Page 49 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

“No, it’s important. Sex is important. Just let the emotions come.

Maybe they won’t, maybe they will, but they can’t destroy you.

Just be in the moment and let it happen.

You don’t have to be strong for everyone all the time.

You can let others take care of you. I watched you tonight while we were eating.

You haven’t let people in for such a long time.

I think it surprised you how much you enjoyed it.

Sitting around that table with friends, even if they are people you only met recently. ”

Josiah nodded, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

“I get it,” Alex said gently. “You’re the big, strong, tough guy, the important investigator from Inquisitus – the indiehunter himself.” He smiled. “But you’re human, too. You’re allowed to show it.”

Josiah nodded again, unable to speak. Alex smoothed his hair gently and then resumed kissing him.

He went so slowly, so gently, arousing Josiah with his beautiful mouth, caressing his body insistently into a state of arousal.

It took a long time for the stiffness to leave Josiah’s muscles, for his hands to stop gripping the sheets, and for his body to surrender to Alex’s expert teasing.

Alex didn’t let up until Josiah was loose, relaxed, and ready for him.

Then he slipped his lubed fingers inside him, making him grunt at the long-forgotten pleasure.

Only when Josiah was lost to the world and completely blissed out did Alex slide inside him.

Oh God, it felt so good! Alex’s weight on top of him, the feeling of him pressed deep inside his body, the sheer sensory pleasure of being with a man in this way, after so long.

The realisation hit him out of the blue.

This wasn’t drowning; it was surfacing .

It was as if his lungs were filling with air, and he was taking his first long, deep, shaky breath since that October night seven years ago when he’d thrown back his head and howled.

He’d been holding his breath since then without even knowing it.

Now, finally, he let go. As he exhaled, his body roared into life with sensations it hadn’t felt in years.

Moods, emotions, pleasures… he let them wash through him, and then he let them go.

He didn’t have to hold on tight anymore, he could just be, in the moment.

He cried out, over and over again, in complete abandon as he orgasmed, and then gazed up hazily as Alex came inside him, before flopping down on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Alex, both of them sweaty and sated, and it was only then that he realised he was crying.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked anxiously. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it was wonderful. They’re happy tears,” Josiah whispered, allowing them to fall unchecked. “Thank you, Alex.”

“You needed that, so much,” Alex said, wiping them away.

“I really did. Thank you.”

As Alex slipped down next to him and held him, Josiah felt happy, alive, and free. The future might be uncertain, but at least he was free of the past.

The next morning, he woke to find Alex snuggled up beside him, his hair a tousled mess.

It felt so good to wake up next to a gorgeous man after a night of glorious sex that Josiah wondered how he would ever manage when it was just him alone in this bed again.

He was painfully aware of how close that day must be.

Alex shifted and rolled over, smiling at him. “Hey. You’re thinking again – I can hear you.”

“Yes. Alex, there’s something I should tell?—”

“Don’t say it. I can guess.” Alex put a finger over his mouth. “I know we’re running out of time, but that’s not your fault. You’ve done everything you could. Let’s just make the most of now – okay?”

“Okay,” Josiah said softly, kissing him.

“Do you know what day it is?” Alex asked.

“November third?” Josiah said blankly. Then the penny dropped. “Ah, yes. Of course.”

“It’s the seventh anniversary of her death. Maybe it’s a sign and today is the day we’ll find her.”

“I hope so.”

“If it’s not to be, then I want you to promise me something.” Alex rested his hands on Josiah’s chest and looked him straight in the eye, deadly serious.

“Anything.” Josiah stroked his hair.

“I want you to promise me that you won’t go back to how you were before.

That you won’t freeze up inside again. Please promise me that you’ll at least be open to the possibility of love.

There won’t be another Peter, that’s not possible, but there might be another Alex.

Another man who’ll share your bed and make you smile again.

” He dropped a little kiss on Josiah’s chest. “Promise me you’ll go forward and not backwards, Joe.

That you’ll allow yourself to love again. ”

Josiah gazed at him helplessly, his throat too tight to speak.

“Joe – please – if you let one good thing come out of this whole mess, let it be that.”

