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Jamie’s frown deepened once again, but then he let out a troubled sigh.

“I… understand,” he said. “Actually, I don’t understand why it matters to other people whether or not we kiss, and I don’t understand why they’d hurt us over it.

But if we have to keep it a secret, and not kiss in front of other people…

” he looked frustrated, but resigned. “Then I will keep it a secret for you.” Jamie reached out to open the backpack, pulled out his dance clothes, and set them on a nearby bench as if to underline that there was no need to further discuss this.

…Now Jesse felt guilty.

He hadn’t meant to make Jamie look like that.

This was just miserable, honestly. He hated having to keep secrets, especially about this.

He wanted to have what other people had; he wanted to be able to hold Jamie’s hand, go out to dinner sometimes, maybe go to the movies, and just…

exist together, without having to worry about what other people thought.

And he also didn’t want to be the one who broke the news for Jamie, either.

As if Jesse wasn’t already dealing with enough, Jamie suddenly started to take his clothes off like it were the most normal thing in the world, changing into his dance clothes right in front of Jesse—while Jesse felt himself blush as he hurriedly looked away.

It was such an awkward situation. For Jamie, it didn’t mean anything.

But for Jesse, things were so goddamn different.

And, once again, his imagination went to places it certainly shouldn’t.

He knew he was falling badly for Jamie, and the innocence in which the other kept doing these things seriously didn’t make it any easier .

“…Jesse?” Jamie’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned back to look at Jamie (whose dance clothes underlined his stunning and gorgeous body features way too well) and took in the deep frown on Jamie’s face.

After the distraction of having Jamie change in front of him, it took a second for Jesse to recall what they had even been talking about just a moment ago.

“I’m… so sorry,” Jesse apologized. “I didn’t mean to upset you.

I don’t like that we have to keep it quiet either, and I really don’t want to make you think that you’ve done anything wrong.

You are allowed to…” Jesse paused. He’d almost said ‘love’ now, but he didn’t feel like he could call it that yet.

He couldn’t speak for Jamie, after all. “Be with,” he said instead.

“You’re allowed to be with whoever you want.

We just… have to be careful, that’s all.

” He gently took hold of Jamie’s hand, hoping that was enough assurance for now.

Jamie perked up a little, offering a small smile. “I can be careful,” he promised. “Just as long as I’m allowed to kiss you when we’re alone.”

And to be perfectly honest, Jesse couldn’t have denied this request even if he tried.

* * *

Jamie

“And five, six, seven, eight!”

Jamie took a deep breath as the song began to play once again; on repeat as the group rehearsed.

He closed his eyes to let the melody wash over him, and his body responded instinctively.

His arms rose, fingers stretching towards the ceiling, each gesture feeling as if he was pulling the very essence of the music into his being.

Every move flowed into a series of turns that had to be perfectly timed, or else he would be out of sync with his teammates.

His muscles burned dully as he danced, the strain of pushing his body closer to its limits.

He darted forward and then back, his body folding and unfolding in the complicated choreography.

Dancing was something that grounded him in a way nothing else could.

Moving like this felt strangely familiar in a world that was still so very confusing to him.

The music and deep bass soothed his mind as he reached the next section of the dance; a series of rapid steps that demanded every ounce of focus.

This part of the choreography was more complex than anything he had attempted before, and he had to work hard to get it right and commit it to memory.

But he knew which steps to take next—something he did not know for so many other things.

Maybe that’s why dancing felt like a safe place to him.

Jamie’s heart pounded in his chest, matching the frenetic pace of the music.

He spun one last time, arms reaching forward as if to grasp an invisible thread, before the music then slowed.

He lowered himself to the floor, rolling through his spine until he lay still, his breathing heavy and deep.

For a moment, the world was silent. As Jamie stared up at the ceiling with his chest heaving, the only thing he felt was the cool floor beneath him.

Which meant, as soon as he stopped being able to focus on the dance, his thoughts returned to the confusing and upsetting conversation he had had with Jesse earlier. He’d had time to mull things over and had mostly calmed down by now, but he still just felt… conflicted.

“That was fantastic!” Hazel’s voice suddenly reached him. She clapped her hands, and the six dancers around Jamie did the same, accompanied by joyful cheers. Jamie smiled as he sat back up, a deep relief pulsing through his veins while his breathing slowly calmed down.

He had done it.

He’d actually done it, even getting through the more difficult choreography in the middle of the song, and all without mistakes!

“You got it, Jamie!” Ayda cheered again, turning to him and offering him her hand to pull him back to his feet—and then giving him a high-five.

Jamie smiled, always pleased to get a compliment, but admittedly there was someone else taking up more of his attention.

Jesse was here today too, after all. Quickly turning, he met Jesse’s wide grin, underlined by a thumbs up that assured him that Jesse was just as excited as everyone else. Jamie smiled back at him.

And suddenly, there it was again—that pleasant warmth in his stomach that Jamie just couldn’t explain.

A feeling that was so different from when Jesse had told him that they had to hide their kisses; that they weren’t allowed to let others see they were…

‘together.’ That’s what Jesse had called it. Jamie had no idea what that even meant.

“Jamie, stop daydreaming!” Hazel called to him.

The entire team was already standing around her as she held up her phone, ready to show the video she’d been taking, so they could watch their performance back.

