Page 28

Kat

Kat wasn’t sure she’d ever had a better night in her life.

She’d been a little nervous at first about whether she could trust Jude’s friends.

But the bookstore crew didn’t ask her any intrusive questions about being famous or pull out any cameras for a sneaky selfie.

Instead, they were just having fun, all clamoring to one-up each other with outlandish details from their made-up backstories.

All of them asked her to dance—Talia cheekily flirting with her, Rhys twirling her around the floor like he was her dad, L.J.

pulling out a surprisingly spot-on electric slide.

She couldn’t finish even half of her disgusting vodka soda, so Jude whipped up a Shirley Temple with extra cherries.

The combo of sugar and cheesy music and people who seemed so gosh darn happy made the night feel like a cheerful, blurry rush, even without alcohol.

Especially when Jude pulled her close during “Fast Car” and they swayed, pressed together.

Next to them, Rhys and Talia giggled their way through a two-step with their arms fully extended like they were at a middle school dance.

Halfway through the song, L.J. tapped Talia on the shoulder and asked to cut in.

Rhys blushed as L.J. put their arms around his waist, pulling him close.

“Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers came on, and Kat laid her head on Jude’s shoulder as they danced. The warmth coming through Jude’s shirt made her feel strangely soothed. Like she could relax for once in her life and just be a normal person having a good time.

And then her phone buzzed in her pocket.

For a moment, she’d actually managed to forget. She should have texted Jocelyn the address hours ago.

Kat pulled away from their dance abruptly, leaving Jude looking startled. “Be right back.”

She wished more than anything that she could ignore her responsibilities and stay pressed up against Jude’s shoulder. But instead, she hurried out of the fake bar and into the store’s bathroom.

She had half a dozen increasingly impatient texts from Jocelyn. Kat’s stomach twisted up so tight she thought she might vomit. She quickly texted Jocelyn the bookstore’s address and several apologies.

Her chest ached as the three dots indicating typing showed up. She held her breath until the text came through. Out front. Twenty minutes.

She exhaled. Jocelyn wasn’t mad at her. The pain in her chest briefly eased, but then she remembered that she had to lure Jude outside. She groaned.

What was she doing? Jude had planned this incredible date for her, and this was how Kat was repaying her?

The choice felt impossible. Let down Jude or let down Jocelyn.

But she barely knew Jude, while Jocelyn was the person who’d guided Kat’s entire career.

She’d taken care of Kat when her parents couldn’t—hell, Kat was closer to her than to her actual parents, who she hadn’t even texted in months.

How could she stop listening to her now?

Besides, her career needed this.

Maybe…could she just tell Jude she needed some photos? See if she’d cooperate?

But what if she was disgusted that Kat would pull such a ruse?

What if she thought Kat was fame hungry and pathetic?

What if she put the pieces together and realized their whole relationship was supposed to be a photo op?

What if she ended things? What if she called that reporter from the Host and told him everything?

Kat tucked her phone back into her pocket and washed her hands. No, she couldn’t tell Jude the truth. She would just have to find a way to get Jude outside.

When she left the bathroom, Jude was waiting for her in the store, leaning over a table labeled “Oscar Obsessed,” adjusting the stacks of books. She straightened up as Kat came out and gave her a guilty grin.

“Can’t help myself,” she said. “Even when I’m off the clock.”

Kat walked over to stand next to her, trying to ignore the queasy feeling building in her stomach. There were little cards with movie posters on them, so readers could pick a book based on their favorite Oscar nominee for Best Picture. “That’s a cool idea for a table.”

“Thanks.” Jude ducked her head and smiled an adorable little shy smile. It made Kat want to reach out and kiss her, but her stomach gave a guilty squeeze and she clasped her hands together instead. “I came up with the idea last year and it sold so well we decided to do it again.”

“That’s awesome.” Kat was trying her best to act like a real person, but it seemed extremely obvious that she was faking it. “You’re really good at coming up with clever ideas to promote the store.”

Jude shrugged self-deprecatingly, but a little rosy blush colored her cheeks. How could a person be this sweet and sincere? Why had Kat ever decided to get her horrible, fame-obsessed, Hollywood-monster self involved with a person like this?