Josiah cleared his throat. “Okay,” he whispered. He didn’t have the heart to tell Alex it was too late. That he’d already found the next great love of his life, and that he was going to lose him before he’d had the chance to even get to know him properly. “I promise,” he said.

“Good.” Alex dropped another little kiss on his chest. “Any idea how long we’ve got?”

“If we don’t find a body by the end of tomorrow, I think that’s it.”

“Then I need you to make me another promise. That you’ll keep on looking for her, keep on seeking justice for her, even when Tyler has ripped me away from you, even if I’m dead. Please, promise me that.”

“You know I will,” Josiah said hoarsely. “I’ll bring him down somehow. Do you know where he’ll take you? Out of the country, I’m assuming. Somewhere I won’t be able to find you.”

“Yes.” Alex turned over abruptly and sat up. “He’ll take me to Spain. He has a house there – a beautiful house, overlooking the sea. He kept me there before.”

“Was it a bad time?” Josiah asked, stroking his back gently.

Alex stiffened and turned to glance over his shoulder. “No. That’s what makes my long, fucked-up history with George Tyler so complicated. It wasn’t bad there. In fact, for the most part, it was pretty nice. It’s just that I was in a very dark place during that time.”

He clearly didn’t want to elaborate, so Josiah let it drop.

He was intrigued all the same. There was still so much about Alex Lytton that he didn’t know or fully understand.

He was sure nothing could change the way he felt about him, but there was clearly more to discover.

Looking at Alex’s tense back, he had the nagging suspicion that he wouldn’t like what he was still hiding.

Alex stayed behind with Sem again, while Josiah and Sofie returned to the command post. Tyler was still there, watching their every move from the other side of the water, but the tables had turned.

Now, he was the one throwing taunting grins Josiah’s way, and Josiah was the one pretending to ignore them.

Tyler knew he was winning. They’d not found a body, nothing to give credence to Alex’s accusations.

How long would Esther continue to support this search, given the time and money they were spending on it?

In the meantime, Tyler’s lawyers were closing in on Alex fast, and Josiah was on the verge of losing this battle.

It was another fruitless day. Josiah didn’t waste it standing pointlessly by the water.

He went through the case with Reed, briefing him on what he wanted, and he continued to dig through everything he had on Elliot Dacre.

He gave fresh orders to his team, setting them to work looking through every one of his file notes.

He also lined up the warrants he wanted issued as soon as they found a body.

“A bit optimistic, sir,” Reed murmured.

“We need to move fast the minute we find her. I’ve briefed our teams to move into every single one of Tyler’s properties in case he tries to hide something.”

“He’s known you’re on to him for days. Anything he wants hidden has surely been well and truly disappeared by now,” Reed pointed out.

He was right. They couldn’t move in on Tyler until they found Solange’s body, but every day that passed gave Tyler more time to hide his many guilty secrets.

Josiah drove back to the house with Sofie in silence that evening. The mood when they arrived was different, the happy chatter of the previous night absent. Everyone was preoccupied and downcast; they all knew this was likely to be Alex’s last night with them.

Later, Josiah and Alex made love slowly, for as long as they were physically able, without speaking, saying all that needed to be said with their bodies.

Esther rang early, as Josiah was getting dressed. “The lawyers say it’s over,” she said gruffly. “You’d better bring Lytton to the command post today and hand him in.”

“Understood,” Josiah replied, barely breathing. He wanted to lash out, to fight somebody, to relieve the pressure inside by pounding his fists into something. He felt Alex’s hands on his shoulders, wrapping his arms around him, and he gathered him up in a hug and held on to him tightly instead.

“It’s okay,” Alex whispered. “We knew this would happen. It’s okay.” Josiah thought that he should be the one offering reassurances, but he had none to give.

They’d reached the end of the line.

Sofie wasn’t happy about leaving Sem alone, but they had no choice.

Alex couldn’t stay there any longer, and she and Josiah were both needed at the command post. So, they left Sem with a holopad, and strict orders to call if he was in distress.

Then, Josiah drove Sofie and Alex to Lewes, with instructions to Reed to meet them there.

Alex laughed and chatted in the duck as if nothing was happening, singing along to the radio and making small talk. Josiah found it grating at first, until he figured out that this was Alex’s last chance to be normal, to be himself, to be human before he had to put his mask back on.