Page 7 of The Cancer I Chose (BLP Signs of Love #4)

I was a whirlwind of nerves and sadness.

My body wouldn’t stay still. I kept fidgeting with the hem of my dress or adjusting my hair.

I was at war with my heart and mind as they both yearned for different things.

My heart told me marriage was too sacred to commit to without love, while my mind cautioned my heart to remember that we had to be alive to find true love.

But the one thing I could admit was that I looked beautiful.

I wore a strapless, pearl, opera lady length dress.

Just because this marriage was for convenience didn’t mean I couldn’t look the part.

On my feet were a strappy pair of white Marjorie Badus.

My natural hair was pulled back with a pearl-beaded headband, with my afro looking more luscious and large than ever.

All the jewelry I wore was from my mother’s personal collection.

It was my way of reminding myself of why I was doing this in the first place.

There was a gentle knock on the door. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kai standing there.

He filled out the frame of his bedroom door, wearing a white double-breasted suit with pearl buttons.

On his feet were a pair of white Majorie Badu loafers.

His lineup was fresh, and his locs were freshly re-twisted into four barrels.

Even his facial hair was perfectly aligned.

At least I would be able to say my husband was fine as shit.

His clove, sandalwood, and hint of laundry cologne wafted over to me, and I inhaled it shakily.

His eyes hadn’t stopped studying me intently.

That was the thing with Virgos, always analyzing.

I wanted nothing more than to know what he was thinking when he spoke and set the nerve endings in my body on fire.

“You look beautiful, Nuri Symone.” Every time Kai said my name, it sounded like the lyrics to a song. I wanted to listen to it over and over and over again, never growing tired of hearing him.

I smiled coyly. “Thank you. You’re looking quite handsome yourself.”

Kai didn’t smile or respond. Instead, he reached a hand for me to grab.

My feet moved with a mind of their own as I walked over until my hand was resting comfortably in his.

I followed him as he led us outside. His brother Jah was leaning against the side of Kai’s blacked-out Grand National while scrolling on his phone.

He looked up as we came down the porch steps of the big house and walked down the sidewalk to the curb.

“And y’all are really doing this shit.” He sounded shocked, as if he didn’t believe we’d go through with it.

Jah began making motions with his hands. I thought something was wrong with him until I noticed Kai motioning back once he stopped. They had to be having a conversation, a silent and private one that made me uneasy until Jah nodded his head and then stood to his full height.

“Fuck it. Let’s do it. I’ll follow behind because I got some shit to handle once it’s done.”

Kai walked forward and opened the passenger door for me.

I glanced into his eyes, searching for any indication that this was a bad idea while sliding onto the seat.

He nodded once as if to say trust him . As I pulled the seatbelt over myself and got buckled in, I knew I had no choice but to.

It was this or only God knows what. I wasn’t going to find out.

I was going to do what needed to be done to protect myself.

The ride to the courthouse was filled with silence.

Neither of us spoke, likely too caught up in our thoughts.

I noticed Jah following behind us in a black on black, custom-painted Hellcat.

Kai told me he was going to serve as our witness.

The closer we got, the faster my heart raced.

I was sure I was going to pass out when Kai pulled into the parking lot.

“We don’t have to if you’re having second thoughts,” Kai spoke for the first time since we’d left the big house.

I turned to find him watching me. I gulped down the ball of cotton lodged in my throat before speaking. “I’m not having second thoughts. Just a little nervous.”

He nodded. “Shit, me too, but I got you.”

I offered a closed-mouth smile before he got out and came around to open my door for me. I thought I would feel lightheaded when I stood up, but Kai’s hand in mine gave me strength. We walked with him on my left and Jah on my right straight to where we needed to be.

Kai oversaw gathering all the paperwork we needed to submit for our marriage license.

He pulled the folder from where it was tucked underneath his arm and then handed it to the clerk.

I waited with bated breath as we got squared away.

When we walked away from that desk with the marriage license, I knew there was no going back now.

We were in this shit until it was safe to get a divorce.

We entered the courtroom, where we were directed to wait our turn among the other couples.

Kai never let go of my hand. It was all the reassurance I needed to know I wasn’t alone in this.

It wasn’t ideal, but he had my back. That comforted me more than being rocked to sleep by my mother as a young girl.

Before I knew it, it was our turn. As we stood before each other exchanging vows that tethered us together, I couldn’t look away from Kai’s eyes.

The intensity in them made me believe every word out of his mouth, even if his heart wasn’t in it.

At the end of Kai’s vows, he asked to add one more thing.

He released one of my hands to pull his phone out of his pocket.

After finding what he was looking for, he glanced up at me.

“I know this isn’t what you imagined your wedding day would be like as a little girl, but I want you to know that I’m here, Nuri Symone.

Every time you look at me, I want you to know that you’re safe in any and every way possible.

I won’t only be your husband but your friend and your diary.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this yet, but I’m not good with words, so this song is for you. ”

He tapped his screen, and the piano intro to Alicia Keys’ “Diary” began to play. I couldn’t contain the smile on my face or the tears that welled in my eyes as I became emotional. It wasn’t the traditional marriage song, but I understood why and what he was saying to me.

