Page 31 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)
HAVEN
Axel
I’m home. Xo
Me
What? Already? You getting old Axeman?
Axel
Axeman? Did I seem old the other night?
Me
LOL sorry sir.
Axel
Not quite what I was angling for but I’ll allow it.
What did you want to clarify?
O h shit. Here we go. Apparently, my stalling tactics didn’t work. I thought I’d have a few more hours to panic-plan. Rethink my pros and cons for, like, oh, I don’t know, the fifth time? Figure out what I want to ask because now he’s texted, my mind’s gone totally blank.
I knew I should’ve written a damn list.
Axel
Sprinks.
Are you spiraling?
Double shit. This man knows me too well. I wipe my sweaty hand on my thigh and try to calm my racing thoughts. I asked for this.
Me
No. Sorry. I guess I’m just nervous.
Axel
You’ve got nothing to feel nervous about. I promise.
Me
Yeah but this all feels really sudden. Last week you could barely speak to me. And now we’re making out like horny teenagers?
Axel
You say that like it’s a problem.
Me
I mean, it might be. It’s not what I’d call normal behavior.
Axel
Fuck normal. I’m not entirely sure I can be normal where you’re concerned.
Um, what does that mean? Is it a good thing? My panties are soaked already, so apparently part of me seems to think it’s a very good thing, but I’m not entirely sure I can trust my judgment on anything where this man is concerned.
Me
Is that good?
Axel
Depends on how this conversation goes, I guess. Want me to call you?
Me
Could we just do it like this for now?
Axel
OK babe. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. So, what questions do you have for me?
Shit, shit, shit. I’m not ready.
Me
How did you get the scar in your eyebrow?
Axel
My scar? That’s your question?
I cracked it on the corner of a countertop I was installing. Needed a couple of stitches.
That could have blinded him. I want to wrap him up in my arms and kiss it better.
Me
OMG!!!! Are you ok?!
Axel
LOL babe it was like 5 years ago now, I’m all good.
How about you ask me what you really want to know?
Dammit. He knows me too well.
Me
How would it work?
Axel
Well, I’d insert tab A into slot B.
Me
Can you be serious right now?
Axel
What? That’s how it works.
Me
Axel…
Axel
OK, sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh.
It’ll work however we want it to work, Sprinks. I’m open to taking your lead on this.
I can tell you about what I have in mind and then you tell me what you can and can’t do if that helps.
Me
OK.
Butterflies start going wild in my belly as I wait, watching the dots stop and start as he types. This is definitely a new level of torture. Should I just let him call me?
Oh hell no, what am I thinking. His voice over the phone should come with a warning label.
It’s hot as fuck. There’s no way listening to him talk about what we could be doing won’t cloud my judgment.
I’ll just agree to anything he says if he can make me come as hard as he did the other night over the phone.
I want to at least ask a few questions before I just agree to everything. As if you’re going to say no Haven.
Yes, fine. After he brought me home earlier and then ran out the door, all I’ve done is think about what it would have been like if I’d just agreed this morning. Would he have carried me straight into his bedroom upstairs at the bakery and stripped me bare? Would he still be here now?
Axel
Ever since you kissed me the other night, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.
I wake up hard and aching, needing to touch you, to feel you. That little taste wasn’t anywhere near enough.
I know you feel the same way. I felt that perfect little pussy grinding on me this morning. She needs me too.
Well, yeah. He’s not wrong.
Axel
We both have needs, and I think you’ll agree that we’ve always known how to handle those together.
But I’m good with taking your lead.
Me
As in…
Axel
I want us to feel comfortable hanging out like we used to. Go for dinner, watch a movie, whatever you feel like, and then I want to finish by being buried inside that tight little cunt, making you feel so damn good.
It would be entirely casual. If you don’t want me around one day, it’s cool. No hurt feelings because feelings don’t come into play.
I mean, I want you. I think you want me. So, we’d be two consenting adults who do whatever they want together and scratch that itch while we can.
God, I want all of that. It’s been so long since I last slept with anyone.
After my relationship went to hell in London, the idea of sex with anyone else just felt gross.
He’d been shagging half the city apparently, and I just wasn’t in the right headspace to trust anyone.
I threw myself into work and worked long hours.
It left very little time for anything else.
To be honest, I didn’t even have the urge to make myself come for ages after that.
This perpetual state of arousal I’m finding myself in is a whole ass problem. My vibrator hasn’t been able to keep up with me, its damn battery dying before I can come. Until the other night, when his words alongside my toy had me practically purring.
