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Kat

Which is more important to you: this girl you’ve known for six weeks, or your entire career?

Jocelyn’s words echoed in Kat’s head, the way they had for the past two days.

She’d hoped that seeing Jude would make the echo go away, but the question had only gotten louder.

Now, as she lay on the couch with her head in Jude’s lap, it was almost deafening.

She wanted to enjoy their time together, but all she could think was that if she listened to Jocelyn, this would be one of the last times she sat in this living room.

She tried to refocus on her phone, where she’d pulled up the independent film script that Jocelyn had sent her.

The movie was called Rom-Con, and when she could actually pay attention to it, Kat loved it.

It was about a woman coming out in her twenties and trying to find a romance like the ones she’d always loved in movies, but slowly realizing that her romance would look different from the ones she’d grown up with.

The protagonist’s confusion as she tried to figure out who she was and what she wanted was almost a little too relatable.

She flipped a page, snorting at a description of the main character trying to figure out how to wear a strap on. Jude lowered the book she was reading and peered down at Kat curiously.

“Having fun?” she asked.

Kat tried to banish any thoughts of Jocelyn’s ultimatum and just smile. “This script is really good.”

“That’s great,” Jude said. “Are you going to take the role?”

“This isn’t for a role. I’m just reading the script to see if I want to support it. Post about it on social, do an interview with the director, something like that.”

“I thought you said they offered you the main part.”

Kat extricated herself from Jude’s lap and sat up. “They did. But I’m not going to take it.”

Jude closed her book. “Why not?”

“It’s an independent film, not a major studio. It’s way too small.”

“So?” Jude shrugged. “If you love the script, why not do it anyway?”

Kat grimaced as Jocelyn’s voice reentered her head. She won’t understand how this industry works.

“That’s not an option, okay?” she said, her tone coming out more snappish than she’d intended.

Jude held up her hands. “Whoa. Okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Kat sighed. “Yes, I love the script. But in my business, that’s not a good enough reason. They can barely afford to pay me. And there’s no guarantee it will get picked up by a distributor. It will probably show at a few festivals, then disappear.”

“That’s kind of sad,” Jude said. “I mean, you don’t seem to like Richard Gottlieb’s play at all. And now here’s a project that you really like, but you’re turning it down without a second thought.”

Annoyance flashed through Kat. “What about you?” she said. “Are you going to apply for that Gala Literary job when it gets posted?”

Jude’s jaw twitched. “It actually got posted yesterday,” she admitted.

“And?”

“It’s not the right move for me right now.”

“Why not?”

Jude reopened her book and held it in her lap but didn’t look at it. “It includes a bunch of fundraising and networking and public speaking,” she said. “None of which I would be good at.”

“How do you know that?”

Jude’s face flushed pink. “Because I had to introduce someone at an event recently and I had a panic attack, that’s how.”

“You did? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s embarrassing.”

Kat pulled the inside of her cheek between her teeth.

She didn’t want to admit it, but that was embarrassing.

Was Kat really considering sabotaging Jocelyn’s plan to save her career for a woman who couldn’t even handle an introduction?

Kat needed a partner who could handle pressure and scrutiny.

She needed someone who could confidently walk a red carpet by her side and handle being asked questions by reporters.

What if Jocelyn was right and Jude just couldn’t be that person?

“Public speaking is something you can practice, though,” Kat said, trying to sound encouraging. “It isn’t something that should hold you back from a job you really want.”

“It’s not holding me back,” Jude said, “because I don’t want the job.”

“Really? You seem so unhappy every time you come home from work.”

“It’s just a rough patch,” Jude said. “I probably need a vacation or something.”

“Are you sure you’re not just scared of trying something new after being at the store for so long?”

Jude hardened on the other end of the couch, her jaw clenching, her arms crossing. “Are you sure you’re not just scared to make a decision for yourself instead of mindlessly listening to what your manager tells you?”

“Okay.” Kat’s voice cracked. “Not cool.”

Jude’s expression softened immediately. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean that. I’m just really tense today. Things at the bookstore have been stressful lately. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine,” Kat said. “I shouldn’t have said what I said, either. I’m just feeling a little off today.”

“Hug?” Jude held out her arms, and Kat gave her a squeeze but pulled away quickly. “Do you want to talk about what’s making you feel off?”

“No,” Kat said. “I think I need to relax a little bit. Let’s just read.”

“Okay.” Jude lifted her book, but her eyes weren’t moving. Kat watched her for a few seconds before reopening the script on her phone. She stared at it, but she couldn’t take any of it in. Instead, all she could hear was Jocelyn’s voice again:

If you try to keep her happy, you’ll end up holding yourself back.