Page 51 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

Chapter Fourteen

Alex

Gideon took Alex to a different wing of the house and showed him to a small room. There was a spartan single bed, a small wardrobe, and an equally small en-suite shower room. The walls were the usual Belvedere white, a long mirror covering one of them.

“More cameras?” Alex pointed at the mirror.

“Of course. Just because you know you’re being watched doesn’t mean we won’t monitor you.

However, you will have more freedom now.

You’re in charge of your own destiny for the rest of your time here, Alex.

We’re simply here to facilitate your learning – it’s up to you to tell us what you require.

I’ll do my best to accommodate you wherever possible. ”

“My big issue is behaving towards Tyler as if I don’t loathe him.” Alex slumped down on the bed with a sigh. “Even while having sex with him, if he’s really going to insist on that. I turn it around and around in my head, but I just don’t think I can do it.”

“With that kind of defeatist attitude, you won’t,” Gideon said firmly.

“You know yourself best. Find a part of you that is good at deception and inhabit that space. Think of your secret – the one you will never speak of. Think how good you’ve been at protecting that, for who knows how long, and what your motivation was. ”

“There’s honestly no secret.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yes, there is. I’ve done this for a very long time, and I’m very good at it.

” Gideon smiled. “Reframe how you think of yourself. You are clearly someone who can keep secrets. Your dislike of your houder is just another secret you must keep in order to achieve your objective. It’s a means to an end. ”

“I’ll do my best to view it that way, then,” Alex murmured, without conviction.

“Do more than that. Muster some determination. If you can keep your other secret, then why not this one? How can your other secret possibly be more important than this and yet you keep it.”

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Alex stood up and opened the wardrobe door to find his clothes already inside. Of course they were; Gideon was nothing if not efficient.

“Really? Tell me about your first sexual experience, then,” Gideon shot at him.

Alex had a sudden image of a medibot propped up against a door. He was excited, terrified, proud… and totally out of his depth. He spun around fast. “Is that what you think I’m hiding? It’s not. It just wasn’t very interesting. A quick blow job… nothing special. Not even someone I knew or liked.”

“Well, some of that is true, I’m sure, but not all of it.

Don’t worry. I know you’ll never tell me.

” Gideon smiled. “But I expect you to bring the same level of commitment to your work here as you’ve always given to your secret.

You are stronger than you think. Now, make yourself at home.

There are no timetables from here on in.

I want you to come up with your own plan.

I suggest you see C tomorrow, because you’ll find it useful, and I’ll check in on you once a day. ”

“No timetables?” Alex was taken aback. “So, I’m free to sit around doing nothing until Tyler wants me again?”

“Absolutely.” Gideon shrugged. “However, it’s in your best interests to take advantage of your time here. This is where Mr Tyler failed so miserably. He tried to force you, and that rarely works. You must take responsibility for yourself, Alex. You’re not a helpless victim – you have agency.”

“So, I don’t have to work out? Or spend hours doing household chores?” Alex grinned.

“Not if you don’t want to.” Gideon shrugged.

“But B is an excellent teacher, and you are an excellent student. I believe you’d prefer to be learning than sitting around doing nothing.

As for working out, you will need to be in good condition to manage whatever your houder throws at you, but it’s up to you.

You could go easy on yourself, but if you view being physically fit as a crucial part of your mission to obtain justice for Solange, then you might find it more agreeable. It’s your decision.”

“I don’t really have a choice, though, do I? I’m still Tyler’s indie. Nothing you teach me here will change that.”

Gideon shot him an impatient look. “Being Mr Tyler’s indie is your reality.

I can’t change that and neither can you.

How you choose to deal with that reality is something you have control over, though.

Up until now, all you’ve done is flail around, responding to what’s done to you.

A part of you has, no doubt, enjoyed all the emotional incontinence and sarcasm that you’ve exhibited so many times.

It’s made you feel powerful, but that’s an illusion.

True power comes from learning to control your emotions and mastering them.

