Page 14

Jesse

It had been a few days now since the kiss, and there had been many more since then—kisses that tasted so sweet they almost drove Jesse insane.

But of course he hadn’t let it get any farther than that—in fact, he was trying to keep the kissing itself on the more…

‘innocent’ side, so to speak—and he sure as hell hadn’t told anyone except for Austin, who probably would’ve found out anyway, since apparently Jamie had taken to telling him things whenever he went over.

Aside from Austin, it felt like a joyous and wonderful secret, and he was afraid that if people found out about it, things would change.

Reality would get in the way.

Nate’s words about ‘getting involved with a patient’ echoed in his head.

Jesse knew that it was different; he wasn’t a nurse yet, and Jamie was not his patient.

But the fact remained that Jamie had amnesia and had displayed a serious lack of understanding about the ways of the world.

Even though Jamie had been very explicit in what he wanted, the last thing Jesse wanted to do was take advantage of someone, and he knew that a lot of people would think that’s exactly what he’d done.

He could practically hear the accusations now; ‘that man picked up an amnesiac and took him home, and then manipulated him into a relationship the poor guy didn’t even understand. ’

Nate would say ‘I told you so.’ Actually, he’d say a lot more than that, since he didn’t know Jesse was gay.

But this wasn’t only about Nate. If word got out about himself and Jamie, everyone would know his orientation, and Jesse didn’t know what kind of ramifications he’d face if his secret were found out.

He might end up shunned, he might lose all his friends, his coworkers might make his job a living hell…

And that wasn’t even the worst case scenario. He could end up getting hurt .

Even worse, Jamie could get hurt—and he wouldn’t even understand why.

And, of course, there was also the very unsettling fact that Jamie’s hair and eyes were changing color whenever he slept.

Something like that shouldn’t even be possible!

For now, Jesse and Austin had decided to more or less just accept things for how they were (after lots of texts and trying not to freak out about it) since.

.. well, they honestly had no idea how else to deal with it.

It just seemed smarter to keep it all quiet for the time being.

Still, Jesse didn’t want to think of such things right now.

Austin had already teased him mercilessly about the kiss; Jesse really didn’t need anything else on top.

It just felt like everything would inevitably turn into a big deal.

And right now, it was more than a ‘big deal,’ it was heaven.

Every time Jamie went for a kiss, Jesse felt like he was soaring.

He didn’t want reality to bring them crashing down to the ground just yet.

He wanted to keep his head up here in the clouds, just for a little longer, where it felt like nothing could touch them.

He walked with Jamie into Hazel’s dance studio, glad to have got a chance to come with him today. The few times Jamie had come here to practice so far, Jesse had either been at school or at work, and hadn’t been able to see him dance with his new ‘crew.’ He was looking forward to it.

“Hey there, boys!” Hazel called, walking over to the two with a wide smile. “Jamie, you brought your friend today!”

Friend…

Jesse knew that was all they could be out in public, but he couldn’t deny the ache he felt, wishing they could be more.

“I did,” Jamie confirmed to Hazel. “He’d like to watch. Is that alright?”

“Sure,” Hazel said, leading the way through an open double door to where six other people—Jamie’s dance group—were stretching to prepare for practice. “You excited for the competition, Jamie? ”

“Yes,” Jamie said. “Though I wish the prize was bigger. Fifty dollars isn’t a lot.”

“In need of some cash?” Hazel asked.

Jamie nodded. “I want to help Jesse,” he said. “But I don’t have what Austin calls ‘minimum-wage-job skills’ or ‘identification,’ so he says my options are slim.”

Wait, what?

Had Jesse missed something? When had Jamie and Austin talked about jobs? He knew that the two had also been texting a lot ever since Jamie got his phone, but he hadn’t realized the topic of jobs had come up. How come Austin hadn’t told Jesse?

‘Calm down, Mr. Helicopter,’ Jesse could imagine Austin’s voice in his head, and tried to fight back the unpleasant feeling in his gut.

He just couldn’t help it; he wanted to protect Jamie so badly.

But, ‘talking about wanting a job’ wasn’t exactly something Jamie needed to be protected from, so Jesse just scolded himself and moved on, returning his focus to the conversation.

“Well, why don’t you work for me here?” Hazel was asking Jamie. “You could start out small, help keep the studio clean for me. And who knows?” She shrugged. “If you do a good job and it all works out, maybe one day you can even help me teach classes for beginners.”

