downtown shopping center in a mirage of warm shades. Hints of cinnamon and nutmeg permeate the air, pairing perfectly with the aroma of varying sweet treats made freshly available for the upcoming holiday.

The Fall Solstice Festival has been around for as long as I can remember, allowing people more liberty to celebrate with as much food and alcohol as they want. New Haven citizens are assigned special outfits meant only to be worn during the festivities. The maroon material of my costume clings to my body, my hair freshly dyed to a dull shade of dark brown, all of my silver locks now snuffed out and hidden. With Xavier’s help, I managed to get all the silver, feeling grateful when he asked no questions about the sudden want for change. Both of us looked saddened to see the lighter color go. Over the last few weeks, my body has begun adjusting to the power growing within me. It’s becoming easier to dictate the energy around me.

My dress stops just above my knees, and I’ve paired it with a set of tights and black high-heeled shoes. Kai wears a maroon shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks. His hair lies perfectly smoothed back with a gel my father made him wear.

It's been weeks since I've engaged with Fallan. Sometimes, we find each other late at night when we can be alone in the privacy of our minds without interruption, but besides a few stolen glances and the occasional leak of emotions down our mental bond, we’ve kept our distance from each other at school. Colton and Josh continue to push their limits with him, and there have been a few times where I may have taken the liberty to step into their minds, offering him some reprieve by forcing them to trip down the stairs, drop their lunch trays, or run into a door or two. All accidents of course.

We’ve seen Hunter a few times, briefly in passing, as he runs his routes for the bakery. Kai has tried to wake up early enough to catch him before school, even tolerating Aaron’s presence so he can spend some time with him. Valerie has been as unpleasant as possible, doing her best to taunt me when she’s with Fallan and knows I’m around. But over the past few weeks, he’s leaned away from her touch more and more. Things are different, and we can’t take any of it back.

Mom and Dad, however, have gone on as if nothing happened between us. While I knew my mother’s chip had been activated, I didn’t notice anything that indicated my father’s was manipulated, too. Regardless, it was apparent that denial would be the way we moved forward together as a family.

My father’s drinking has escalated, and as a result, so has his use of control over my mother’s chip. When I’m in bed at night, I sometimes tap into Fallan’s dreams, unsure how much longer I’ll be able to keep my distance from him.

The twins are still on edge around my brother and me, walking on eggshells anytime they interact with us. Max stopped with his advances long ago, not wanting to push Xavier after receiving a few challenging stares from him when he’d decided to let his touch linger on my arm just a little too long while we were gathered at the house after classes one day.

“I saw Hunter again this morning,” Kai says, sipping his cup of cider. I cross my arms, tugging at the dress that squeezes my chest, making breathing much harder. “Things in their sector are only getting worse. Stricter regulations and the Officials are taking more control,” Kai says, shaking his head.

“Have you heard from Fallan?” he questions, my mind running through the countless late-night conversations we’ve had. I’d become reliant on hearing his voice in my mind to fall asleep.

“Not since Friday at the Academy. I've been trying to avoid anything that might get me more marks on my scorecard. I don’t want any more attention on me, or us. Xavier was even shocked by how many marks I’ve racked up,” I say, reflecting on how he’d looked at me after seeing my card when I pleaded to have him help me throw the Officials off my trail.

“Hunter says Fallan walks around their sector like an empty shell ever since you showed up that day,” Kai says, trying his best to gauge where I stand with the man.

“Xavier says you do the same after you come back from your morning talks with Hunter,” I push, watching my brother's relaxed posture go rigid. “You still plan on telling me you only see him to get information?” I question, recalling Fallan’s observation that Hunter had seemed more of a morning person lately.

“Whatever you're insinuating,” Kai starts. “Drop it. Nothing is happening between me and Hunter.” I can feel his hesitation in making that statement, unsure of the validity of his own words. “Drink your cider,” he groans, pressing my cup to my lips.

“Well, look at you two,” Rae’s familiar voice says. We both turn to see her perfect figure, radiant in her solstice dress and adorned with sparkling jewelry that catches the light and dances across her neckline and wrists with every movement. Her hair is perfectly curled in soft waves. I hold my shoulders back, watching her move toward us with a wide grin. I half expect Kai to be staring her down, only to be surprised by his gaze fixed on his cup of cider. Max trails behind her, his shirt lazily thrown on in a grand display of casual confidence.

“No small occasion for you, is there?” I question, handing her my beverage to finish.