“Do you want to sit out here for a second before we go back in?” Jude asked. “You seem like you could use a beat.”

Kat tried hard to act natural. Could it really be this easy?

“Actually, what if we got some air?”

“Sure.” Jude smiled at her guilelessly, and Kat had to swallow down a shot of sudden anger. Why was Jude so trusting? Why did she have to be so damn thoughtful and innocent? She was practically asking to get hurt.

Jude locked the door behind them, and they stepped out into the night.

The cool air felt refreshing after the fake bar.

Big, loud groups of girls in tight skirts and guys in button-down shirts swarmed up and down Bleecker Street, crowding the sidewalks in front of the restaurants.

The Friday night air held a barely suppressed feeling of potential, of thousands of people out looking for possibilities.

Jude led them down the street to a small park with benches and fountains. It was the same park where Kat had sat and had a meltdown after Jude hadn’t asked for her number.

“Do you want to sit?”

“Yeah.” Kat chose a bench far from a streetlamp to minimize her chances of being recognized. Then she pulled out her phone and quickly texted Jocelyn her new location.

“Sorry,” she said, turning back to Jude. “Just my manager checking in.”

“No worries. I know you’re really busy with work stuff.”

Jude’s hand found Kat’s on the bench between them.

Kat tucked her fingers through Jude’s, amazed at how good skin-on-skin could feel.

Holding hands had never made her heart race like this, or her entire body buzz with pleasure.

Was that because she’d never been with a girl before? Or was it because of Jude?

“Thank you for this date,” Kat said. “It was really magical.”

“You deserve magic,” Jude said, and Kat looked away.

“You seem really close with the bookstore crew,” she said, desperate to distract herself from the shame creeping through her veins.

“They’re the closest thing I have to family since my mom died.”

Kat squeezed Jude’s hand. “This was your mom’s store, right?”

Jude nodded.

“It sounds like you guys had a really amazing relationship.”

Jude let out a long, slow breath. “Sort of.”

“What do you mean?”

“We actually fought a lot,” Jude said. “And she never really stopped treating me like a little kid. Even when I got older.”

“What do you mean?”

“When she got breast cancer…” Jude hunched down over her knees.

“She didn’t tell me. I was away for school and she didn’t want me to worry.

I came home the summer after junior year and found out that she’d been going to the hospital alone while I was partying and making friends and just living my life. And she hadn’t said anything.

“I was supposed to spend the summer traveling with Becca. But I couldn’t leave her. So I canceled my trip. And when the end of summer came and she wasn’t any better, I transferred to a school here. So I could be where I needed to be.”

“Oh, Jude.” Kat shifted closer, pressing their sides together. “You’re a really good daughter.”

“She didn’t think so,” Jude said. “She was furious. She didn’t want me to change schools.

She didn’t want me ‘wasting my life’ taking care of her.

All I wanted was to be there for her, and she was so bitter about it.

So angry that she needed to be taken care of.

She didn’t understand that”—Jude’s voice cracked and she paused to compose herself—“that I would never forgive myself if I wasn’t there, you know?

“After a few months, things seemed to get better. It seemed like she’d be okay. Her hair grew out, her appetite got better. And then the cancer came back a year later, aggressively this time. She died six weeks later.”

Kat rested her hand on Jude’s shoulder. “I am so sorry.”

“I couldn’t believe it. Even when the doctors told me, I didn’t believe that she was really going to die.

And those last few weeks, when I should have been—should have been…

” Jude’s voice gave out, and she lowered her head.

“We fought all the time. She wanted to sell the bookstore. We needed money to cover the hospital bills, and she didn’t want me to be stuck with the debt if she—if she didn’t make it.

But I refused. I told her that I loved the store, too, and she couldn’t make that decision for me.

And finally, she agreed. We wouldn’t sell the store.

We’d find some other way to pay the bills. ”

Jude stared out into the dark park, her eyes shining, and Kat’s stomach twisted with dread.

“Two days after she died, Stephen showed up. My mom had sold him the store without telling me.” Jude laced her hands together, squeezing until her fingers mottled white and red.

“I didn’t believe it at first. And then, when I saw all the paperwork…

My mom was dying, and the last thing she did was lie to me.

