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Chapter Twenty-Three

AUTUMN

T he moisture was dense in the air from the moment I woke up. The normally dry cave now smells rich, lush, and earthy. I’m toying with another of the pretty golden flowers Renall leaves me daily when I turn to Onai. “It’s raining, isn’t it?”

“Hmm … oh, I guess it is,” Onai responds without looking.

“You can’t feel it?”

“I can sense the shift in nature, and the damp scent lingers in the air.” She shrugs.

“I can almost feel every droplet in the air,” I mumble, leaning my head on my arms feeling the soft fibers of the pink sweater I’m wearing. “You don’t think we could go outside, do you?”

Onai shoots me an incredulous look.

“It was worth a shot. I wish there was a window.”

“We’re underground, what would you be looking at? Worms?” Onai snorts.

“I said I wish,” I grumble. The rain is my favorite. Even when I had to walk to work, even when it meant the cabin was that much cooler. There is nothing better than sitting next to a window beside a wood-burning fire and listening to the sound of the rain hitting the roof. It’s soul-soothing—and it’s something I will never experience again here.

“Actually,” Onai breaks into my melancholy thoughts. “I have a surprise I hope you’d be open to.”

I lift my head, “A surprise?”

“Yeah, someone was asking how you were, and I told her to stop by. Couldn’t hurt to make some friends. Especially if this trial is going to continue on for a million moons.”

Onai isn’t wrong. Having another person to talk to would definitely keep my mind off of things. “That might be nice.”

She opens the door and the Guardian with the fire affinity who helped me get Renall out of the ice block walks inside. Cressida, her name was.

“Autumn. It’s nice to see you again.” She smiles, her red hair as fiery and bright as the flames she produces.

“I don’t think I properly thanked you for helping me get Renall melted.”

“Oh, it’s no bother at all.” She places a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“It’s such a nice change of pace that someone is being nice to me and not trying to kill me.”

“We were all in that boat at some point. The wolves can’t be our only friends.”

“I suppose not.”

“Would anyone like some tea?” Onai asks, lifting a clay mug and some leaves.

“I’d love some,” Cressida responds, walking over to Onai standing by the fire.

“Oh yes.” I smile. I love tea. Tea always seemed like a luxury before. I can’t remember the last time I had a cup of good tea.

“You mentioned we were all in the same boat … are you from outside as well?”

“Oh,” Cressida blushes, her cheeks turning a few shades lighter than her hair. “Yes, I was here just after the Queen had … well, I was having these dreams. The dreams and then when I started to play with fire, the flames would blow in a certain direction, sometimes against the wind.”

“Really?”

“It was scary, I almost burnt the orphanage down a few times.”

“Oh.” Sadness drips into my words, orphanage. Cressida has a past, much like me. I wonder how many others?

“One day I just decided to follow the direction of my fire. I mean, I had nothing to lose. Eventually, it led me to the eastern entrance of the cave. I had only wandered close to the lagoon when Conri, my mate, found me. Gods, if those trees could talk.”

“I’m sure someone here can talk to trees.” Onai snickers with her pot by the fire.

“On second thought, I’d like to keep that to myself. Those were the days before the hierarchy of the cave, just me and him and our passion.”

I can relate to that even though we’ve never mated. I glance between Onai straining tea and Cressida getting comfortable. Never have I felt judged or weird among them. They have accepted me, helped me, welcomed me. These girls get me—like I’ve never felt in my entire life living among the humans. Although the entire pack isn’t as accepting, maybe staying here is worth it for some real friends.

Onai hands me a small cup, and the liquid inside smells of cloves and cinnamon. “Mmm …” I moan.

“That good, huh?” Onai smiles behind her cup.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good cup of tea.”

“That’s something we are going to have to change.” Cressida lifts her cup up against mine. “Cheers to that.”

An unsure Onai joins her cup to our two.

“I’d like that.” I smile, pulling my cup back to my awaiting lips.

A rainy day with a sweater and a cup of tea, all that’s missing is a window and a good book.

* * *

“So there I was with my ankles by his head …” Cressida pauses, leaning forward as she flips her ginger hair over her shoulder. “When his Mother walks in.”

“Oh Gods!” Onai screeches.

I gasp, “No.”

Cressida nods. “Mmhmm.” She sips her tea mischievously.

“I would die.” Onai pauses and then asks, “So, what did you do?”

“We still finished, duh.” Cressida grins. “By the time I had come, she had already left … must not have been that important.” She shrugs but her eyes hide a smile.

