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Kat

Kat paced around her apartment, ignoring her phone.

Well, trying to ignore her phone. Although at this point, she’d read the message she was trying to ignore so many times that she’d memorized it, and it ran on a constant loop in her head as she turned tight circles around the leather couch in her living room.

Which didn’t stop her from snatching up her phone as she passed it and staring at the message once again.

Jude: I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for getting heated during our conversation the other day. I shouldn’t have turned on you like that. I know it’s only been two months, but you’ve become such a big part of my life and I want to keep it that way. I hope we can see each other soon

Kat sank down on the couch, reading the message again and again.

She’d been ignoring Jude for three days.

Not fully, but letting hours go by before responding to any messages, putting off making plans, sending short responses.

Setting the groundwork for an I’m just too busy to date right now conversation.

Or, even better, a slow fizzle out with no need for an emotionally draining conversation at all.

There was only one problem: she was miserable.

The last three days had felt excruciatingly long.

Kat had reached for her phone a dozen times each day with a thought or joke that she wanted to share with Jude, only to pull her hand away at the last second.

Each night in bed, she’d imagined Jude’s arms around her, wishing she could relax into their warmth instead of staring at the ceiling for hours, chasing her own thoughts like a hamster running on a wheel.

She’d had an interview with Cosmo this week, for a cover article titled “Your New Girl Crush!,” along with an accompanying photoshoot of her posing in a oversized suit with no shirt on underneath.

Kat should have been thrilled, but instead she’d spent the entire photoshoot wondering what Jude would think of her outfit.

Her career was thriving. But at what cost?

Since she was eleven, Kat had prioritized her career over everything else.

She’d prioritized it over keeping friendships.

Over normal life experiences like going to prom or having a first kiss (which had happened on set during Agent Princess, in front of a full crew, with an actor who was later accused of sexual assault by five different women).

She’d prioritized her career over her relationship with her parents.

She’d certainly prioritized it over her health.

Even when she’d gone to the Serenity Center, the goal hadn’t necessarily been to heal—it had been to get her shit together so she could get back to work.

She wanted a successful career. But why did succeeding always mean sacrificing something?

What was the alternative, though?

Kat grabbed one of the throw pillows and hugged it to her chest, squeezing it as tightly as she could. Surely Jocelyn could come up with a different plan.

She’d never thought that before. That she could just put her foot down and say no. But this was her life. If she didn’t want to do something, that was her decision to make.

Maybe it was foolish to upend Jocelyn’s plan for someone who could hurt her just as much as Madelyn had.

But Madelyn had been the best part of her life for four years.

If she was being honest with herself, Kat missed Madelyn so much it ached.

She didn’t want to feel that same lonely pang whenever she ate cupcakes without Jude, or read a good book and wanted to talk to her about it.

She didn’t want to miss Jude the way she missed Madelyn.

She didn’t want to add Jude to the list of things her career had taken from her.

She didn’t want to lose Jude.

She tossed the throw pillow to the side, grabbed her keys, and ran for the door.