Page 2 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

AXEL

I slam my locker door shut with a bang before storming into the showers at the end of a long twenty-four-hour shift. Standing under the hot jets, I lean my head against the tiles, letting out a huge sigh.

Ten years, thirty-six weeks, and four days.

That’s how long it’s been since I said goodbye to her. Haven Blake. My ex-best friend.

And now she’s here, crashing back into my carefully ordered life with her pink hair and mouthwatering curves, knocking me on my ass.

It’s been hours, and she’s just as vivid in my mind as if she were standing right in front of me. Haunting me.

Her damp, smoke smudged face. The sodden white cami clinging to every single one of her tempting curves. That ridiculous, lacy bra of hers doing nothing to hide those dusky pink nipples I used to love to roll between my teeth.

I shake my head, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t unsee it—unsee her .

And the worst part? Half my crew has now seen her basically naked from the waist up.

I scrub myself clean, hoping to wash away that particular knowledge before I go out there and rip them all new assholes.

Get a grip, Verona. You shouldn’t even be thinking about her fucking nipples. She’s not your problem. Hasn’t been since she got on that plane.

All I see is her on the bakery floor again. The sensation of my heart slamming into my chest with blind panic when I realized it was her sweeping through me once more. Fists clenched, my mind races through all the ways she could have been severely hurt.

Or worse.

It was the first time in over ten years I held her in my arms, and if the fire had been larger and we’d been any later…fuck, my girl would’ve taken her last breath alone on that floor.

She’s not yours.

She’s never been yours .

I punch the tiled wall in frustration, the sharp burst of pain finally shaking her from my thoughts, before switching the spray to cold water.

“Yo, Axeman, you okay in there?” Beckett Fox, our EMT and one of my best friends, calls out from the cubicle next to mine.

Shit, I thought I was alone in here. Now he’s going to have all sorts of questions I have no desire to answer.

“Yeah, bro, just dropped something.”

Like my sanity. Oh look, there it goes, swirling down the drain .

Resting my head on the tiles, I let the cold water run down my back, but it barely registers. Instead, I’m more alive than ever…yet completely numb.

It’s the adrenaline. Right?

I really need to get a grip and fast.

Beckett laughs before carrying on with some inane bullshit I can’t bring myself to listen to right now, until the words pink-haired smokeshow penetrate the fuzz in my brain.

“What was that, B?” I do my best to keep my voice even while my heart rate works double time.

“I asked who that smokeshow from the bakery fire was. I haven’t seen her around here before, and with a face and body like that, I’d definitely remember.”

Thou shall not kill your best friend. Thou shall not kill your best friend.

Nostrils flaring, I pulverize the bar of soap I’ve been using, turning it into a pile of mush in my hand. He’s totally oblivious, I know that. It’s the only reason I haven’t punched him. “No one you need to worry about.”

“I might head down there in a couple of days, check to make sure her elbow is healing OK, and maybe ask her out for a drink. Didn’t see a ring on her finger. Whatcha reckon, Verona? She was a little flirty with me while I checked her over. Think I got a shot?”

Hell no.

I can’t listen to his bullshit anymore, especially when I hear the guys outside the showers hoot and holler. My usually rational brain is in full on hulk smash mode, and if I don’t get out of here, I’m likely to do something stupid.

The icy spray does nothing to cool the fire surging through my system. My blood boils, I know it’s not rational, and I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t seem to stop the inferno from building.

Throwing open the shower door so hard it crashes into the wall, I storm toward the locker room. The guys around me fall silent, likely in shock, but I don’t give a flying fuck.

After roughly toweling myself off, I pull my jeans on, the urgency to get out of here making my head swim.

I lift my head as I shrug on my leather jacket to find all three guys standing in their towels, staring at me .

“You good, Lieutenant?” Ryan, our rookie, asks before his eyes hit the floor when I don’t answer.

“Yeah, LT. You’ve had your panties in a twist since that last fire.” Max swaggers past me, smirking at his poor attempt at a joke, elbowing me in the side.

