Page 30 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

AXEL

Haven

You ran out of here like the roof was on fire. Was it something I said?

Me

No. I was just running late to meet the guys at Jett’s. Take it easy tonight, OK? Stay off that ankle as much as you can.

Haven

Oh no, whatever am I to do without my big strapping fireman to carry me around? How will I ever survive?

I know she’s messing with me right now, but she referred to me as hers . I love that.

I hope she does realize I’m hers. In every way I can be. Temporarily, obviously.

Ignoring the sharp pang that throbs in my chest, I really love the fact that she’s comfortable enough to text me again.

This is nice. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed her.

I like knowing she’s on the other end of the phone.

As someone surrounded by people at any given time, I wouldn’t say I’m lonely. But I do feel alone. I always felt like maybe that was my choice, though.

A lone ranger.

I was the opposite growing up—the life and soul of the party.

The one who knew everyone. I mean, that’s still partly true.

I still know and talk to everyone around town, but I hung up my party hat a long time ago, choosing to exist on the periphery.

Work is my only real priority. This is how I like it.

Me

Behave.

Haven

Have fun with the hot firemen. Say hi to them from me.

Me

…

Haven

…

I walk into Jett’s, pocketing my phone, a grin tugging at my lips—I don’t feel so alone right now.

Even without her agreeing to my incredibly stupid suggestion, knowing she’s just a call or text away could become dangerously addictive.

But I’m not sure I can bring myself to care. Clearly, I was an idiot to give her up the first time.

I can’t help but look at the chair where Haven and I shared that earth-shattering kiss the other night. Excitement fills my veins at the memory. I can picture her eyes blazing with fire as her nails scraped my scalp. It felt so different from anything I’ve ever had before .

“Verona!” Beckett’s shout distracts me from my thoughts, and I look up to find them playing a game of darts in the corner.

Walking up to them, his eyebrows shoot to his hairline as he examines me.

“What’s your problem, bro?” I laugh as I nudge him.

His incredulous look has me laughing even harder, drawing Max’s attention away from the dartboard and the dark-haired girl gripping the muscle of his throwing arm.

“Well, shit. LT’s back! Hell yeah!” he hollers, fist pumping the air like a jock.

“What the hell are you talking about, Maximilian? I haven’t gone anywhere.”

The guy practically skips over like a puppy, no easy feat for a six-foot-something dude, and promptly slings his arm around my neck.

“We missed you bro.”

Has everyone been sniffing glue? Am I in the twilight zone?

“You saw me a couple of days ago at work. If you miss me already, you need to get laid or something.”

Max roars with laughter. Jesus, it wasn’t that funny.

Beckett has opted to take a rare vow of silence, sitting back on his stool just watching us, a small smile playing on his face.

“OK then. I’m gonna grab a drink, want another round?”

Max agrees, his attention now back on the pretty girl he’d been talking to when I walked in, and Beckett rises to his feet. “I’ll give you a hand.”

“It’s three drinks, I think I got it.”

Only Beckett grips my shoulder, shoving me toward the bar much like a parent would a naughty kid.

“Fox, what gives, man?” I shake his hand off my shoulder and shoot him a quizzical look as we lean on the bar and wait for the bartender.

“I take it my apology went down well?”

His apology? What ?

Then, I remember him grabbing my phone and texting Haven. Shit. It seems like so long ago, but it was just last shift.

His eyes are still locked on my face, waiting for an answer. I need to keep it low-key. Technically, she hasn’t agreed to shit yet, and I don’t want to tempt fate by running my mouth off to the guys. It’s bad enough that the rest of our friends on the group chat just won’t quit.

The only saving grace is that whatever went on with Swayze and Mia has gotten us half a day’s peace.

“Oh yeah. She accepted it, but nothing’s going on, man. She texted back, saying she was sorry too, and not to worry about it,” I answer with a shrug, hoping like hell it’s giving off casual, don’t sweat it vibes, not I practically drilled her into the wall after making her come on the phone vibes.

The look of disbelief on his face tells me I failed. Crap.

He only breaks eye contact to turn and order before switching his piercing green eyes back on me.

“You’re lying to me. You’re actually lying to me.”

“I am not lying bro. There’s nothing going on.” Yet.

“Bullshit. You walked in here tonight with a grin from ear to ear. You either already screwed her, or you’re close enough to doing it that you can taste it.”

I can still taste her on my lips. Deny. Deny. Deny.