That was the memory she decided to leave behind. ”

Kat’s heart wrenched. She knew what it was like to have your parents let you down.

But Jude spoke so fondly of her mom, she’d assumed they had some perfect Gilmore Girls –style relationship.

Kat thought about telling Jude that she felt that same mix of anger and grief about her parents, but she couldn’t find the words.

Skirting around that part of her life was too ingrained, a habit that felt impossible to break.

“But you decided to stay?”

“I’d just lost my mom. How could I lose the store, too?” Jude’s voice trembled on the last words. “This place is my home.”

Kat put her arm around Jude’s shoulders, leaning against her. Trying to convey that she wasn’t alone. Even though Kat was a coward who couldn’t give Jude that same vulnerability back.

“Thank you for listening.” Jude squeezed Kat’s hand, then took a long, steadying breath. “You make sharing things like this feel easier.”

“Only because you’re brave enough to share them,” Kat said.

Jude’s smile hooked a tiny bit higher. “How did I get this lucky?” She leaned in until their foreheads pressed together. Kat could feel a tender, overwhelming feeling building inside her, threatening to crash and pull her under.

“I’m the lucky one.” Kat’s hand lifted to Jude’s face. Jude put her hand over Kat’s, pressing it tighter to her skin.

“Your soul hooked into mine,” Jude said, eyes twinkling now.

Kat winced. To cover it, she said the words back. “Your soul hooked into mine.” She was about to lean in for a kiss when her phone buzzed in her pocket. A spike of panic went through her chest.

“Sorry,” Kat said, fumbling for her phone. “One second.”

She tilted her phone away from Jude while she looked at the screen. Two texts from Jocelyn: Stand up and get her under a streetlight. And then, simply, Now.

Kat’s mouth went dry. Her entire body seemed to go dry, shriveling up into itself, becoming smaller and smaller with each breath.

But she stood up and put her phone in her pocket.

She felt disjointed from her body, trying desperately to tug on the strings connected to her limbs to get them into natural formations.

“Should we head back?”

Her voice sounded like a cartoon mouse, all squeaky and fake.

Jude looked momentarily surprised by the sudden shift in tone, but not suspicious. She stood up. “Sure,” she said, and started walking back toward the store.

Kat’s heart thudded. Her vision had become a tunnel, and each heartbeat seemed to shake the walls, a mini earthquake destabilizing her entire world.

There was a streetlight right ahead of them, at the corner of the park.

They were only a few steps away. Once they got to the other side, the photographer should have a clear shot from any angle.

She could do this. Was she going to do this?

She just had to reach out and stop Jude in three, two, one—

Kat’s hand closed around Jude’s wrist. She tugged lightly to pull Jude to a stop.

“Hey,” she said, and Jude turned, the skin around her eyes tightening a little in confusion, and then Kat used her grip to tug Jude closer still, and her expression melted into warm, hungry desire.

Jude put one hand on Kat’s back and one in her hair. The cinnamon scent of Jude’s cologne surrounded Kat as their lips met, mouths already open.

Kat’s already heightened nervous system sprang to life.

Every movement of Jude’s lips seemed to flood her with some desperate feeling, a tsunami of desire rushing through every cell.

Her heart had already been racing, but now it thundered.

Her breath had already been shallow, but now she was gasping, more eager for Jude than for air.

Her skin prickled and rose, every brush of Jude’s fingers filling her with longing.

Then there were several flashes in quick succession, bursting orange across her closed eyelids.

Jude looked around wildly for the source of the flash. As soon as she pulled away, a sinking horror smothered all of Kat’s sexy feelings.

She looked to her right, and there he was. Across the street, stepping out of the shadowed awning over a cupcake store, a large camera raised to his face. As soon as Kat turned toward him, the camera flashed again.

“Hey!” Jude shouted, starting toward the photographer.

“Don’t do it.” Kat caught Jude’s arm. Her voice sounded heavy and hollow in her own ears. Resigned. “He’d love some photos of you looking threatening.”

“So we should just let him get away with—”

“Yes.” Speaking took so much effort. Her whole body felt heavy. She was exhausted. All she wanted was to lie down and forget this entire night. “We just let him go.”

Jude looked furious, but she stayed put. Across the street, the photographer lowered his camera and hurried away.