Page 37

Jude

Someone buzzed Jude’s apartment three times in quick succession, jolting her away from staring at her phone and refreshing her email, hoping for an update on her job application. She went over to the door and leaned on the speaker.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Kat.” The speaker crackled, distorting her words. “Can I come in?”

Jude pressed the button to unlock the door. She leaned against the wall next to the buzzer. Was Kat here to fix the weirdness between them? Or end things altogether?

She didn’t wait until Kat knocked. When she heard footsteps on the stairs, she opened the door, scanning Kat’s face for any hint of how she was feeling. But as soon as Kat climbed the last step, she flung her arms around Jude, squeezing tight.

Jude squeezed back, relief making her body soften into Kat’s.

“I have to tell you something,” Kat said, and Jude’s arms tensed again.

“Okay. Come in.”

Kat let go and went inside. Jude followed, shutting the door behind them, her heartbeat fluttering in the base of her throat. They sat down on the couch and Kat took Jude’s hand.

“Do you remember when I told you about that girl from my show? Madelyn?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you the full story.”

Jude’s heart started to beat harder. Was Kat still in love with Madelyn? Were they going to ride off into the sunset together?

Kat took a deep breath. She turned Jude’s hand over in both of hers, running her fingertips over Jude’s palm.

“We kissed when we were twenty,” she said.

“And then our friendship changed. We were still friendly, but we didn’t call each other at night or spend breaks in my trailer anymore.

There was a distance between us.” Kat hesitated, tapping her fingers nervously against Jude’s hand.

“I had a problem with eating back then. I mean, we all did. Our contracts with the network required us to stay in a certain weight range, and we were all on really restrictive diets. But after things got weird with Madelyn, mine started to get really bad. I ate pretty much nothing. I could barely stand to drink water. And I was exercising three or four times a day.”

Jude squeezed her hand, not wanting to interrupt but wanting to show that she was there, she was listening. Her heart ached for that lonely younger version of Kat and how much pressure she’d been under.

“I started fainting,” Kat continued. “Just a couple of times, but one time I fainted during a meeting with the showrunner and hit my head. After that, the network said I had to get things under control. So I went to rehab. Two months of inpatient at the most discreet treatment center we could find. We had to delay the filming of Season 5, but the showrunner didn’t tell anyone why.

And Jocelyn told me to never tell anyone.

She said if I did, they would use it against me.

But I told Madelyn. After the weirdness with the kiss, I couldn’t handle dropping off the face of the earth for two months and not explaining why. ”

Kat swallowed.

“At first, everything was fine. I did the treatment, I came back. We started filming Season 5. Everything seemed normal. But then I started dating Frasier. And Madelyn got jealous.” Kat’s mouth quirked up on one side humorlessly.

“So she went to the tabloids. The interview was anonymous, but I knew it was her. She told them about the rehab, and that the filming delay was my fault.”

“Oh my God,” Jude said.

“It ruined my career. It made me a liability, so directors didn’t want to hire me.”

“I am so sorry that happened to you,” Jude said. She wanted to curse and rage about how awful Madelyn was, but she could tell that wasn’t what Kat needed. Instead, she settled for saying, “I can’t believe she would do that.”

“I wanted to tell you this, because…well. Ever since that happened, I’ve kind of had trouble trusting people.”

Jude nodded slowly. “That makes sense.”

“But I want to trust you.” Kat shifted so that she faced Jude fully. “I want to tell you things. I want to let you in. And…” She hesitated. “I really don’t want to break up.”

Jude laughed, confused. “We don’t have to,” she said, gripping Kat’s hand.

Kat’s mouth quirked up again, with a real smile this time. “You’re right,” she said. “We don’t.”

“I really like you, Kat,” Jude said. “And I promise that no matter what happens between us, I won’t do anything like Madelyn did.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Kat said, her voice quiet. “I trust you.”

“Can I ask you something?” Jude said. When Kat nodded, she added, “Is your eating okay now?”

Kat sighed. “It’s not the best,” she admitted. “I’ve been really stressed about my career lately, which is bringing up some old habits. I need to be more diligent about sticking to an eating schedule and limiting my exercise. But I promise I’m keeping an eye on it.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Jude said. “It means a lot to me that you’re trusting me with all this. And I’m here if you need support.”

Kat’s cheek spasmed, as if she’d been about to cry and then suppressed it. She swallowed. “Thank you.”

Jude hesitated, not sure if this was the right time, then said, “I applied for the Gala Literary job.”

“What? Really?” Kat looked so excited that Jude laughed.

“Really. I thought about what you said, and you’re right. I’m scared of leaving my comfort zone. But I know my mom would never want me to stay at the bookstore because of her. That’s exactly what she didn’t want. So maybe I owe it to her—and to myself—to start thinking about moving on.”

Kat threw her arms around Jude. “I’m proud of you.”

Jude turned her head, catching Kat’s mouth with her own, kissing her hard. She tried to let all her feelings seep into the kiss—how much she’d missed Kat, how empty these past three days had felt without her.

She pulled Kat into her lap and started kissing her neck. Kat tilted her head back, leaning into the touch, grinding her hips forward in just the right way, making Jude’s hands dig tighter into her hips. But Jude paused, her lips pressed against Kat’s skin.

“Can I ask you one question?”

Kat stilled, her body tensing nervously. “Of course.”

“Are you my girlfriend?”

The sides of Kat’s mouth rose slowly, building into a grin. Then she fell forward into Jude, tackling her backward onto the couch.

“You know what?” she said, leaning down until her lips hovered right over Jude’s. “I think I am.”