Page 60 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

“Are you better now?” she asked as he handed her a drink.

He raised an eyebrow. “George told me you’d been unwell for some months,” she explained.

“Poor you. I kept asking and asking after you, and he kept saying you were still ill. Then, suddenly, he got in touch and said you were better now and asking after me, too, and would I be free to have dinner with you.”

“I’m much better now, yes, thank you,” he murmured, going along with the lie.

He knew Tyler had to be watching this in real time.

He’d be worried that Alex would tell her the truth about his life here, and what had happened to Solange.

There was no point in that; the security team would be on him before he got very far. Now was not his moment.

He flirted with Rebecca lightly over dinner, smiling often and being as charming as he knew how.

He modelled himself on Solange. She’d always known how to talk to people and had done her best to teach him.

He’d watched her in action, noticed how she asked them about themselves, laughed at their jokes, mirrored their movements, and gazed a little too long into their eyes.

She would often put her hand on theirs at random moments – just a little light touch to ask them to pass the salt, or to draw their attention to something in the room.

Alex tried this with Rebecca, noticing how it made her become more tactile too, encouraged by his attention.

None of this came naturally; he had to concentrate.

Sometimes, he had to rack his brains to think of anything to say.

Asking her about her work, her childhood, her love of animals…

he noted her replies, trying to find another spark for more conversation.

It felt forced, but he could see it working on her and drew confidence from that.

Solange had always said it was about showing an interest in someone else.

Had he always been so self-involved that he’d never learned how to do this?

He was genuinely interested in Rebecca’s work, so he was at least able to talk animatedly about the latest floating city tech.

Yet, he became aware that the topic was too impersonal when he was trying to create intimacy.

You’re not interviewing her for a trade journal, he could imagine Solange remonstrating.

“What about you, though?” he asked. “The passionate woman I’m sure you are away from the office. What does she like doing?”

“Passionate? I think I am, or at least I could be, but nobody has ever noticed it before.” She looked down.

He remembered her bio. She loved romantic novels, but there was no evidence she’d ever had a boyfriend, and she was possibly still a virgin. If this was going to be her first time, he was determined she’d enjoy it.

He held out his hand after they’d finished their meal and then pulled her to him, swaying her gently around the room. She buried her face in his shoulder, giggling, the wine clearly doing its job.

“I’m sorry. I’m behaving like such an idiot,” she whispered breathily. “It’s just, you’re so beautiful, and I’m such a lump.”

“You have dazzling eyes and such soft skin,” he said honestly. He danced with her until she seemed more comfortable and then brushed his lips gently against hers. They were plump and soft, and she was easy to kiss.

“Oh,” she sighed when he drew back.

“Was that okay?” he asked gently.

“Oh, yes.” She angled her face back in for another kiss. He smooched her for a long time as they swayed around the room in time to the music. He could sense when she was ready and took a step back.

“Would you like to spend the night with me, Becky?”

“Oh, yes please.” Her eyes shone in the dimly lit room. “If you’d like to… with me, I mean. Oh dear. I sound like such a fool.”

“I’d love to – with you.” He took her hand and led her slowly towards his room, stopping every few steps to kiss her deeply.

He’d taken a pill, but it was still a big unknown whether he could perform.

He hoped so, and not just because he needed to fool George.

He’d hate her to think his lack of response was related to her appearance.

He kept the lighting low in his bedroom, mindful of her body issues, turning on just a dim lamp. He sat down on the bed and pulled her next to him.

“I should tell you…” she whispered, turning her face away.

“This is the first time I’ve done this. I mean, not just the first time I’ve done this with a man I barely know, although I do actually feel I know you, because you’ve been so sweet to me all evening.

But what I mean is, it’s the first time I’ve ever done this at all… Oh dear, I’m making a mess of this.”

“Shh. It’s okay.” He kissed her neck, then nibbled gently on her earlobe. “Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay? We can do as much or as little as you want. We’ll go at your pace.”

“You must think me mad after your warning last year, being here, doing this with you,” she whispered into his neck.

He wondered if the smartwall would pick up her words.

“But, you see, I’ve thought of little else.

It might not be real – I mean, I suppose I know it’s not real, but if I can pretend, even for a few hours, then that’s enough for me.

You see, it’s really the only way I’m going to experience this – so, even if it’s just one magical night, then it’s worth it. ”

Worth a lifetime of being in George Tyler’s pocket, forced to agree to whatever proposals he wanted her to push through, and always at his beck and call?

Alex wondered if she’d really grasped what she was letting herself in for…

but she’d had almost a year to think about it, and he’d given her a warning denied to most caught in Tyler’s trap, so he didn’t feel sorry for her.

He could see that for her, one night of fantasy with her dream man was far more exciting than the reality of finding a more ordinary man in her everyday life. She wanted romance – and he was it.

He pushed her back on the bed and trailed kisses down her body. Then he began gently undressing her, revealing a breast, then a thigh, going as slowly as he’d promised.

She was shy at first, apologising for each newly exposed morsel of flesh.

Had she thought Tyler’s blackmail would be less explicit than it was?

Did she know the smartwall was recording every inch of the naked body she was so ashamed of?

Surely she couldn’t be so na?ve as to think otherwise?

He pushed these thoughts away. This was the price he paid for his mission.

He couldn’t refuse, and she didn’t want him to.

He was assiduous in his work, soothing and arousing her in equal measure.

Undressing slowly, he showed her his naked body as a way of distracting her from her worries about her own.

Seeing she was shy, he placed her hands on his tight, washboard stomach and then gently pushed them lower, inviting her to explore.

When he was sure she was relaxed, he ran his hand up her legs and gently teased them open. She sighed and moaned, opening up to him easily. The pills did their trick – he was pretty sure he’d never be able to fulfil his role here without them, regardless of who he was with.

He tried to remember his song, but Gideon, always prudish about sex, had never made him rehearse this scenario.

He’d made his own attempts with F, but this was completely different.

Thinking of Gerard Lucas-Nash, years ago in that alley behind the club, reminded him that he was good at this.

All that was required was for him to give this woman a great first sexual experience.

She’d been waiting for this moment for so long and had built up so many fears and expectations about it that he genuinely wanted to do his best for her.

Afterwards, she lay in his arms holding on to him. She seemed happy at first but then began crying quietly.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he whispered, hugging her close.

“You didn’t. You’re the kindest, sweetest, gentlest man. I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve for you to be so nice to me when you must be so disgusted by me.”

“I’m not disgusted by you – you’re a beautiful woman, Becky.” Brushing away her tears with his fingertips, he gently soothed her.

“Oh, I don’t mean by this, although I wouldn’t blame you if you were disgusted by it.

I know I am.” She waved a scornful hand at her body.

“I meant disgusted by me , by what I’m doing here.

I knew what this was, of course I did. But I wanted you so much that I did it anyway.

Does that make me an awful person? I think it does. ”

He had no answer to that. She’d made her choice knowingly, and he’d had no choice at all. He wasn’t sure if he blamed her or not. She was, without doubt, one of the nicer people he’d be forced to sleep with, but she wasn’t so nice that she’d refused.

Make me a channel of your peace…

She couldn’t be allowed to know what he was really thinking any more than Tyler could. His mask firmly in place, he smiled at her, kissed her neck, and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Gideon would be proud of him.

Later, when she was asleep, he lay awake, gazing up at the ceiling. He felt numb and somehow separate from his own body, which he was glad about as, otherwise, he was sure he’d feel dirty and ashamed. As it was, he felt nothing.

Was it possible to divorce yourself so much from your feelings as to have none? Or would all this squashing them down come back to bite him one day?