Me
Would you still see other people? You’ve obviously got quite a fan club around here.
Axel
Fuck no. I don’t want you fucking other guys and I sure as shit have no intention of screwing anyone else.
Me
So, casual but exclusive?
Axel
Yep.
Me
What happens if either of us wants to stop? Do we go back to what we were before?
I don’t know if I want that. I’ve missed you as a friend. So much. That’s probably my biggest concern.
Sex messed things up for us the first time. Why would this be any different?
Axel
It’s not the same. If you want to stop before you leave town, it’s all good.
We’ll have had our fun, hopefully got it out of our system and we carry on as normal. Just friends.
Me
But it hasn’t been normal. Not since I came back anyway.
You can’t say you’ve been acting like a friend.
Axel
Sprinks, the first time I saw you after all these years, you hit me like a jackhammer.
You were in danger, hurt, soaked, and flashing your tits at my guys.
I had to get you out of there and away from them, so I didn’t think, just reacted.
I’m sorry, baby. I’ve done a lot of shit wrong, and I know I hurt you in the process.
Is he saying what I think he’s saying? He was jealous of his crew when they came to put out the bakery fire. Because of me?
Axel
I want us to work on our friendship again. If that’s all you can give me, then that’s fine. I’ve missed our friendship too.
We don’t have to have sex at all if you’re not up for it.
Ok, let’s not be hasty. I didn’t say that.
I’m pretty sure I’ve made it more then clear I want to shag him again considering I can’t stop rubbing my horny cat all over him.
But I’m really glad he misses our friendship to0.
Maybe he isn’t as different as I first thought.
It doesn’t explain why he acted like he did when I left, but that’ll come right? Hopefully .
Axel
Regardless, I won’t ever go radio silent on you again.
I was just a young, immature, selfish prick. I was only ever thinking about myself.
I’m so sorry.
I’m not that kid anymore, Sprinks. I’m a grown ass man. Although I’ll admit I’ve probably not acted like it recently.
Well at least he’s self-aware enough to admit he’s been acting like a kid, which is something.
I could agree on a trial basis. We set a time limit. Because that’s another conversation I need to have with him. Part of me knows I should bring it up now, but I’m worried that will change everything and he won’t want to hook up at all.
I need to feel him inside me, at least once.
To know what adult Axel can do.
Because, judging by his phone skills, he’s learned a boatload of new tricks since he grew up.
Not that I’m dwelling on where. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt you know.
Me
OK. Let’s do it. But I have a few conditions.
Axel
Tell me.
Me
1. No sleepovers. We can hang out, have fun, whatever, but we go home after. No exceptions.
2. We have a time limit. Six weeks to get the sexual tension out of our system. After that, just friends.
3. No flirting or fucking other people.
4. When you’re working on the bakery, we stay professional. No funny business.
5. We keep this between us.
6. No catching feelings.
Axel
1. There goes my plan of convincing you that it’d be easier and more convenient for you to stay at my place, but fine. Done.
2. Six weeks? Is that when you leave?
3. 200% DONE.
4. Not even a cheeky grope or kiss if you’re looking particularly delicious?
5. I think the cat’s out of the bag on that one babe.
Shit, he asked about me leaving. I’m going to have to just do it. Rip the bandaid off and tell him now.
I really hope it doesn’t mess it all up though. Now I’ve had a taste, I don’t think my toys will ever be enough again.
Me
No, I’m not leaving in six weeks. There’s a chance I might stay.
Grams handed over the bakery to me. I can do whatever I want with it – though the fire wasn’t part of my master plan.
If I decide to go back to London, I’ll hire staff to run it.
Axel
Hold up.
Me
As if you’d be able to leave it at a cheeky grope or kiss. Pretty sure that would end with us getting nothing done.
And we can just tell the guys that I did that to get that cougar off your back and that it didn’t mean anything.
Axel
Hold up, hold up.
There’s a chance you’ll stay? Here? In Sweet Haven?
Me
Maybe.
Axel
Well Damn.
Me
Does that change things?
I’ll understand if you don’t want to start anything, I know you don’t want a relationship and neither do I.
Trying to run the bakery without Grams is a tough sell as it is. That’ll take all of my time and energy.
That’s why I said six weeks. So it doesn’ t get complicated if I do stay.
Axel? Say something!?
Bollocks. It looks like that’s gone down like a lead balloon.