Page 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

AUTUMN

T housands of thoughts and images plague my mind after Onai leaves. One after another of a Guardian falling from the cliff to her death. I attempt to take a nap, but all I can see when I close my eyes is a pale face, eyes closed, body limp.

How could one fall to their death and be unconscious? By accident? Could she have tripped, and her head hit a rock and she tumbled over? Maybe in her panic she couldn’t call her affinity to help her? Nothing that comes to mind eases my worry. The truth is, if these rumors are valid, then who did I give my heart and body to? Is this the real Renall? Despite my doubts and fears, I opened that door and let him in, but how well do I even know him? In my grief, was I just clinging to the next person who came along?

The real question is, can he do that to me? The man who has risked his life to leave the cave, saved me from the hunters, brought me back to his home, and risks his life on trial while possibly losing me in the process. Will he do this to me?

The bond is quiet tonight, I find myself unconsciously searching it for answers. Renall hasn’t returned home after the trial. Onai left after bringing me dinner. She couldn’t wait past dark, her father’s rules. With our bond being so calm I’m starting to worry. Does he know that I know? Is he out searching for answers, or has something happened to him too?

The absence of pain or the earth-shaking heartbreak of the bond breaking is the only thing consoling me that he is still alive. But if he is alive, what is preventing him from coming to me, especially when he must feel my contemplation through the bond? Worry mixed with confusion churns in my gut. If only I can talk to him, I could hear his side of things and decide whether I can live with this. Whether I can stand being with a murderer …

My feet pace a line in front of the door because I know that any moment now Renall will return, and I will bombard him with all my questions. Any moment now. But as my feet trace their way back and forth for the thousandth time, I realize something must have happened to him. Maybe there is a physical limit to the bond that he has passed over the threshold, and I’m unable to feel him anymore. I need to find him. I need to get to Renall. I must know the truth.

I quickly toss a few items in my small backpack in case he traveled farther than I thought. Maybe he is waiting to escape with me during the night. I pack the few things and the remainder of dinner he never came home for, slip on my black hoodie, and slide out the door. The key is quietly twisted and locked behind me so others will assume I’m still inside.

My footsteps are silent in the night as I trek across the ledge, keeping to the shadows between the moon rocks. The moon rocks illuminate the central cave floor, but only filter up to a few spots on the second-floor ledge, making my search stealthy. The cave is empty save for a couple on the third floor in their doorway, but they are … indisposed. I make my way across to the steps and down to the first floor, turning down the corridor toward the waterfall and the exit. My eyes dart around the cave a few times looking for Renall, but I have this underlying feeling that he’s not inside. Even though he shouldn’t be allowed to leave, there’s this tingling feeling in my gut guiding me to him … and it’s leading me outside.

The corridor is dark and growing colder the farther I get from the cave. Snores and the occasional moan start to trickle to a hush. That’s when I hear the soft footsteps behind me. I freeze, leaning against the shadow of the wall. The footsteps cease. Did I imagine them? Slowly, I step away from the wall and scoot deeper down the hall. There’s no mistaking the crunch of rock behind me. I slink against the wall, inching farther and farther toward the waterfall. Through the darkness, my eyes notice long, stealthy shadows silently inching closer. Is that a snout? My heart stops.

The wolves know I’m out of my room and alone. Flashbacks of the massacre in the cavern fly through my mind. Gods. There’s no use hiding, wolves can see through the dark. I dash out from the wall and into a run.

A rumbling growl echoes in the corridor around me. The growl is predatory, like a laugh causing a tremor to trickle down my spine. They can’t catch me. This can’t be happening right now. Where is Renall?

The growl breaks into three distinct voices, footsteps resound in the air around me. I swing my arm as I run, causing dirt to fly away from the wall and pelt them. It doesn’t stop the sound of their footsteps behind me, though.

The thrum of the waterfall is deafening as I approach, my face is misted with water. I’m almost to the entrance, and my heart pounds in relief. Suddenly, I’m pushed to the dirt with claws digging into my shoulder. I whip around, swinging my elbow into their jowl. Crack . The onyx wolf only growls again. His narrowed, yellow eyes are all I can see as he materializes into the darkness around him. His two front paws on my shoulders are now pinning me to the ground.

“Get your hands off of me!” I yell, attempting to squirm out of his grasp. Two more wolves step out from the shadows behind him.

“You need backup, Leland?” I bark a laugh. “What’s the matter? You can’t rape a girl on your own?”

