Page 65 of The Loves We Lost

Nostalgia whispers through me. I couldn’t believe my luck. That a man like Miles would look twice at someone like me, let alone love me and care for me the way he did. I search for the only negative thing I can say. Something that will remind me it wasn’t all great. “Every time we stepped out of the house, we either got soaked or bitten by those little black flies.”

“That wasn’t the bit I was thinking about, but yeah, the bugs were aggressive.”

Laughter escapes me. “I think you might have bitten me more.” The words slip out without thought.

“You tasted good. Still do.”

“How good do I taste?” The question escapes me before I realize how stupid it is. “Sorry. Don’t answer that. I’m seeking a confidence boost.”

“You taste like sunshine and freshly ripened peaches. It’s addictive as fuck. Still is. I remember that trip. You were soaked after a wet ride. It took me an age to wrestle you out of those leathers I bought you.”

The leathers are tucked away in a box. Occasionally I pull them out and run my fingers over them.

“We fell over in a tangle of legs and boots and arms. I had a bruise on my hip for three days,” I say.

Miles grins at the memory. “That first fuck was fast and furious. It’s the one the next morning that I remember most. Making love to you while the sun came up.”

Every woman has that one sexual experience they hold as the bar. The one moment they look back on breathlessly, over every minor detail because of its perfection. For me, it was that morning. If I close my eyes, I can remember the feel of Miles’s hand on my hip, the way his cock felt as he slowly pushed deep inside me. The painfully slow pace. The drugging kisses. The way I inhaled his breath and tasted his love for me.

I’m not sure what to say next.

Miles places both his hands on his head, and the way his biceps flex makes the wires in my brain a little loopy.

“What did you do today?” I choke out finally.

“You want the truth?”

“Always.”

“I worked out. Halo and I grabbed lunch, and then we went to collect dues from some of the places we offer security to. Then I delivered shit I can’t tell you about to the head of the Irish mob. Then I came to the clubhouse, and we grilled and had a fight night and got drunk because it was a good fucking day. And now, I’m sitting in my room talking to one of my two favorite girls,wondering what I’m gonna have to do to get her to take her top off for me because I miss her.”

“Can we go back to sunshine and peaches?”

“We’ve had years between us, buttercup. We can go back to any place you want. I’ll meet you anywhere on the timeline of us.”

His words hit me square in the chest.

Anywhere on the timeline of us.

I was just enjoying our little girl choosing to talk with me for the first time.

Like sunshine and freshly ripened peaches.

Sitting in the clubhouse talking to one of my two favorite girls.

I know the other one he means is Avery.

“Reminiscing with you is dangerous,” I say. “It makes me think about things that simply can’t happen.”

“Here’s the thing, Vi. When it comes to you and me, anythingcanhappen. It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to mean more than I’m here and you’re here. In a world where nothing else matters beyond that fact, we can be whatever we want to with each other.”

His words weaken my resolve. I yearn to mean something to someone. I want to feel the way my characters do. Miles’s eyes widen when I slip my fingers beneath the hem of my tank. “No recording or screenshots.”

“I’ve carried you in my memory for a long time, sweetheart. Don’t need a photograph.” He lowers the waistband of both his joggers and his boxer briefs down his thighs, and his thick erection stands proud.

“I’m nervous. I haven’t done this before.”

He reaches for the phone as if to touch my cheek. “Don’t be. You tell me if you want me to stop.”