Page 49

“Right, but if he hurt himself with his own powers and ended up losing his memories over it, it would make sense,” Austin theorized with a shrug.

“I mean, the fact that it’s actually cold is a dead giveaway that it’s not a normal scar anyway.

That would also explain why his memories still haven’t come back yet, even though they normally should have.

Or maybe, if we go down this road just a tiny bit further, maybe it was his attacker after all, in case they are able to control both elements. ”

“Come on, that’s really far-fetched now.”

Austin gave him another shrug. “Just saying.”

“Although, I guess…” Jesse pressed. “If Jamie’s amnesia really had a supernatural origin, how would seeing Dr. Alevera help him? ”

“Well, there’s still the trauma aspect though,” Austin said.

“And the repression that might come with it. A psychologist is still the perfect person to address that. Even if Jamie can’t explain why he feels guilty about whatever happened that day, this theory explains his whole ‘guilt complex’ thing, where he blames himself for everything and thinks he’s a problem and a burden all the time.

” Austin wasn’t even going to consider the idea of Jamie having actually killed someone.

“Maybe it just goes deeper than we thought it did.”

“…That honestly makes a lot of sense,” Jesse admitted. “And… thinking of his scar again, if it really doesn’t have a natural origin, then he probably did get it that day. Just like he told me.”

“You should go on trips more often, this really got you out of your bubble of denial.”

“Not funny, Austin..” Jesse lightly punched his arm with a slight scoff. “Seriously, this has all been really heavy. Besides, I’m sure it goes even deeper than just him feeling guilty and all that. I think… I think he’s also been feeling lost lately.”

“Lost?”

“Yeah. I mean…” Jesse shrugged. “He understands a lot now, and at the same time, he doesn’t.

And even learning his last name didn’t turn up any leads as you know.

There’s no ‘James or Jamie Auralie’ that’s been reported missing anywhere, and with everything that’s going on, that makes him feel like…

he has no place in the world. Like he doesn’t belong. ”

Yeah, Austin could definitely relate to feeling like he didn’t belong, even if it was for completely different reasons than Jamie’s.

Austin belonged just as much as he always did of course, limp or not.

But knowing something in your head and feeling it in your heart were two different things.

Some days it felt like Jesse—and now, Jamie—were the only people who truly accepted Austin for who he was.

Before he could help it, his thoughts drifted off.

The anniversary of his accident was coming up, after all, and he was already starting to feel the tired anxiousness that always accompanied it.

In an instant, he remembered all the friends he’d lost after his accident; all the people who’d treated him like a burden because of the things he couldn’t do anymore, or the people who had spent the first year brightly telling him that he would ‘get better’ eventually; that if he ‘just worked hard enough,’ he could magically ‘fix’ himself, and then gave up on him when they finally realized that no amount of work would make him un-disabled.

The worst people of all were the ones who just openly gave him dirty looks when he parked his car in a handicapped space, or called him a ‘freeloader’ or a ‘leech’ because they just assumed he was on welfare (as if there would be anything wrong with that if he was) or laughed and pointed at him and made fun of the way he walked, or called him nasty words.

Austin shook his head a little. Dwelling on these thoughts was gonna throw him right into a depressive episode, if he wasn’t careful. And the very thought of someone like Jamie facing these struggles himself made Austin more determined than ever to do what he could to help.

“We’ll be there for him together,” Austin decided.

“If Jamie’s feeling lost and lonely and like he doesn’t have anybody he can turn to, that’s an easy fix.

We might not be able to help him with everything, but with this, we can.

We’ll be supportive, understanding, and patient.

We’ll let him take the lead on his own journey, but we’ll also make sure he knows he can always rely on us to have his back whenever he needs us to. ”

Just like Jesse had done for him.

“…You’re right,” Jesse agreed with a nod.

“He’s going through a lot, and if that’s what he needs, I should accept it.

The last thing I want is to push him, or make him feel like he can’t come to me with anything for fear I’ll lose it and yell at him or something.