When the officiant told us that we could kiss, we both hesitated before Kai took control.

He wrapped an arm around my waist, then yanked me into his hard chest. I landed with a soft thud.

My eyes slowly trailed from the music lapel on his suit jacket up to his inky eyes.

His tongue trailed across his lips. I was sure he could feel my heart racing against his sternum, but he didn’t seem to mind.

My eyes drifted shut as he inched closer until his lips landed on mine.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to feel when Kai kissed me.

There were no tongues, fireworks, or music from heaven, but there was a shift.

A ball in my core that unraveled itself and surprisingly yearned for the kiss to last a minute longer than it did.

When Kai pulled away from me, I felt even more confident in my choice.

He might not be the love of my life, but I was sure I would have a friend in him when all of this was over.

“I’ll take the porterhouse steak medium with the loaded mashed potatoes, pancetta-roasted Brussel sprouts, and the lobster and smoked bacon mac and cheese,” I told our server.

After leaving the courthouse, Kai treated me to a nice steak dinner at Ruthie’s. I was a fan and knew the menu by heart.

“And for you, Mr. Walker?” The server turned his attention to my husband.

Kai eyed me suspiciously before ordering the lamb chops with mashed potatoes and the pepper jack creamed corn skillet. I lifted my glass of red wine and took a slow sip.

Once I placed it back on the table, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Kai wasn’t a talker at all, so I figured I would still try my luck at initiating a conversation.

“So, were you and Jah doing sign language earlier?”

He swirled his cognac around in the glass. His eyes slowly lifted to my face, and he nodded.

“Why?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day.”

I huffed, wanting an answer now. For some reason, I desired to be a part of his world, even if our marriage wasn’t real. I ran my finger along the rim of my wineglass. “Is this how our marriage is going to be?”

“What?”

I returned my attention to him. “Silent, one-sided...”

Kai took a sip of his liquor and sighed like I was bothering him or something by trying to have a simple conversation. I thought he wasn’t going to deem me worthy of a response when he finally spoke.

“I’m only good with words when I’m rapping.”

I perked up, happy to receive even a crumb of insight into the man I’d just legally married. “You do music... That makes so much sense. Do you have anything I can listen to?”

Kai nodded again and pointed at my phone sitting on the table.

I picked it up and unlocked it before handing it off.

I waited patiently while he clicked around and then gave it back.

He had an album titled Reaper Music pulled up on my music app.

My eyes widened when I saw the label he was signed to in the credits at the bottom.

Brighton Media was a mogul in the industry.

They produced some of rap and R&B’s greatest hits and artists.

“Oh my God. You’re a legit artist. Who the fuck did I marry?” I joked. I saw the corner of his mouth lift just a little. “Why do you live in the big house if you’re so successful?”

Kai pointed to the phone. I sighed, wanting nothing more than for him just to tell me, but I respected that it wasn’t who he was... at least not yet. He wasn’t safe enough to be vulnerable to me right now, but I secretly made it my mission to make sure that one day he could be.

I pulled out my headphones and plugged them into my phone.

“Want to listen with me?” I offered, expecting him to turn me down, but surprisingly, he nodded.

Kai stood with his glass and moved his seat around the table.

When he sat down, we were shoulder to shoulder.

I smiled, satisfied with this. He accepted the free headphone bud and placed it in his ear.

Looking down at the phone, he chose the song he wanted me to listen to.

A melodic rap beat began to blast through the speakers.

I nodded my head as he started mumbling the intro.

When the beat dropped, his voice became more powerful and confident than I’d ever heard it.

I paused, listening to focus on what Kai had to say.

While his speaking voice was deep with a little rasp to it, his rapping voice was smooth like water, controlled and hypnotizing.

His lyrics were filled with pain, frustration, and hope.

If I hadn’t known he came from struggle before, then I knew it for sure after the first verse.

I sat there completely in awe of the man sitting silently beside me, like he wasn’t the dopest artist I’d ever heard.

I wasn’t sure how I’d never heard his music before, but I was now a fan.

I started the song over once it went off, and he allowed me.

The rawness of his story pulled tears to the corners of my eyes.

I sniffled. “Sorry, it’s just so beautiful,” I cried. “You’ve been through so much.”

Kai smirked with a shake of his head before polishing off his liquor.

“Man, you Cancers sure are emotional,” he said. It took me a second to realize he was teasing me.

“How’d you know I was a Cancer?”

“I saw it on your birth certificate. July 2 nd .”

For some reason, hearing that he knew a little fact about me made my heart skip a beat.

We glanced up as our server came to bring our food.

After making sure we were squared away, he left us alone.

The second time the song went off, I allowed it to cross-fade into the next one on his album.

We sat side by side listening to his music while enjoying our dinner, and it was perfect.

By the time we left the restaurant, I felt like I knew Sekai a little better.

While he believed he only had the ability to communicate well through music, I was determined to prove him wrong.