Music fills the air. A symphony of violin and piano all create beautiful melodies that add to the elegance of the party. A few Unfortunates are buzzing around as they cater the event, helping set up tables and food. People surround the space, chatting with glasses of champagne in hand, many acknowledging my father and mother, who are working their way through the crowd, arm in arm with soft smiles. Over the past few weeks, Kai and I had made more of an effort to convince them of our loyalty, chalking up our behavior to a fleeting streak of rebellion.

Rae’s hand reaches for my hair, twisting a dark strand between her fingers.

“Has it always looked this dark?” she questions. Kai is the one to answer.

“For as long as I can remember,” he says.

An unfamiliar Unfortunate moves past us, both twins scowling at his presence. Max claps my brother's shoulder; a menacing smile tells me whatever he’s about to say can’t be good.

“You think he’ll squeal if you jab him just right?” Max questions, toying with the blade tucked away at his side. Ever since he’d made his interest in becoming an Official known, he’d become more open with his disdain towards Unfortunates. He’d adopted the same cruel facade and was even armed at all times. My brother’s distaste for him had grown, resulting in more nasty stares than smiles between them lately.

“I’m not sure about him, but I know you would,” Xavier says casually.

Max yelps, rubbing his neck as Xavier’s fingers pinch the skin, clearly rebuking him for how he’d talked about the Unfortunate.

I can’t help but marvel at Xavier, feeling my heart pound at the sight of him. Usually clad in his stark, black uniform, Xavier now dons a maroon shirt, slightly unbuttoned to reveal intricate black tattoos that usually remain hidden. I catch a glimpse of an elaborate design on his side, only to be concealed when he adjusts the buttons on his front. His curls are wild and unmanaged, framing his infuriatingly perfect face. His stubble is manicured, accentuating his jawline. He wears casual black pants, and his fingers are decorated with a few carefully chosen rings. I see a pocket watch dangle at his side, its chain attached to the loops of his belt. Max cowers at the sight of the man. His cheeks flush from embarrassment. Rae fixes her posture, suddenly attentive to our conversation, given the blonde's presence. I feel the monster within me resurface, hearing Its voice speak in the back of my mind.

“She sure doesn't mind him being here,” It says, my mouth biting back a response.

“I wasn’t going to try anything,” Max says, nudging his twin free from her trance.

Xavier’s eyes find mine, and he smiles, ignoring the countless lingering stares as he looks me up and down.

“It would be a shame for you to look that nice and not enjoy at least one dance with me,” Xavier says, holding his hand out toward me.

I can’t help but smile back at him, unsure at what point I’d grabbed his outstretched hand.

He guides us away from the group, giving Max a smirk. My parents’ eyes land on us. Both of them relax as they sip on their drinks. Couples hold one another rigidly, all looking foreign to the motion of dance. Xavier pulls me close, not letting much space reside between us. His hands clutch my waist, my arms already up and around his neck. He moves with confidence, doing what he pleases, regardless of who's watching.

“I figured you might want out of that situation,” he whispers, guiding me in a sway. I feel his warmth radiate through me, finding comfort in how much he tries to look out for me.

The music fills my ears, making it much easier for me to relax my movements and follow his lead.

“I want out of most situations lately,” I admit, trying to observe the black swirls on his skin again.

“If you want to see what it is, you only have to ask,” he whispers, taking notice of my wandering eyes.

My face grows flush at the remark. His grip tightens as my steps falter.

“I thought regulation required our skin to be clean,” I admit, feeling him pull me up to stand on top of his feet as Fallan did the night of the bonfire. It seems natural for him, like he’s had me here before. I look up to see his eyes devouring me.

“No one's skin is clean here.” I feel his fingers drawing circles along my lower back. “I just decided to paint a reminder on my skin of what it is I fight for,” he whispers, my face hot from how close we are.

“What are you fighting for?” I question, watching his jaw clench.

“I wish I had a simple answer for you. Just know that when it comes to you, my purpose is clear.”

I shake my head, feeling my hair tickle my lower back.

“Why drag yourself into my mess? You hardly know me.” I whisper, feeling his grasp tighten.

He closes his eyes, suppressing a slight groan, rubbing his throat with firm strokes.

“You're right,” he says with a great deal of defeat, finally opening his eyes. “It must mean you’re a pretty impactful woman.” My chest fills with a deep need to stay close to him.

