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Kat

Kat was a complete failure.

Two days after her shopping date with Jude, she spent the morning with an acting coach named Wallace, going through the script for Richard Gottlieb’s new play.

Usually, Richard kept his scripts tightly under wraps.

He preferred to get cold reads during auditions for “authentic emotions and reactions.” But one of the producers owed Jocelyn a favor, and so the script had arrived in her inbox on Monday morning.

At first, Kat had been resentful—she was a good actor.

If Richard wanted to see organic reactions from everyone, why not just show up and give it her best?

That was how she felt before she read the play. After going through the script, she was ready to accept whatever fucking help she could get.

She had to be missing something. Her terrible education had to be failing her. Or maybe she just hadn’t seen enough experimental theater to get what Richard was doing. Because right now, the script was completely incomprehensible.

The play followed a college student who seduced an esteemed male philosophy professor, beloved by both faculty and students.

The young woman was pretty but insecure, desperate for the validation that attention from authority would bring her.

She came on to the professor at every opportunity, wearing down his resistance over time.

Then, when he seemed to be getting tired of her neediness, she turned on him, presenting herself as a victim to the university and causing him to lose his job, his wife, and his family.

That part was straightforward enough, although Kat had some issues with the main character.

Why, exactly, was she so hell-bent on seducing this professor?

Her motivation was never explored, except for vague hints at trauma in her past. She was a bold character, sure, but she seemed oddly one-dimensional.

Kat also could have done without the long monologues about cancel culture that muddled up the play’s end.

The parts that didn’t make any sense were the scenes when the ghosts of various famous philosophers appeared and held long debates about the play’s actions and morals.

At first, Kat had assumed they were figments of the professor’s imagination, but then the other characters had started talking to them, too.

But those scenes weren’t nearly as bad as the drawn-out sequence halfway through in which the professor spoke to living representations of every vagina he’d ever been in, starting with his mother’s and ending with his wife’s and the student’s.

“Think of it as representing the circle of life,” Wallace the acting coach had said, tapping his hand emphatically on the script.

He’d filled his copy with notes and circles and underlines in red pen.

Kat’s copy was just filled with question marks.

They were sitting in Kat’s living room, and he was wearing a black turtleneck with black jeans, because of course he was.

“We spend so much time trying to get back to where we started—the security and wholeness of our mother’s womb.

That’s why men are so obsessed with sex. ”

Kat was sure there was something wrong with that statement, but she didn’t have any better interpretations to offer.

So she went along with it, trying her best to act like the main character becoming a personified vulva.

After about fifteen minutes of the acting coach telling her she wasn’t channeling the right “energy,” she threw her script on the floor.

“Isn’t Richard Gottlieb gay?” she asked. “Why isn’t he writing about personified dicks?”

Wallace sniffed. “His outsider perspective allows him startling insight into the power dynamics of men and women.” He paused for a moment. “That’s what The New York Times said about his last piece, anyway.”

By the time Wallace finally left, Kat felt like her brain had been scrambled with an eggbeater. He had picked apart every single thing she’d done. Her gestures were too big, her facial expressions too exaggerated, her displays of emotion not subtle enough.

Maybe she wasn’t cut out for Broadway. Maybe she was only right for movies with big explosions and pop-heavy soundtracks.

Kat lay down on the couch with a groan. She should really start getting ready for tonight’s networking event— another play, this one hopefully with no talking genitalia.

Richard Gottlieb had tickets, and Jocelyn had strategically purchased Kat a ticket two rows ahead, to make sure Richard would see her appreciating fine art.

She couldn’t bring herself to get up. She took out her phone instead, getting a little ding of happiness when she saw she had several messages from Jude about the new lesbian romance she was reading.

Kat responded, then turned her attention to the texts she had from Jocelyn: a link and the message Am I good or what? ??

The link took her to an Entertainment Daily article with the headline “New Love Interest for P.R.O.M. Star Katrina Kelly?”

Kat dropped her phone on her face in surprise.

When she picked it back up, she studied the photo under the headline. It was the one from the Stars for Sound gala, with Jude’s arm wrapped around her. Kat was posing for the camera. Jude had her eyes on Kat, her cheeks pink and a small, pleased smile across her face.

It was an adorable photo. Kat just wished she wasn’t seeing it for the first time under a headline.

She skimmed the article, her eyes catching on certain lines: “The Spy Pigs star was seen getting cozy with an individual who Entertainment Daily has identified as Jude Thacker, the manager of The Next Chapter, a queer and feminist bookstore in the West Village.” Then, a little farther down: “Katrina Kelly’s last known relationship was with her costar Frasier Pierce, but they broke up several months after P.R.O.M.

was canceled. Frasier Pierce could not be reached for comment.

” She couldn’t concentrate enough to read the rest of the article.

Instead, she held her breath as she opened her Instagram to the Entertainment Daily page.

Sure enough, they’d posted the photo from the gala there, too. Kat scrolled down to the comments.

The first comment was innocent enough. Just an omg they look so good together and a emoji. She started reading through the rest.

omg that chemistry tho

is she gay?? I had the biggest crush on her in middle school

no way she’s gay. they’re clearly just friends

omg I cannot believe katrina kelly is queer! PROM was my favorite show growing up and I didn’t realize it at the time but I had such a big crush on her. It means so much to me that she’s out now #representation #pride

gross

I’m disappointed. Katrina kelly makes wholesome family movies and now this corrupting influence? My family and I will never be watching one of her movies again

no way she’s gay look at her body language. She’s probably just faking it cause her career is over lol

Kat put her phone down. She bit the inside of her cheeks.

She started counting her breaths. In, out, one.

In, out, two. She tried to clear her mind, to focus on breaths and numbers.

A kind publicist had taught her this tactic to use before interviews.

She’d also advised Kat to come up with an inspirational mantra.

Before every interview, Kat would stare into the mirror, take deep breaths, and whisper to herself: I am lucky to be here.

All my dreams are coming true. I am lucky to be here.

She wished they hadn’t mentioned Frasier in the article.

It had been three years since they’d broken up.

If she’d had a normal life, he would be a footnote in her memories, a bad-boyfriend story she would pull out when bonding with other women.

Instead, she could never seem to shake him.

Her name was paired with his constantly.

There were several paragraphs about him on her Wikipedia page, next to a photo of her crying in her car in an In-N-Out parking lot after one of their fights, clutching a milkshake in one hand and ragged tissues in the other.

When she officially came out, Frasier would probably sell his side of the story to some magazine.

Would Jude do the same one day? When Kat was hopefully even more famous than she was now, back in L.A.

starring in an Oscar-nominated film and dating some insufferable lesbian singer in a flat-brimmed hat, would some reporter call up the bookstore to ask Jude for a comment on Kat’s new relationship?

Kat got up to get a glass of water, feeling slightly sick. What kind of comment would Jude make?

She had the glass halfway to her mouth when she almost dropped it. She’d been so wrapped up in her own reaction that she hadn’t even thought about Jude.

God, how selfish could Kat be? This article felt intrusive and uncomfortable to Kat, but she’d had articles published about her private life for years. Whereas Jude…

They’d mentioned Jude by full name in that article. They’d said where she worked.

Jude had absolutely no idea what was coming.