Onai’s laughter radiates around the room until it joins mine. Her laugh is contagious. I’ve never felt a connection with someone like this before, where I would look forward to seeing them and felt comfortable sharing things with them. But for the past few weeks, it’s safe to say Onai has become my friend. Cressida seems nice (and very open) as well. When Onai told me she had a surprise for me today, I didn’t think it would be a person. But I’m glad it was. Cressida’s openness reminds me of Vicky, and it pains my heart every time I think of how I just left her. She never would have done that to me. But I had no choice.

“It seems like everyone around here is constantly banging.”

“Banging?” Onai asks.

“Having sex,” I clarify.

It’s Cressida who responds, “When you can give and get pleasure deep into your soul, what else would you be doing? I mean, you know, right?”

Words escape me. How do I explain this? Can I trust her?

“Actually, she hasn’t taken that step yet,” Onai tells her.

“I see.” Cressida nods quietly, “Renall has never been one to not obtain what he wanted.”

“If what he wants is my virginity, against my will, he will get a knife to the ribs instead.”

“Oh, spunky, I like that.” Cressida nods.

“To be fair, Renall might like that too. Knowing him, knife play might be foreplay.” Onai starts laughing before she even finishes her sentence.

The floor around the firepit is warm as we roll around in another fit of giggles. The door slams against the wall, breaking us out of our jovial mood, and we sit straight up. Renall walks in. He pauses slightly when he notices we have an extra person before he stalks toward the bathroom as the cave then echoes with running water. There’s a dark cloud following him, and blood was dripping from his chin.

Onai and Cressida get to their feet. Onai mouths, ‘We’ll leave you two alone.’ They slip out the open door and close it behind them.

Running water continues to echo in the silent cave between us. I pause, biting my lip, debating on what to say. Renall comes home each day with blood all over him. We don’t talk about it. He just comes home and washes it off. The trial is draining on him. I’m not sure if he is being attacked, or provoked, or possibly blowing off some steam afterward. The trial must not be going well in either scenario, but I have no words, charades, or stick figures to express that to Renall. Instead, I stew in my worry.

My feet automatically take me to the back wall. My fingers linger on an orchid petal. True to her word, Onai has taught me many things, including how to create these little planters along the wall. They extend into little square ledges from the cavern, and I’ve sprouted several flowers and herbs all within them. It was easy once she showed me how. I water them and they grow when I pay them attention, no sun needed.

The water turns off. My mind goes back to Renall. Onai and I have decided to stop eavesdropping on the trial. We’ve been more focused on honing my affinities. I have learned to summon the earth at will. Water, it seems, still eludes me, and Onai is at a loss since her affinity is different. I only manipulate air when I’m in trouble. Once the trial is over, she said she can connect me with someone who might be able to help.

A tingle runs down my back, the hairs on my neck stand at attention. Renall is behind me. He eyes my new additions to the planters and mumbles an appreciative growl. His breath is warm on my neck, I turn to him.

“Is there anything I can do?”

He just looks at me, his green eyes scanning me. His mouth wants to say something, but both of us understand it’s useless. I don’t comprehend anything, and sometimes a symbol in a notebook won’t do. Over the past few weeks, it’s also been getting harder and harder to resist this bond between us. From the passing looks to the muffled growls. The longer I spend in his proximity, the closer I am to losing myself. I’ve never felt like this before. Even though I can’t understand what he’s saying, I can almost feel it in my soul. In fact, I feel him all the time. Looking for me, watching me, listening to me, knowing where my body is in a room. It’s intoxicating.

He collapses on the couch and leans back, propping a foot up and lazily placing an arm over his eyes. Renall wants to go to bed and pretend this day never happened. It must have been really bad. When Onai and I peeked out last time, she said they were questioning his moves on the battlefield a few centuries ago. I guess Onai was right, you don’t make friends being one of their ancient Warrior Clan.

Walking over to him, I kneel beside him in front of the couch. “I’m sorry, Renall.” I sigh, “I wish there was something I could do to help.”

His arm shifts behind his head and he meets my gaze. My arm is gently placed against the side of his chest. His serene emerald eyes watch me, silently.

I hold his gaze as the heat between us rises, our heartbeats quickening in tune to the other. Of course, there is always something I can do to relieve the stress, if only for a moment. Give into this growing lust between us. But, no, I can’t do that. Not when I don’t know where this is headed, or if there is even a future to worry about. There is still so much of our fates up in the air.

After a moment, the side of his lip quirks up. He’s reading me through the bond again. He swings his arm around to pull my neck closer. Renall kisses my forehead before releasing me and rolling over to face the back of the couch.

