Page 56 of Sweet Hate (If You Dare #1)

AXEL

W e’re curled up on my bed for the very first time. Her pink hair and creamy skin splayed out over my black sheets is a view I’ll never tire of. She looks perfect here.

Drawing her close to me, I nuzzle her neck and inhale her deeply. Her beautiful face smiles widely while she drags her nails up and down my arms.

Spooning her stabby blanket is nothing compared to the real thing.

I’m so damn grateful I’ll get to hold her all night. As far as Valentine's Day goes, I don’t think I’ll ever top this one.

I want her to know what this means to me. I want her to get it.

“You’re the only woman who’s ever been here, Haven.”

She turns to lie on top of me, a quizzical expression on her face.

Well, shit. I thought I could have this conversation without looking her in the eye. Now, not only will I see every expression play out on her face, but her soft plump breasts cradling my rapidly hardening dick, are making it a hell of a lot more difficult to think.

An emotion I can’t place flits across her face.

“What do you mean, Axel? How can I be the only one? You were hardly a monk.”

I hate that she thinks that about me, and I really fucking hate that it’s my fault she does.

If I’d known there was even half a chance of her returning, I would have waited for her. There is zero doubt in my mind.

I can’t do this with her down there. My brain can’t string words together to convey my feelings with my dick winning the blood Monopoly right now and I don’t want this to be about sex.

It’s so much more than that.

I slide her up my body and roll us on our sides, curling my arms around her waist and tugging her close so she can see for herself how serious I am.

“Sprinks, you’re the only woman I’ve ever fucked more than once. I swear on my life.”

Her eyes widen in shock. She's literally looking at me like I’ve grown two heads.

“But Grams said you were seen around town with a girl after I left.”

“I told her to tell you that. She didn’t want to, but I begged her to. I knew if I didn’t get you to stop texting me, my resolve would crumble. It was already hanging by a thin thread.”

She stays silent and waits, her eyes watering, but she doesn’t break our connection.

“I’m not going to pretend I was a monk. I know I have a reputation for being a notorious playboy.

I never cared about that—I stopped caring what anyone else thought about me the second you walked out of my life.

I’ve only ever cared about you. I banged women to scratch an itch—mine and theirs.

One night only. No sleepovers. No repeats. ”

Her cute little nose scrunches up at my words. I know she doesn’t like hearing this, but if I don’t tell her now, how can we move forward?

“I'm not proud of my behavior, believe me, but I didn’t want to lead anyone on. I didn’t want relationships, marriage, babies, so it was easier this way.

But even that stopped more recently. Before you even came to town, I started to feel dirty.

Cheap. These women all thought they could touch me or try to claim me.

I didn’t want it anymore.” Pausing, I rake in a shallow breath, focusing on the feel of her nails stroking my chest. Grounding me.

Telling me this is real, and she’s right here with me.

“Before we fucked that first time on my bike, I hadn’t had sex in eight months. And it had been sporadic at best for quite a while before that too. I’ve never brought anyone home. Never wanted anyone else in my space at all. Until you. Only you.”

I’m sure she’s able to feel how hard my heart is hammering. I’m practically telling her I love her, giving myself over on a damn platter here. If she reads between the lines, she’ll see that.

Screw it. I shuffle backwards to let my hand come up to cup her jaw, my thumb trailing the bottom lip she’s currently nibbling.

“If I’d known you were coming back, I’d have waited for you.”

She lets out a small gasp, her wet, shiny eyes widening.

“Axel, I’d have never expected you to go without sex for so long. You’re an adult. Adults have urges. I get it. I’m the same.”

Hell no, I don’t want to know about anything she did. I already know she was in a relationship. And it’s driving me insane not knowing if he ever got to hear her say the three words I’m dying for her to say to me.

She’s not ready to talk about that yet. That’s fine.

We have time.

For now, I’ll be content to have her with me all night in my bed. I bury my nose in her soft hair, breathing her in and curling her impossibly close to me.

“Let’s sleep now, Sprinks. We can talk more tomorrow.”

I wake up with my girl still curled in my arms, and feel like I’ve won Willy Wonka's golden ticket.

It wasn’t a dream. She’s really here. I hate that I have to go to work today when all I want to do is stay in the moment with her.

I didn’t plan this well at all. With the memories of everything we said and did last night still fresh in my mind I’d love nothing more than to spend the morning right here in bed with my girl, worshiping her over and over, until she can’t come anymore.

I shift around her as slowly as I can, leaving her asleep in my bed while I shower and change.

As I walk out of the bedroom, I accidentally kick her purse, sending its contents flying across my living room floor. When I’m tossing everything back in, a thick, white envelope catches my eye.

Instead of shoving it back in her purse, like I have everything else, something gives me pause.

Flipping it over in my hand, I see the emblem of the hotel she was working for in London embossed on the front.

Ice freezes my veins as I stay crouched on the floor, staring at the envelope in my hand.

I know I shouldn’t open it. I’m invading her privacy. But why would the hotel she left be writing her?

I guess it could be a reference letter, a final paycheck, maybe? But my gut tells me differently. And I trust that shit. It’s what helps me navigate my way out of burning buildings on the regular .

I listen out for any sounds from the bedroom, but it’s silent. I don’t so much as breath as I turn the envelope over and lift the already open flap with a shaky hand.

Congratulations, Haven Blake…

What. The. Fuck?

My lungs still, my body forgetting the simple act of breathing while my eyes hurriedly scan the rest of the page, praying this isn’t what I think it is.

We are thrilled to offer you the role of head patissier overseeing both our hotel and our sister hotel in Paris. Your role will encompass the overseeing and running of your own kitchens and staff for both locations. You will need to…

Falling back onto my ass, I stare down at the letter, the words blurring into one black blob while alarms blare in my brain.

She's going to leave me.

Again.

There’s no way she won’t.

And again, I won’t let her say no because of me.

This is big. Huge.

I love her.

I love her enough to let her go, but I know I won’t recover a second time.

Black spots circle my vision. My pulse erratic to the point my heart might stop entirely.

Bracing my head in my shaking hands, I try to focus on breathing in and out to calm my racing thoughts before the spike in my heart rate brings on a heart attack.

She's leaving me is on a loop inside my head.

The sound of my bed creaking breaks through the fog, and I quickly shove the letter back into her purse and go stand in the kitchen, bracing my arms on the counter to quell the shaking I still haven’t gotten under control.

I can’t breathe. My world’s about to end, and I can’t even fucking talk to her about it .

I needed to leave for work five minutes ago.

“There you are.” I can hear the smile in her voice as her hands come and circle me from behind, her perfect hourglass curves pressed against me.

The warmth of her body is like a knife to the heart, giving me a glimpse of heaven when I know I’m about to slide right back down to hell.

We need to talk. We need to figure this all out like adults. But I can’t do anything with these sirens blaring in my head.

I need to think. I don’t have a plan for this.

“Hey, babe, are you OK? You’re so tense.”

She tries to turn me to face her, but I can’t look at her. She’ll see it written across my face.

I need to go. I need to get out of here.

“I’m late for work, Haven. I need to go. We need to talk, but it’ll have to wait till tonight.”

“Axel, what’s wrong?” I’m not looking at her face, but I can hear the worry in her tone. I’m a jerk. I hate that I’m not mature enough to suck it up like a man right now. I thought I was better than the eighteen-year-old kid she left, but apparently, I'm really not.

“Tonight, Haven. We can talk tonight. Have a good day.”

With that, I walk out of my apartment without so much as kissing her goodbye, leaving my shattered useless heart behind at her feet.