In a flash of wind, the onyx wolf transforms on top of me into human form. I don’t know which one makes me more afraid. His eyes hold the same predatory desperation as his wolf form. This is a man who played by the rules and lost—so now he just takes. There will be no mercy, no patience. My hands tremble, my heart stammers in my chest.

“We know you haven’t mated.” He sneers, his breath is warm on my face—it smells like old meat. “So we decided to take matters into our own hands,” he states it calmly, which is more of a threat to me than he will ever know. It’s creepy and evil and my heart freezes in my chest.

Goosebumps prickle along my arm when I realize something else. “Wait, I can understand you … you speak English?”

“There are many things I would do for my mate.” His eyes soften minutely, and for a second I think I can understand him. A man who felt the immense pain of the bond breaking. I’ve felt that pain too.

“You want a mate that bad? Why would you want to do it like this?”

“This is only the first of many—I can make it up to you once the bond shows you my heart.”

“Gods, that’s so manipulative.” I struggle underneath him.

No. No, if this happens, I will be tied to Leland forever. I need to do something quickly. My hand reaches for the earth and my power dives in, and vines stretch up from the floor knocking Leland off of me.

The other wolf behind him reaches for me as I flip onto my knees and out of his grasp. Crawling away from him, I send spiraling tendrils of ivy creeping across the hallway floor, twisting among their feet. The wolf tears my vines apart with his snarling teeth. Crap. But with each attack, he meets it with his teeth, tearing it to shreds as I desperately attempt to crawl to the waterfall. My hand is so close, I can feel the dirt under my fingers grow damp.

A hand grabs my foot and drags me under him. Leland’s on top of me again. “Didn’t think we would let you get away that easy, did you? An untrained Guardian doesn’t stand a chance against a wolf.”

And yet he had to bring backup.

“Come on, please. I know what happened to you, but this won’t bring her back. We can talk about this. I belong to Renall. This is Renall’s turn.”

He licks my cheek. “Renall deserves nothing after what he did to my Cora. No, I deserve you. I’ve waited patiently and obeyed every order. You belong to me.”

“Hey, what about us?” One of the wolves behind him asks. “You told us we all had a chance.”

“This one is mine, bugger off.”

“I belong to Renall,” I growl.

“Then why hasn’t he mated you yet? I knew the moment I smelled you in the hall he still hadn’t done it yet. Renall has lost his touch. If I were him, I would have mounted you as soon as I saw you and claimed you as mine.”

“You make me sick,” I spit on his face.

He licks it off his cheek and groans before leaning into my ear. “You will learn to love it, or you will hate me for eternity. Either way, I will be making you mine.”

“Renall will never let that happen,” I scream. Stalling because maybe if I talk about him enough, he’ll show up.

“Let him come,” he retorts, leaning back to tear open my hoodie.

“Stop!” I cry, fighting against him. “Stop this.” The ground trembles underneath me with my fear. Rocks clinking together dancing along the floor.

“Let him walk in while I mount you before he did.” His hand transforms from man to paw in a strand of moonlight and slashes open the button on my pants.

“No! Please.” Vines whip out from the wall. His claw rips them to shreds. My fear and breathing are all over the place. I can’t focus on a strong emotion to call to any of my affinities. Onai said emotions are unpredictable, and now I understand why. Right now, mine are freezing with my fear.

Just then, another wolf tackles Leland off me.

A blur of growling and fur are all I see as they bash into the wall. The two wolves tussle as I flip around, struggling to rise while keeping my buttonless pants up.

My third attacker finally materializes from the shadows. His dark hair and eyes are familiar. Oh no.

“Trefaun?” I gasp.

He drags me back while the others are still fighting over me. Claws and howls sound behind me as I struggle on all fours under Trefaun’s grip, fighting to flee. A strong hand throws my head against the cave wall. Pain erupts on my forehead. My vision dances and swirls as I crumple to the ground. The ground swims underneath me as I still attempt to get out of his hold.

“Sor-ry, Awe-tum.”

“What would Onai say?”

“Sor-ry,” he repeats like it’s the only English he knows.

He tugs my pants down behind me and raises my butt to his front. I attempt to twist away. But I’m not even sure which way is toward the waterfall anymore.

“No. NO!” My voice is hoarse from screaming as my fingers dig into the Earth trying to climb away. Desperation flares as vines snap out of the wall and wrap around his throat. His hold on me falters and I fall back and flip around just in time to watch his eyes go wide. The vines tighten further, his face turns blue as his mouth opens as if to call someone until his eyes finally retreat into the back of his head.

As his body falls limp onto the floor with my vines still attached. Leland stands in his place. I clumsily crab walk backward, but he catches my leg and climbs on top of me again. His claws are still out as he rips open a slit in my pants from my thigh going upward.

