Page 13 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

AXEL

A fter the incident with Haven in the bakery, even cold showers haven’t been enough to kill my desire for her. That barely there kiss has been on replay constantly, leaving me aching with need.

I’ve put a self-imposed ban on my right hand, which leaves me with the worst case of blue balls known to mankind because I can’t even jerk off without picturing her anymore.

I glare at said hand curled around my whiskey glass. Traitor . I can still remember the feel of her hand in mine from earlier today. I hadn’t even realized I grabbed it.

If there was any doubt, absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and all that bullshit.

After three days of avoiding my hurricane, the minute I saw her standing there, backlit like an angel in the doorway, all my resolve crumbled under the need to go to her, to touch her somehow—and just that touch has me set to blow.

Maybe I need to see a therapist. I can’t live like this. Perma-boners have got to mess with the brain somehow. How can that function while all my blood is partying down south?

This woman’s presence is my own personal hell.

I need to get laid, but the thought of some random hookup makes my dick go limp almost as quickly as it gets hard around Haven.

Another fucking traitor.

I can’t help but let out a frustrated growl, catching the barman’s attention. I signal him for another whiskey draining the rest of this glass in one hit.

I wish Lucas would hurry up and get here. I probably shouldn’t be sinking double whiskeys like shots while I’m waiting, but all I can see is the worry etched across her face. It’s eating me up inside.

I hope he can help me out, because this delay is the last thing I need. I can’t trust myself around her, nor can I let her down. That would hurt me as much as it does her.

I need to fix it for her. And then I need to get the hell away from her.

“Jesus, Verona, grip that any tighter and you’ll break the glass.” Lucas's lazy drawl draws my attention as he sits astride the stool beside me.

“Fucking finally.”

“Where’s the fire?” His sharp blue eyes zero in on my face, his amusement falling away.

Oh no, I don’t need another Beckett situation. Especially since Lucas knows her.

Forcing myself to calm down, I grin at him and buy myself a minute ordering him a beer.

“So, I need a favor. A pretty big favor. You know the bakery under my place?”

“Oh yeah, it caught fire a few weeks ago, right? Your place OK?”

“Yeah, totally fine. I’m fixing it up for Grams. Problem is, there’s a huge issue with the wiring. Hell knows what cowboy installed it to begin with, but that’s what sparked the fire. We’re lucky it wasn’t much worse. ”

“Ah, right. Need me to come take a look?”

“Could you? I’ll pay you whatever it is, but I need that sorted like yesterday. I need to have the bakery fully operational in less than a month.” His muttered curse tells me this isn’t gonna be a walk in the park. “I’m sorry, bro, I know I’m asking a lot. I’ll owe you one.”

“I’ll come take a look tomorrow. I’m almost finished with my current job, and I’ll talk to my client and delay starting the next, but if it needs an entire rewire, it’s gonna take some time. I’ll do my best, but I don’t wanna promise you shit I can’t deliver.”

A familiar laugh distracts both of us from our conversation. Oh no, no, no.

Lucas’s eyes widen in recognition as he turns around and promptly stands up.

“Haven fucking Blake, where the hell did you come from?”

Her eyes widen as she looks away from Mia, another old school friend of ours. She lets out a squeal and runs across the bar, launching herself into his arms like a fucking spider monkey.

Where the fuck was my monkey greeting?

Well, maybe if you hadn't acted like a total asshole, you’d have those delicious thighs wrapped around your waist right now instead of his.

I can see her pink sneakers sparkling where they are crossed around his back—wait, is he holding her ass?

He fucking is.

My nostrils flare in rage as I stare at his hands. I want to cut them off. The relaxed, wide smiles they both have on their faces while his fingers flex on her ass makes the whiskey churn in my gut. If he doesn’t put her down soon, there’s a strong possibility he won’t live to see another day.

You’d never be able to hide the body.

Despite the jealous rage ripping through me, I can’t tear my eyes away.

She looks incredible tonight wearing a short blue denim dress, with buttons that run from tits to mid-thigh.

My hands itch to undo those buttons and explore what ridiculous scrap of lace she has hiding under there to taunt me with today.

But then she plants an almighty kiss on Lucas’s cheek, and I see red. I don’t want her lips anywhere near Baby Thor. The urge to walk over, rip her out of his arms and carry her out of here like a caveman is strong.

No. Don’t do it.

Her lips shouldn’t be touching him. They belong to me. Lucas has been in her orbit five fucking seconds and is like a kid in a candy shop stealing all her sugar.

