Page 11

Jesse

It had been a couple days since Jamie’s hair had turned white in his sleep, and by now, Jesse had almost convinced himself that it hadn’t really happened; that he’d just been so tired he’d started to imagine things, or that it had been a trick of the light.

It just couldn’t have happened, right?

After all, Jamie’s hair had been back to its normal color just a few minutes later, when he had woken up.

The only thing that kept Jesse knowing he wasn’t insane was a picture he’d managed to snap, to send to Austin.

But then again, the camera quality on his old flip-phone was so bad that the picture itself was grainy and blurry and hard to make out—which Austin had roasted him over after the picture had finally sent.

Maybe Austin was right, and he should stop holding out and just get a smartphone. It was 2011, after all. It felt just a little too telling that it wasn’t until he wanted pictures of Jamie that he was finally considering making the switch.

However, he wasn’t ready to think about that right now.

He was far too busy trying to see Jamie’s hair turn white again.

Which was impossible. Not just that his hair had turned white; he knew that was impossible, even though he also had no other explanation for what his eyes had seen.

But it actually seemed impossible to catch Jamie sleeping again.

He had kind of noticed already that Jamie never seemed to sleep when he was around, but now that Jesse was actually waiting for it, he realized that the other day had indeed been the only time.

He’d tried sneaking out into the living room in the middle of the night to catch a glimpse of Jamie as he slept on the cot in his sleeping bag, but Jamie was such a light sleeper that he always woke up before Jesse got close enough to get a good look in the dark.

Which meant Jesse had to falter to find some excuse each time, pretending he was on his way to the bathroom or to get some water from the kitchen.

And Jamie didn’t seem too keen to fall asleep during the day either.

Jesse supposed he couldn’t blame him; he was still technically ‘a stranger,’ after all—even though it felt by now as if they’d known each other for ages.

Jesse knew he’d have a hard time falling asleep in front of other people as well, so he couldn’t fault Jamie for avoiding it in front of him.

But he just had to see it again.

Asking Jamie about it or showing him the photo that Jesse had snatched wasn’t exactly an option of course. Jamie wouldn’t have an answer anyway, and it would probably confuse him even more than he already was. So, for the time being, Jesse and Austin had decided not to tell him anything.

Fortunately, Austin was also deeply intrigued in the mystery, so he’d hatched one of his trademarked ‘brilliant schemes.’ Jesse had gotten his shifts switched to have Thursday off after all, and had spent all day today wearing Jamie out on purpose.

First they’d gone shopping for Jamie’s new clothes, hitting a few thrift stores for most of it before going to an outlet store to pick up underthings, as well as whatever they still needed that they hadn’t found thrift.

Well, and a phone. Or better said, two. Jesse couldn’t believe it himself when they left the outlet store and he had actually bought not only a smartphone for Jamie, but also one for himself.

But oh well, he had really been resisting long enough now.

Next stop had then been the dance tryouts, which Jamie had easily excelled in, but had given him quite a good workout.

When the group indeed picked Jamie to dance with them at least until the competition was over, saying that he could become a full member if all went well, Jesse had suggested he take Jamie to get some ice cream to celebrate—and the ice-cream parlor he’d chosen was quite a long walk away .

When they’d passed a playground on their trek, and Jamie had been curious and amazed by it, Jesse had indulged in a little bit of nostalgia and whimsey and had taken Jamie over to play on it for a bit.

Since it was still quite cold, the place was free of kids, so it hadn’t felt nearly as weird or embarrassing as Jesse had at first thought it might be—and he’d been surprised to find himself having a great deal of fun, too.

The swings, the slides, the jungle gym, the merry-go-round, he’d forgotten how much he’d loved it all as a kid, and seeing Jamie laugh and chatter about it as he tried everything out, one by one, made it even better.

Then they had walked all the way to Austin’s apartment for dinner (who could of course not resist teasing Jesse for finally having a decent phone) and hung out with him for a while before they’d walked home.

The devious plan to exhaust Jamie on purpose seemed to be working, as they sat on the couch and watched a movie. The Little Mermaid, to be exact.

Jesse hadn’t even remembered that he’d owned a copy until he told Jamie to pick something and came back to find he’d pushed aside all the DVD’s and dug it out of the back from among the VHS’s Jesse had never bothered to throw out.

