Page 37

Chapter Thirty-Seven

AUTUMN

“I ’ve never seen that power out of you before.”

I nod. “I was out of control.” Onai pushed her way into the cave shortly after Renall fell asleep on the bed so his wounds would heal. Honestly, rest sounds great about now. But so does gossiping about what happened with my friend.

“It was magnificent. Gods, to think a few weeks ago you didn’t know how to do anything, and today you just hung wolves up like beef jerky.” She motions wide, her arms almost causing her to fall off the couch.

I smile. “I can’t help but think about all the pups. What if something happened to them? I never would have forgiven myself. Where were they when all this was going on? Do you think they heard? Do you think I … any of their parents?”

“Oh, they were in the nursery. It’s padded and protected and has a failsafe also in case of emergencies where a metal door slams shut. It never even got to that point. I’m sure they heard the commotion, but it’s no more than it normally is. Screams of torture and pain are a lullaby to them at this point. As far as parents, I think most of the accusers were single males that wanted you.”

“Good,” I sigh. “I have another stupid question …”

“Oh, can’t wait for this one.” Onai leans in on her elbows.

“Are the pups born in human form or wolf form?”

“Interested to know about babies, I see? Has someone decided to stay and bang it out with their wolf finally?”

“Oh shush.” I playfully smack her arm. We glance behind us, Renall still snores from the bed.

“They are born in human form just like when they are conceived. Transformation doesn’t happen until age seventeen or eighteen, depending on the full moon.”

“That answered my next question … they don’t go all wolf-mode during sex, do they?”

“Well, I can’t exactly speak from experience.” She shrugs. “But I’ve seen enough happen on the cave floor to know that they are human when it’s going down.”

“Good. I don’t know what I was expecting.” My cheeks redden. “But I felt like I should ask.”

“That reminds me, the full moon is in two days.” Onai wiggles her eyebrows at me.

“I know, I’ve been feeling it coming all week.”

Onai pauses, eyes narrowing. “You can feel it?”

“Yeah, like a prickle against my skin. Can’t you?”

“No. The moon makes the wolves react. What you are experiencing must be through your link with Renall.”

“Oh, I never considered that.”

A quiet grows between us but then Onai breaks out into a fit of giggles. “I still can’t believe you picture us birthing animals.”

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen the children. I mean, honestly, at this point, nothing would surprise me.”

Renall snorts and rolls over. We lower our voices as we continue.

“I guess you could do it in wolf form if you really tried, but that’s all teeth and claws. I don’t think you’d enjoy it … Unless there’s something about you I don’t know.”

“Oh, hush now.” I throw a pillow at her. “I’m never telling you anything ever again.”

* * *

Renal groans and rolls off the bed as Onai and I are saying goodbye. He grunts. I glance over to find him gripping his shoulder.

“You’re still hurt.” It’s a statement. I know he won’t admit weakness to me so I help him to his feet and pull him into the bathroom to inspect it.

“It will heal soon.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to suffer with it.”

He just looks at me as I pull out some glass jars and fuss over him. His wolf healing will no doubt take care of it soon, but I can’t ignore the fact that he’s hurt, and I need to fix it. That tingling in my gut calling me into action. He remains silent and still as I clean off the blood from his chest. Matted into his hair everywhere.

“You’re covered in so much blood, I can’t tell if it’s yours or not.” I sigh, placing my cloth down. “That’s it, you need a bath.” Reaching behind me, I pull the lever and the room slowly fills with steam and the sounds of running water.

“It’s just blood,” he tells me.

“When have I ever given you the impression I like the sight or scent of blood?”

“You didn’t seem to mind it when you were killing everyone.”

After a pause, I add, “Strangling is usually bloodless.”

“Not the way you did it …” he smirks.

Not having a retort, I slip my bloody clothes to the floor, and he freezes. His breath caught in his throat as I slide my underwear down my legs and slip into the amethyst tub. The warm water soothes my muscles as I slipped lower into the water.

Renall remains there, watching me.

“Are you going to join me?” I slide back, giving him room. Motioning for him to sit in front of me.

Quickly he shakes his head and slips in, his back to my front. Gathering some more oils in my hand, I rub his shoulders and around the wound until it, too, closes, and the blood has disappeared.

He tilts his head back, a groan stuck in his throat as I continue to rub his shoulders and down his arms. These very arms that have saved me dozens of times, protected me, held me … pleasured me.

“No one has ever taken care of me. I’m afraid I don’t know how to react,” he admits.

My fingers still on his shoulders. My mind reeling and wondering if now is the time that things should be voiced. I’ve already made my decision; his words will not change anything. I attempt to keep my voice casual as I ask, “Not even your old Guardian?”

“No,” he snorts. “She was never around.”

That takes me by surprise seeing how he’s so protective of me. I always assumed they had some torrid love affair like we do. “Is that why you lock me up, to keep me from wandering off.” I tease, still attempting to keep the conversation light even as my heart hammers in my chest.

He grunts, “No … although, I do like to keep you all to myself.” He twists his head to kiss my fingers still lingering on his shoulders.

“I guess it makes sense, wolves aren’t taught to share.”

“I don’t share women,” he growls so deep it vibrates against me. His shoulders tighten under my hands.

I hit a nerve. “I don’t plan to share you either,” I comment, starting to rub my fingers into a knot on his neck.

