Page 58 of The Loves We Lost

“And when was I supposed to do that, Miles? I had Avery, and it was a difficult birth. Recovery took me a long time. Then I was a mom to a newborn, and suddenly two years had gone by. And then three. I dated but I never found ...”

“Me. You never found me.”

“Urgh. Of course you think it’s about you.”

Annoyingly he grins. “I love the idea you didn’t find anyone better than me. Does that mean I’m the only guy who’s been up in your pussy?”

I shake out of his hold. “The sauce is burning.”

He reaches behind me and turns it off. “Now it’s not.”

Huffing, I grab the cloth and wipe some of the sauce splatter off the hob. It’s stupid really, because it’s going to splat some more, but I need to do something to offset the embarrassment I feel.

“Vi?” Miles says softly, sliding his hands around my waist. His palms stroke over my body, pulling me to him.

“What?” I ask. My voice is raw.

“I’d be the only one forever, if you’d let me.”

I let his words drift over me. Their power bolsters me. That he would want me over everyone else forever. For the final time, I focus on the heat of him surrounding me. And then I say what I have to. “And I’d let you, if you were no longer an Outlaw.”

His hands cease moving, and then he steps away. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me, Vi,” he says.

“Or you could literally be the death of me.”

His footsteps tell me he’s left the kitchen, and I grip the edge of the counter and squeeze my eyes tightly shut. I remember watching the moviePractical Magic, where one of the characters makes a spell for her ideal man. But she makes it unrealistic and demanding so that no man will ever live up to it.

And yet, a man does, and he saves her life.

Maybe at some point I did the same and manifested Miles.

Dinner is a slightly awkward affair, with Halo doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Vex is observant rather than talkative. Niro talks to only one person: Avery. And my little girl talks only to him and her dad.

When it’s time to go, I feel like my heart is being cleaved in two. Tears sting as people say goodbye and get on their bikes. Finally, it’s just the three of us.

Avery sobs as she clings to Miles as if they aren’t ever going to see each other ever again.

“Hey, baby girl,” Miles says, his tone raw. “I’ll see you soon, yeah? And remember what I said about asking your momma if she can call me, so we can talk. And I’ll call you too. And we’ll make plans to see each other.”

“Why can you not live with us like Kadia’s dad does and love us?”

“I love you. I promise. How could I not? There’s never been a daughter as wonderful as you are. Ever.” Miles glances at me and sighs. “Not everybody’s mom and dad live together. Even if they love each other. Go wash your face and get ready for bed while I say goodbye to your mom.”

He puts Avery on the ground, and she does as he says.

Miles looks up at the ceiling, sucks in a big breath of air, then purses his lips to blow it out. When his eyes meet mine, I can see how stricken he is.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“Never expected life with you would always be easy, but I didn’t think it would ever be this hard.” He reaches out his hand for me, and I take it, letting him pull me into his embrace. We sway for a minute, and I try not to respond to the kiss he places on top of my head.

“I put three grand in the box of tampons beneath the sink in your bathroom. Emergency money. If you ever feel unsafe for any reason, use it to do whatever you have to do. Go stay in a hotel, whatever.”

“Miles,” I gasp. “I can’t—”

“I’m not done. Get Avery a passport. There’s a gun in a safety box on the top shelf of your closet, well out of Avery’s reach. The code to get into it is your birthdate. Month followed by day.”

“I don’t know that I’m comfortable using one.”