Page 22 of The Cancer I Chose (BLP Signs of Love #4)
I gasped when I closed the front door and turned to find a gigantic bouquet in the foyer. It had to be hundreds of red roses sitting delicately under the low chandelier light. My hand flew to my mouth as I walked closer to pick up the note.
Meet me at the lake.
-Hubby
I hugged the note to my chest, feeling my racing heart beneath my fingers. Walking to the side table, I set my purse on top along with the mail I’d pulled from the box.
Anxiety began to bubble in my belly as I made my way through the estate, headed toward the back.
On the entire walk to the lake, I wondered what Kai was up to.
I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t excited to find out.
Since the night at the club, something had shifted between Kai and me.
It was new, but it felt right. Despite seeing the violent lengths he would go to for me, I couldn’t get enough of my grumpy and quiet husband.
Light ahead pulled me from my thoughts. I smiled at the aisle of tealight candles leading the remaining half mile to the lake. If I thought my heart was racing before, it was now sprinting. I could hardly control my breathing when the trees parted, and the clearing came into view.
Kai stood there beside a picnic set up on the grassy plot beside the still water.
I closed the distance between us, barely able to contain my smile.
It was the most romantic thing a man could’ve done for me, especially when I noticed my grandparents’ record player was injecting Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” into the quiet night.
My heart warmed when he reached a hand out for me.
I damn near tripped over my feet trying to get close to him to be pressed against his solid chest as he anchored me to the soil beneath my feet.
His hands slid around my waist until they gripped my ass cheeks.
I blushed, allowing my cheek to rest on his pecs.
He slowly began to dance us around the lake.
The moon was already high in the sky. I shuddered every time I caught a glimpse of its reflection on the lake’s surface.
It whispered for me to believe that beautiful things could be born in the dark.
Kai twirled me around before we fell back into step together, moving as one being instead of two souls.
His eyes never left mine. Goosebumps sprouted up my arm as he gave me that look that always made me weak in the knees.
The yearning in the depths of his eyes tugged at my heartstrings and the strings on my panties, too.
I was ready to slide these leggings off and help myself to a large helping of Sekai Walker.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in awe. “I never thought I would get married.”
I rested my chin on him. “Why not?” He shook his head, looking away, but my hand on his cheek returned his focus to me. “Stop hiding from me, Sekai. Let me in,” I urged.
Kai stopped spinning us around, took my hand, and led us to the blanket.
I sighed, feeling defeated because, of course, he wasn’t going to answer.
When we were on the blanket, he pulled me in between his legs and enclosed me in a bear hug that I sank into.
I could feel his cool breath on my cheek as he traced lyrics I couldn’t quite put together on my skin.
“I know you wonder why I don’t talk a lot...”
He began speaking, which surprised me. I just knew he was about to shut down when I asked that question. I damn near held my breath waiting for him to let me in.
“For the first four years of my life, I was severely neglected. It’s honestly a miracle I’m even here to tell the story. When I say no one gave a fuck about me, I’m not exaggerating.”
It broke my heart to hear his truth. I knew there was darkness to Kai, but I had no clue that dark road would lead us here.
“Because I didn’t have a stable caretaker, I didn’t learn to speak like most babies.
I never cried either. I just watched while trying to make sense of what was happening around me.
Sometimes, I vaguely remember my mother’s face fading in and out of my vision.
She’d be so doped up half the time… I remember always looking down at her.
My dad found me when I was four years old.
He said he’d seen my mother at the grocery store.
They dated back in high school, and he said it broke his heart to see her like that.
For whatever reason, he happened to follow her.
She led him right to me, and he took me home to Mama Que.
I developed a stutter because my mind was trying to catch up for all the years of silence, but it was moving faster than my mouth was able to. ”
Kai fell silent, and I allowed him to. What he’d just shared with me was heavy.
I couldn’t imagine anyone abandoning the handsome man behind me.
Though it broke my heart to hear, I was happy to finally understand my husband.
Silence was his trauma response, and I hated that because Kai’s voice could cause rain in a drought.
Tears spilled onto my cheeks. Kai kissed my cheek and then pulled me tighter to him. I finally asked the question I’d always wanted to know. “Is that why y’all speak sign language sometimes?”
Kai nodded. “Yeah, when I feel overwhelmed, I prefer to sign than to speak. My parents were willing to do whatever to help me, so they made the entire family learn sign language to help us be able to communicate when I got in my slumps where I wouldn’t speak for weeks.”
I smiled, leaning my head back on his shoulder. “That makes me love them even more. I only met them once, but they seem like the kind of people who would go to those lengths for you. I’m so happy they did. You deserve it.”
He nuzzled his nose in my neck and inhaled. “They already love you, too, and have been asking for me to bring you over there.”
Turning slightly toward Kai, I palmed his cheek while staring into his eyes.
Gone was the intensity that kept me out for so long.
Tonight, his eyes were soft and called me deeper into the abyss.
“I know you think there’s something wrong with you because you don’t speak as well as others, but you’re still perfect.
.. so fucking perfect that whenever I look at you, I thank God. ”
I could see that he was troubled and didn’t believe what I’d said. He lifted a hand to my cheek, too. “But you deserve someone who can communicate with you...”
I smiled. “I’m going to learn sign language too.
When I say I want to be in your world, Sekai, I actually mean it because I love everything about you.
You’ve still managed to capture my heart, not because of all the words you’ve said but because of all the things you’ve done to protect me, to provide for me, to ensure I feel seen and valued, to take care of me when I’m too weak to get out of bed, and to comfort me when the grief is too heavy to carry alone.
Why is it that you get to show up for me in the fullest capacity possible, and I can only give you crumbs?
You deserve more than that, Sekai. You deserve love in its fullness, and it’s time you allowed me to give you that. ”
I could see tears welling in the corners of Kai’s eyes. He dropped his head as his lids floated closed. His breathing was shallow. “You would do that for me, Nuri Symone? Learning sign language?”
“Happily and without a doubt about it. I know we married each other for my protection, but I love you, Sekai. You don’t have to say it back, but the way I feel about you transcends time and space.
It’s primal... something I can’t control or understand, but I know I want it. For life...” I whispered the last part.
One minute, Kai was staring at me with a beaming expression, and the next, he was pressing his lips into mine.
The picnic and everything else were forgotten as we began attacking each other.
Clothes were flying everywhere until we were naked.
The cool breeze from the nighttime air caused me to shiver.
Kai got ready to enter me until I shook my head. “Unh uh, you know what I want.”
He smirked before lowering his mouth to my pussy instead.
My toes curled as he sucked on my clit like a baby bottle pop.
When he slid his tongue in, I bounced on it like it was his dick.
I thought I couldn’t take any more when Kai shoved his dick inside of me, causing flames to sprout everywhere.
My lips parted, trying to express how good I felt, but nothing came out.
Kai used that opportunity to shove his tongue down my throat.
“See how fucking good you taste, baby. I love you too, Nuri Symone St. James,” he blurted out of nowhere. “I’ve loved you since I saw you running and screaming, afraid in the dark. I might not have known that’s what I was feeling then, but I know now.”