Page 53 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

“Your photographs. You can’t take them back to your houder’s house. Isn’t it time you stopped gazing at them every night before bed?”

Alex’s mask faltered, his eyes flickering. Not his photos. He needed them. The idea of facing the world without looking at the people he loved most… it was too much.

“And there we have it,” Gideon observed as the mask fell away, revealing Alex’s stricken expression all too clearly.

“Damn it,” Alex swore at himself. “I thought I’d mastered this.” He whirled around to look Gideon in the eye. “You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just so hard.”

“I won’t make you give them up. You must choose to do it. But you can hardly go back to Mr Tyler’s house with a photo of the woman he killed in your possession, can you?” Gideon challenged. Then, before Alex could reply, he ended their session as he always did, with a little bow. “ Namaste .”

Alex returned to his room and sought out the stash of photos he kept in his bedside table.

They were a little the worse for wear for being pored over so often, with grubby marks and folds, but he still loved looking at them.

How was Joe doing now? he wondered. Surely, after so many months, the rawness of his grief must have faded?

How were his father and Charles coping? How was his father’s health now?

And Solange – could he carry out his mission without gazing at her photo every day?

Supposing he forgot what she looked like: the tilt of her head, and the gentle wistfulness of her smile?

As for his mother… No. He wasn’t ready. He placed the photos back in the drawer and slipped into bed.

A few days later, as he stared at himself in the gym mirror, Gideon said the words he’d dreaded hearing.

“I spoke to Mr Tyler today. He wants you to return.”

“No.” The mask slipped in an instant.

Gideon sighed. “These are precisely the moments – when you are stressed and distressed – that you most need to keep your thoughts to yourself, not plaster them all over your face,” he reprimanded.

“Were you just testing me, or did Tyler really ask for my return?” Alex asked, gazing at himself in the mirror again, trying to reconnect with his song. His heart was pounding, but Gideon was right; he had to be able to do this.

“He called me today and made it clear his patience is wearing thin,” Gideon said, watching him closely.

Alex saw a flicker in his own reflection, caught the subtle downturn of his mouth and the expression of horror that flitted through his eyes.

It wasn’t good enough. “I said you weren’t ready yet but that you’re close.

I bought you a little more time,” Gideon added.

“How much time?”

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek,

So much to be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Alex repeated the words in his mind, allowing them to soothe him. He’d always known this day would come. He had no choice in it, only in how he reacted to it. Nobody must know how he really felt. He gazed at Gideon blankly. It didn’t matter what the answer was. It was out of his control.

“I don’t know.” Gideon shrugged. “But you must prepare yourself, Alex. Make the most of the time you have left with us. Learn all you can.”

“Of course,” Alex said smoothly. “I’ve mastered massage technique and studied all the essential oils, my caddying is pretty good, and my cooking is much improved.

I can prepare and serve many dishes now.

I’m looking forward to making breakfast for my houder – I hope he enjoys my paella.

” The words were spoken softly, and his voice only quavered a little at the end.

Gideon smiled and squeezed his shoulders.

“I’m sure he will.”

When he returned to his room, Alex took his photos out of the drawer as usual…

but instead of leafing through them, he held them for a moment and then tore them into little pieces, flushing their remains down the toilet.

Gideon had the originals, but he’d never ask for them; he was done with needing props. He was on his own now.

A few weeks later, he stood, staring at himself in the mirror in the gym under Gideon’s watchful gaze. “I heard from Mr Tyler again today,” Gideon said.

“Oh yes.” Alex kept his face blank, as if he had no opinion about this news.

“He’s sending a helicopter for you soon.”

“That’s very kind of him. When can I expect it?”

“Tomorrow, at eleven a.m.,” Gideon said, his sharp gaze never leaving Alex’s face.

Alex’s expression didn’t falter. His eyes showed no emotion and his face didn’t betray his true thoughts. His heart was thudding in his chest, but on the outside, he was the picture of serenity.

“How lovely,” he murmured.

Once, he’d looked into mirrors to search for himself, needing to find a glimpse of his true self in his image. Now, he couldn’t find the slightest trace of himself in the impassive figure staring back – and that was his greatest accomplishment.

“Well done.” Gideon placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gazed at his reflection over his shoulder. “It’s time for you to leave.”