Page 15

Chapter Fifteen

AUTUMN

I t seems like hours have passed where Lupe and I sit at the long table and talk before I feel a heated stare on me. My cheeks flush as my eyes gravitate to the doorway. The green eyes of Renall watch me as he leans against the far wall. Zev is somber beside him. Renall eyes me curiously from the hallway, as if trying to read my mind before starting toward us. Lupe says something to him in their language before he smiles and replies animatedly, holding his hand out for mine.

“I told him you have agreed to stay,” Lupe translates.

“He looks surprised.” I shrug, taking his hand and rising to my feet. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.”

“Renall is … many things,” Lupe hints. “But he would never have made you stay against your will. No matter what he risked saving you.”

“Risked?” I catch and my palms grow sweaty remembering his fear earlier.

Lupe nods. “Renall was told not to leave the cave. We do not allow unmated wolves to leave the cavern unaccompanied, especially not so close to Summer Solstice.”

“Summer Solstice? The longest day of the year?” We used to celebrate that day when Mother was alive. We’d have a bonfire and dance all night.

“Yes, when wolves are at their weakest. It’s a very vulnerable time. Zev would neither give him a search party nor allow him to leave. He knew Renall would not comply, so he made it an Alpha order.”

“Alpha order?”

“Yes, it’s said to be impossible to break. It’s a gift granted to pack Alphas and is similar to mind control. But somehow Renall found a way around it and snuck out in the middle of the night and left.”

I look up at Renall’s green eyes staring down at me, trying to decipher how I’m taking it. “He disobeyed an Alpha order to find me?” I whisper, holding his gaze in my own.

“Yes.”

“What does that mean?” Dragging our feet to get here and the sad, fearful look he had all make sense now.

Lupe takes a deep breath and turns to Zev. She growls something in his direction and he responds. His growl is deep and dark and it matches his muscles and stature. It demands attention and subservience. Lupe growls back at him once more, before turning to me.

“Usually it’s an offense punishable by death.”

I cringe, then my eyes grow wide, my mouth dries, while my eyes stay locked on Renall. Why would he do this for me? Why bring me back here? This doesn’t make sense.

Lupe continues, “But Zev has agreed to hold a Clan Trial to determine his fate.”

“A trial?” I swallow, shifting my eyes to Lupe. “I didn’t realize wolves had such self-control.”

“They do if it’s an Alpha order.”

“But some people can break them?”

“It’s only happened once in my lifetime.” Lupe looks at Renall. I follow her gaze to Renall, who’s still watching me.

“Oh,” Renall defied his Alpha, did something no one has ever done before, to save me from a fate like my brother. “What happens if we lose this trial? Will they vote to have him killed?”

From my peripheral vision, Lupe nods.

“So, my brother died because I couldn’t protect him, and now Renall may die as well because he tried to protect me. This whole thing is severely messed up.”

A growl emanates from Renall’s throat; it’s low and sad.

Lupe takes a deep breath before approaching. “The wolves may know several Guardians in their lifetime. But the fates rarely give Guardians a second wolf. When their wolf dies, their world, their purpose ends. You should consider yourself blessed for every minute you have with Renall.”

Blessed. Is she delusional? She basically informed me I was the reason for my brother’s death, and soon to be Renall’s, and she wants me to feel blessed . Blessed that I’m such a curse in this world that I bring death to everyone associated with me. Blessed to feel the empty pain of loss twice in the span of a few weeks. My eyes narrow, my blood boils.

Renall squeezes my hand harder, swinging me around and into his arms. His body that’s usually warm is cool to the touch as I am pulled into his chest. His hand holds my head against him until I’m calm. He can’t read my mind, but I swear he just stopped me from ripping out Lupe’s throat. When did I get so violent? Is it this place bringing it out of me?

“When?” My voice is raspy. I clear my throat. “When is this trial?”

“We will announce it to the clan today at mealtime … it’ll start tomorrow.”

* * *

Renall pulls me back into the hallway with his vise-like grip. Whether I like it or not, I’m connected to Renall now, like I was to Colton. He’s shown that he wants to protect me from harm. Even the harm I do to myself. I glance down at my rabbit shoes. Which leads me to wonder, if he was reluctant to return … what does Renall fear from his own people? Are we even safe here? Suddenly, I find his grip comforting and not suffocating.