I spent the rest of the night sitting in bed, pretending there was a window beside it that I could watch the rain fall. The smell of petrichor lingering in the air lulls me into slumber with thoughts of taking things further with Renall.

* * *

Warm hands swipe across my forehead, tucking hair behind my ear. “Rawe-tum.”

“Mmm,” I growl, swiping his hand away and shoving the covers above my face.

“Crome.”

“Five more minutes,” I groan.

“No, Rawe-tum, Crome now.”

“Huh?” Attempting to understand him is slowly waking me from my slumber. He’s motioning with his hand to follow him.

“You want me to … come? Follow you? Is something wrong?”

He shoots me a thumbs up.

If nothing is wrong, why is he waking me up before the sun? “Gods, what time is it? I feel like I haven’t slept a wink.”

“Crome.” Man of few words.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Calm down.” I tug my sneakers on and slip pants under the t-shirt I usually sleep in.

Hiding a yawn, I follow Renall into the dark cave. It must be the middle of the night because all fires have been extinguished and no one is around. He guides me back the way we entered the cave. Surprisingly, we encounter no one on the journey.

By the time we reach the waterfall, my curiosity has piqued and I’m wide awake. Why did he drag me out here in the middle of the night?

Renall steps to the edge of the corridor before the roaring waterfall and reaches his hand out for mine.

“You can’t be serious.”

He only holds his hand out higher. Shaking my head, I grab it. After three growls, we leap into the spray of the waterfall. It pelts down on my skin and drags me into the lagoon below. I’ve lost Renall’s hand in the fall, and desperately search for the surface, but at night there is no light to guide the way. Fear takes root inside me until I spy bubbles and swim for them.

Bursting through the surface with a gasp, I notice they aren’t bubbles at all, but rain drops along the water’s surface. It’s still raining. Renall is on the shore behind me. His strong arms grasp me, helping me out of the lagoon and onto the shore. It’s just as I remember it, the smell, the feel of rain drizzling down on me. I close my eyes, savoring every droplet against my skin. Raising my arms, I spin, trying to feel more of them. The air is so fresh out here. There’s nothing like the smell of fresh rain. It’s cleansing, purifying, providing the Earth with its power. My feet pause when a pull of energy draws me toward it. My face turns, basking in a ray of its light. The moon, even half-veiled by grey clouds, still allows me to bask in its power. I’ve never noticed that before …

“Brut-i-ful,” Renall whispers.

“What did you just say?” I peek an eye open at him, dropping my hands.

He takes a step forward, and then another before sliding a wet strand of hair behind my ear. “Brutiful,” he repeats.

“That’s a new word, I didn’t teach you that.” My smile widens.

His lip quirks up in a half smile.

“You’ve been learning English? For me?” A growling, primitive language compared to the complex English language must be like me learning rocket science, or that math with the shapes and the letters.

My fingers reach out for his cheek before my mind comprehends what I’m doing. Amazing how a person who lives in a cave can keep his beard so well tamed. It’s perfect, and I dream of it making my lips raw. My self-doubt and complicated life washes away with the rain dripping off me. Here in this moment, it’s just a girl standing before a boy who did something sweet for her and called her beautiful. There is no doubt in my mind Renall cares for me. I reach up on my tip toes and touch my lips to his. Despite the rain and the danger of being outside the cave, or the fact that we could be caught and dragged back inside at any moment, he kisses me back.

Soft and subtle at first, until that fire ignites inside both of us. He tugs me against him as the kiss turns passionate. My hands wrap around his neck, desperately pulling him impossibly closer. Desperate to extinguish this unruly fire once and for all.

A twig snaps somewhere in the woods beside us. Causing me to break my lips away first, breathing heavily. Renall’s eyes scan the darkness between the trees, ears perked, searching for danger. I glance away at anything but him because I know next time I might not have the power to stop. The darkness of the wood and the dripping of the rain surround us.

“We could leave, right now—you and me …” I point to the forest, grabbing his hand to drag him with me.

He’s silent.

“We could leave right now, and no one would find us. They won’t risk people to follow us. They are too scared.” For a second I worry he hasn’t understood, but my actions are pretty obvious.

After another moment of silence, I risk a glance at Renall. His face is contorted in confliction, but he’s shaking his head.

“What is holding you here?” I scoff, releasing his hand.

“Prrr-pose.” He shrugs defeatedly.

As the rain falls down on me, I finally start to realize, Renall might never leave this place. He brought me here for a reason, he is staying through this trial for a reason. He doesn’t want to leave. Not even for me. I have a decision to make. If this place isn’t for me, I might be forced to leave without Renall’s help.