I hiss as blood bubbles. He’s cut my leg, as well as my pants. He freezes, hovering above me. Blood. My blood. The blood of an unmated Guardian. He can smell it. His yellow eyes grow dark as they widen, and a feral snarl emanates in his throat.

I freeze. Every part of my mind and body freezes. If I had anything in my bladder, it would have loosened. If I thought they were feral before, I know nothing. His fangs extend, dripping saliva all over me. His eyes grow even yellower as he grips me.

A growl sounds behind him from the other wolf again. A flash of teeth lock onto Leland’s leg and he snaps around, snarling at the other wolf like a pack of wild dogs attacking.

It’s barely enough that I can get out from under his weight and crawl on my hands and knees, dragging myself forward and away. But then the weight of a body pins my face into the dirt. I can’t even call out for help. No. There’s a growl in my ear as a flash of transformation and hands are on my pants, pulling at them desperately. Darkness dances along my vision again. The hit I took on my head is now throbbing. I lose control of my arms, now unable to struggle.

The ground shakes under my feet, rocks tremble beside my face as the loudest howl echoes around me. The body weight on top of me freezes. I swivel my head to see the shadow of a wolf standing in front of the waterfall, his fur dripping wet. I’m unable to see his coloring or his face against the moonlight, but my heart knows it’s him. He came for me.

The glowing green eyes of Renall meet mine and he releases the deepest, sharpest growl that makes me cringe. The growl he emits seems to radiate from his entire body, not just his throat. It’s threatening; even I understand it means ‘run for your life’. The body on top of me scrambles to get off. Footsteps dash away. My vision is still swimming from that hit on the head, but I can make out the voices.

“You are weak, Renall. I deserve her and we both know it,” Leland’s voice says in perfect English. He wants me to hear. “You don’t even know what you have, do you?”

Renall, still in wolf form, growls in response.

The air shifts and two growls echo in my mind. Snarls, claws, and teeth are all I can hear from my place face down on the floor. The pain in my leg is preventing me from moving, and the blurry vision stops me from seeing clearly. My mind grows weak as I lie there trying to focus on what is happening.

Warm hands flip me over and wrap around my face. “Awe-tum? Okay?”

“I found you,” I whisper. “I was worried about you.”

“It’s okay, love, you are okay.” He coddles me as he rips off the bottom portion of my pants and ties it around my upper thigh before pulling me into his arms. He smells of freshly mowed grass and mint. I was right, he was outside.

My eyes blink open and my senses are coming back to me as he carries me through the cave. Blood is dripping from his chin. As much as I hate the fact that he killed wolves tonight, I find some twisted validation in knowing that I don’t have to worry about them anymore. This place has changed me. Gasps and whispers drag my attention to the faces around me. Guardians and men look on and whisper as we pass. Others sniff the air, sniff me.

Once we are on the second floor, I can see the limp, bleeding carcass of the second attacker on the cavern below that’s still in wolf form.

I place a hand on Renall’s chest, it’s slick with blood. “Why are they staring, isn’t carnage what you wolves eat for breakfast?”

There’s a pause before we reach our door. He pushes it open. “I don’t think they expected us to not be Joined by now. It’s more from shock.”

My cheeks flush with heat, slipping inside our cave. Renall places me on the couch and sits beside me holding my hand. “They all know?” I wrap my arms around myself.

“Why do you think they dared attack you, to them it was worth the risk for a Guardian.”

“But I accepted the bond, you marked me …” The bitemark on my neck itches at the thought.

“That’s not all the Joining requires. Our bond is not complete without the Joining.”

The Joining … there it is again. Onai had told me the same thing. The Joining, sex, and we have done everything but that.

“Did you know? Did you know they would try this?” My hands still shake. “Is that why I have been secluded here like a prisoner and given a babysitter while you’re away?”

“I am always precautious, I never thought they would get close enough to smell it, or that anyone would have the balls to come after my mate.”

“Why?” I ask angrily, “Why now?”

He sighs, avoiding my eyes. “They see me as weak,” he states before his hand slips from mine and he shifts on the couch.

I process this for a moment before placing my hand on his arm. “Weak? After I witnessed you tear apart four wolves now, disobeyed an Alpha order—how could anyone see you as weak?”

He glances over at me, conflict and sorrow hidden in the depths of his glistening eyes. “They see me as weak because we haven’t mated yet, because I haven’t forced myself on you. I haven’t forced the Joining on you.”