And now, Jamie was finally starting to drift off to sleep.

He seemed to be trying to fight it, though, so Jesse was trying to be very careful not to move around too much or be too loud, so as not to wake him back up any more than he already was.

His phone vibrated, and he checked it to see a text from Austin.

‘Any luck?’

‘Not yet,’ he wrote back, holding his phone—his new phone—at an angle so Jamie wouldn’t see what he typed. ‘But I think he’s getting close.’

‘I’m getting impatient lol can’t you make him fall asleep any faster?’

Jesse rolled his eyes a little, though he understood how Austin felt. It was such an unbelievable thought; Jamie’s hair changing color while he slept. Of course Austin was just as anxious to find out if it would happen again .

“What are they doing?” Jamie suddenly asked.

For a moment, Jesse felt caught, hurriedly setting his phone aside to hide the texts, but then he realized that Jamie was frowning intently at the TV in troubled confusion, and hadn’t been paying any attention to Jesse at all.

Jesse let out a slight breath of relief, until he turned to the screen—and froze at what was on it.

He’d tuned the movie out quite a while ago, having been much too distracted with the question of Jamie’s hair to focus on some kid’s movie he’d seen a hundred times, so he hadn’t been tracking it as it played through.

But there, playing out across the screen, Ariel and the Prince sat in their row-boat, staring into each other’s eyes as the song played out, daring them to kiss.

And Jamie had just asked for an explanation.

A strange sense of heat and embarrassment came over Jesse, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he tried to work out how to explain the concept to Jamie.

It was so much harder than telling him about cars and jobs and money, and all those other things that seemed so commonplace and meaningless.

“They, um… well, they’re trying to… work up the nerve to kiss,” he made himself say.

“Remember? When the witch said they had to kiss in order for her to become a human?”

“Of course I remember her saying that,” Jamie told him. “But I don’t know what it is.”

“You… don’t know what kissing is?” Jesse clarified, the heat in his face growing warmer.

“No, I don’t,” Jamie said. He turned his intense gaze to Jesse, his brown eyes full of a deep curiosity as he seemingly looked into Jesse’s very soul. “Would you show me?”

“Oh god,” Jesse grimaced, his heart skipping a beat at the idea of it.

Of course he couldn’t show Jamie what kissing was; it was clear that Jamie had no idea what he was asking.

“Just keep watching the movie,” he said instead, trying to downplay how much this topic actually stressed him out. “They’ll kiss at the end. ”

Jamie frowned as he turned his gaze back to the TV. “I wish they would do it now, then,” he said. “What are they waiting for?”

“…Well,” Jesse swallowed. “It’s just…they’re not really sure this is what they want.

Or, she’s sure it’s what she wants, but he doesn’t know yet.

And, he also doesn’t know that she knows what she wants, and he doesn’t want to risk misreading the signs, because if he makes a move and he’s wrong, she might get upset. ”

“But what if he’s right?” Jamie pressed. “It looks so obvious.”

“…But he doesn’t know that he’s right. It’s tricky with these things, Jamie. People can’t ever be one-hundred percent sure that they’re reading things right. And if they’re not, there could be misunderstandings, and confusion, and anger, and anxiety…”

Jamie was staring again.

“It’s just hard,” Jesse finished. “You can’t read other people’s minds after all, and when you don’t know what’s going to happen, it can be… frightening, to open up and be vulnerable like that.”

To Jesse’s surprise, Jamie didn’t respond to this; he just turned back to the TV to keep watching the screen.

Jesse felt as if he’d said the wrong thing this time.

It was just such a complicated question to ask, and he didn’t know if he’d figured it all out himself yet.

He hadn’t even got into the deeper struggles that came with being…

different, in matters of the heart. It was hard enough to pick up signals and take chances as it was; even worse when being wrong could get you into far more trouble than an awkward encounter, and get you hurt a lot worse than a bruised ego.

Which made it even more imperative that he control himself now, around Jamie.

Even though Jesse liked to think…

He liked to imagine…

But it was dangerous, and he couldn’t let himself dream. He had to stay collected, stay cool, and stay in control. No matter how hard it got.

Suddenly Jamie leaned against him .

Oh god, no, this was making it even harder! Jesse’s heart started to pound as his every muscle froze, and he forgot how to breathe.