Page 10

Jude

When Jude knocked on the locked door of the bookstore, Rhys looked up from the cash register with annoyance, raising his arm to gesture to the large Closed sign.

When he saw Jude, his face melted into a smile instead, but it disappeared within seconds as he took in Jude’s expression.

He checked his watch, probably noting that less than an hour had passed since he’d last seen her, and then he grabbed his cane from where it was leaning against the counter and hurried over to let her in.

“I never liked her movies anyway,” Rhys said as a greeting, locking the door behind her again. “I mean, Spy Pigs ? If pigs have a centralized intelligence agency, then why haven’t they taken down the meat industry yet? Seriously. Plot holes everywhere. It’s embarrassing.”

Jude gave Rhys her best attempt at a smile.

“Come on,” he said. “I think this calls for a globe bar night.”

He ushered her into the back room, where Talia and L.J. had just finished clocking out and pulling on their jackets. When they saw Jude, they slid the jackets right back off.

“Globe bar?” L.J. asked. When Rhys nodded, they strode over to the large, stately globe in the corner of the room and opened it to reveal the bottles of alcohol hidden inside.

“Everyone’s talking about globe bar!” Talia said, as she pulled ice cubes from the mini fridge/freezer combo and added them to mugs from the coffee station. “It’s New York’s hottest club!”

L.J. poured whiskey into each of the mugs and pressed one into Jude’s hands. She sat down in the rolling computer chair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jude took a sip of half-cold, half-lukewarm whiskey. “It went well at first,” she said. “Which is actually the worst part. I mean, if the whole thing had been bad, whatever, right? But she’s really special, this girl. And I blew it.”

She told them about how well things had been going—the flirty energy between them, how they’d gushed about the book together.

The way Kat’s face had instantly shuttered when Jude told her she hadn’t sent the DM, and how Jude had started to panic until words melted in her mouth, leaving her unable to explain how much she’d wanted to see Kat again.

“Dude!” L.J. said. “Why didn’t you tell her you sent the message?”

“I couldn’t lie to her! What if we started dating and our whole relationship was built on this DM that she thought I sent?”

“I dunno,” Talia said. “This seems like a case where a little while lie would be okay. Because you do really like her.”

“I did really like her,” Jude said glumly. “I’m definitely never going to see her again.”

“I’m really sorry, man,” Rhys said. “I thought I was doing a good thing by sending that DM, but I really messed things up for you, didn’t I?”

“No,” Jude said. “You were right. I never would have messaged her on my own. It’s my fault for being too scared to reach out to her in the first place.

” She took a gulp of the whiskey, then grimaced.

“I’m never going to find love, because I’m too much of a fucking coward to actually go after anyone, because I’m so scared of getting hurt. ”

There was a long silence. Ice cubes clinked against mugs as everyone drank.

“Well, I’m right there with you,” Rhys said.

Jude rolled her eyes. “You’re not a coward.”

“No, but I am fucked dating-wise. I’m so demi I take, like, two years to develop feelings for anyone.

At which point, they’ve decided I’m not interested in them and categorized me as just a friend.

Plus, it’s kinda hard to go on dating apps and say, Hey, anyone interested in meeting up for drinks and then engaging in a drawn out, multiyear slow burn? ”

Jude gave him a small smile.

“Well, I have the opposite problem,” Talia said.

“Every time I go on a date, I get completely obsessed with the person and drive them away. I fall too hard, text them constantly, freak out when they don’t reply, and then tell them I love them on the third date.

It’s like a recipe for getting ghosted.”

“Have you tried just not doing those things?” L.J. suggested.

“I can’t help it!” Talia said. “I can tell I’m acting crazy but I just can’t make myself stop. So I’m kinda fucked romance-wise, too.”

They all looked at L.J.

“What?” they said. “I’m perfect.”

Talia hit their knee.

“I mean, I date people a lot,” L.J. said. “I’m doing fine.”

Talia hit them again.

“ Fine. ” L.J. let out a long, aggrieved sigh.

“I guess, if I was being forced to talk about it under threat of physical violence from my friends, I would say that I have a hard time connecting with anyone emotionally. And ever since I realized I was trans, I’ve also realized that I’ve been kind of numb my whole life.

