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Chapter Twenty-Nine

AUTUMN

T he stain of the blood petals still won’t come off my hands as I roughly scrub them in the sink. The training was going great with Onai, until today. It was all fun and intriguing until now. Until I lost control.

The creak of the door breaks the sound of the water and I freeze. My hands hover over the water as Renall and Onai growl at each other. I wish I knew what they were saying sometimes. But Onai calls out goodbye to me and shuts the door behind her before I even turn off the water.

I pause at the curtain, my hand hovering before it. This will be the first time I have seen Renall since our forty-eight hour orgasmathon. Truth is, I’ve been thinking about him all day. I’m starting to understand why the wolves and Guardians are always mating all over the cave. My legs clench just thinking about him between them now. So many times last night I wanted to give in to him, to have him enter me and damn all the consequences—including tying my life to this cave. But something, something stopped me each time.

My hand grips the curtain and I slide it across.

Renall stands a few feet from me, his eyes lock with mine as soon as my hand drops. The look in his eyes is feral. He’s rock-hard already. It appears he has been thinking about me too.

My mouth runs dry as blood rushes to my ears. I flush with heat as gravity pulls us together. My heart leaps into my chest and I lunge for him. Pulling his lips desperately to mine. We fall together onto the couch. My legs on either side of him as his grip loosens and trails lower down my backside. I groan, biting his bottom lip slightly. That’s when he flips me, pinning me under him. His skin is hot under my fingertips as they trace their way over the ridges of his abs. I follow the trail of hair leading lower. I’m reaching for his growing member when the screams come. We pause, lingering in the air centimeters from each other before we both face the door.

Screams echo again, desperate this time, and crescendos in a shriek that never ends.

Without thought, Renall and I dash out the door. On the ledge we can see that the scouts have returned. Whispers and growls echo around the cave. Something is wrong. The shriek ends and starts anew. It echoes unending pain. Renall grabs my hand as we run around the ledge, down two flights of stairs, and scramble onto the cave floor. A crowd has festered like weeds around the returning scouts, blocking them from sight. Wolves and Guardians line the edges of the levels above us too, I notice as we slowly approach the gathering crowd. A few mild growls from Renall to some bystanders are returned only with a shrug or a nod.

“What’s going on?” I ask, but as the words are spoken, a clear line of sight opens. The scouts have returned out of breath; one young wolf has a slice down his leg, another is cradling a limp arm as the elder just hugs his Guardian, who is trembling and sobbing into his shoulder.

That’s when I realize there is only three . Three out of four returned. Renall breaks our connection, and rushes through the front of the crowd barking orders. I guess you can put the warrior on trial, but you can’t take the authoritative warrior out of him. It’s turning me on. He’s a born leader. Another wail breaks my reverie. I turn to notice the tear-streaked Guardian on her knees. It must be her wolf that did not return. My stomach turns over as I recall the days after Colton. Absolute loss and overwhelming sense of failure. I make my way to her and fall to my knees before pulling her into an embrace as she continues to sob on my shoulder. Renall successfully breaks up the crowd as Zev and Lupe appear.

They have a quick conversation with Renall before Lupe pulls the Guardian from my arms to her feet without a second glance at me.

“It’ll be okay,” she murmurs to her as she pulls her into the far hallway.

My skin prickles and heat slides down my spine. Renall is behind me. I reach for his hand. “Will she be okay?”

“No.” He sighs. “They were a soulbonded pair. Soul mates are extremely rare; when you find one, you will never know another.”

“But I received another wolf?” I question, tears stinging my eyes as my sense of loss and guilt rise up within me. For a little while I stopped thinking about Colton, for a little while Renall helped me forget my failures and gave me something to ease the grief. But it’s still here, hiding behind the curtain, waiting to remind me that I couldn’t save my brother. That I don’t deserve Renall. That I can fail him too. A tear strays down my cheek.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into an alcove away from the crowd. “ You and your brother were not mates. I know what you are thinking, you are not responsible for his death, Awe-tum.”

I sob. “How do you know what I was thinking?”

“Because I’ve felt the same. I have experienced loss and death. I have led battles that lost lives that I feel responsible for. You cannot blame yourself for things out of your control. You can only learn from your mistakes and be a better version of yourself. That’s what Colton would have wanted.”

“I can’t. I feel so much … guilt. The last words I said to him …”

He pauses, letting me cry. Renall wipes away each tear before responding, “Tell me.”

And tell him I did. I did not hold back, I told him about our fight, about my brother changing right under my nose and I didn’t even notice. I told Renall about our plans and my sacrifices and how I should have just listened to him. He was crying out for help and I just shut him down again and again. I tried to fill the void of the loss of our Mother when I should have just been his sister, his friend.

When the crowds finally disperse and I cry my final tear, my voice is hoarse from talking. Renall wraps his arm around me and leads me back to our cave. He doesn’t try and undermine my feelings; he doesn’t try to convince me it’s all going to be okay. Renall listens and is there.

He pulls me onto his lap on the couch and he holds me until the wave of grief washes over me and eventually recedes.