I grind my teeth and look down at a shredded napkin on the bar. Shit. Did I do that?

“When did you get back in town, Haven? I’m so sorry to hear about Grams’s bakery,” he tells her as he slings an arm casually around her shoulder now that she’s standing beside him.

Still. Fucking. Touching. Her.

We’re about to have a one-armed electrician.

She's totally oblivious to me sitting here. I’m invisible to her. And that shit hurts.

Mia strolls over and greets me with a hug, finally alerting Haven to my presence. The arch of her brow is all I get before she turns her attention back to Lucas.

I down my nearly full glass to keep me from doing something I’ll likely regret.

Thank fuck I’m not working for a few days.

Cap wouldn’t be happy with his lieutenant storming in hungover tomorrow, especially with the rumors floating around about his retirement.

If I want a chance at becoming firehouse captain and hitting my career goal, I can’t be getting wasted.

However, that thought does nothing to stop me now as I signal the bartender for another.

She’s wrecking my control and fucking with my life both personally and professionally, and she doesn’t even know it. Hell, I might as well not be here. Lucas seems to have forgotten all about me too.

Surreptitiously, I watch her interacting with our friends. She’s different. Confident. Self-assured. No longer seeking me out with her eyes for reassurance like she used to.

I hate that.

Don’t get me wrong, not because she’s confident. I fucking love that. Seeing her rip into Leroy will go down in history as one of my favorite memories of her.

But it also shows how far we’ve grown apart. She doesn’t need me anymore.

That’s fine.

I don’t need her either.

Liar.

Coughing, I make eye contact with Lucas while trying to ignore his arm still curled around my girl.

“Lucas, I need to head out. Can we finish this?”

His eyes widen, and yep, he’d forgotten all about me.

“Shit! Yeah, sure! Haven, I’m about to be your white knight, you better reward me with a kiss when I'm done fixing that kitchen.”

White knight. Kiss. Then he winks at her. He. Fucking. Winks.

He’s obviously flirting with her.

Hell no.

This asshole wants to be dead.

I fist my hands on the bar and concentrate really hard on breathing before I give myself a heart attack. I’m pretty sure my pulse shouldn’t be racing this fast. Maybe I need to walk myself out of here and straight into urgent care.

I think I need medical intervention.

I need something.

You need her.

Bullshit. Besides she’s not so much as smiled at me, but she’s laughing right now as she swipes Lucas around the head.

They always had this sort of banter, but I know that given half the chance, he would shoot his shot again.

And thanks to my less than stellar attitude, I bet she’d have no issues agreeing this time around.

The girls promise to meet Lucas for dinner before they wander off arm in arm toward the dart boards. I do my best to drag my eyes away from her curvy ass in that skintight dress before they collide with Lucas’s knowing stare.

“So, you didn’t mention Haven was back in town. That’s a big deal. Is that why this is so urgent?”

“Partly. The Merryweather’s asked her to bake their daughter's wedding cake.”

He lets out a long, low whistle. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck”.

I might want to murder Lucas for touching her, but he’s a good guy. He knows Haven almost as well as I do, so he gets what a huge deal this is. The Merryweather family is royalty around here, and the exposure it would give her would be huge.

“OK, man, I’ll do what I can. You know I will. So are you two?—”

I hold up a finger to stop his movement, his hands midway into rudely signaling exactly what I’m trying to avoid thinking about doing with her.

“Does it look like it?” I barely contain the snarl before sighing. “No. It’s not like that.”

His eyebrows arch, disbelief etched all over his face.

“But it could be. This could be your second chance, bro. You know how you were when she?—”

I silence him again because I can’t hear this shit. It’s bad enough getting it from Beckett, I don’t need Lucas in my ear too.

“I was young and stupid. It was just a bit of fun before she left, and I just got carried away. I’m not looking for a relationship, Lucas.

You know this. I don’t want to be tied down to anything or anyone.

I’m good.” I sigh, then through gritted teeth I force myself to say, “If you want to go for it, feel free. Although last I heard, she was with some dude in London.”

Mia shouts “Bullseye!” and they laugh loud enough to draw every eye in the joint to them. Haven looks relaxed and happy. She’s practically lighting up the room with how she sparkles.

Dammit, how long have I been staring at her again?

I turn back to face Lucas, whose eyes haven’t moved from me, his raised brow calling bullshit.

But I know how it has to go down.

I don’t want her. This is just biology. Sooner or later, my dick’s gonna get that memo, or Haven will leave for London and life will go back to normal.

Until then, I just need to keep my promise to her, my hands to myself, and weather the storm.