Page 37 of The Lost Zone (Dark Water #3)

“You’ll find that hardest of all,” Two observed.

“The single thing that has upset you, over and over again, is not when you have been treated badly yourself but when someone else has been – someone you view as more vulnerable than yourself. Me, D… you’ve sought to defend us, often at some cost to yourself. ”

“I know. I felt the same about Solange. That’s how Tyler controlled me for as long as he did, because I was afraid he’d take it out on her.”

“Be sure in your own mind that you can stand by and watch everything up to that point,” Two warned, “because, from everything you’ve told me about your houder, you may have to.”

“I’ll work on it,” Alex said.

“You know, I actually believe you will.” Two smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Now, what else?”

“What do you mean?”

Two gave him a sad look. “Darling, could you rape someone?”

“God, no.” Alex shuddered.

“So, that’s a baseline for you. If your houder orders you to rape or kill someone, you’ll refuse and blow your cover.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Alex shuddered. “I couldn’t watch a rape, either. I’d intervene.”

“And could you hurt someone emotionally? Treat them cruelly?”

Alex thought about it. “I’d have to. It has to be more than that for me to blow my cover. I couldn’t hurt someone physically, though.”

“Not unless they want it anyway.” Two smiled knowingly. “Some people do, you know.”

“Yes.” Alex pondered that. “If it was consensual, then I suppose I’d do it.

It’s no worse than sleeping with people I’m not attracted to.

On that subject…” He bit on his lip. “Tyler has demanded that I go to his bed as if I genuinely want to, and to act as if I’m enjoying myself.

I always swore I wouldn’t, but it’s something I must learn to do. So, I thought I’d practise.”

Two frowned. “Practise? How?”

Alex gazed at the floor, then looked back up at Two. “F,” he said quietly.

Two’s eyes widened in shock. “You’re a harder taskmaster than I ever was,” he murmured. “I would never ask you to do that.”

“I think I must,” Alex said. “If I’m to test myself. I loathe F, but nowhere near as much as I loathe Tyler. If I can fool F, then maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance I can one day fool Tyler, too.”

He worked himself up for a week to perform his self-appointed task, practising in front of the mirror with his chosen song every day.

He could still remember, with a shudder, his one attempt to seduce Tyler.

The clumsiness, the revulsion, the inability to hide his true feelings. Now, he must do better – much better.

He tried to remember all the details of that past encounter, so he could study what it was precisely that Tyler wanted from him. Sincerity was one thing he had to work on – Tyler wanted to believe he truly desired him.

Alex practised in front of the mirror in the gym one evening.

“F… I find you very sexy… I’d love to suck your dick,” he said, smiling in a way he hoped was erotic. He recoiled from his reflection – he looked menacing, like a shark.

“F… come with me… I’d like to see that big boy of yours again…” Oh shit. He couldn’t talk like this. It was absurd. “Please! Fuck me,” he begged breathily, but that was even worse.

“Dear God, make it stop,” a voice behind him said, and he turned to see Two standing there, looking appalled. “Are you intending for F to find you sultry and irresistible?” he asked. “If so, you have a very odd way of going about it.”

“I know. I’m useless.” Alex sighed and flopped down on the gym mat pathetically. “When Tyler asked me to seduce him, I was just as bad. I’ve had a lot of sex, but I don’t remember having to talk people into it. It just happened.”

“I can believe that. I recall your rather clumsy pass at me mainly consisted of stealing a kiss.” Two gave a wry laugh.

Alex flushed. “I’d forgotten about that. Sorry.”

“Consider a different approach. Everything you’re doing is make-believe.

You don’t truly want F, any more than you want Mr Tyler.

You don’t love being an indentured servant, and you don’t want to iron anyone’s clothes or polish their shoes, but you’re teaching yourself to behave as if you do. This is no different.”

“Well, it is a bit,” Alex muttered.

“Only if you look at it that way. If you view sexual service as another aspect of your servitude, another thing you do because you love being a servant and working your hardest to please your houder, then maybe it’ll be easier.”

“I don’t see how.”

