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Epilogue

Kat and Jude

Six Weeks Later

“Why do you have three power drills? What kind of non-professional-builder could possibly need three different power drills?”

Jude put her arms around Kat’s waist from behind and swung her away from the cardboard box she’d been peering into. “I already told you,” she said into Kat’s ear. “One’s cordless and one has a cord.”

“And the other one?”

“The other one…” Jude kissed the back of Kat’s neck as she struggled to come up with a response. “The other one just feels different, okay? I use it for bigger projects.”

Kat tilted her head back, urging Jude to keep going. “You just have three drills because you want people to think you’re a big, tough butch.”

Jude used one hand to lift the back of Kat’s hair and swipe her tongue across the sensitive skin there, making Kat moan. “I am a big, tough butch.”

“I literally saw you crying during a Budweiser commercial last night.”

“It was one of the ones where a horse and a puppy are friends!” Jude protested. “Anyone would cry! Also, big, tough butches get to cry, too.”

“They certainly do.” Kat turned around and kissed Jude, letting herself lean into the kiss until desire ran through her, hot and energizing like coffee.

It had been almost two months since the press conference and she still couldn’t believe that she got to kiss Jude whenever she wanted.

A little hot spring of happiness welled up inside her every single time she ran her fingers lazily through Jude’s hair on the couch, or fell asleep with Jude’s arm around her, or sank to her knees to bury her face between Jude’s legs.

Jude kept kissing her, teasing her lower lip with her teeth. She moved them forward until Kat was pressed against the wall, and then she let her mouth roam, nipping along Kat’s neck as her hands slid into the waistband of Kat’s shorts.

Kat tilted her head back, losing herself in the sensation of Jude’s soft, dancing touch, feeling herself slicken under Jude’s fingers. But then, suddenly, she came back to her senses and swatted Jude’s shoulder.

“Rhys and L.J. are waiting in the U-Haul outside!”

“They’ll be fine,” Jude said, kissing her neck again. But Kat slipped out of her grasp.

“They’re double-parked,” she said. “Some guy from New Jersey is going to scream at them at any moment.”

“I’m sure they’re doing the exact same thing down there that we are.”

Kat laughed. Rhys and L.J. had been dating since the press conference, and they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other.

“Come on, tiger. We’re almost done.” Jude tossed her head back in dramatic protest. Kat stepped forward and let her breath tickle Jude’s ear. “What if I promise that as soon as we get home, I’ll make it up to you?”

“You’d better.” Jude kissed her again, but she broke off after a few seconds. Jude smiled down at Kat, her face suddenly radiant. “When we get home. I like that.”

Kat beamed back. “It sounds good, doesn’t it? Our home?”

Jude lifted Kat’s hand and kissed her palm softly. “I am so excited to live with you, Kat Kelly.”

“I’m so excited to live with you, Jude Thacker,” Kat said. “But in order for that to happen, you have to actually move your stuff out of this apartment.”

Jude groaned theatrically but let go of Kat’s hand and grabbed the box of power drills.

“Good girl,” Kat called as Jude started lugging the box toward the stairs.

She grabbed a box of books and followed.

They were moving into an apartment in Williamsburg together, a one-bedroom with big windows and a sunny kitchen.

They knew they were being a stereotype by moving in together so quickly, but they didn’t care.

They had both decided that they didn’t want to play it safe anymore.

They were ready to take risks for the important things.

An hour later they finished packing the U-Haul, and Kat was feeling distinctly grateful that after today, she’d never have to climb up and down these four flights of stairs again.

Particularly since, at the recommendation of her new therapist, she’d been taking an actual break from exercise for the first time since she was twelve.

She had felt restless and anxious and guilty at first, but it was getting easier over time.

Eventually, she would work on adding it back in to her life in healthy ways.

She wanted to learn how to process her emotions without taking them out on her body.

It was really hard, but she was working on it.

They’d already done one U-Haul run this morning to get the bigger furniture. Talia was currently at the new apartment, reassembling their bed frame.

After they put the last boxes into the truck, Rhys squeezed Jude’s shoulder. “We’ll meet you there, okay?” he said. “Take your time.”

Jude nodded, chewing her lip. Then she wrapped her arms around Rhys. “Love you, buddy.”

“Love you, too.”

Rhys got into the truck. L.J. waved from the driver’s seat and started carefully maneuvering the truck down the street.

“Do you want to be alone?” Kat asked, but Jude shook her head.

“No,” she said, reaching for Kat’s hand and twining their fingers together. “I want you with me.”

They kept holding hands as they went up the four flights of stairs for the final time. Jude was silent as they climbed. On every landing, she thought to herself, Today is the last time I’ll see that dent in the wall. The last time I’ll see that big water stain on the ceiling.

When she opened the door to the apartment, she stood in the doorway for a long time.

The rooms looked smaller without furniture in them.

Light came in through the curtainless windows, highlighting the dirty floors and the dust drifting through the air.

It felt empty without the framed posters and the plants, the records and the throw pillows.

But in a lot of ways, it had felt empty for a long time.

Jude dropped Kat’s hand and wandered aimlessly inside, running her fingers over the countertops, skimming her hand along the walls. She wanted to remember every inch of this place. Kat drifted along behind her, not saying anything, letting her have this moment.

Jude went into each room, taking a moment to breathe the space in. She saved her mom’s room for last. Kat leaned against the doorway as Jude shuffled her feet through the dust balls left behind where the bed had been.

With all the art taken down and the furniture moved, there were no signs left that Jude’s mom had lived here.

No signs that Susanna Thacker had spent nine years getting dressed here every morning and dreaming here every night.

No evidence left of the woman who had filled this home with so much laughter and love.

Well, almost no signs.

Jude found a tiny red mark on the white paint of the wall, near where her mom’s dresser had been.

She remembered that mark. She and her mom had been dancing around the room while they got ready for…

something. Jude couldn’t remember what. Her mom had been singing along to Carly Simon, spinning and dipping Jude to “You’re So Vain.

” They’d both been laughing hysterically until Jude spun a little too enthusiastically and knocked her mom’s open lipstick off the dresser.

They’d been able to scrape the red off the floor, but even with scrubbing, the red mark had never fully come out of the wall.

Jude crouched down next to the mark. It had been three years, but she still missed her mom so much it ached.

There was just so much she wished she could tell her.

Her mom would have loved hearing stories about Jude’s new job at a literary agency.

She would have loved hearing about how things were going with Kat.

How Jude fell asleep smiling every night, her face in Kat’s hair and her heart so content it seemed impossible.

All her mom had ever wanted was for Jude to be happy. And Jude was finally making that happen.

Jude kissed her fingers, then pressed them to the mark. “I love you, Mom,” she whispered.

Jude stood up and turned back to Kat, who put her arms around her and pulled her in tight.

She let herself soften into Kat’s hug. It was okay to be sad.

But she wasn’t just sad. She was also excited, for this new life they were building together.

For all the chances Jude would take going forward, and all the new things she would experience.

“Do you need more time?” Kat said. “You can take as long as you need.”

Jude shook her head. Then she walked through the hall for the very last time, only pausing to lay her key down on the kitchen counter.

They stopped in the doorway again and looked back.

“Are you ready?” Kat asked.

“You know what?” Jude said. “I actually am.”

She closed the door gently behind them. Then she took her girlfriend’s hand and kissed it. She intertwined their fingers and they walked down the stairs together, hand in hand, into their new life.