He touches my hair, giving it a close look.

“I didn't think we managed to make it go that dark,” he whispers, furrowing his brows.

“You don't like it?” I question, giving him a smirk.

He leans in closer, bracing my lower back.

“It hides your natural beauty, love,” he whispers, our noses grazing. “Being close to you like this is something I do not take for granted.”

My heart flutters and I feel Its presence stir to life again.

“Feed into it,” It starts, coaxing me into allowing him closer.

“You don't get a say,” I seethe in my mind, feeling a sudden need to pull away from him, flooded with thoughts of Fallan. Xavier picks up on this shift and gently moves me from his feet as the song ends.

“Your family is attending the dinner tonight?” he questions, his voice almost drowned out by the clapping of those applauding the band.

The Commander supposedly coordinated a dinner for all the Official families this year to thank upper leadership for all their hard work.

I nod, and Xavier reaches for my hand, pressing his lips to its top, giving me a soft smile. I try to find comfort in him again, but the connection is lost.

“You look beautiful,” he says, remaining positive despite how closed-off I’m being.

A body passes by Xavier, dressed in a catering uniform. The man barrels into Xavier’s shoulder, making Xavier remove his grasp on my hand as he turns on his heels. I watch the Unfortunate weave through the crowd, pulling away from us before he can single him out. Xavier looks frustrated, scanning the crowd for someone bold enough to touch him like that. I feel a sense of relief when I see Fallan’s black curls. His playful blue eyes observe the blonde from a distance, motioning his head to an uncrowded space between two buildings farther away from the event. Xavier runs his hand through his hair, ready to turn back toward me, only to be motioned by my father, who’s struck up a conversation with one of his many co-workers. Xavier sighs deeply, giving me a look.

“Hayes!” my father yells.

“Your last name is Hayes?” I question with a smile.

“As far as they know… would you hate me if I went to deal with that?” Xavier questions, leaving me with an opportunity to find Fallan.

“Make my dad proud,” I say sarcastically, watching him smirk before he moves to join my dad.

Wasting no time, I followed Fallan's path, looking back once before joining him in the alleyway.

His hands are deep within his pockets, a look of anger painted across his face as he paces back and forth. He wears a uniform meant for those catering the event. He looks me over, pausing once he takes notice of my dress.

“I couldn't stand another second of watching him touch you,” Fallan says. The wall in his mind is as safeguarded as ever.

There's no running now. Weeks of nothing but secret conversations in our minds and distance between us.

“You said-”

“I can’t keep avoiding you… it's eating me alive,” he whispers.

I feel my heart wrench. This back-and-forth dynamic between us is unbearable.

Slowly closing the space between us, I move closer, raising my hands to touch his chest. A fire comes to life inside me the moment I feel the warmth of his skin beneath the uniform. The other part of me takes control as I lean in closer to him.

“Touch me, then. Kiss me,” I whisper, edging my mouth closer. He grasps me tightly, his heartbeat pounding against my hand.

“No, Forest. I don’t care for you that way-” he whispers, ready to push me back again.

It speaks for me, eager and full of energy.

“Bullshit!” I hiss.

“I want to feel you, and only you,” I whisper, Its confidence swirling through me. “If I’m alone with you again-”

“There will be no again,” he says, his words crashing into me, forcing the other part of me back into Its cage.

He grasps me, moving me back at arm's length. His shirt is a mess. My dress is no longer as flat and pristine as it once was. The music travels down the alleyway, both of us fixing our clothing. His hand is quick to readjust my hair.

“The bastard really did dye it,” he says, toying with a few pieces.

“You want to talk about my hair? After all of that?”

He touches my chin, craning my head up to look at him.

“I’m two seconds away from doing something I regret. I suggest you let it go,” he says, ready to move away.

I press my head to his chest, listening to his rampant heartbeat. It calms my mind.

“This coldness is breaking me,” I whisper, watching his eyes fill with anguish at my admission.

“I’m sure you can fit the pieces back together,” He says stoically.

Slowly, I move away, a range of emotions adding to how confused I am about what’s going on between us.

“How long do you plan on doing this to me?!” I yell. He stands still, his eyes lowered.

“As long as it takes,” he says coldly.

A loud cracking noise fills the air. Static from the intercom systems blares through the air. Our heads snap toward the end of the alleyway, exchanging a long look of confusion.

“Stay here,” I say, pulling away from him, giving him no time to react as I move closer to the commotion.