“I was happy to see you guys. Jesus. What is this? Twenty questions?”

I don’t like lying to my best friend, but if I tell him, Max will get wind of it, and it’ll be all over town before I even manage to get my girl to agree in the first place.

It’s a miracle that the news of the other night hasn’t spread like wildfire already.

I don’t need to chance my luck a second time.

This could easily blow up in my face if she gets spooked and runs for the hills.

Beckett grabs his and Max’s drinks from the bar and walks away, shaking his head and muttering to himself. Something about lying to Dr. Fox if I’m not mistaken. Jesus fuck, this guy .

I should have taken a chill pill before I walked in tonight. Apparently, I can’t hide anything for shit when it comes to my girl.

Not my girl yet.

Burying those thoughts deep down as far as they can go, I take a deep breath and walk back to the guys. This is supposed to be a distraction from the potential ticking time bomb Haven holds in her hands right now.

The guys have moved to a round table, the girl Max was chatting to nowhere to be seen.

Max looks up as I approach, his dark curly hair wild and unruly and his blue eyes dancing with mischief.

My ass is barely on the chair before he knocks his bottle into mine and crows out, “Thank fuck you finally got laid.”

Beckett roars with laughter as I sputter out the swig of beer, I’d made a grave error in taking before sitting down.

Beckett stops laughing long enough to swipe a hand across his chest.

“Jesus, Verona, we signed up for the news, not the weather.”

Glaring at them, I realize maybe I’d be better off staring at the walls at home. As far as distractions go, this is beyond an epic fail.

Was my mood that shitty that even the guys noticed? No way. I’m great at masking my feelings. I’ve had years of damn practice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Max.”

“Boss, you’ve been walking around with a face like thunder for the last few weeks. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you look so murderous. I might have even peed my pants a little when you screamed at us to run drills. The rookie definitely did.”

“Very funny, Maximilian.”

“He’s not lying,” Beckett chimes in.

I shoot a glare his way before staring at the beer in my hand, the ingredients written on the side looking mighty interesting .

Max, not one to take a hint, keeps going.

“So, who’s the lucky lady this week? Did you meet her in town?

I won’t bother asking if you’re planning on seeing her again, though.

” He leans back, roaring with laughter at his own shitty joke before continuing to make me regret my life choices.

“I was starting to worry for a minute there, Bossman. It was really weird coming out without you. It’s been tough out here, man, without your pretty boy looks bringing all the girls our way. ”

He wiggles his eyebrows drawing a laugh out of me. He’s an idiot. Both he and the self-proclaimed Dr. Foxy have zero trouble getting ladies. They certainly don’t need me around to do it.

“You’re full of shit, Max, you know that?”

He looks pointedly over my shoulder, a grin splitting his face. “If I'm so full of shit explain what this is in three, two, one…”

A hand circles my neck, a second curling around my thigh.

For a minute, my heart jumps, thinking maybe Haven decided to surprise me, but my girl’s home with a bad ankle, and there’s no way she’d be wearing the stripper heels I can now see.

Plus, the smell is all wrong. My nose wrinkles at the stench of strong perfume surrounding us.

I bristle under the touch, my entire body stiffening.

“Heyyyyyyy lieutenant. I was hoping you’d come in tonight.”

The hand is creeping slowly up my thigh, and I slam my palm on top of it to stop her from going any further.

Hockey players have puck bunnies, the police have badge bunnies, and us?

Well, we call them bunker bunnies.

We’ve gained a bit of a reputation around town. Well, and the neighboring towns, if I’m being honest. We are a relatively young team of firefighters, all single guys, except for Cap. We didn’t really give a shit since we got to enjoy female attention whenever we wanted it .

We all chose not to settle down. But my reputation is probably the worst, and that fills me with shame. If I’d known there was ever a chance of Haven coming back, shit would’ve been different.

I would have been different.

It’s common knowledge that I will only screw a girl once. I don’t date. No fancy dinners. I scratch an itch for the both of us, and then I walk away. The other two might date a couple of times, but even they haven’t had a real girlfriend for a while.

The problem is, with reputation comes assumption. If I’m in the bar alone or with the guys, the bunker bunnies have no issue coming over and putting their hands all over me, making their intentions known.

It’s been bothering me since way before Haven stormed back into town.

These girls don’t see me. They see a firehouse lieutenant they want to add to their collection.

Before, I didn’t give a shit. Hell, I’d have probably pulled her onto my lap.