I twist my wrist out from his grip. Renall stops and spins on his heels to shoot me a glare as he reaches for me, growling something unintelligible. My fingers grab hold of his and I interlock our fingers until we are holding hands. The anger dissipates from his eyes as he watches our clasped hands in the dark, barely lit corridor. His green eyes flick to mine and hold them. All the air is sucked from the room and the warmth from his palm is the only thing keeping me tethered to reality. I think he might kiss me again, or better yet, take me against this wall. In the end, he takes a deep breath, turns around, and continues through the doorway to the ground floor of the cave.

My heart is still racing in my chest, reeling from the intimate moment I had with Renall as we wander into the central cave. The air’s changed. Tension lingers thick and suffocating like smog and anticipation dances over my skin. Everyone has filtered onto the second-floor ledge or a dark alcove save for a few naked wolf-men lounging at a table. My sixth sense aches in my chest. Renall’s fingers twitch against mine. His other hand clenches at his side as his spine straightens.

A collective growl of warning and hostility fills the air as soon as we step farther in the large, ominous cave. A dozen pairs of eyes dart toward us, their faces distorted by the eerie shadows that cover the walls. The three men rise from the table baring their teeth as their fangs elongate in their human form. My stomach flips at the sight of Renall’s bulging muscles, his fangs bared and claws extending as he attempts to shield me. Rage rolls off the men that surround us. It tastes bitter on my tongue. With every reverberation of their growls, my rabbit shoes tremble against the cold floor.

Stomping and chanting direct my gaze upward to the audience that lines the ledges above us. Dread pools in my stomach as my eyes scan the crowd. The shadows hanging in the air feel like a warning sign of the looming terror that awaits me. Every instinct inside me screams—they are craving blood.

Suddenly, one of the men jumps into the air, transforming into a wolf as he falls, speeding toward Renall. I open my mouth to scream for help when the air around me crackles with energy. Renall shifts before me. A flurry of fur and teeth tumbles to the ground, accompanied by fierce growls and yelps. As Renall fights off one wolf, another creeps closer to me, its bared teeth gleaming in anticipation.

Dark eyes bore into me, as a dark wolf prowls closer. I scuttle away, retreating until my back slams against the wall. I stand petrified. His menacing growl echoes like shards of broken glass, making me flinch with each step. My heart hammers in my chest, my breathing ragged as an unnamable dread rises up. The sensation is so intense, it’s as if all my nerve endings are on fire with terror and anticipation. Something’s warm and wet on my leg. My eyes glance down and meet the gaze of the dark wolf licking up my jeans; the look in its eyes sends pure terror flooding through me. That look only means one thing—primal need .

A flash of fur dives into my predator from the side. Renall. He deals the lethal blow to his opponent’s neck before ripping his throat out and spitting it on the ground. It’s only then I notice the three bodies lying limp in a pool of their own blood scattered on the cavern floor. Blood and skin drop from Renall’s mouth as he turns to me. His lips part, blood staining them crimson red. His wolf form towers above me and his glittering eyes search mine for some unknown answer before he shifts back into his human form. He holds out his hand, smeared with crimson stains, and with trembling fingers, I place my palm into his.

Renall grips my arm tightly and drags me up the steps. The onlookers stare, their eyes burning with judgment. I feel like a caged animal in a zoo, exposed and judged for my performance. They wanted to see what I could do. A gift that would justify why Renall risked everything to save me. As we pass, I can almost hear their thoughts: was I worth it?

Not even I can formulate that answer.

We finally reach the door; the stares boring into my back begin to fade. I reach for the key around my neck, open the door, and slip inside so fast I almost smack Renall in the face with it as it closes.

“Can they get in? It’s just a puny lock and key?” Surely that’s no match for a full-grown wolf.

“No,” he responds.

No. It’s not comforting, but seeing as he just tore people to shreds in front of me seconds ago, I suppose they won’t be quick to attack. Renall killed them. Renall tore them to shreds. Have I just traded one murderer for another?

I shiver, crossing my arms across myself.

