Page 13 of The Life She Could Have Lived

‘Er, no,’ Lee said. ‘That must be a weird British thing. Is it to prepare you for having a baby?’

‘Yes. Anyway, on the very first day, Nia wanted to go to the park because this boy she liked was playing football there, and she tried to convince me to just leave the flour babies in my bedroom. I ended up staying in and looking after both of them while she went to the park with our friend Rachel.’

‘Did anything happen, with the football boy?’ Lee asked.

‘Oh, probably. But the point is, she left her baby to die, because she couldn’t be bothered to look after it for one day.’

A woman at the next table looked over with a horrified expression and Anna realised how loudly she was speaking.

When the woman looked away, Anna started to laugh, and it set Lee off, and for a couple of minutes, the two of them were uncontrollable, brushing away tears and clutching one another’s hands.

The woman from the next table didn’t look over again.

She probably thought they were genuine psychopaths.

When Lee had gathered himself, he spoke. ‘I don’t think that’s going to happen with her actual baby.’

‘I know that,’ Anna said, suddenly serious. ‘But I just wasn’t prepared for her taking this step. I think part of the reason I didn’t want to take it was because I was so sure she wouldn’t.’

Lee had heard all about Edward, and Anna’s reluctance to have a family.

‘I don’t believe that,’ he said. ‘If you’d really wanted to have a baby with Edward, you would have done it regardless of what Nia was doing. Just like she’s doing now. She hasn’t consulted you; she’s just doing what feels right for her. That’s how it should be. ’

Over the years, Nia had consulted Anna about all sorts of things.

Whether she should lose her virginity to Dean O’Leary or hold out on the off-chance that Luke Shears would change the habit of a lifetime and show an interest in her.

How she should word her break-up text to Alex London after she found out he was cheating on her with Lucy Mason.

What she should say her greatest weakness was in job interviews.

But not this. Anna wondered whether the baby had been planned.

It couldn’t have been, she decided. Nia had only been seeing this Jamie guy for about four months.

No one talked seriously about having a baby at that point.

‘I guess it’s nice that you’ll be back before the baby’s born,’ Lee said.

Anna realised she hadn’t told him her news.

‘David’s asked me to stay for a while,’ she said.

‘How long is a while?’

‘I’m not sure. I mean, it’s permanent, so as long as it’s working out, I suppose.’

‘Do you think he fancies you?’ Lee asked.

David was the subject of much office gossip. Anna still couldn’t believe he was an actual living, breathing man. He looked like he’d been cut out of a catalogue and stuck to the wall of the office. Sometimes, she found herself staring at his lips in meetings.

Anna gave Lee a sharp look. She was pretty sure he was joking, but she hoped it wasn’t what people thought.

‘No, I think he thinks I’m good at my job.’

There had been the occasional look, between her and David. She had allowed herself to wonder, sometimes. But no. He was her boss. And besides, she didn’t want to have been asked to stay for any reason other than her work.

‘Shall we go out tonight and get wasted?’ Lee asked .

Anna considered this and was on the verge of accepting when she remembered she had plans.

‘I have a date,’ she said.

‘You sound really happy about that.’ Lee laughed.

‘Well, I quite liked the getting wasted idea.’

‘Maybe you’ll get wasted with your date.’

‘It’s not the same, though. You’re my favourite person to get wasted with. This side of the Atlantic, at least.’

‘Is it the rich guy?’ Lee asked.

Anna had made the mistake of letting Lee look through the dating site she was on with her one weekend. It had been him who had persuaded her to get in touch with this man, Brandon, after seeing photos of him on yachts and at extravagant-looking parties.

‘That’s the one.’

Anna sipped at her cocktail and thought that there’d be no getting wasted with Nia in the near future.

They had a long history of drunkenness, starting with cider in the park at fifteen and continuing with vodka in water bottles on the way to house parties on the Tube.

Plus pubs, the endless pubs they’d drunk in together before first dates and after breakups and over Sunday lunches that stretched from afternoon to evening.

And now Nia was pregnant and wouldn’t be drinking, and then she’d have a baby and wouldn’t be able to go out much.

Anna caught herself. They didn’t even live in the same city, or the same country.

The impact of Nia’s pregnancy on Anna’s social life was not the main issue here.

It was about growing up, wasn’t it? They were thirty-four, and it was finally happening. Nia was growing up without her.

When they’d finished their drinks and were standing outside the restaurant, about to walk off in different directions, Lee pulled Anna in for a hug .

‘I know what it’s like, to feel like you’re losing someone,’ he said, his voice low, as if he was afraid that someone else would hear. ‘People move away, move on, like you did. It’s almost always okay, in the end. It works out.’

‘Thanks,’ Anna said. She meant it. Lee made her feel better about things. It was a skill he had.

‘Anytime,’ he said. ‘Good luck on your date. Imagine, this time next year you could be a lady of leisure, if you play your cards right.’

Anna laughed. ‘Imagine.’