Nausea courses through me, my thoughts and the feel of her hand on me sending shivers down my spine, and not the good kind. I disgust myself. I can’t hide it anymore, I’m not sure I want to either.

I’ve been pulling back. The guys may not have noticed, but in the last few months, I’ve been making up excuses to head home without whatever girl I’d been talking to. I can’t explain what changed. Maybe it was turning thirty.

This all started to feel like a younger guy’s game.

I wonder what would have happened if Haven had never left town though. Would life have turned out the same? Or would we be married and have kids by now?

Guilt slams into me. What am I doing? I shouldn’t even be casually asking Haven to entertain anything with me. How is this fair to her ?

Being in a relationship isn’t something I want either.

My job is high pressure, and it’s risky.

I work long hours, and I know walking into work one day doesn't necessarily guarantee I’ll walk back out.

It's not fair to tie myself to anyone knowing that. I know firefighters who do—who have long, successful careers and happy marriages—but I’ve also seen the devastation when we’ve faced the spouses of our fallen brothers. It’s a sobering thought.

No matter how careful I try to be, what if I walk into work and die on the job next week? Haven’s lost enough in her life. Maybe it’s better if she turns around and tells my sorry ass to fuck off.

That would be the right thing to do. The sensible thing.

But I know given half the chance, I won’t be able to do that. Not now that I’ve touched her again.

Besides, it’s only temporary. A brief stay in heaven before I crash right back down to purgatory again.

“Do you want to get out of here, big boy?” a husky voice whispers in my ear, drawing me back out of my head and the dangerous path my thoughts have taken.

This is wrong. So fucking wrong.

I pry her hand from my thigh and duck backwards to shake off the one she has clasped around my neck.

“Sorry, not interested.”

The surprise in her eyes is reflected in Max’s expression. Oh great. More explaining to do. Tonight really was a mistake.

She turns on her heel and stalks off, furious at the rejection, and I can’t even bring myself to feel guilty. Why the hell did I let it get to the point where people just walk up and touch me like I’m a slab of meat they can grab at the store?

“What gives, bro? She was a goddess! Why’d you skip out on that?”

“I’m not interested, Max. You go for it.” It’s hard to keep my voice sounding casual with how tense I am .

I feel dirty and cheap. The only hands I want touching me are Haven’s.

“You know what? I just might.” He winks and hops off the stool to follow her.

“Still want to sit there and lie to me about what’s going on?” Beckett’s intense stare settles back on me.

“Look, Beck, nothing’s going on right now. I’m not lying. We’ve exchanged a few texts.”

“And that’s it?” I feel like a total ass lying to him when he technically was the one to unfuck my mess.

“OK, we kissed. Once. No, twice. But I’m not sure the first one counts.”

His face goes from disbelieving to victorious in less than a second.

“I knew it. I knew something had changed the minute you walked in tonight. Tell Dr. Foxy everything.”

“You’re an idiot. I am not calling you Dr. Foxy. And that’s it. The other night I was in here with Lucas and the crew, and Keely came on strong.”

“What? Again?”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I don’t know who told Haven about her, but next thing I know, Haven’s straddling my lap and kissing me in front of the whole bar.”

“Hell yeah! I like this girl.”

“So yeah, that happened. I decided to try and see if maybe she might want something casual while she’s back, but she said she needs to think about it. That’s it. Nothing else to report.”

“You said you kissed her twice?”

“I dared her to kiss me this morning before I asked if she’d consider a casual thing. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t all one-sided before I let my balls hang out.”

He shakes his head, chuckling when I’m distracted by the chime of my cell.

“Is that her now? ”

Pulling it out, I see her name on the screen, and I can’t stop the grin spreading across my face. I love seeing her name on there.

“Never mind. You’re a goner. Shit, squad’s gonna be down a wingman.”

“It’s not like that,” I mumble as I fumble to unlock my phone.

Haven

I know you’re out so please don’t worry about replying to this right now. I’ve been thinking about what you said and before I say yes, I want to clarify a few things. Let me know when you’re home. Xo

Say yes .

Those two words hold my attention for far longer than they should as adrenaline courses through me. She’s going to say yes. Hell yeah.

I jump up from the stool with so much force I send it flying to the floor, while Beckett roars with laughter.

“I’m sorry, dude. I gotta bail.”

“No shit. Five minutes in, and your ass is already whipped. Go get some.”