Ro-kay?” he asks me, eyeing a scratch on my arm. In the madness, I didn’t even feel it happen, but it’s starting to turn red.

Without warning he reaches for me. My eyes can only stare at the blood that still drips from his mouth and hands.

“No, I am certainly not okay!” I smack his hands from me, backing away. Fear now replacing the adrenaline that’s since faded. He flinches at my terror before his downcast eyes spot his red hands dripping along the floor. Renall quickly disappears across the cave and behind the curtain and running water trickles behind it.

My gut twists in anguish. I spin away from the feeling and notice the saliva still wet on my jeans that’s now splattered with blood. I tear my pants off and tug sweatpants on instead. When I turn around again, my eyes meet Renall’s gaze. My cheeks flush, regardless of the fear boiling inside me. I’m wearing a thong, and he just got a whole view.

“Rokay?” he tentatively asks again without approaching.

“No,” I whisper as tears fall from my eyes. Granted, he’s less intimidating in human form without the blood gushing from his hands and face. But the wolf … I witnessed first-hand what he can do. He killed them. Three human or half-human lives. It goes against everything my Mother taught me. Preserve nature. If you use it, replace it. A life is a life. He just snuffed out three lives in seconds. No one batted an eye; in fact, it appears to be encouraged.

He takes a few steps forward.

“Who are you?” I back up against the wall. “Why did you have to kill them?”

He kneels before me.

“Renall.” He points to himself, “Rawe-tum.” He leans forward.

I flinch as his finger hovers above my chest right where that sixth sense tingles.

“Grr-dan.”

“Yes, Guardian, but what does that mean?” My emotions swirl inside me like a tornado of confliction and fear. “What am I doing here? Why am I here?”

He squirms frantically, glancing around before rising to his feet and leaving the room.

A cool chill makes me shiver as I slump against the wall and slide down to the floor. What have I gotten myself into? I’m in a cavern of literal wolves. Goddess Autumn. I rise to my feet and run my fingers through my hair. What am I going to do? Will Renall let me leave? Will the wolf follow me? He found me once.

As I reach for my bag, a knock sounds at the door. I allow another knock before walking over and opening the door.

Only when I open the door, it’s Lupe’s brown eyes I meet instead. “Renall said you needed to talk to someone, someone who wasn’t him.” Her lips form a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. The welcoming friendliness from before is gone. I sigh, moving back to allow her entrance.

She shuts the door behind her.

“Will I be safe in here tonight? Will they come again?”

“No. A wolf’s den is sacred. It’s been an Alpha order for ages now. No one that means a wolf or his mate harm is allowed to pass the threshold of their den.”

That offers some relief that I can feel safe in the confines of our cave at least. “What are you people? I mean, I know the obvious … on some level, I knew he killed rabbits to feed me, but that–” I point toward the door, the cave with the bodies behind it. I shiver. “That was cold-blooded murder.”

“Would you rather it be you?” Lupe asks smoothly, walking around the room. Hands clasped, eyes roving the room. Her back is to me …she’s definitely colder than earlier and I feel the superiority seeping from her now.

“No, but–”

“If Renall didn’t defend you, it would have been him, or possibly you—but a Guardian is a valuable asset these days.”

“So, you’re saying Renall was defending us? Me?”

She nods. “Until you can learn to defend yourself, you will have to rely on Renall’s methods—which are primal, like him. Does that bother you?” she asks, her back to me.

“Well, it didn’t …” Renall’s primal ways had protected me, fed me, kept me warm at night. Without him I never would have survived the journey here. Hell, I wouldn’t have survived the trek out of my own house. “I mean, he’s never shown aggression toward me, but …”

“But nothing. A wolf would never let harm befall their Guardian.”

“Why?”

“Because Guardians are too rare and valuable a commodity around here.”

“Yes, I had noticed there were a lot more male to female ratio.”

“It’s not just that. Guardians are growing rarer by the day. Once a wolf loses a bonded Guardian, he may possibly never be blessed by the Moon Goddess with a new one.”

It made sense—Renall’s protection toward me. The anguish reeling in my gut that isn’t mine. He doesn’t want to lose me. Goddess knows I’ve lost too much already.

