Page 80 of The Loves We Lost

“You’re still so fucking soft, Vi,” I say as I run kisses along her shoulder, down her neck. In a hard life, it’s a cherished blessing.

I drag my hand between us, slipping over her stomach and between her thighs until I reach her lips. Gently, I slide one finger into her, then a second. She’s so warm.

When she tries to bury her head against my chest, I grip her chin and raise it. “Look at me, Vi. Be my good girl, just like you used to be. I want to see your eyes when you come.”

Her mouth opens slightly as she gasps, but she does as I say. She keeps her eyes on me. As I push into her more forcefully, her grip on me tightens.

I run my tongue over her lower lip, hovering so close to her mouth that I catch the air as she gasps.

“Miles. God, I ...” The puffs of air come a little faster as her hips begin to rock into my hand.

“Show me what you want, Vi.” The words come out deep and raw.

The strokes I use are slow and steady, designed to make her ache for what I can give her. Her hips thrust against me, seeking what she needs, and when she finds it, her whole body shakes as she comes. She tightens around my fingers and loses all sense of rhythm.

The sound she makes has no form. There’s no word. Just a low, drawn-out moan, and my dicks aches with the longing to join her. So I place her hand on my cock and my hand over hers, squeezing as tight as I want it while I thrust into her palm.

She looks down between us.

“Eyes, Vi.”

When they return to me, I lose myself in who we are and what we’re doing. It takes a minute more to come. My knees go weak for a second.

“Fuck.” I grunt as I watch thick strands land on her stomach and quickly scoop them onto my fingers before they’re washed away by the water. I ease them inside her, sliding deep within her, hoping something takes root.

“Knowing I missed worshipping your pregnant body is driving me wild. I want that as much as I want you.” I kiss her hard. It’s difficult to breathe as the water bombards us.

“Miles,” she sighs.

We wash each other clean and dry off. When we’re dressed, we head into the family room.

Vi tucks her feet up beneath her on the sofa, and I sit next to her, putting my hand on her thigh. I’m not ready to let go of the intimate connection we’re forging.

“We’re doing this,” I say. “You and me. The only conversation we’re having is how. We want each other. The demand to leave my club is impossible. It’s my job. Do I love the idea that youfantasize and write about sex with other men? Not really. But I’m not asking you to stop, because I accept you as you are.”

“Me writing about imaginary women, notme, having sex with imaginary men doesn’t lead to danger for you,” Viola says. “And stop with the ‘this is how it’s going to be’ talk.”

“You like it when I tell you how it’s going to be.”

Vi crosses her arms. “In bed.”

“How attached are you to living here?” I ask.

“Very. Avery is in a good school. My house is mortgage-free thanks to my grandparents. My parents are only thirty minutes away when they aren’t on a cruise for their thirtieth wedding anniversary. I have a support system with the other moms in Avery’s grade.”

Crap. Wasn’t expecting such a good answer. “There are good schools in Jersey. I have a small mortgage, but on a much bigger house on a bigger lot. We could even build a pool for Avery. You could keep this place. Rent it out if you feel like it. Or just keep it. We’d have the whole club as a backup system. And there are lots of old ladies who would help you out in a heartbeat until you find your feet with the moms at the school if you wanted. Plus, I missed out on so much already that I want to help.”

She looks wistfully around the room. Guessing, I try to come up with a solution to the fears I think she’s having. “Being here, separated from the club is obviously a risk for you, and your club obviously cares for you or there wouldn’t be men patrolling outside. Maybe ... what if ...?”

“What if what?”

“It’s the summer break. What if we came to Asbury Park? What if Avery and I came to stay for four weeks? We can see what it’s like. I’d only do it if we could live at your house. I can’t be cooped up in the clubhouse.”

I was expecting more of a fight. “You’d do that?”

Viola places her hand on my cheek. “You deserve a chance to heal at your own home. And you deserve a chance to get to know Avery.”

I can’t believe she’s agreeing. “I just want you where I am, Vi. You. Yes, Avery is really fucking important to me, but you need to know you are too. I want you where I can get to know both of you.