* * *

A knock sounds at the door that causes Renall’s ears to prick up. Carefully sliding me to the side he kisses me on the forehead and rises to his feet.

I rise when Zev walks through the door, growling something to Renall. His fists are clenched at his side as their growling gets deeper. The bond trickles with confusion, almost defensive.

Then Zev shoves a crumpled paper into Renall’s chest and points at me. I rise as dread fills my gut. Renall’s fingers pry open the crumpled paper to reveal the first page of a newspaper. On the very front page, my employee photo from the Gun Lot is printed.

“Local Girl Wanted in Connection to her Brother’s Death.” The headline reads and below it another picture of me and Colton from my living room mantel. “If you see this girl, please call–”

“Those bastards.” I grab the newspaper.

Renall touches my shoulder, “It’s going to be alright; they can’t find you here. It’s all to flush you out.”

“She’s drawing attention to us, Renall,” I can understand Zev too with Renall’s hand on me. “You are supposed to be Warrior Clan—smart, strategist in battle—but this girl has made you weak, and she hasn’t even given you pussy yet.”

A growl vibrates, growing louder as Renall takes his hand off my shoulder and steps before Zev. Whatever he’s about to say, he obviously doesn’t want me to hear.

Slow and thick, Renall’s growl comes—a threat. Zev’s eyes widen a bit, and when he growls back there’s an edge of fear. He knows this conversation is over so he slips around Renall and opens the door.

Onai stands on the other side, hand up, ready to knock when she sees her father. Her eyes widen in surprise as she shifts out of his way. There’s a tray of food in her hands and a naked man I’ve seen around the cave beside her. Zev looks to his daughter then to the man before stomping past them.

“Uh, we brought dinner. Why was my father here?” Onai asks. Placing the tray of food down beside the fire, I hold up the newspaper, trying to catch Renall’s eye as he welcomes the man into our cave.

“Oh shit.” She pulls the newspaper from my hands.

“Autumn, this is Trefaun,” she murmurs, never taking her eyes from the paper.

Trefaun’s hair is so dark it could be black, and his eyes are amber against the moon rocks. “Hi.” I give a small wave, but he only stares back at me.

“I thought you guys could use some dinner. I didn’t think you would want to go back out there,” Onai mentions. Renall watches our male guest carefully before sitting beside me, placing a hand on my knee territorially.

Onai and I share a look as Renall reaches for a piece of meat. He growls his thanks to both of them. They take a seat on pillows behind the table.

The paper crinkles as Onai opens it. “Wow, is this your brother?”

I hide tears as I nod. Renall rubs my thigh.

“He’s pretty hot.”

“Yeah,” I snort. “He was always popular with the ladies.”

“They are saying here that someone named Victoria said you just disappeared shortly after a camping trip.”

“Vicky?”

“Your house was ransacked, and they are concerned for your safety. They think whoever killed your brother has possibly found you. They are urging anyone who knows anything or has seen you to call the police.”

“Great,” I deadpan.

“In a small paragraph here under a photo it says that Victoria is extremely worried, she told officers you were highly depressed and possibly suicidal the last time she saw you. She urges anyone with any information to please call and that she hopes to see her best friend again.”

I allow her words to sink into me and simmer. If I stay here, I may never see her again. If Renall hadn’t been there, the newspaper would be right because the same people who killed Colton would have killed me.

Renall splits his piece of meat and hands it to me. It’s a charred lump that I can barely identify. I take a bite … it tastes like pork. When I look up, Trefaun has his eyes trained on me and Renall. Probably instinctively, because one wrong move and Renall will rip his throat out.

“So,” I break the silence. “Does anyone know what happened yet?”

Renall’s hand remains on my knee so he can understand our conversation.

“Father is talking to them in the apothecary as they get their wounds tended to. They are pretty shook up. But they state they lost the demons before they even got close to the cave.”

“That’s what they are worried about? Our location and not the fact that you just lost yet another member of the pack?”

Renall squeezes my knee. “The location affects everyone. The wolf only affects his Guardian.”

“No offense, but that’s bullshit.”

“Bull-shit?” he questions. Onai smirks across the table, looping Trefaun into the conversation.

“Yeah, crap. That opinion is crap. One wolf affects everyone. It’s one less defender, one less warrior, one less person to reproduce when clearly a mated wolf is lacking here.”

His eyes glimmer with amusement. “Maybe you should be the pack’s Alpha then.”

“Maybe I should,” I snicker back at him.

He laughs, reaching for a leg of meat. This one is practically raw.

Lowering my voice, I lean in to ask Renall, “Does death not affect anyone? Is dying just another day for your people?”

He chews and swallows before responding, “Death is a part of life. We all will die one day. We all face death every day. If you give fear power over death, it will fester and consume you. Instead, we acknowledge it and sometimes cause it. We do not fear death … we let death fear us.”

I swallow the lump in my throat; that has to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard him say. If we were alone right now … I would kiss him.