“Will that happen again?”

“Until you are mated, I wouldn’t leave Renall’s side.”

“I thought you were the pack’s Alpha, can’t you just give one of those Alpha orders not to attack anyone?”

“And take away their natural urges, it would be like telling you not to breathe.” Lupe scoffs. I think I might have offended her. “Renall is a gentleman for not forcing the Joining on you already, others will not hesitate or be so kind.” Her voice is cold as ice, and when she turns her eyes are icy too.

Others? Urges? Did I just hear her right? Is she insinuating others would force themselves on me? “Where I come from, not forcing yourself on someone is a basic human right.”

“You are not in your world anymore. It’s best that you adapt to our world and fast; otherwise, it will swallow you whole and rip you to shreds. Don’t make Renall sorry he risked everything to come get you.”

Lupe slips out the door and leaves me choking on her words.

Then I hear animated growls resonating outside the door, breaking me from my thoughts. Renall … I’d recognize his voice anywhere. The tension swirls in my gut, indicating he’s not happy. Lupe returns his growl with a series of her own. A flash of anger and resentment trickle through me as well as an emotion I can’t quite place. Whatever they are discussing, Renall does not like what Lupe has told him either.

A few moments after the growls stop, another knock sounds at the door. I peek out, expecting him. Renall stands there with his hands out before me. Apprehension tingles in the air. Fear lingers between us as the seconds tick before I open the door to let him in.

He pauses after closing the door, assessing my body language. Lupe was right about one thing, Renall has been more than a gentleman the entire journey. I rescued him, he rescued me, he made me shoes, fed me, protected me. Now he might be punished for trying to help me at all. Sure, he mistakenly kissed me when I pointed to my lips, but he never forced himself on me or in me. The hungry eyes of the wolves outside, however, I can’t say I would trust any of them to do the same.

Slowly, I lower my guard, sitting on the couch and patting next to me. He pauses, watching me for a second before coming to sit beside me.

I grab the notebook and flip to the page to the Guardian symbol. “How many Guardians have you had before me?” I ask him, pen and paper at the ready. He doesn’t respond right away, so I put up my fingers, “One?”

He nods.

“What happened to her?” I shrug my shoulders and point to the symbol.

He flips through a page of the notebook with a symbol similar to a skull and crossbones.

“Dead?” I whisper as if I didn’t already suspect. “How long ago?”

He draws a landscape with a moon in the sky. Then starts scratching lines. “Moon?” I ask, he nods pointing to the lines. “Many moons.”

“Okay.” That would be why there are no mementos of this former Guardian around the cave. It happened a while ago. “How did you disobey the Alpha order?”

His brow furrows. He shrugs, not understanding me. My fingers flip through the pages, but there are no symbols for Alpha order. Instead, I change the subject. “Why me?” I point to myself. “Why Awe-tum?”

He seems to understand that as he takes the pencil and draws the M for wolf, the figure eight on its side for Guardian, and around it a circle. The symbols mean a special bond, very strong bond, or possibly a mate. He thinks I’m his mate. His soul mate.

“How can you be so sure?”

He growls something at me I don’t understand. Before he points from my heart to his. He repeats this a few times.

“The bond? Between us … it tells you this?” I bite my lip, I don’t want to ask, but I have to understand why. “Did you feel this with your last Guardian?”

His brows furrow.

I point to the moon he drew when we were talking about her. “Did you not–” I point between our hearts like he did to show the bond. “Feel her like this ?” I stammer, I never met this Guardian. The woman before me, yet a pang of jealousy pings through me. Renall grabs my fingers and places them flat on his warm chest.

“No,” he states so clearly, no wolf accent in sight.

That sixth sense I’ve always felt must be the bond he’s talking about. With Colton it was different as well. It’s not just danger and calmness like with Colton. With Renall I feel worry and anticipation. I sense what he’s feeling, thinking even. After I felt the silence when Colton … well, that deep part of me ached in the empty shell of my grief. The bond started up again, it felt as though my very being was going to be ripped in two. When that feeling came back, it was stronger than any warning or sense I’d ever experienced. Could Renall be right, that we have a special bond? I just hope that what we share is enough to keep both of us alive.