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Chapter Twenty-Two

AUTUMN

B lue and green kaleidoscope together along the dark cave wall. Cold has crept into my bones to form an ache. The water glimmers back at me as Onai instructs me from her spot on the lip of the amethyst tub. My arms have since gone numb as they are submerged completely.

“This isn’t working.” She runs her hands down her face. “You don’t feel … anything? The energy of the water, cold—nothing?”

“Not really.”

“I mean, you have an affinity to water, you put Renall in a block of ice, for the love of Gods. I just don’t get it.”

“Me either.” I shrug. It’s been like this for days Onai trying to get me to use my Guardian powers and … nothing happens.

“What were you doing when you iced him?”

“Uh …” I slip my hands from the water and dry them off on my pants. “We were kind of kissing.”

“Oooh, do tell.” Onai leans forward, the tiredness in her dark eyes fades as she perches on her knees. Her braids fall over her shoulder.

“Well, we were getting a little hot and heavy, and I came to my senses and pulled away. When I opened my eyes, he was in ice.”

“You left out all the good parts … what were you thinking about?”

“Mostly that I wanted, umm, to do that with him, but I can’t. I needed to cool things down.”

“Why not?”

Renall with my fingers in his dark hair that sets his green eyes alive, eyes that are aways on me. That beard of his tickling down my neck. I sigh. “Renall is really hot.”

“Indeed,” Onai agrees.

“And even though he’s deadly—he’s surprisingly sweet to me, but I just can’t. I’m not ready.”

“What is holding you back? Why stop yourself when you obviously want it?”

“If I give in to this mating bond—this Joining—I can never leave. This will become my home, my family.”

“So?”

“So? What do you mean, so? I had a home, a job, a–” Brother . “Dreams, a life before.”

She nods sadly. “The truth is, Autumn, you can’t go back to that life now, regardless if you have sex with Renall or not. You must start over, so why not start over here with us? With Renall?”

“I can’t.” I would love that, a hot romance with a sexy Renall in a cold cave where all I have is him to keep me warm. But the truth is, reality will set in, eventually. This life is a primitive, barbaric, male-dominated society deciding things for me like it’s the 1800s. “I can’t,” I repeat.

“Why not?” She presses more firmly this time.

“Because …”

“Why?” Her voice rises as ger eyes glisten. “Why aren’t we good enough for you?”

“No. It’s not–”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you stay here?”

“Because …”

“Because why?” Onai presses shaking her head.

“Because everyone who gets close to me dies!”

There’s a moment of silence as my true thoughts resound in the small bathroom alcove and echo back to me. It’s the first time I’ve ever said that out loud. The first time I heard myself admit that I am cursed. Cursed to lose the ones I love.

“What I’m hearing is that your underlying feeling is fear.”

“Scared? Gods no, I’m terrified. I had a home, a family, and I lost it. I survive every tragedy and I pull myself together, and then tragedy strikes again and tears it all apart. I’m left picking up the pieces to do it all over again. What’s the point?”

She leans closer, rubbing my shoulder.

“I can’t do it again, Onai.” The tears fall freely, “I don’t have another loss left in me.”

“Have you expressed this to Renall?”

I snort. “I can barely talk to him … there’s no symbol in my notebook for ‘coward’.”

“I don’t think you’re a coward. I think you’re a survivor. Maybe that’s why you and Renall are mates, he’s a survivor too. He’s been through things and seen war and survived it. He’s lost a Guardian; he knows loss and … living with the consequences.”

Consequences? That’s not how I would put it. But before I can respond to Onai, her fist is flying toward me. I barely have time to throw my hands up before the strike.

Only I never feel it. When it doesn’t strike my face, I lower my hands so my eyes can peek over. Her fist is suspended in air directly in front of my face. Between us shimmers a clear blue shield.

“Air …” she gasps.

“Air?” I repeat.

“I had a feeling your powers are tied to emotions and defense. It’s built into all of us similarly. So I caught you off guard to see what your natural defense would be. You used the element of air just as easily as you do earth. Maybe that is what we should practice?”

