Page 24

Kat

Jude’s lips touched her own gently, pressing so lightly that Kat’s skin prickled. She wrapped her arms around Jude’s torso, feeling the reassuring solidity of her body combined with a heat that made Kat’s hands want to explore. When Jude pulled back, Kat didn’t let go.

“Hi,” she said.

Jude cupped her hands to either side of Kat’s face, stroking her thumbs over Kat’s cheekbones. Her touch felt so good that Kat wanted to lean into it and purr like a kitten. “Hi,” Jude said back in a low, seductive tone.

Then Jude pushed back Kat’s hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear.

It was like she’d revved an engine—Kat could feel her body warming up, starting to hum.

Her breaths came shallower. Her fingers twitched, longing to dig into Jude’s skin.

Her stomach tightened and her lungs shrank and her skin seemed to become twice as sensitive, so that every place Jude touched her felt almost unbearably good, a pleasure so sharp it bordered on pain.

Kat pressed against Jude’s front and let her hands roam over the strong and soft curves of shoulder, hip, and stomach. She squeezed Jude’s arms, feeling the muscles she’d only previously allowed herself to eye.

I want to lick those muscles. The thought surprised her so much she briefly froze.

She’d never had eager, dirty thoughts quite like that one—in the past, she’d kept her licking to the designated licking areas.

But now she wanted to drag her tongue over every contour of Jude’s skin, to taste her sweat, to make her moan, to make her shiver.

Whoa, she thought. I am definitely into girls.

Jude leaned down to kiss her again. Kat didn’t let Jude set the pace this time.

Instead, she kissed hard and fast as she ran her hand through Jude’s hair.

Shocked by her own boldness, Kat gathered some of it into a fist and tugged, making Jude gasp.

The sound made Kat even more eager, and she slid her tongue into Jude’s mouth.

Jude made a hungry noise deep in her throat, like a growl, and backed Kat up until she was against a wall.

She pinned Kat against it with her hips and Kat bucked up against her, letting friction build between them, her back arching.

She slipped her hands under Jude’s shirt, running her nails over the warm skin hidden beneath.

She wanted to touch Jude, wanted no barriers between them. She tugged Jude’s shirt off, revealing a black sports bra. Before she could reach inside it, Jude pulled off Kat’s own shirt and pressed against her. Kat dug her nails into Jude’s back, wanting her closer, closer, closer still.

Jude put her hands on Kat’s shoulders, stepping away while leaving Kat pinned to the wall. Kat moaned in protest and Jude smirked that sexy one-sided smirk, but she didn’t come back. Instead, she let her eyes travel over Kat’s body.

Jude slid her hand under one bra strap, slowly pushing it down Kat’s arm as she leaned in to kiss the tender skin underneath. Then she did the same on the other side. Kat tried to press against her, but Jude held her back, kissing her collarbones softly, taking her time.

She moved lower, her tongue dipping below the edges of Kat’s lacy black bra.

Her hands stroked Kat’s sides, and Kat ached for them to cup her.

She arched her back, moving her nipples toward Jude’s mouth, and Jude reached back and unclasped her bra with one deft twist, letting it fall away to the floor.

Kat started breathing hard, practically panting as Jude’s hands drifted lightly, teasingly, up her ribs, brushing the sides of her breasts until she squirmed. The delicate stroking made her nipples harden and stand, begging to be touched. Every part of her, reaching for Jude.

Jude lowered her mouth once again, and Kat braced herself for the sensation of a mouth closing around her nipple.

But instead, Jude started kissing slow circles around them, taking her time as she pressed her mouth to every inch of skin.

Her nails scratched softly against Kat’s back, and Kat arched into her more and more as Jude got closer to finally touching her where she wanted to be touched.

At the last minute, though, Jude reversed again, retracing her earlier path, her tongue swirling.

Kat made a moan of protest and Jude bit down, just a little, the sensation cutting Kat’s moan off with a sharp gasp.

She ran her hands through Jude’s hair urgently, trying to convey how desperately she needed this.

“Please,” she panted, hooking her fingers into Jude’s sports bra to tug her closer. “ Please. ”

Jude looked up with a cocky gleam in her eye. “Please what?” she asked. Kat pretended to smack her, and she laughed, a deep, throaty laugh, huskier than usual.

“Please touch me,” Kat said, her words strangely breathless. “I need you to touch me. Please.”

“Good girl.”

The praise turned Kat’s entire body to water. It was something about the confidence in Jude’s tone, or the way her voice had gone into a lower register, or how her eyes had gone dark with longing. Whatever it was, Kat wanted to hear her say it again and again and again.

Jude dipped her head again, and this time her tongue brushed up against the edges of Kat’s areola, teasing the sensitive bumps and ridges.

Kat squeezed her hips forward, unable to sit still.

And then finally, finally, Jude’s tongue curled around her nipple.

Softly at first, just teasing, then slowly turning to flicking and swirling, her entire mouth sucking until Kat thought she might scream.

She needed to scream. She needed to move.

She needed to writhe and dig her nails into Jude’s skin and throw her head back against the wall.

Because she had never, ever been touched like this.

So deliberately and teasingly, this mix of soft and hard.

Kat could feel the sensation lightning-forking through her body, making her clit swell and her legs tense and her hands curl into fists.

It was almost terrifying, to feel this good.

She had a strange urge to push Jude away, even as she heard her own voice begging Jude not to stop.

Kat grabbed Jude by the hair and hauled her up, pressing their mouths desperately together.

Jude closed all the space between them, pulling Kat flush against her from top to bottom, the pressure of her warm skin sending another rush through Kat’s sensitive nipples.

Kat grabbed at every part of Jude she could reach.

One hand closed around Jude’s ass and squeezed.

