Page 31 of The Loves We Lost

“Then ...” His words drop off.

“Then what?” I ask.

He runs his hand through his hair. “Gimme a minute ...”

“For what?”

He turns to face me. “I’m doing that thing to not verbalize the first thought that pops into my head so I don’t fuck this up for you.” Then he turns to Viola. “Pleasure to meet you.”

The words are clearly forced out through gritted teeth. I can only imagine what he wants to say. But all of it would have been in defense of me, so I’m grateful. “Thanks,” I say as I pat his back.

An awkward silence falls between us.

“Hey, sweetie,” Catalina says. “I was about to make some hot chocolate. If your mom says it’s okay, would you like to come with me and have one? I’ll bring you right back here when we’re done.”

“Momma said there would be cupcakes when we got here?”

“Avery, we need to wait for the cupcakes. It’s a long story,” Viola says.

“We can do cupcakes,” Niro says. “Wanna help me make them?”

Avery turns to Viola. “Can I go?” she asks. Like she didn’t just get firebombed and dropped in the middle of a strange place with strange people.

Catalina looks to Viola. “The kitchen is just at the end of this corridor. A straight line.”

Viola glances to me. “Do you trust them?”

I nod. “With my life.”

With a resigned straightening of her shoulders, she smiles at Avery. “Go ahead, pumpkin.”

The three of them leave, and I hear Avery ask my best friend, “So, Mr. Niro. Are there marshmallows?”

I take a deep breath and look at Viola. “Is that my daughter?” I ask.

Viola worries the letterAon her necklace. “She is. Avery Eleanor Graydon Mills was born seven months, two weeks, and four days after we broke up.”

Shouldn’t be so fucking satisfied to hear she at least has my name, even if it’s in the wrong order. I grab the chair from my desk, flip it around, and sit astraddle. “Did you know you were pregnant when we split?”

Viola shakes her head and looks down at the floor. “I was devastated when we split. I honestly thought we’d be forever until, well, the Outlaws. So, I went back to my place and cried for what felt like months. I made myself sick, could barely eat. I thought it was the stress of the breakup. I didn’t pay attention to my periods. But I suddenly realized I hadn’t had one for a while. When I took the test, I was shell-shocked.”

“I know how that feels,” I managed to grind out. “The question is why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

12

VIOLA

Isigh and stand. “Even though I knew this question was coming, I find myself no better prepared to answer it. I didn’t want this life. It scared me. Hell, given I was just firebombed and my car sprayed with bullets, those worries were justified.”

“That’s not an everyday occurrence,” Miles says, and I roll my eyes.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I still needed a break from you. To allow myself to get over you. Every day I thought about what it would be like to fall back into you. To not be in this mess all alone. But I knew you wouldn’t leave the club, and it would just bind us together. Forever.”

Miles blows out a breath, his brow furrowed. “You didn’t think I had a right to know?”

“And what would you have done if I had told you, Miles? Insist we live with you? Fight me for custody? So you could leave her, leave me, and go off on runs all over the country without us? So I could bring her to prison open days the last Friday of the month until she was old enough to decide if she wanted to come see you?”

“For fuck’s sake, do I look like I’ve been in prison?”