“Oh …” My mouth snaps shut. “I … I didn’t …” I don’t have the words. How could that possibly be a weakness? How could human decency be a weakness? But then again, these wolves are barely human at all.

“ They are still young; they don’t understand I’m not looking for any Guardian. I want a True Guardian, a mate, someone I’ve been waiting centuries to find, to feel. I want her to feel the same way.” He turns to me, then green eyes open and are raw like I’ve never seen them before.

I nod to his expectant eyes. “I need a minute to process and get these filthy paw marks and blood off me.”

He nods, helping me up. Watching me carefully as I make my way across the room. I slip behind the curtain to the bathroom and start the water in the tub. My shaky fingers pry off my shredded and bloody clothes. They attacked me. They were about to penetrate me. If Renall hadn’t come, I would belong to someone else like a piece of furniture. I let the tears escape as I slip into the steaming bath.

I scrub all the disgusting rapist blood from my hands and legs and underneath my fingernails, silently crying and trembling the entire time.

As much hatred as I’m feeling toward the wolves responsible, I realize looking at the gashes in my legs that they were pushed toward this. Renall said Leland felt a Guardian, but he couldn’t leave to retrieve her. He felt her grow old and die. Felt it. Like I feel Renall. But he wasn’t allowed to leave. The only reason I’m here is because Renall disobeyed that order, and now his life is on trial. Something must change. The laws, the leadership—these wolves are savages, and it doesn’t have to be that way. Look at Renall … he never forced himself on me, he waited. Wolves can be gentle, patient, and … kind. I’ve seen it. Renall could have violated me and formed an undeniable bond. Make our bond known, and yet he waited for my heart to grieve, for my heart to be open and allow him in. Renall is not weak—quite the opposite—Renall is my mate. The only one I will ever take. I don’t know what he had with his old Guardian or his reasons for doing what he did. But I know in my bones he wouldn’t do that to me. He’s never shown me anything but fierce protection over my life. I can’t believe I doubted him. I will face the music with him just as he risked it all for me—we are together or we are nothing.

I contemplate this until the water grows cold and my fingers turn to prunes. I slip from the bath and wrap a cloth around me before heading into the main room to ask Renall his thoughts … only he is no longer there.

* * *

Long into the night, Renall’s warmth is still absent from our bed. He’s either defending his actions to Zev, or mourning people he called friends. My anger is simmering underneath my skin, allowing my control on a petal I’m flipping between my fingers to barely hang on. Onai was right, some emotions are not dependable. Fear made me freeze, but anger … that’s a simmering flame waiting to combust.

A soft knock sounds at the door, so soft I barely hear it. I open to a hooded figure that pushes their way in. That petal in my hand has grown and sharpened to a shield as I spin around to defend myself.

When the hood falls back, Onai stares at me strangely. “Expecting someone else?”

“Sorry, I’m a little on edge today.” I drop the shield and a petal falls to the floor.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here. How are you? Did–”

“I’m okay. No one–” The sentence trails off; I’m unable to speak the word.

“Good,” she sighs. “Good.” She nods as her shoulders relax.

It’s quiet before I remember something. “Oh my Gods, Trefaun—he …”

She puts a hand up. “I heard.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry—you must be furious with me. I mean, I brought him into your cave. If I had known he was teamed up with Leland, I never would have …”

“You? No, Onai, I don’t blame you. I thought you’d hate me. I got your boyfriend killed.”

“That pig was never my boyfriend. I keep thinking if there wasn’t an Alpha order, what would he have done to me?”

We both shiver. A nagging feeling inside me—it doesn’t have to be this way.

“Did he suffer?”

“I strangled him.”

“Good.” Her voice cracks. She clears her throat and adds, “He doesn’t deserve us talking about him.”

“Agreed.”

There’s a pause before I sigh. “Renall hasn’t come home since the incident. I can’t really get a hold on his emotions …”

“That’s what I came here to tell you.” She guides me to the couch. I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear.

“Oh, no.”

“Father said he has an announcement at tomorrow’s trial.”

“An announcement. That doesn’t sound good.”

“No, I don’t believe it will be. I overheard him telling my Mother that Renall threatened him. I have a feeling his fate is being decided tomorrow.”

“I knew this time would come. Renall and I are a liability they can’t afford.”

I have no doubt that’s what their decision will be. After tonight I will take no other mate than Renall—I’d rather die first.

“Onai, I need a favor.”

“Anything.”

When did this prison cell start to feel like a home? When did my babysitter start to become my friend? I will not let anyone take that away again. Not even the Alpha and his wannabe-Queen mate.