“Easy,” he leans in and whispers in my ear. “Wolves can smell your arousal.”

“You can what?” Oh Goddess, how many times have I been aroused around him? And he knew every time.

He smiles, leaning back, and takes another bite out of his meat.

Onai is still growling toward Trefaun, meat on her lips, when I turn toward them again. Trefaun’s eyes lock with mine. A strange feeling washes over me, unease, but I ignore it. This is Onai’s man. I have to trust her judge of character. Ignoring that feeling, I reach for another piece of meat.

“Earlier today, Onai was telling me about Winter Solstice and how it’s a big thing around the cave.”

“Oh, I can’t wait for you to see it,” Onai gushes. “We decorate with fireflies, garland, and poinsettias. It’s truly beautiful.”

“You don’t cut down a tree or anything like the humans, do you?”

“Goddess, no. The Guardians gather in the main hall and grow one big one in the center of the cave on Solstice eve.” Her smile is infectious.

Renall eyes me from the side, his face hidden by his dinner. But I don’t need to see him to feel his pain … sorrow, maybe. He doesn’t think I’ll still be here by Solstice, or maybe he doesn’t think he will still be here if the trial goes badly.

Renall and Trefaun’s ears perk up before more screams and hollering echo up to my human ears.

“Oh God, What now?” I mutter.

All four of us are racing out the door. Anticipation flooding my veins forms a lump in my stomach. The cave grows quiet and ominous. Our footsteps thunder down the steps as we reach the cavern floor. There is no crowd this time; everyone stands a good distance away. Whispering and shaking their heads from their doorways and alcoves. The mangled body of the Guardian is splattered right before my feet. The Guardian who had just lost her wolf. The Guardian who was just crying on my shoulder a few short hours ago. Grief and regret strike through me. She’s too close to the ledge to have been pushed. Why? Why did she jump?

Renall reaches for me. “Awe-tum.”

“No. No. No,” I mutter over and over, collapsing to my knees beside her. Blood is dripping from her nose and ears; her face is pale.

Lupe is on the other side of the body shooing the crowd away. Her face shows not even a semblance of surprise. She was the last person I saw with the Guardian; she was whispering to her and now the Guardian is dead.

I scramble to my feet. “What did you say to her?”

“Excuse me?” She spins on me.

Renall calls for me.

“She just … jumped. Why would she do that? Why? You were supposed to help her …”

“There was nothing I could do.” Lupe raises her nose at me. Her strong jaw is set in a fine line that matches her lips. “She would have shriveled up and died. This was the better option for her, we all know it.” She knew. She knew this would happen. Possibly encouraged it. This is their leader?

My eyes narrow. “Better option? She’s dead! You heartless b–”

Renall pries me away with an arm around my waist. He growls something to Lupe.

His strong arm picks me up and carries me away from the corpse. I still glare at Lupe as curious pack members start to crowd the body and block my line of vision.

“Why did you take me away?”

“You were being insubordinate.” He huffs.

“So … she deserves it.”

“Disrespect is a punishable offense.”

“Punishable.” I scoff. “When she’s practically assisting suicide.”

“Punishable by death,” he finishes as we arrive at our door with the half moon and sun etched into it. He pauses, placing me on my feet, keeping a hand on my back, and watches me quietly.

“I’m okay,” I mutter, opening the door to the cave. We hadn’t bothered to lock it after we left in a hurry.

“Are you?”

I walk inside before spinning around. “I don’t get it, Renall. Why did she jump?”

“Soulbonded pairs are special. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime partner. There will never be another bond like this again. Even if she bonds again, no one will ever compare. There will always be a hole in her heart and memory of the love she lost in her mind.”

“But at worst, she could have found happiness again. She had options.”

He frowns. “ If you’ve known soulbonded love—how do you go back to being content with mediocrity?

“With really good medication?” I shrug. “But the pack would really force her to mate again?”

“It’s what is required for the pack. We have so few Guardians. What she did was the honorable thing to honor her soul mate,” he comments.

“Honorable? You call killing yourself honorable?”

“What was the alternative?”

The alternative: to be raped after losing the love of your life and to have a future without true love. “You sound like Lupe now.” I roll my eyes, pacing away from him before coming back and grabbing his arm again. “No. The laws here are backward. She should have lived. She deserved to live to see a new dawn.”

His lips quirk into a grin on the right side. “Then maybe you should have talked to her then.”

“Maybe I should have.” I sigh. “The numbers here are only decreasing; we could use every bit of help we can get to keep this place running.”

“I see.” He smirks again.

“What?”

“You said we. It sounds like you plan on sticking around long term.”

I pause, glancing around the cave, our cave. When did that happen? When did I look forward to Winter Solstice that’s six months away? When did his stuff become our stuff? When did my things take over his dresser? I couldn’t tell you a date or a time when things changed, but somehow, they did. “I guess I could stick around for a little longer.”

“Good.” His smile is still sorrowful and doesn’t meet his eyes. Then he slips out of my hand and heads for the bathroom.

I mean, what’s a little bit longer?