“Like I said – make-believe. Think of someone you find sexy – a film star, or singer, or… what about that sexy man in your photos?”

“Joe?” Alex bit on his lip. “I don’t like thinking of him that way. It’s not appropriate somehow. Maybe… Hudson Brink? The actor.”

“Very good – he’s an attractive man. Now, think about being in a room with him and wanting to seduce him. What would you do?”

“I’d just give him the eye, and if he was interested, he’d follow me, and then we’d have sex,” Alex said blankly.

“Dear lord, how easy it’s been for you.” Two rolled his eyes. “I can see you’ve never had to work hard to sweet-talk anyone into your bed.”

Alex thought about Joe again. He knew he was attracted to him, but that had always felt wrong given the circumstances of their meeting.

He’d never just give Joe the eye and expect a man like him to follow him to bed.

He might make some cheeky jokes, make it clear he liked him, but he’d also treat him with respect.

He walked over to Two, touched his arm, and leaned in close.

“One thing I’d like, very much, is if I could do something for you.

Would that be okay? I’d love to be of service to you in a more intimate way.

” He kept his face sincere, his voice even and not seductive, as he didn’t have a clue how to do that.

He tried to sound warm and genuine, how he would if he were talking to Joe.

Two gazed at him in surprise and then cleared his throat. “Well, that’s much more like it. I was quite mesmerised for a second.”

Alex drew confidence from that. The next day, he asked E if he could finish his workout a few minutes early.

They were on such good terms now that she readily agreed.

Alex found F in the changing room, arms crossed over his chest, looking bored as he waited for Alex to finish so that he could escort him back to the dorm.

“Hey.” Alex smiled at him. F glared back suspiciously. “I know we got off to a bad start, but I really miss you and what we used to do together. You know.” He touched F’s arm and lowered his lashes shyly.

“You’re kidding me, right?” F snorted.

“No. I was an idiot back then. Now… well, I’d love to get to know you better.” Alex slid onto his knees and placed his hands on F’s belt. “Can I? Would you mind?”

F had an incredulous look on his face, but he opened his legs and allowed Alex to unzip his fly. He glanced up at F with a smile.

“I’ve been dreaming about this for weeks.” He wasn’t sure where those words came from, but they worked.

F looked puzzled but also rather pleased with himself. He thrust his bobbing cock hopefully in Alex’s direction. “You won’t get any special treatment from me because of this, if that’s what you’re after,” he snapped.

“No special treatment required. This is enough for me.” Alex smiled and lowered his head.

Much to his surprise, F’s hand came to rest on his hair and stroked gently, which was very different to how he used to take a handful and use it as leverage when ramming his cock down Alex’s throat.

Alex felt a heady sense of power. How easy it had been to manipulate F.

But he mustn’t ruin it by getting over-confident; Tyler wouldn’t be so easily fooled.

He was also stuck with the unpleasant job facing him, which was no more pleasurable than it’d been last time.

He repeated his song in his head to remind himself to focus.

One thing he knew how to do was give great head, whether he was into it or not, and F soon came.

Alex swallowed him down, then licked him clean and smiled up at him.

“I hope you’ll let me do that again,” he said, with a shy little smile. F’s expression was an almost comical mix of disbelief and lascivious anticipation that warred with each other in equal measure.

“Well, maybe, if you’re good,” he grunted.

Alex felt elated as he walked back to the dorm, but he tried to focus on his song.

Concealing himself and his true feelings and agenda was his only goal from now on.

In another time and place, he might almost feel bad for misleading F, but he didn’t have that luxury now.

If he was going to survive Tyler for long enough to complete his mission, then he had to shut down those kinds of feelings.

Two was waiting for him back at the dorm. Alex didn’t break character. He gave Two a serene smile, his face perfectly blank, and walked past him without saying a word. Two gave a bark of laughter.

“I think my work here is done,” he announced, but even then, Alex didn’t show any reaction. He felt another wave of elation. He could do this. It would take a lot more work to perfect it, but he’d shown that he could do it.

Two wasn’t the only one who felt that his work was complete. A few days later, B announced that the course was nearly over.