The noise grows louder the closer I get to the exit. People cover their ears to stop the pain from the abrasive sound. Officials bark orders, yelling at people to turn off the systems, unable to be heard over the sound now coming through intercoms. A slow, unfamiliar song plays over the system. The sound of a long-forgotten melody surrounds the space. I glance around, spotting Xavier and my parents, all of them yelling for someone to turn down the noise. Slowly, I begin pushing through the crowd, watching Fallan exit the alley behind me, joining the chaos in front of us. Kai pulls away from his conversation with one of the caterers. Hunter's dark eyes find mine as Fallan joins his companion. Both men pick up food trays and busy themselves as the music continues. Kai covers his ears, moving toward me and away from the boys, saying something I’m not able to make out. I avoid looking toward Fallan, feeling Xavier’s eyes on me as the music fades out and a voice bellows out through the speakers.

“The world you live in is a lie ,” the voice hisses. “We are here to tell you, the ash is not all that remains.” Upper leadership is frozen, unable to stop the voice from continuing.

“There are those amongst you who have broken free of this facade. New Haven isn’t safe. The Commander lies to you all. Find us,” the voice says, my stomach churning. “And your souls will finally be free.”

My eyes dart to Fallan.

He looks confused, glancing at me briefly. Both of us are unsure what to do.

“Who was that?” Kai questions shakily, his eyes wide.

I look back to Xavier, his body frozen, as if he’s processing everything he's heard. Slowly, he raises his head, our eyes locking.

For a moment, and only a moment, I feel something snap into place. A small glimpse into his mind. His worries pass through me, a deep fear threatening to break me down on the spot. As quickly as it came, it faded, and I watch as he backed away into the crowd of Officials calling his name.

“Did you hear me?” my brother questions, shaking me out of my trance.

“What?” I question, pulling my focus back to him.

“Did you hear what they said? About the ward?” Kai questions, my eyes darting to Fallan once more.

“Who the hell was that?” I question anxiously.

“I have no idea… and I doubt they know either,” Fallan whispers back, motioning to the gaggle of Officials and upper leadership trying to regain order.

Adam steps free from the crowd, holding up his hands in an attempt to draw everyone’s attention.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it seems someone took the opportunity to pull a prank during tonight’s festivities,” he says.

Adam scowls, pointing to one of the men working on the sound system.

“Shut it down,” Adam hisses, giving the crowd a long look.

The men switch off the electricity, taking the lights and static with it. I swallow nothing, feeling uneasy at how many Re-Regulation Devices surround us. My father pushes Xavier, questioning if he knows who this could be. The men draw blanks. Officials command the Unfortunates to go back to their sector.

The back of my neck tingles as I feel an unknown presence loom behind me. A weight presses down on my shoulder, like an invisible hand is trying to draw my attention. The same voice from the intercom quietly whispers in my mind.

“Find us, Forest.”

The pressure in my skull intensifies. I close my eyes, focusing on the well of power inside me to try and force the presence out of my mind. I feel the blood drip from my nose and move down across my upper lip as I strain to gain control.

“Forest!” Kai yells, shaking me in a rush. My eyes fly open. I still stand in the same spot. The crowd grows thinner as people begin to dissipate. My hand quickly wipes away the blood from my nose. Fallan’s has moved closer to me, undoubtedly aware of what had just happened to me. He looks ready to touch me, stopping once he takes notice of Xavier and my parents are close by.

“Get out of here,” I whisper, watching him pause, his jaw clenched.

He glances towards my parents again and moves toward me quickly. Once he’s in front of me, he scans my face, trailing his fingers softly along my cheek and then under my nose to wipe away the remaining blood. Kai’s body shields us from the crowd, and I feel Fallan’s mental shield dissipate.

“I don’t have the strength I need to keep you safe,” he says silently, running his thumb along my cheek.

Taking a mental note of my face, he backs away.

His words are cryptic, and I ache to have more time with him so that things can be clearer.

I lean into Kai, turning away from Fallan, wanting nothing more than to follow him. Xavier and my parents finally make their way to where we’re standing. Xavier’s eyes land on the small bloodstain on the front of my dress that I hadn’t had time to hide.

I try to sense if his mind is still open to me but find no way in.

"Did you hear that voice?” I question silently to the monster in my mind, still unsettled by the eeriness in the man’s tone.

“I heard everything.”

“ And?” I push.

“He's going to regret stepping into our mind.”