” He grimaced guiltily, as he ran a hand down his forehead. “Again.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Austin told him. “Yeah, you were wrong to shout at him, but cut yourself a bit of slack, too. After what happened, you couldn’t be expected to be perfectly one-hundred percent rational either. You’re only human, after all. ”

“I just… I hope this doesn’t sound wrong now, but sometimes I really wish we could go back in time to when it was all easier, you know?” Jesse pursed his lips for a moment, frowning down at the floor.

“I know what you mean,” Austin said. “And with everything going on, we can’t even blame Jamie for being a bit ‘lost,’ as you put it. With all these nightmares, and the uncertainty of whatever the return of his memories might mean, there’s really only one thing he actually does have control over.”

“…His powers.”

“Bingo.” Austin sighed. “So, of course he’s trying to find out what all he can do.”

“And him seeing things in his dreams that he then wants to go out and practice isn’t truly helping matters,” Jesse sighed. “Honestly… I’m a little scared to go to sleep at this point, because who knows what ideas he might wake up with next?”

“Come on, I’m sure he learned something about limits now,” Austin said. “He’ll think twice before taking off in the middle of the night to practice freezing an entire lake.”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed again, and absently rubbed at his chest. “I don’t think I could take another night like that.”

Austin huffed a quiet laugh, but the moment didn’t stay light for long. The weight of everything settled between them again, creeping in at the edges of their conversation. If Jamie’s attacker ever found out where he was…

Austin swallowed hard. Deep down, they both knew the truth; if it really came down to it, they wouldn’t be able to help Jamie. Not with that.

Running a hand over his face, Austin glanced at Jesse. “I mean… he should have some kind of advantage, shouldn’t he?” He hesitated, then a small, almost reluctant grin tugged at his lips. “Water beats fire, right? Pretty sure that’s, like, the first rule of Pokémon battles.”

Jesse chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah. Guess that’s one way to look at it. ”

To be honest, though… Something told Austin they were in for a lot more.

* * *

Jesse

‘Whatever the situation was that day, he did—without any doubt—survive it. And if we’re right, and there was some kind of fight, it must have been brutal.’

Jesse still couldn’t shake the threatening tone this held.

Ever since the events on the lake, followed by the unsettling talk to Austin, it was as if someone had strapped a belt around Jesse’s chest, and he couldn’t really tell if that feeling came from an intangible fear he was trying to keep in check, or if it was related to the fact that today was the anniversary of their accident.

Three years…

It had been three years ago that life had changed forever. He felt better than he’d felt last year, and much better than he’d felt the year before, but overall he still felt like shit, as the memories lingered in the back of his mind.

It still haunted him, and he knew it was the same for Nate and Austin.

God, it had to be way worse for Austin…

Maybe one day, it wouldn’t hurt as badly. One day, when enough time had passed, the anniversary of their accident would come and go without Jesse even noticing. He sure hoped so… but for right now, he couldn’t just ‘move on.’

Yeah, that definitely explained the ache in his chest. The anniversary of the event brought up such painful memories that he felt it in his heart, that was all. Diving in ice cold water had only triggered it further.

He wanted, more than believed, that to be true.

But the slight ache in his chest was easily ignored, especially with more pressing matters to deal with—such as a need for noise, for activity, for distraction.

Jamie was at dance practice, preparing for the September ninth competition (despite the lingering danger of another attack, Jamie had chosen to keep dancing, though street performing was now out of the question).

And Austin never wanted anyone around on the anniversary, otherwise Jesse would’ve been at Austin’s place now, like a friend should.

Instead, Jesse found himself heading into a bar.

He didn’t want to be alone tonight. He didn’t think he’d be able to stand it.

He had thought about messaging Nate and asking if he and Jazmine were free, but…

things with Nate had definitely shifted.

Jesse had been out with him and Jazmine a couple of times since the day Jamie had suggested he spend more time with friends, and it wasn’t as if anything specific had happened.

No fights or problems or anything like that.

But there was a tense energy he’d been picking up from Nate, that—just like the uneasy feeling in his chest—he didn’t really want to deal with.

He didn’t want to know what it meant.

So when he walked into the crowded bar and saw Nate himself sitting at one of the tables there, he almost turned around and walked back out again.