Jamie moved to join them, the group watching the recording together; eight pairs of eyes critically scanning for mistakes that needed to be corrected.

“You’re a little off beat here,” Hazel said to Ayda.

“Yeah, I noticed. No big deal, I can fix that.” Ayda replied, slightly narrowing her dark almond-shaped eyes.

One of the others in the group, a man named Dave, was caught blundering through one of his moves on the screen, and Ayda let out a snort as she elbowed him in the side. “That’s way more than off-beat.”

“Oi,” he nudged her back, though chuckling a little at the teasing.

“Come on, save that for home,” Hazel told them, rolling her eyes a little.

Jamie frowned. For home? Did that mean Ayda and Dave were together? Jamie hadn’t even paid attention to them before.

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

When he left the dance studio with Jesse after rehearsals were over, they met Ayda and Dave at the bus stop again—though the two were talking, and didn’t notice Jamie and Jesse approach.

They were laughing together, too, and then Dave suddenly wrapped his arms around Ayda, pulled her closer, and… kissed her!?

Jamie froze as his gaze darted around, a spike of worry going through him. They weren’t even at home yet! Weren’t they afraid they might get hurt? All the people walking past here had seen it!

But…

No one seemed to care.

Jamie looked at Jesse in confusion—who seemed to not have noticed at all. But he had said they had to keep their kisses a secret! Why was it different for Ayda and Dave?

“Jesse, why—” Jamie started, when Jesse’s phone suddenly rang, interrupting him.

“Damn it. Give me a second, okay?” Jesse pressed the green button and raised the phone to his ear.

Jamie bit his lip. Why had Jesse told him it was dangerous, if it clearly wasn’t? He wouldn’t have lied to Jamie, would he? He had promised he wouldn’t!

Jamie waited in growing frustration, as Jesse talked on the phone. With Nate, probably. Jesse only ran his hand through his hair anxiously like this when he was talking to Nate.

The bus arrived, and they got on behind Ayda and Dave.

The two hadn’t kissed again, but now they were holding hands; and still, nobody seemed to be bothered by it.

Jamie walked down the narrow aisle, questions tugging at his mind as they took their seats, while Jesse was still on the phone with Nate, lowering his voice so as not to annoy the other passengers as he talked.

He seemed to be trying to dodge another invitation to go hang out with Nate and Jazmine—which reminded Jamie that the two of them hadn’t really been hiding that they were ‘together,’ either.

So what was the difference?

Why could everyone else do it, but not him and Jesse?

His thoughts were running in circles as he tried to think of a reason, but couldn’t. He was starting to feel sad, and incredibly exhausted. Resting his forehead against the cold window of the bus, he looked out at the streets as a light rain drizzled down from gray skies.

After a few minutes, Jesse’s phone call ended, and he sighed as he put it back into his pocket before turning back to Jamie. “Sorry about that,” he said. “What was it you were about to ask me?”

But Jamie didn’t want to talk anymore.

He felt too drained to listen to more of Jesse’s rambling excuses of ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘it’s hard to explain.

’ He never gave a real answer, so why bother?

“Nevermind,” he waved him off. Maybe he should just pretend to be tired, then Jesse wouldn’t ask further questions.

That sounded like a good idea, so he yawned and slid deeper into his seat.

It seemed to work. But what didn’t work was his effort to get rid of the awful feeling in his stomach. Jesse couldn’t have lied to him. But then, why would he say something that clearly wasn’t true? Was he just… mistaken?

As if things weren’t bad enough already, they were driving past a couple sharing an umbrella out on the street—and they were kissing too! The man holding the umbrella leaned over to kiss the woman he was sharing it with, right as the bus had gone by.

Jamie’s eyes suddenly felt watery, and he tried to blink it away before anyone could see. He felt a surge of shame that he was crying over this, but he couldn’t help how much it hurt .

Luckily, they still had a few more minutes on the bus, giving Jamie some time to collect himself.

He just didn’t understand what the difference was.

Why couldn’t anyone know that he and Jesse were kissing, when it obviously didn’t matter with others?

Ayda and Dave, Nate and Jazmine, the woman and the man on the sidewalk…

And even with something silly, like the children’s movie about the mermaid, everyone had been happy when Ariel and Prince Eric kissed.

So why was it different for Jesse and Jamie?

Jamie took a sharp breath as the realization eventually hit him.

Because with everyone else, it was always a man and a woman. Jesse and Jamie were both men. Was that the real problem?

But Jesse had also said that Jamie could be with anyone he wanted…

Did it really matter any longer what Jesse had said? Jesse was always great at explaining things, and yet there were topics he obviously felt uncomfortable with, and in those rare cases, he made no sense at all. Did that mean he felt uncomfortable with Jamie, then?

Because Jamie was a man?

But Jesse had kissed him first!

Nothing made sense anymore.

All Jamie knew was that he didn’t want to make Jesse feel uncomfortable any longer.

Once they got home, Jamie went into the bedroom. He opened his backpack, shifting his dance clothes aside and starting to stuff in the rest of his clothes—or at least, as much as he could fit.

“W-what are you doing?” Jesse suddenly asked behind him.

Jamie took a deep breath, frowning down at the clothes in his backpack. He felt… strange, like he didn’t really know himself. All he knew was he couldn’t stay here, not with how much it hurt to be different. So he turned away, and got back to packing.

“I’m leaving.”