Onai drops her fist. My shoulders relax. The blue air shimmers before disappearing.

“Air? I mean I’m up for anything.”

“Earth, water, and air.” She sighs. “Does Renall know you can move the air?”

“I didn’t even know until two seconds ago.”

“Three … you have three affinities.” Her eyes widen and lock with mine, and for a second, I think she’ll explain herself, but she just stands, staring at me. Wonder and bewilderment glisten in her eyes. I open my mouth to ask about her sudden change in demeanor.

A long whistle comes, breaking our eye contact, followed by a herd of footsteps and commotion outside. Onai is on her feet and headed to the door before I know it.

“What was that?” I ask, stumbling out of the tub.

“Someone is leaving the cave.”

“Leaving? I thought that wasn’t possible.”

“We never leave alone. We send people out on supply runs once every couple months. Sometimes more in the winter, if needed.”

“Oh.” I quickly change out of my wet clothes and follow Onai out to the ledge to watch. There is a cloud of ominous sadness in the air so thick it’s making it hard for me to breathe.

Four Guardians below are kissing their men goodbye. All are crying in their arms, a few are carrying children.

“What will they do while the men are away?”

“They will link to them via the mating bond and sense if they need protection.”

“Wow, where do they–? How does that–?”

“Well, during the day they will be in the War Room.”

“The War Room?”

“They will go there every day and sit and attempt to telepathically link to their wolf. Those who don’t have the mind speak will go there to the peace and quiet to try to sense their needs. Like that meditative state I mentioned. Their pups will be in the nursery until that time. No distractions.”

I realize for the first time how serious this is for them.

“We are a dying race, at war with the demons. We don’t take any journey outside of the cave lightly.”

“I see.” More and more I’m starting to see that what Renall did for me was unheard of for these people. How he was able to survive is still a mystery.

“So only those with a Guardian can leave the cave? If we are losing pack members and not gaining anymore Guardians, what happens when we run out of mated wolves?”

“That is a time we don’t want to think about.”

“Isn’t now the time to plan and figure that out to protect the future?”

She shrugs. “I think that’s what we are all afraid of. We stick to tradition to keep us safe, but truth is, without a Queen, she left before I was born, we really don’t know where to find more Guardians.”

“A Queen? What did she have to do with this?”

“The Queen offered protection, power, it’s been said that she had a Guardian call, almost like a heartcall that would alert Guardians born outside of the cave. She could heighten their mating calls. Without a Queen, the pack is at a great loss.”

“Then why would she leave?”

“That is something we would all love to know, but she offered us no explanation. Only disappearing into the night of a full moon when everyone was distracted.”

“A full moon?” Right … werewolves.

“Yeah, it’s a tradition for everyone to witness the full moon on the cliff outside. The cave was empty and no one saw her leave.”

Interesting. “Well, she must have had a reason.”

“She took our Alpha with her. Renall and my father knew him very well. Without a Queen or an Alpha, those were the dark days.”

“Some probably say we are still in the dark days,” I point out.

“I agree. But this is all I know. My father as the Alpha. I have known no other way, just what I’ve heard.”

I understand because up until a few weeks ago, all I knew was working twelve-hour shifts and feeding Colton ramen noodles and instant oatmeal. “How did your father become Alpha?”

“It was a warrior fight to the death against each challenger.”

“To the death … so does that mean that Renall didn’t challenge?”

“Renall had lost his Guardian by then.”

“Only a wolf with a Guardian can become Alpha?”

“A wolf without a Guardian is only half a wolf.”

“So he rescued me because he needs me, not because he loves me.”

“No, I wouldn’t think of it like that.” Onai climbs to her feet, wiping dirt off her velvet skirts. “You know he feels and does more for you than just any Guardian. He disobeyed Alpha orders, and is risking his own life as forfeit for bringing you here. He must have strong feelings for you.”

I don’t know why I care. Loving him—if that’s what it’s even considered among wolves—will only result in heartbreak for me. Him loving me will only result in his detriment.

The commotion has died down and Onai rushes me back inside as wolf life resumes and people filter back to their rooms, obvious worry evident on their faces.