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Why was Jamie leaning against him like this!? Didn’t he know…!?

No. He didn’t. He was just tired.

Jamie laid his head on Jesse’s shoulder as he took in a deep yawn, still blearily staring at the TV for a little while longer. Until, finally… his breathing slowed down, the tension of his muscles faded, and his eyes fluttered shut.

Jesse still couldn’t move. He wasn’t entirely sure if Jamie was actually asleep yet or just resting his eyes, and any sudden movement might jolt him awake.

More than that, however, he couldn’t move because he literally couldn’t move.

The warmth that emanated from Jamie was feeding the heat Jesse felt inside, like a fire spurred on by a hot wind, and the subtle scent of Jamie’s hair filled his senses and drove him crazy.

He was in so much trouble…

But then it happened. It started at the base of Jamie’s hair; the roots were growing lighter.

Slowly, it spread from there, like a wave of gray spreading across his head, all the way down to the tips.

As it moved, it grew lighter and brighter, until, after only a few moments, it had turned completely white.

Jesse couldn’t help but stare, cold shock running through him at the unbelievable sight.

It had been no trick of the light.

Jamie’s hair had really, truly changed color, all on its own!

This was not normal!

It couldn’t be normal!

Right?!

And yet, despite the utter disbelief that was coursing through his veins, Jesse had never seen anything more beautiful .

This was all too much to bear. As Jamie continued to lie against him, sleeping soundly with his head on Jesse’s shoulder, Jesse shifted his weight ever so slightly to free his arm, and put it around Jamie’s shoulders.

Cautiously, so as not to wake the other up, he turned his head a little, slightly moving his face closer until Jamie’s hair was touching his nose, and closed his eyes.

It almost felt intimate, even though Jesse knew that it was not. And yet, Jamie’s sweet scent felt as if it was embracing Jesse’s very being. It was getting overwhelming. Jesse hesitated, deeply inhaling this moment, and trying really hard to resist.

But then he just couldn’t help himself.

He pressed his lips softly against Jamie’s white hair.

* * *

Jamie

At first, he felt warm and safe. As he drifted silently through the realm of sleep, he was conscious of nothing save for a protective presence wrapped around him, and a gentle touch upon his head. It was soothing. Calming. It kept him feeling at peace.

But the farther he drifted away from the waking world, and the deeper he fell into his dreams, the more the shielding warmth was growing hotter and fiercer, increasing to a heat that was almost unbearable.

Fire.

Soon enough, it was all he could feel. As he came unto himself, he looked around to see the blazing inferno that surrounded him; towering walls of raging flame burning away and eating at everything they touched.

Jamie coughed in the heavy smoke that filled the air, as a growing sense of desperation filled his heart.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He hadn’t meant to let it go this far .

Someone was screaming nearby, an anguished yell of anger and heartbreak. Jamie turned to the source of the sound, making out the shape of a figure kneeling on the ground, their shoulders wracked with sobs as they knelt over a dead body.

A crushing wave of remorse came over him at the sight, and he knew—he just knew —that it was all his fault.

He looked down at his hands, finding them covered in blood, and felt the weight of guilt settle upon him.

This was not the first time that something like this had happened, he knew that it wasn’t, and it wouldn’t be the last. How many lives had been ruined because of him?

How much destruction was he meant to dole out?

He didn’t know for how much longer he could carry on.

A darkness was growing behind him, he could feel it. Something bad was coming for him; something was overtaking him, being ripped from him, rewriting him from the inside out.

A sharp pain burst through his head, and coursed in agony through his mind.

He screamed.

“Jamie!”

The voice, worried and fearful, cut through the nightmare like a knife, and Jamie jolted awake.

Panting in panic, he realized it was Jesse.

They were on the couch, still, in Jesse’s apartment, as the TV flashed its blaring colors and the man shook anxiously at Jamie’s arm.

It took a moment for Jamie to register it, as his heart continued to race, and the guilt continued to press on him.

He was shaking, he realized; and his eyes were welled with tears.

It was just too much. He couldn’t handle this pain. Not alone.

“Jamie,” Jesse said again, his voice lined with concern. “Are you okay?”

Jamie couldn’t answer.

He didn’t know.

All he could do was reach a trembling hand up to the back of his head, and gingerly touch at the spot where he’d been hurt in the dream.

He almost expected that pain to course through him once again, but to his surprise and relief, nothing happened.

Still, his fingers brushed against a cold roughness he didn’t feel anywhere else on his head, causing the fear in his stomach to spike again.

“Look,” he panted demandingly to Jesse, as he turned his head away and tried to pull back his hair. “Something is there!”

“What?” Jesse asked, sounding confused. “What do you mean?”

“On the back of my head,” Jamie told him, his voice trembling. “What is there? I can feel that there is something there; what is it!?”

It seemed to take way too long, but then gentle hands pushed his hair back even further, as Jesse examined his head. “It’s… a scar,” Jesse told him after a moment. “They must not have found it at the hospital. Your hair probably hid it. It doesn’t look fresh, though.”

“Are you sure?” Jamie asked. “It felt like I got it right before I woke up!”

“Before you woke up? You mean, right before I woke you up just now?”

“No,” Jamie shook his head. “Right before I woke up on the street, the day you found me. The blood was on my hands, there was fire everywhere… This – this has happened before!”

Jesse put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder, gently turning him around to look him in the eye seriously. “You remember that?” he asked. “Or did you just dream it?”

Jamie thought this through, trying to piece together one actual, real memory.

But he couldn’t. It was only in his dreams these things happened.

While he was awake, he couldn’t place it.

“Just… in my dreams,” he admitted. “But I’m sure it’s true!

It feels so real when it happens, it has to be true.

I…” he swallowed, wiping at his eyes as a shudder went down his spine. “I think… I hurt someone…”

The hand on his shoulder tightened ever so slightly, Jesse’s eyes widening. He seemed wary for a moment, like he didn’t know whether or not he believed Jamie, or what he would do if he decided it was true.

But then he pursed his lips, and shook his head.

“No,” he said firmly. “You could never hurt anybody, Jamie. No matter who you are, no matter where you’ve been, I refuse to believe you could cause someone pain.

Besides, I don’t think you got this scar on the day we found you.

If you had, it would’ve been a fresh wound, and we would’ve definitely seen it. ”

It was nice to hear him say so, and Jamie wanted to believe him.

But there was still something in him that made him feel…

wrong. Guilty. Like he’d done something awful.

The scream from his nightmare still haunted him—and although it had almost been a month now, he couldn’t get the feeling of the blood off his hands, making the dreaded thought that he had hurt someone weigh even heavier on him.