“Really!?” Jamie perked, his eyes lighting in excitement. “You’d let me teach a class?”

“Maybe,” Hazel smiled. “You’ve got a lot of talent, Jamie.”

“You hear that, Jesse?” Jamie turned to him with a grin. “I’m going to get a job! ”

“That’s great news,” Jesse smiled back although he couldn’t quite place how he really felt about it. “Congratulations, Ja—”

Suddenly, Jamie lunged forward, throwing his arms around Jesse’s neck, and pressing his lips passionately against Jesse’s.

Oh shit!

A flood of overwhelming and very contradictory emotions crashed over Jesse like a wave. It felt so nice. But Hazel was right here. It felt so nice. But the entire dance crew was watching! It felt so nice. But now everyone in that room knew his secret! It felt so nice.

It felt so nice.

But he couldn’t let this happen.

He pushed away from Jamie, despite everything in him not wanting the moment to end. His face burned and his heart was pounding, and he honestly couldn’t get any breath in his lungs, as he turned to look at everyone else.

The dance crew was staring in surprise—but then one of the girls there, a young Asian woman with a short bob, suddenly let out a cheer. “Yeah, go Jamie!” she called.

Hazel let out a slight laugh. “Ayda, you’re embarrassing Jamie’s boyfriend.”

Boyfriend.

That felt far better than ‘friend,’ but at the same time, it wasn’t fair that somebody else got to say it first.

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked, taking in Jesse’s expression with a perplexed frown. “Why would you be… embarrassed? We kiss all the time.”

“Jamie, you – you can’t say that,” Jesse whispered, his blush deepening as he looked back over to Hazel to see how she’d react. “Not in front of people, okay?”

“But… why?” Jamie asked.

“It’s alright in here, just for the record,” Hazel told Jesse. “I’d make sure nobody bothered you about it.”

“…Thank you,” Jesse replied, relieved by her understanding and offering a grateful smile. “That’s really comforting.”

Suddenly he remembered the tattoo he had seen when they first met her; a cloud of musical notes, in every color of the rainbow.

Of course that didn’t automatically mean anything, and he shouldn’t make assumptions about people’s orientation just because they liked colorful things.

But paired with her assurance that her studio was a safe space, he couldn’t help but wonder if the tattoo might mean something more .

But he was getting distracted. Hazel wasn’t who he should be focusing on right now. He really needed to talk to Jamie about this, before it happened again, somewhere where it mattered, and things got out of hand.

Jamie seemed to be on the same page about needing to talk; giving Jesse a confused, frustrated look before waving for Jesse to follow him.

He led Jesse out of the main room and into a changing room—which they fortunately found empty.

Jamie set aside his backpack and then turned to Jesse seriously. “What did you mean there?”

Jesse hesitated, once again struggling to find the right words. “Jamie, I’m sorry, but… we can’t – we can’t kiss, in front of other people.”

“But why not?” Jamie asked again, giving Jesse a confused frown.

“People just… wouldn’t understand,” Jesse tried to explain. “If they see us like this, they’ll… know that we’re together. And I know you don’t know what’s wrong with that,” he amended quickly, holding a hand up to stop Jamie from protesting. “But we just can’t let it happen, okay?”

Jamie pursed his lips with an even deeper frown. “You keep doing that,” he said, his voice betraying that he was getting upset. “Telling me that things ‘just can’t happen’ without telling me why.”

“…I’m sorry,” Jesse sighed, rubbing at his temple.

Where should he even start? “You’re right, you deserve an explanation.

You really do. It’s just… there are a lot of people around here who…

believe it’s wrong, for us to kiss each other.

They think we shouldn’t be allowed to. And if someone like that sees us together, it could be… dangerous.”

Jamie’s eyes widened as he tensed. “What do you mean, ‘dangerous?’” he asked. “We could get hurt if people see us?”

“Yeah,” Jesse told him, relieved that Jamie seemed to understand the concept.

Maybe Jesse should just leave it at this one explanation; telling Jamie that people would think that Jesse was taking advantage of him would be even more difficult to put into words.

So he let out a deep sigh and just stuck with what he’d already said.

“I know it’s not fair, but it’s just a fact of the reality we live in right now.

Not everyone’s going to be okay with it like Hazel and that girl from your group—”

“Ayda,” Jamie supplied.

“Right, Ayda,” Jesse said. “Not everybody’s going to be okay with it like they are. A lot of people could get really upset, and they might hurt us over it.”