Page 91 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

“Sorry, I thought I should bring something, and these came in last week.” He handed the chocolates to Josiah. They were cheap, army shop milk chocolates, not the expensive dark ones he enjoyed, but it was a kind thought.

“Thank you, Ted. Like I said when I called, Alex is in a bad way. I haven’t told him you’re coming, so I’m not sure if he’ll see you or not.”

“I understand.” Ted gave an anxious smile. “I’ll do my best, sir, but we haven’t spent any time together in years. I’m not sure he’s going to want to see me now.”

“It can’t hurt.” Josiah rubbed his head wearily. “I’m running out of ideas – and please, call me Joe.”

He led Ted into the living room, where Alex was lying on the sofa. The screen was on, but he was staring absently at the wall behind it.

“Hey, Alex. I invited someone over for dinner.”

“Sofie?” Alex barely moved his head.

“No, someone else.”

Alex didn’t look around. He seemed to have no curiosity about who their guest might be.

“Hey, Alex.” Ted walked over to the sofa, and Alex turned his head, slowly, to look at him.

“Ted?”

“Hey, buddy, yeah, it’s me.” Ted pulled a chair over and sat in front of him. “I hear you’ve been in the wars.” His gaze raked over Alex’s pale face, his broken arm, and his skinny body. “I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s not fair, after all you’ve been through already.”

Alex stared at him. “Isn’t it? I think maybe it is. You know I’ve always been a pretty shitty person. You saw me at my worst.”

“And your best.” Ted patted his good arm. “I’m just glad you’re still alive. When you walked into my shop, I could hardly believe it.”

“I heard you agreed to testify. Tyler will cut off funding to your shop. My fault. I shouldn’t have asked.” He looked utterly defeated.

“Yeah, he did that already. It’s fine. We’re getting by. We might move into a room above the pub where Trudy works if we can’t make a go of it.”

“Give up the shop? I’m sorry. I walked back into your life and ruined it, like I always do.”

“Alex.” Ted took Alex’s good hand in his and looked him square in the eye. “Listen to me, mate. It’s not your fault. If anyone should apologise, it’s me. I gave you her photo. I told you to seek justice for her. It shouldn’t have been on you.”

“Why not? She’s dead because of me.”

“No, she’s dead because Tyler got riled up and killed her, and damn near killed you, too. Listen, what you’ve done has been nothing short of a miracle. You’ve been very strong, very brave, to keep going all these years in order to bring Tyler to justice.”

Alex stared at him, blinking rapidly.

Josiah leaned against the doorway, watching.

“I want you to know that. I don’t think anyone else could have kept going the way you have. If I’d known, back then, what I was asking you to do… well, it was wrong of me. You’ve carried all this alone while I’ve been getting on with my life. So don’t you dare apologise.”

Alex leaned back on the sofa cushion. “Thanks, Ted,” he said in a small voice. There was a long pause, then he spoke again. “Tell me about Trudy,” he said softly. “And the kids.”

Ted’s face brightened up. “I’d love to.” He took out a battered old nanopad held together with tape and showed Alex some photos of his family. It was the most interest Alex had shown in anything in weeks.

“Now – remember that god-awful show we used to watch while we were bored out of our minds at Vertex Tower?” Ted said. “Well, it’s still going strong. Wanna watch a few episodes with me?”

Josiah bought them fish and chips to eat in front of the screen and they all watched it together.

The programme was every bit as awful as Ted had promised, and while Alex didn’t say much, he did at least watch it and smiled occasionally at Ted’s running commentary.

He barely ate more than a couple of chips, but Josiah hadn’t exactly expected him to suddenly feel better because of one visit.

“I hope you can come again,” he said a few hours later on the doorstep as Ted was leaving.

“I will. I meant what I said to him,” Ted said fiercely. “Poor bastard. I’ve seen him low before – there was that time when Tyler gave him to this awful fucker who did horrible things to him. Then there was after Solange… he was in a bad way then, too. He always stops eating when he’s low.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“He bounced back every time, though. He’s a tough cookie – tougher than he looks. He’ll bounce back from this, too.”