I don’t have time for this bullshit, and I especially don’t have time for Beckett’s questions. He assesses me with a shrewd gaze, and dammit, there’s no way he’s this dense. The man knows me as well as I know myself, and I can only hope he takes the hint and lets it be.

“Wait.” Lowering his voice, Beckett drops down on the bench beside my backpack. His eyes never leave mine. “Was that her?”

Not today, Satan. Not today .

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, B.” Turning around, I address the crew who, of course, are all still focused on me, “Don’t you guys have homes to get to? Things to do?”

“Who wants to go home when we can hear all about why you lost your cool over that cute little pink cupcake, LT?” Max laughs. I’m struggling to keep calm, the crunching of the water bottle clenched in my fist a clear warning that I’m about to lose it.

“Bullshit…that was her, wasn’t it?” Beckett’s brows nearly hit his hairline, his voice rising with every word.

I ignore him. How do I explain my reaction when I can’t make sense of it myself?

“Who?” Max stops towel drying his hair, his eyes going from me to Beckett. “Share with the class, B. You saw him this morning. He practically snarled at us while shoving the shirt in her hands, telling her to cover up her tits. That was a damn shame, man.”

I glare at him, needing to wipe the smirk off his face before I lose my shit entirely .

“Will you shut the hell up, Max? I’m not above making you run drills until you can’t walk straight.”

“Jeez, I’m joking. No worries, boss. I won’t say a word about those tight little nipples of hers. Not one word.”

He zips his mouth shut, throws me a wink, and goes back to drying off. But Beckett, not one to be deterred, carries on.

“Bro, I’ve known you for ten years, and not once have I seen you this riled up.

Not once have you abandoned protocol and lost your cool like that on a job.

” When he grins, adjusting his junk, I know I’m not going to like what’s about to come out of his mouth.

“Not that I can blame you. She showed up and made it everyone’s problem. ”

Yep. Didn’t like it. Fury shoots through me, and I white knuckle the locker door before I do something stupid.

Like punch that grin off his face.

“Watch. Your. Fucking. Mouth,” I grind out, my pulse hammering in my ears again.

“Woah, woah, Jesus. I’m only messing with you. But real talk, should we grab a beer? You look like you could use one and maybe a good distraction. We might even find a couple of hotties to play with. I’ll let you pick first this week.”

Hell no.

Some random hookup is not what I need—especially with the sight of her still fresh in my mind. I suck in a deep breath, trying to calm the hell down before I end up ripping someone a new asshole. While my guys are milking this for all its worth, this isn’t on them. Beckett’s just trying to help.

“Nah, bro, heading home, I’m beat. Catch you on the flip side.”

Shit. There she is again. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I grit my teeth. Haven used to say this back in the day.

I’ve managed to keep her out of my thoughts for years, but now the floodgates are open, I can’t fucking stop.

A while back, I’d have taken Beckett up on his offer and hit up the bar, finding some willing pretty lady to spend the night with, but now? The thought of touching another woman makes my guy shrink to micropenis proportions.

I can’t bring myself to face another meaningless hookup. I’ve had my fair share, but the truth is, I haven’t been able to for months now.

I need to hit the road and clear my head, figure out how I’m going to keep my shit together until Haven inevitably leaves again and my life can go back to normal.

It needs to go back to normal. I don’t have time for her to wreck my plans. I need to focus on work.

Rumor is our captain is retiring. I want to be captain. It’s been my end goal for as long as I can remember. Ever since Cap used to tell me and my dad stories of his firehouse.

His retirement is my only shot at becoming captain in Sweet Haven.

If one of the other shift LTs gets it, no way in hell they’ll leave anytime soon, and I can’t leave to advance my career when Mom needs me here to help run Dad’s business.

It’s not like I can split myself in two.

Hasn’t that always been my damn problem?

I can’t afford this distraction.

I’ve dedicated my fucking life to this job.

This is everything I’ve been working toward. I can’t risk it slipping from my fingers at the eleventh hour.

I can do this. I run into fires every day, for fuck’s sake. One little firecracker isn’t going to send me off course.

I won’t let her.

Hurricane Haven might be sweeping through town, but she won’t break me.

Not this time.