“I need you.” Kat’s voice sounded unfamiliar in her ears.

Jude kissed Kat again before taking her by the hand and pulling her into the bedroom.

Kat looked around, curious to see this new part of Jude’s life.

There was a full bed against one wall, under the window, with a light blue comforter on it.

There was a small desk shoved in one corner next to a closed door, and a bookshelf so overflowing that a stack of loose books had begun sprouting up next to it.

Over the desk was a corkboard, stuffed with Polaroids and ticket stubs and a small queer flag.

The brief pause in action seemed to cool Kat’s overheated body slightly, and instead of heading for the bed, she walked over to the corkboard to peer at the photos.

The most adorable of them featured a tiny kid with a tangled cloud of bright blond hair.

She saw a few shots of a teenage Jude with the coworker she’d seen at the bookstore, although he looked very different now.

He was trans, Kat realized after studying the photos for several seconds.

Her attention caught on a poster. It was a painting of a kitchen table, covered in half-eaten platters of food and glass cups of tea.

Sunlight came through the window, highlighting a magazine with a name in Arabic, laid open on the table, and a red scarf left draped over a chair.

The colors were soft, fading into one another, giving it the atmosphere of a dream.

It looked cozy and comfortable, as if the people in the painting had just gotten up to get dessert and would be back at any moment, but something about it made Kat’s chest ache.

“What is this painting?” she asked.

Jude came up behind her. “It’s by my favorite artist,” she said. “Fatima Halabi. She’s a Syrian artist who lost her home and most of her family in a bombing early in the war. Now she does these gorgeous paintings, all of different homes.”

“Wow.” Kat lifted her fingers to the poster. That explained the aching in her chest. Every brushstroke of the painting seemed infused with longing.

Jude stepped closer and kissed the back of her neck.

Kat arched into her touch, but she suddenly felt very aware of being half naked in an unfamiliar apartment.

It was like opening the door to the bedroom had opened the door on the real world again, and suddenly she could feel all her insecurities and worries flooding back in.

Namely, one big, pressing insecurity—the fact that she’d never had sex with a woman before.

Kat could feel her heart rate picking up and her breath going shallower, but this time it wasn’t with desire.

What if she was terrible? What if Jude laughed at her?

What if she hated the taste? What if Jude went to Entertainment Daily and told them that she was bad in bed?

The whole thing seemed so much more complicated than sucking a dick or letting some guy pump away.

What if she absolutely humiliated herself?

What if she got down there and realized mid-act that she wasn’t actually gay and didn’t want to do this?

She would have to tell Jude and then tell Jocelyn and they would have to come up with an entirely new plan for saving her career and then—

“Hey.” Jude’s voice was gentle against Kat’s ear. She’d stopped kissing her neck. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Kat said automatically. She turned around and leaned in to kiss Jude, but Jude pulled back.

“You got really tense all of a sudden,” Jude said. “Do you want to take a break?”

Kat looked down at her feet so Jude wouldn’t see the tears welling up in her eyes. Why was she crying? What was wrong with her? She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Can I hug you, or would you rather have a minute to yourself?”

“Um.” Kat’s mind spun, trying desperately to make this simple choice. “A minute to myself, I think.” She crossed her arms as if that would help her disappear into the fiery hole of humiliation that was currently filling her entire brain.

“That is totally fine,” Jude said. “I’m gonna grab you a shirt and some water, okay?”

“Okay.” Kat sat down on the bed, keeping her arms crossed over her bare chest. She tried to take deep breaths. What was wrong with her? Why had she frozen like that? Why couldn’t she just have sex like a normal person?

Jude came back in and held out a large flannel shirt. Kat put it on and instantly felt better. The fabric was soft, comforting and warm, and she felt steadier now that she wasn’t exposed. She took a few deep breaths, then took the glass of water Jude offered her.

“I am so, so sorry,” she said as soon as she felt she could trust her voice again.

Jude sat down next to her on the bed, not touching her. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just—got a little in my head, I think. Froze up.”

“That is so normal.” Jude’s voice was so kind that Kat could almost believe her. There was a pause and then Jude added, a little hesitantly, “Is this your first time with a woman?”

Kat flushed. She turned away slightly so Jude wouldn’t see. “Uh. Yes.”

“Then it makes total sense that you’d be a little nervous. It might even be weirder if you weren’t in your head. But I don’t mind taking things slow. Really.”

“What if I’m terrible at it?” The question tore itself from Kat’s throat before she could stop herself.

Jude shrugged. “What if you are? Isn’t hooking up with someone new for the first time always pretty awkward? You don’t know what that person likes or how to touch them, so you’re just kind of guessing. But we’ll talk. I’ll tell you what I like and you’ll tell me what you like. We’ll get better.”

Kat leaned her head against Jude’s shoulder. “You make it sound so simple.”

Jude put her arm around Kat. “It kind of is that simple,” she said.

Kat turned her head toward Jude, burrowing deeper into her. Then she pushed back, taking a deep breath. “I should probably go.”

“You could go,” Jude said slowly. “ Or you could stay, we could order takeout, and we could watch all eight episodes of a Netflix show where amateur chefs have to make elaborate wedding cakes while completing an army-level obstacle course.”

Kat could feel her cheeks stretching before she even realized she was smiling. “Wait, wait, wait. Do they do the obstacle course before they make the cake, or after?”

“No, no,” Jude said seriously. “You don’t understand. They do both at the same time. ”

“Well, in that case,” Kat said, widening her eyes as if deeply impressed, “I think I’d better stay.”

Jude beamed down at her, her boyish grin lighting up her face, her cloud of blond hair sticking up in every direction thanks to Kat’s wandering hands.

“I think you’d better.”