Page 32

Kat

When Kat showed up at the CTA office for her morning meeting with Jocelyn, the smarmy assistant at the desk showed her to a conference room right away.

One of the big conference rooms near the entrance, with cushy leather chairs and a little tray of organic snacks.

And he brought her a coffee when she asked.

At long last, Kat was back on CTA’s priority list.

“How’s my favorite superstar doing?” Jocelyn called as she walked in. “The numbers on your video just keep getting higher.”

Kat squirmed in her cushioned chair. Thinking about the video she’d posted to her socials after the paparazzi photos made her feel slightly nauseous.

“You knocked it out of the park.” Jocelyn strode around the room, apparently too excited to sit down. “Talking about how upset you were about your privacy being invaded. I nearly believed you myself. You can really act, kid.”

“Thanks.” Kat took a sip of her coffee, but her stomach had tightened, and swallowing it suddenly felt impossible. She subtly spit it back into the cup.

“Six million views.” Jocelyn gazed contentedly out the window. “And now public opinion is on your side. Have you been reading the comments?”

“Trying not to.”

“Everyone is furious that you were forced to come out. They’re trying to organize a boycott of Sundial. ”

Kat raised an eyebrow. “How does Sundial feel about that?”

“Any press is good press for that rag,” Jocelyn said. “They’re used to it.” She turned away from the window. “Anyway, everyone is proud of you for being so brave and open with your fans.” She winked.

Jude had also been proud of Kat. She’d sent a heartfelt text message after the video went up, saying she knew how challenging this must be, but that Kat’s coming out was certainly inspiring thousands of people out there to embrace their real selves.

She’d wanted to take Kat out for a celebratory dinner, too, but Kat had pretended to be busy every time she brought it up.

Kat couldn’t help thinking that her parents must have also seen the video, or at least heard about it by now. But she hadn’t heard a word from them.

“You even got offered the lead role in a movie the other day,” Jocelyn said. “Some independent gay film. Not big enough for us. But I’m going to forward you the script. Maybe you could do an event with the director or something, build a reputation as a supporter of queer art.”

“Sure. Okay.”

Jocelyn finally sat down, spinning triumphantly in the rolling chair before pulling up to the table.

“Phases two and three are complete,” she said, leaning over her elbows eagerly.

“You’re back in the public eye and more popular than you’ve been in years.

Now we need to translate that to ticket sales. ”

Kat nodded wearily. She wished she could just focus on acting for a while instead of constantly scheming.

“I chatted with Madelyn’s agent. Here’s the plan.

Three weeks before the first night of previews for the play, you’re seen around town together.

Then, the week of, you post on Instagram.

A photo of you kissing her cheek and a vague caption.

Something like ‘Finally found my way to you’ and a sparkle emoji.

Fans will go wild. The speculation! Your costars-turned-lovers story!

Every media outlet in town will want an exclusive interview.

And then we’ll give them one—the day before opening night.

” She snapped her fingers in the air triumphantly. “They’ll sell out every performance.”

“Wait. You talked to her agent ?” Kat said, horrified. “Why would you do that?”

“To set up your relationship.”

“I told you not her! Anyone but her. I specifically said that.” Kat could hear panic in her own voice. “What if she goes to the media and tells them I’m setting up fake relationships?”

Jocelyn batted a dismissive hand. “If she goes to the media, we’ll say she’s making it up out of jealousy. A public feud would be just as good for your popularity as dating her.” She paused, considering. “Maybe we should orchestrate a feud after you date. Get the best of both worlds.”

“I am not dating her!” The words came out louder than Kat had intended, but she didn’t care. How could Jocelyn have gone behind her back like this?

Jocelyn sighed. “I thought you’d have come around on this by now.”

“Why would I have come around on this?”

“You’re always hesitating these days,” Jocelyn said, frustration leaking into her tone. “You hem and haw about every decision, but eventually you realize that I only have your best interests at heart. The way I have for the past thirteen years.”

“I won’t do it.” Kat crossed her arms. “Not her.”

“Then who?” Jocelyn said. “Tell me, which other New York–based lesbian with at least three million followers do you think would be a good fit for this?”

“Why do I need a famous girlfriend anyway?” Kat said. “I already have the role. Why can’t I just stay with Jude?”

“Ah.” Jocelyn gave her a sad smile. “So that’s what’s going on.”

“What do you mean?”

“You fell for the bookstore girl.”

Kat studied the table and didn’t respond.

“It feels nice, doesn’t it?” Jocelyn said gently.

“You go to her apartment and you can pretend that you’re a normal girl for a little while.

Away from all the pressure, away from all the fans.

I get it. You’ve been under so much scrutiny since you were a little kid.

No wonder you want a break! You deserve one. ”

She reached out and squeezed Kat’s knee under the table.

“I’ve seen this happen a hundred times with a hundred clients.

You’re just playing house. Hiding from reality.

But you and this girl, you live in different worlds.

You will always have to put your career first, ahead of anything else.

She won’t understand how this industry works.

Eventually, it will be too much for her.

And if you try to keep her happy, you’ll end up holding yourself back. ”

“She…” Kat’s tongue felt thick in her mouth. Her brain seemed to have slowed down, gotten gummed up with something sticky that kept it from working. “I don’t want it to end.”

“Sweetheart.” Jocelyn took Kat’s hand. “I know. She sounds like a nice girl. And I wish you could have this, I really do. But I need you to decide which is more important to you: this girl you’ve known for six weeks, or your entire career.”

Kat didn’t respond. A thick numbness had crept over her, and she couldn’t seem to hold thoughts in her head anymore. She felt strangely like she was floating over her body, watching herself talk to Jocelyn from a distance.

Jocelyn patted her hand twice and then dropped it. “Think about that.”