“I dunno. He’s shattered, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m not sure we can paste him back together this time,” Josiah said.

Ted gripped Josiah’s arm firmly. “Well, we have to, ’cause what’s the alternative? Don’t give up on him, Joe. He has a habit of surprising you.”

Josiah returned to the living room to find Alex staring into space again.

“Was that okay, seeing Ted?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was nice. Just thinking… all these years I’ve been sort of frozen in time, seeking justice for Solange, and he’s just moved on. Found another woman, had some kids. I thought he and Solange were so in love, but…” He shrugged.

“I’m sure they were, but he had a chance at happiness and took it. You can’t blame him.”

“You didn’t. You never had anyone else after Peter until me.”

“Well, that’s me. Everyone’s different. Might have been better if I’d loosened up a bit and not been a monk these past few years.” Josiah gave a rueful smile. “It’s not what Peter would have wanted.”

“And Tyler… he couldn’t get over Mum’s death, to the point of pursuing this vendetta against me to a ludicrous extent.”

It was the most Alex had said in a while, which was encouraging.

“Grief does different things to different people. Tyler had to pursue vengeance to make himself feel better, Elliot Dacre tried to buy a replacement husband, and I locked my feelings in a box and walked around like a zombie.” Josiah shrugged. “Maybe Ted had the healthiest response of us all.”

“I used to sleep with Mum’s scarf under my pillow. It had her scent on it.” Alex’s eyes were dark. “I miss her so much. Dad never got over losing her, any more than Tyler did. Both hated me for it.”

“I don’t believe your father ever hated you.”

“You’re wrong. He disowned me.” Alex closed his eyes wearily.

“Would you like to see him?” The idea occurred to Josiah suddenly, and he could have kicked himself for not thinking of it before.

Alex gave a hollow laugh. “He won’t want to see me, Joe.”

“Would you like me to try? Charles will visit, I’m sure. Would you like that?”

“They won’t come,” Alex said, and then he got up slowly, like an old man. “I’m going to bed now.”

Josiah lay awake in the night thinking about the possibility of Noah Lytton visiting his son. He didn’t relish the thought of another trip to The Orchard, but it’d be worth it if he could bring father and son together again. That was a big “if”. There was so much betrayal there, on both sides.

Then his mind wandered to his conversation with Tyler about Alex not being in love with him.

Was it possible that Tyler had genuinely been in love with Alex?

He’d certainly been as obsessed with him in his own way as Neil had.

Yet, the last thing Josiah wanted was to give Tyler’s poisonous whisperings any real estate in his mind – nothing good could come of that.

Supposing it was true, though, and there had been some kind of romantic relationship between Tyler and Alex?

Did it change anything? Just because he didn’t want to believe it, didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

He was so busy turning these thoughts over that he didn’t sleep well.

He was, therefore, aware of Alex slipping out of the bed at 2a.m. and not returning.

He waited, assuming he’d gone to the toilet, but after half an hour he decided to go looking for him.

He found him in the living room, sitting on the sofa, staring at the wall, which was how he was most of the time now.

“Everything okay?” He sat down on the sofa beside him.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Josiah reached out to stroke his arm, but Alex flinched, so he drew back. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asked quietly.

“Nothing. I don’t know. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep.”

“Alex, you can sleep in the spare room if you want, like you did in the beginning,” Josiah told him gently. “There’s no pressure, no assumption.” They hadn’t had sex since Alex’s abduction, but he wanted to spell it out all the same.

“Thank you,” Alex said quietly. “I was thinking about what you said to Neil, about me never having the time and space to figure out love. About…” He ducked his head, hesitating, then looked up. “Not really being in love with you.”

“It’s true,” Josiah said softly. “I don’t think you are in love with me, Alex. You’re in love with the idea of me, or you were once, because it was something to hang on to when your life was intolerable. The real me is less heroic, less white knight, more… human.” He gave a wry smile.

“You may be right.” Alex turned to face him, and Josiah’s heart broke a little. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know it’s not what you want to hear. You’ve been so good to me.”