Page 47 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

HAVEN

Axel

Let me cook you dinner tonight?

Lasagna to celebrate the moment you crashed back into my life.

Me

You got jokes today huh?

Axel

Jokes, strong tongue, blue balls You name it, I’ve got it.

Me

Something new and different for you?

Axel

I’m feeling whelmed.

All jokes aside, please let me cook for you. We can have a movie night, old school style. And yes, before you ask, we can watch *that*.

Me

I’m in! LOL

Axel

I should have led with that.

Me

Probably. Patrick Verona can make me do all the things.

Axel

What about Axel Verona?

Me

tumbleweed GIF

Axel

Harsh. Meet me outside the bakery at six.

“ W ell now, I don’t remember the last time I saw you smile this wide. What’s got you so happy, Havey?”

Grams beams at me from across the kitchen counter as I look up from my phone.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Grams.”

“Sure don’t look like nothin,’ darlin.” She’s onto me. I’ve never been able to hide anything from this woman, but I really don’t want to tell her too much about Axel. Although he’s clearly not gotten that memo if yesterday was anything to go by.

He took my rules, threw them in the trash, and then set the trash can on fire when he kissed me like that in front of his entire crew.

Not to mention the very quick and dirty office fuck.

I couldn't get him out of my mind the entire night, the girls having to repeat shit two or three times before their words registered. I really wanted to call him when I got home, but I didn’t want to disturb him at work again.

I miss him. I loved the way he grabbed me and claimed me in front of his crew .

I probably shouldn’t be thinking about that while I’m sitting in Grams’s kitchen.

“Haven Blake, you’re blushing. Is it because of a certain lieutenant by any chance?”

“What? No!” I jerk upright so fast I almost topple off the stool, like some twenty first century Humpty Dumpty.

I’m not entirely sure all the king's horses could put me back together again either, with this dangerous game I’m playing.

“It’s cute you think you can lie to your old grandmother. I can read you like the large print edition of my steamy romance novel. Plus, people talk. I heard all about a certain night out at Jett’s.”

Well, bollocks.

I’m not even sure what to unpack and address first. The steamy romances she’s reading, or that everyone’s talking about the flippin kiss.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Grams. Honestly.” I’m shaking my head like a bobblehead. I don’t think I’m convincing either of us, though.

“I’m not entirely sure there are too many ways to interpret my granddaughter having her tongue in the hunky fireman’s mouth. I might be old, but I’m not senile.”

“Ughhhhh, fine. That was only supposed to be a favor to get rid of some cougar who wouldn’t leave him alone. But we’ve been seeing each other a little. But it’s casual , Grams. Really casual. And only for six weeks.”

“Haven Blake, that boy has been gone for you since you were kids. I’m not entirely sure what game the two of you are playing, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before he treats anything with you casual .

” She spits the word like it’s a piece of shit on her shoe while she glares at me with her arms crossed.

How is it possible that I’m a grown ass woman who accidentally set fire to her bakery, and it’s only now that I feel like I’ve been scolded like a naughty child ?

I tamp down on the urge to snap back. It doesn’t matter that the truth is on my side. We did agree to only six weeks and…well, technically, I guess it’s four now.

I’m a little more concerned about the tiny flame of hope that’s struck up like a match inside me at her words. I want to ask her what she means.

Does she mean romantically? Pretty sure she does.

Do I want her to mean that? I’m pretty sure I do.

Shit.

What does that mean for me?

Am I falling for my best friend?

We’re supposed to keep things casual but the things he makes me feel are the direct opposite and that terrifies me.

He isn’t the same guy I grew up with. He’s got a reputation as the town playboy. What if he gets bored and decides to move on? Ghosts me again? Or worse still, cheats on me like my dickhead ex did. He could so easily do that. It’s not like he doesn’t have options.

He wouldn’t and you know it.

Urghhh, I mean, his are not the actions of someone thinking about moving on. If anything, they are definitely leaning toward the opposite. He’s called me his a lot. Like a lot . And I like it a whole bloody lot too.

But if I assume that or bring it up and I’m wrong and this is all just a temporary thing for him, then I’ll never be able to stay here. Not if I’ve let myself fall in love with him. There is no way.

The silence is deafening, stretching across the expanse of Grams’ kitchen as my brain mentally creates lists upon lists of pros and cons. Except, I might as well have written them in Ancient Greek because I can’t figure out a single word they say.

I breathe in and hold it for four before releasing it in a drawn-out exhale.

A little trick I picked up to help calm my anxiety down when I realized I’d gotten through a huge portion of my life relying on someone else to help me do it.

In a strange way, I guess things worked out better for me and my own personal growth.

I’d been too reliant on Axel growing up. Too secure that he had me.

“He told me about what happened with his dad,” I practically whisper into the silence. Don’t ask me why I’m whispering. Surprise, then sadness fills Grams eyes at my words.

“That poor family suffered a lot. My heart breaks all over again when I think about it.”

“You should have told me, Grams. I asked you about him, told you he’d gone silent on me. I only found out about his dad a few months ago, through Mia. I had no idea it happened so long ago.”

“He swore me to secrecy, Havey. He was adamant I didn’t tell you a single thing because he knew you’d come straight back.”

“Of course I would have. I should have! I left him alone at the worst moment of his life while he held my hand through all my bullshit. It isn't fair.”

“Sometimes life isn’t fair, Haven. We know this more than most. It wasn’t fair that you were forced to grow up without a mother and in a totally different country from your own father during your formative years.

I would never change that because I got to keep you with me, and I’ll cherish that till the day I die.

But if I could have kept your mother alive to raise you herself, I would have done anything to give you that, no matter what it cost me. ”

My eyes flood with tears at her words. I’m so grateful to have had Grams. Growing up without Mom had been tough, but Grams had never once let me feel unloved or unsupported.

She selflessly took me in and raised me, so I wasn’t stuck with nanny after nanny, because God knows, as amazing as Dad is, he’s a workaholic of epic proportions .

I inherited the same drive, and it cost me the ability to be here for the most important person in my life, but the most frustrating thing is that no one thought I was strong enough to decide for myself.

“What Axel did for you is no different from what I did. He was selfless, choosing you over himself. There aren’t many men who would do that, especially at such a young age.”

“It’s a little different. I could have deferred my training, started later after I’d helped him through the worst of it. I could have brought him with me. I could have?—”

“You’d have never left, sweetheart. You know that. I know that. Axel knows that. You would have thrown your life away and deprived that handsome Scottish chef from the chance to try the best dessert of his life.”

Her attempt at humor pulls a weak smile from me, and I sigh, mulling over her words.

“I don’t know what to think, Grams. I don’t know what all of this is with Axel. I don’t know what I even want it to be.”

“Only you can answer that, Havey. Look deep into your heart and listen to what it’s telling you.”

A musical sign would be helpful right now.

I’ve played a little game with myself ever since I was a kid.

I’d mentally ask for a sign in the form of the next song to play.

It would start small, like, Will today be a good day?

or Should I do this? before it progressed to bigger things.

I’m not entirely sure it’s rational to hinge big life decisions on the next song to randomly play on the stereo, but I’m not exactly known as the most rational person. Besides, it's fun.

Give it a try. Ask for a sign and see what you get.

Grams will think I’ve lost my marbles but screw it. I may as well put the Alexa I got her to good use since she thinks it’s spyware sitting in her kitchen and refuses to use it.

“Alexa, play music. ”

Roxette’s “Listen to your heart” blasts through the tiny round speaker, and I barely contain the urge to laugh out loud. This bitch is still hitting a little too on the nose with her music choices, apparently.

So helpful.

Not.