His shoulders loosen to my touch. The silence between us grows. So many questions are dancing on the tip of my tongue, but I’m scared to ask. Somehow afraid of the answers I might receive. I faced dozens of wolves head on, but asking Renall about another love he might have had—and possibly murdered—is twisting my gut. I’m braver than this. It doesn’t matter what he says, I’ve already resolved to love him. He is not that way with me. So finally, I find the courage to ask, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.” Anticipation floods my veins.

“I heard that your last Guardian died at your hands.” His breath stops, his shoulders tighten. “That people think you killed her. I just need to know … is that true?”

“Who told you that?” He straightens and rises from the water so fast it splashes over the side.

“It doesn’t matter. I just need to know if it’s true.” Then all the feelings come tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I went looking for you the other night because I couldn’t believe you would do that, but you didn’t come home. So I got worried and I couldn’t just sit here with those thoughts to myself, so I went looking for you … and we all know how that turned out.”

“Oh Goddess,” he exhales, running a hand down his face, his shoulders slumping. “You must have been terrified of me; why did you still come search me out?”

“Because I didn’t think it was true. I didn’t believe it.”

“You believed me?” he whispers.

“There’s no way this man who helped me and cared for me would be a Guardian killer. I mean, yeah, you’re brave and ruthless and not afraid to get your hands dirty. But you have never been violent or aggressive toward me.”

“Half the pack that I raised, trained even, thinks I’m a murderer who didn’t deserve a second chance. But you who barely knew me or could communicate with me—you understood me.” He sighs. “No, I didn’t kill Cora. But sometimes I do feel responsible for her death.”

Relief washes over me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’ve only ever told the truth to Lupe and Zev, but I’m not sure they even believe me.” He twists, leaning back on the opposite side of the tub, facing me as he continues, “When Cora and I felt the bond, she was young and had her eye on another, Leland. Fate had her own agenda. Of course, this was after Leland’s bonded Guardian had died. We did our duty, we shared a cave, a bed, we went on missions together. But she would disappear a lot when we returned home. There were other moments on missions and such when I swear, she didn’t protect me on purpose or was supposed to be on lookout and I almost got caught or shot. The whole cave knew where she went at night—disappearing into Leland’s cave. But I was a fool. An arrogant fool. I was the cave’s fiercest warrior, there’s no way she would do that to me when I was so much better. So I confronted her. Outside by the cliff, far away from prying ears and eyes. She didn’t deny it. She had a defiant look in her eye when she told me she never wanted me. The fates knew her heart belonged to Leland and denied her. Instead, she was linked to my arrogant ass for life. Always on missions, always away from her lover.”

He tilts his head back so I can’t see his eyes. “I tried to tell her we can get over this, we were young. Love will come with time. We have a duty, but you can’t just keep throwing missions, it puts us both at risk. She threw it in my face that all I cared about was the missions, the pack. I would never understand love. That she would rather die than be with me for another second.”

“No?” I gasp.

He nods, “I didn’t believe it either, she was being ridiculous. But she was already walking backward. She was already out of my reach. I called for her,” he pauses, taking a shaky breath. “I’ll never forget the look in her eye and the smirk on her face. She knew. She knew what she was doing, I half expect it was planned. When she leapt to her death off the cliff. She wanted me to know how much she hated me. Grounding me to the cave, hoping for a new mate that would never come, just like the others.” He lifts his head, his eyes meet mine. Shadows shift behind those green eyes I love so much. “Her affinity was earth and she could have extended the cliff. She could have built stairs out of the face of the cliff. She could have the earth itself rise up to meet her. She didn’t. She chose death over me. Cora hit the earth with a thud, and the truth died with her.” He stops then, collecting himself.

I place my hand on his knee, rubbing little circles.

“Who would believe a power thirsty, fierce warrior caught his Guardian cheating and didn’t throw her off a cliff in anger? Retribution? Jealousy?”

“That’s why everyone hates you?”

“Leland made sure of that. He created so much animosity toward me. That festered and grew. Zev and Lupe heard both sides of the story and made a private decision I wasn’t at fault. But no one believed them. Zev and I were warriors together under the previous Queen; he had to be playing favorites. That’s why this trial had to be public, they already think he favors me. They already think I’m a killer who doesn’t deserve another Guardian. Some days I believe them.”

“No.” I slide closer to him. Slipping my legs under and around his. “Anyone who truly knows you could never believe such a thing. You have this facade that says you’re fierce and strong—and I have seen that you are. But you are not a killer. You have never attacked a member of this pack that wasn’t in self-defense of me or you.”

He’s silent watching me. His shadows are gone in those emerald eyes, instead they are almost glistening. Renall’s voice is raspy as he says, “You chose me before knowing my truth. You jumped into the Blood Rite with me, accepting our bond in front of the whole clan, thinking I murdered my previous Guardian.”

I nod slowly before saying, “I did.”

“Awe-tum, I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you standing in the forest, your golden hair shimmering in the moonlight, your eyes glowed molten honey when they met mine. Did you know that?”

I didn’t. I was probably too inebriated to remember anything but the gorgeous naked man in front of me. He looked like a dream.

“Since the first moment I felt the bond, I knew that you were different. I will chase you to the end of the Earth because there is no other Guardian for me … no other but you.”

I completely understand why the Guardian whose wolf never returned threw herself off the ledge. There will never be another love like this in my life. I will never feel this way with anyone else. My fate is tied to his, so when Renall dies in battle—my heart will die with him.

There are no words to explain this to him, so instead I say, “I love you too.”