Like, to keep the trans thing shoved down, I had to shove everything down.

And since I came out, I’ve started actually feeling my feelings. And it’s terrifying as shit.”

“There you go,” Talia said, clapping them on their back. “Proud of you.”

L.J.’s cheeks turned ruddy. They kept their eyes firmly focused on their whiskey mug as they said, “It’s actually kind of thanks to you, Rhys.”

“Me?” It was Rhys’s turn to blush.

“I mean, watching you transition over the past few years,” L.J.

said, still speaking to their mug. “You’ve been so open with talking about it.

And seeing how happy you are now, and how unafraid you are to talk about the parts that are hard.

It, um, it makes me want to be like that, too.

So I’ve been, like, going to therapy and working on my feelings and shit. So, like, thanks for that.”

They glanced over at Rhys, and the two of them held eye contact for a few seconds, both completely bright red now.

“Thanks,” Rhys said in a slightly shaky voice. “That means a lot. And I think what you’re doing is really brave.”

They both looked away, now very determinedly not making eye contact at all.

Oh fuck. Jude clutched her mug, her heart sinking.

Rhys had been Jude’s best friend since he had taken a part-time job at the bookstore when they were both sixteen.

They had gravitated toward each other the way queer teenagers do, forging an immediate bond that got even stronger when Rhys came back to the bookstore after college, intending to work there for a few years before getting his master’s in library science.

Talia had started working at the bookstore four years ago—it was the perfect job while she tried to make it as a playwright.

And L.J. had joined two years ago, working there part-time as they finished their degree at FIT before switching to full time after graduation while they got their cosplay costuming business off the ground.

For all three of them, the bookstore was a temporary stop on their way to something else. But for now, as the only full-time employees on the bookstore’s payroll, they saw one another nearly every day. Together with Jude, they were the Core Four.

But what would happen to the Core Four if Rhys and L.J.

started dating? They’d cut the core in half.

Rhys wouldn’t need to list Jude as his emergency contact anymore.

L.J. would be his go-to invite for slam poetry readings and New York Liberty games.

They would become a couple and want to make couple friends and do couple things.

And Jude would be left behind. The way she always was.

Jude’s phone dinged in her pocket and she took it out, eager to look at something that wasn’t Rhys’s and L.J.’s blushing faces. The bookstore account had gotten a DM.

A DM from Kat.

“Oh shit. She messaged me,” Jude said. “Probably to tell me never to contact her again.” Jude had assumed Kat would ghost her, but apparently she was the straightforward-communication type.

“What does it say?” Rhys asked. Jude hovered her thumb over the message, trying to ignore her dread. It was just a rejection. Nothing she didn’t know already. This message wouldn’t shatter her. She would recover.

Wouldn’t she?

“ Hey, I know this is short notice, but I have to go to this charity gala thing tomorrow night. Do you want to come? ” Jude read out loud.

The group stared at her in stunned silence.

“Damn,” L.J. finally said. “I guess she wasn’t as upset as you thought.”

“No, she was definitely upset. She was so mad she left without finishing her drink.”

“Well, she’s giving you another shot,” Rhys said. “Tomorrow you can apologize and make it clear that you’re really into her.”

Jude read the message again. “A charity gala, though? I can’t go to a charity gala.”

“Why not? Are you anticharity?”

“I’ve never been to a gala in my life. I’ll completely humiliate myself trying to…” Jude paused as she tried to imagine what people did at galas. “Eat oysters with a tiny fork?”

L.J. raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. “You’ve been using a fork for years, dude, I think you can figure it out.”

Jude shook her head. This didn’t make any sense. Why had Kat been upset enough to walk out on her, but then invited her to a party an hour later? What had changed?

But…did it matter? Rhys was right. Jude had another shot. Didn’t she have to take it?

She turned to Rhys. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Attaboy!” He grinned at her. “I have an old suit from my uncle. L.J., could you tailor it to fit Jude?”

L.J. scoffed. “I just finished a drag king Naruto costume with three thousand sequins. I think I can handle a little tailoring.”

“Excellent.” Rhys rubbed his hands together. “I think this calls for an eighties-style getting-ready montage.”