Page 22 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

AXEL

I stare at the doorway my girl just ran through and fight every instinct in my body to go after her. The emotions that flew across her face made it clear she needs space, so I want to give her some, despite my desperation to know what she’s thinking suffocating me right now.

I called her my girlfriend tonight. I’ve never used that label on anyone, but shit, did it feel right on her.

Was it all just an act for Keely’s benefit? I don’t think it was, because if it were, she would still be here, laughing it off—even though I’m sure as shit not in the laughing mood right now.

I’d rather bury myself inside her until we both forget all the years we spent apart.

The second she kissed me, I felt alive again. Whole. The hollow feeling I’ve gotten used to finally disappeared. I felt like I could breathe while she was in my arms.

I need to feel that again. I need to feel her again.

I can’t focus on the what ifs. When she leaves, I’ll deal.

I’ve done it before; I can do it again.

The thought of losing her a second time and not being able to spend whatever short amount of time we have together instead of wasting it in this weird, stilted dance, is so much worse than the devastation I’ll face in the aftermath.

“Planning on joining us again anytime soon, Verona?” I look up, startled to find Lucas cocking a brow, staring down at me.

“What?” I really want to be alone with my thoughts. I need to figure out how to convince Haven to give us a shot while she’s here.

“I volunteered as tribute to give you a lap dance. What does it look like?”

“Not now, Lucas.”

“No? Is the excitement of two lap dances in one night too much for you?”

“What the fuck man?”

“I’m the one who should be asking you that question, Verona.

For a minute there, we all thought you’d finally pulled your head outta your ass and claimed your girl, but judging by how she tore out of here faster than a Tasmanian devil, I’m willing to bet that’s not the case. So , what the fuck man ?”

His sharp blue eyes stay focused on me as he straddles the chair opposite, crossing his arms over the back.

Sighing, I hunch forward, dropping my head into my hands.

“I don’t know what to tell you, bro. I don’t know what to fucking tell you.”

“Did you kiss her?”

“No, she kissed me to get Keely off my back.”

“Didn’t look like that’s all it was to us.”

“Didn’t feel like it to me either.”

“So, what are you gonna do about it?”

That’s the million-dollar question right there.

But why is Lucas asking me this shit? Wouldn’t me screwing this up make it easier for him to make a move?

Dammit, it was bad enough seeing him draped all over her before. Seeing it now with her taste fresh on my lips, the memory of her grinding on my lap…I won’t survive that. Or one of us won’t, and I’m pretty sure murder will flush my chance at becoming captain straight down the toilet.

If I told him how I feel, would he respect the bro code? Although I guess, he technically asked her out first. But she turned him down, so I’m not sure that counts. Right?

Growling in frustration, I tug at my hair again. I’m just going to say it.

“Fucked if I know. But I need her.”

“No shit.”

I look up at him, a devious grin slowly spreading across his face.

“What’s that look for? Aren't you interested in her? You’ve been flirting with her nonstop since she got back,” I clench my hand, trying to keep my tone calm. Starting a fight in here would probably be frowned upon.

“What the fuck? No, bro!” He looks at me incredulously. “I was just trying to get you there.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Verona, you’re not this dumb bro. You just needed a little help removing the stick from your sphincter where she was concerned.”

“Lucas, that’s bullshit. You asked her out before graduation, for fuck’s sake.”

He laughs out loud, rocking back on the chair.

“Uh-huh, and who found the balls to kiss her in a utility room a week later? I. Got. You. There. I’ve known your dumb ass since we were four years old.

Do you think I'm blind? You were half in love with that chick from the first day you met her. If I hadn’t made a move, we’d all still be waiting for you to make yours. ”

I search his eyes, but I can’t see any lies there. He genuinely means it. This entire time, all these years, he wasn’t harboring a secret crush on my girl.

Well hell, if that isn’t the second shocker of the night.

Part of me always believed he did. I might have even held a little guilt about moving in on someone he’d wanted too.

Not enough to stop me once I knew what Haven felt like, but the sense of relief that washes over me right now makes me want to laugh my ass off.

Standing up, I pull Lucas in by the neck for a man hug, shocking us both as I slap his back a couple of times.

Pulling back to look him in the eyes, I’m taken aback at the genuine affection I see there.

I’ve taken these guys for granted. Especially Lucas.

Probably because our group is so entwined with memories of her that I found it hard to be around them all the time.

I felt like I was drowning, and it was just easier to withdraw. Then my job became the perfect excuse.

But Lucas never gave up on me, that much became clear tonight.

Whatever happens with Haven now or after, I won’t forget it.

“Thank you, man. Fuck. I really thought?—”

“That I’d swoop in and steal the love of your life? If you thought that, you really don’t know me at all. But it’s OK, no offense taken.”

“She’s not the love of my?— “

“Bullshit, don’t lie to me because you’re lying to yourself.”

Fuck. Is that what this is? This soul-crushing need consuming me for her. But I know she’ll be leaving again, so I can’t be throwing the L word around with that deadline. It's a ticking time bomb.

But maybe, just maybe, I can convince her that being friends with benefits while she’s here would help scratch an itch for us both, and that’ll have to be enough.

It’s not. Forever wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m gonna head home, man. I need to figure my shit out.”

“Fuck yeah, go get our girl.” Lucas slaps me on the back before heading back to join the rest of the group.

Tossing a hand up in a brief goodbye, I retrace Haven's footsteps and walk out into the crisp night air, without even a single murderous thought at Lucas saying our girl.

Progress.

Breathing in, a sense of calm washes over me.

I think I know what I need to do.