Only then will you be ready for the difficult challenge of facing Mr Tyler.

Now, I will leave you to your own devices.

Think about what I’ve said. Everything is your choice, Alex.

You can’t change your situation, but you can change how you respond to it.

” He left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Alex threw himself onto the bed and gazed at the ceiling.

Everything Gideon said made sense. It had been easier to make sarcastic comments and generally be a pain in the arse than to knuckle down.

He thought of Four and how hard he’d worked; he’d accepted a situation he couldn’t change and done his best to work within the framework of his reality.

Alex, raised to very different expectations of what his life would be, had never even tried to come to terms with his new reality.

Mick would no doubt say it was because he had too high an opinion of himself, and there was a certain truth to that.

He didn’t want to be an indie. He viewed himself as better than that.

Yet he was an indie – when was he going to accept that?

“You’re no better than us, Alex,” he could hear Solange say, and she’d be right. She, Ted, and Four had shown far more character than him, because they’d started with far fewer advantages. Was he too spoilt and arrogant to truly accept the same fate they’d had to embrace?

Alex glanced at himself in the mirror.

Who are you really?

It was time to find out.

He set his alarm clock for 5.20 the next morning. He forced himself out of bed the minute it sounded and went to the gym, to find E waiting for him.

“Can we talk about my fitness – where I am, and where I could be if I worked harder at it?” he asked.

She looked delighted, and they spent the session discussing ways for him to improve.

She knew her stuff, and he took copious notes so he could learn as much from her as possible.

At some point, Tyler might stop providing him with a trainer.

He needed to absorb as much as possible while he still had access to one.

He took a quick shower, and then jogged along to the dining room for breakfast. D, as shy and sweet as ever, persisted in giving him one of those little extra treats – this time, a small chocolate bunny.

“For Easter,” she whispered.

“That’s very kind, but I can’t accept gifts from you anymore, D. They might get you into trouble. Please don’t offer them again,” he said firmly.

Her face fell, and he longed to take back the words, but he steeled himself. Rejecting friendship was always going to be one of the hardest parts of his mission; he might as well practise as much as he could before he was returned to Tyler.

A one-to-one with B followed, where he asked her to assess his skills so far and tell him what he needed to do to become a truly polished product of Belvedere.

He was somewhat crestfallen to find there were still many areas where he was lacking, but again, he took copious notes and resolved to work on them.

Then it was time to meet with C. His office was a quiet room on the ground floor.

The walls were white but there were also two pale green armchairs facing each other and a soothing green carpet.

C’s manner was still mild and good-natured, but his pale blue eyes were sharp and fiercely intelligent behind the spectacles.

Alex could see he was a very clever man.

“Let me start. I think the area you’ll struggle with most is holding firm to your resolve when you’re under pressure,” C said, direct and to the point.

“I’ll teach you mental techniques for that.

The cornerstones are good food, daily exercise, and restful sleep.

I know these will not always be in your control, but when they are, you must choose them. ”

“I like the idea that I can choose a good night’s sleep.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Tell that to my brain when it’s chuntering away at three a.m.”

“This is about self-discipline. You must choose not to ‘chunter’, as you call it – that’s a self-indulgence you can’t afford.

You will choose rest instead. Nobody said it was easy,” C added with a rueful grin, seeing the expression on Alex’s face.

“Exercise will help with sleep – if you have a chance to do it, take it. Now, you don’t have to use either yoga or the anchoring song Gideon taught you – they’re just suggestions on his part.

The choice is yours, so give it some thought. ”

“After months of having no choices, it seems I now have too many,” Alex commented wryly. “It’s exhausting.”

“Yes, the learned helplessness you’ve exhibited was infuriating at times, but I told Gideon I detected real strength of character beneath the petulance, and I was right.”

“Thank you. I think,” Alex muttered.

“Let’s look at the song,” C requested. “Explain to me how it helps you,.”

“I’m not sure. I just like it.” Alex shrugged.