Page 58 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

HAVEN

I t’s been ninety-six hours since my entire world shattered around me. Four days.

How has it only been that long? It seems like weeks.

Clasping Axel’s hand in mine, I stare at my man through tear filled eyes. His gorgeous face is hidden behind an oxygen mask. There’s a bandage around his head, hiding his beautiful hair.

The doctors kept him in a medically induced coma while they assessed the swelling on his brain. They don’t think it’s a problem, but they won’t tell me with any certainty if he’ll be okay when he wakes up. They just keep saying it’s too soon to know.

They removed the breathing tube yesterday, leaving him only with the mask, and are apparently adjusting his medication to see if he wakes up on his own today or tomorrow. Apparently, the fact that he can breathe on his own is a promising sign.

But he hasn’t moved since they brought him in.

Looking him over in the hope I can spot even so much as a finger twitch, my eyes snag on his bandaged chest. He broke multiple ribs when he fell through two floors. My guy must have been in so much pain.

I look back at his unmoving bruised face, and sharp pain lances through my heart. I just want to scream at him to wake up. I’d give anything to see him open those shiny blue eyes and smile up at me.

I rest my forehead on his hand, the warm skin almost fooling me into thinking he’s okay.

That he’s here. But he isn’t. He doesn’t smell like himself.

His signature leather and citrus scent is nowhere to be found amongst the hospital odors, the gag inducing food and overpowering disinfectants. This isn’t my Axel, and I hate it.

He could have died. I know his job is dangerous but seeing him like this is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Beckett had called Lucas because he didn’t have my number, and my world stopped when Lucas came bursting into the bakery to tell me.

“There’s been an accident—Axel…hospital.”

I’m sure there were other words in there, but that’s all I heard before I collapsed to the ground.

Those words will forever haunt me.

His mom, Grams, and our friends have been taking turns to be with me. Axel's crew stood vigil in the waiting room for hours on end before we sent them home, promising to call if anything changed.

Three of them stayed—Max, Beckett, and Cap are outside alongside Axel’s Mom, Grams, and Lucas.

I asked for some time alone with Axel, so his mom and grams have gone to pick up some food from the diner although I’m not hungry.

I tighten my grip on his hand.

“Axel, babe, please wake up. Please, please wake up.” My voice trembles as I grip his hand tighter, willing some part of him to feel me.

“I need you, Fireman.” The nickname catches in my throat .

“You aren’t just their hero, you’re mine, and we’ve only just found each other again, dammit.”

Leaning in, I press my forehead gently to his, wishing I could breathe in his comforting leather and citrus smell just for a second.

“You don’t get to be the one to leave me now. No fucking way.” Tears blur my vision, threatening to spill over.

“I love you, you stupid big idiot.” My voice cracks, heart aching.

“I dare you to wake up so I can tell you that to your freakin’ face.”

The door creeps open, and Beckett walks in holding two coffees.

“I come bearing coffee” He looks at me apprehensively. “Can I come in?” All I can do is nod as he holds up the cup. “Sorry if it isn’t the type you like.” Sighing, he collapses in the chair beside me.

Nodding gratefully, I reach out with my free hand to take it, not wanting to let Axel go.

“Why don’t you head home for a couple of hours, Haven? You’ve been here for days already. You should go get some rest. I’ll stay with him till you get back.”

“No, I won’t leave him.” I meet Beckett’s concerned gaze with a steely one of my own. “The only way I’m leaving this hospital is with Axel by my side. I won’t entertain anything else.”

A small smile flits across Beckett’s face. “You love him, don’t you?”

Fresh tears flood my eyes at his question, his face blurring as I nod in confirmation. I hate that I’m telling someone else before him, but I’m not going to lie. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize I was in love with my best friend, but I’m done hiding it .

Beckett stands up with a grin splitting his face as he walks over to clasp Axel's free hand.

“Fucking finally. Axeman, your stupid ass better wake up. You have everything to live for now.”

With that, he walks back out, leaving me alone to study the heart rate monitor wishing I knew what these numbers mean.

Why didn’t I ask Beckett just to make sure they’re normal?

I take a sip of the coffee and almost spit it back out. Jesus, it tastes like motor oil.

Reluctantly I release Axel’s hand to dump it down the sink when a hand closes around my wrist, followed by Axel’s low, raspy voice.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Spinning around so fast I drop the offending coffee, spilling it all over the floor but I don’t give a shit.

“Axel!”

He’s pulled the mask off but that’s about all I can make out through the tears now streaming down my face. His grip tightening in silent comfort.

He’s back. He’s really back.

“Hi, Sprinks.”

I silently thank the universe—and every God I’ve prayed to these past few days—for bringing him back to me. “I thought I lost you.” I choke back a sob. “You scared the hell outta me.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” he says with a wince as he tries to shuffle up in bed.

I need to get the doctors in here to check him over, but first things first. “Don’t talk, babe. I’m going to call the doctors. But first…”

I stroke his stubbled jaw, his eyes closing for a second at the contact. “I broke rule six. I’m in love with you. I love you so fucking much. I probably have all along. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it sooner. ”

The biggest grin breaks out on my man’s beautiful, bruised face, his brilliant blue eyes light up.

“Fuck, Sprinks, that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve loved you since we were eighteen years old. Maybe even before then. I never stopped. You’ve been it for me since the first day I met you.” He coughs, and his words turn raspy, forcing them past his tight, raw throat taking a toll on him.

My heart soars, even as my eyes swim with more tears.

I left him.

Just the thought I’d lost him in this fire almost killed me, and yet I left him for eleven freakin’ years. Was that how he felt without me all that time?

Guilt claws through me, and I’m hit with the need to be close to him. I want to wrap myself around him, and never let him go to make up for all the years I put a pond between us because I’m an idiot.

“I’m so sorry I left.” I whisper. “I’ll never leave you again, Axel, you’re it for me too.” I brush a soft kiss over his lips, hoping it’s enough to reassure him.

He tugs a strand of my hair. “So…fuck rule six then?” He grins up at me.

I huff out a laugh. “Fuck all the rules, Fireman. You’re stuck with me now.”