Page 83 of Seduction

What if itiscancer? What if I lose my breast? Or both? What if it spreads? What if… what if I die?

After doing the preliminary examination, he did a mammogram and collected samples for a biopsy. Now we play the waiting game. Well, I’m not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs. I need to get my affairs in order. Mikey is my first priority. In addition to being his uncle, Gage is also his godfather. I know he and Raven will take care of Mikey like their own.

Oh, God. Is he destined to grow up without his mother like I did?

“Ellen?”

I turn my head to look at Jon, who hasn’t left my side. His friend was able to squeeze me into his schedule right away, so we arrived in Atlanta early this morning. We haven’t told anyone what’s going on; I’d rather wait and see what we’re dealing with before alarming my family.

I can’t believe I didn’t feel it. Jesus, if I hadn’t pursued Jon… I don’t even want to think about what would have happened.

“It’s time to go, beautiful.”

I nod, taking his outstretched hand. “Thank you, Dr. Manning.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Hunter. I’ll call you as soon as I have the results. Try not to worry.”

Yeah, right.

Since Jon decided we should stay in Atlanta tonight, he booked us a room at a hotel. On our way there, he fills the silence, trying to keep me occupied. It doesn’t work, though. There’s only one thing on my mind.

Cancer.

I roll the word around my head. Six letters, two syllables.

A death sentence.

Mikey should be here. I should be spending as much time with him as I can. Optimism is not an option right now. I need to prepare for the worst.

“You hungry, babe?”

“No. I don’t think I could eat anything.”

“I know, but you need to try. I’ll get room service when we get back to the hotel.”

“Okay,” I reply, only to appease him.

Back at the hotel, he leads me to the room, keeping his arm around me. I don’t know where we are, or what the place even looks like. I’m lost to the world, his touch the only thing making me aware of evenbeing. I climb onto the bed, curling up in the fetal position, his voice background noise as he orders room service.

“Ellen?” Jon says quietly.

I hear him, but I just don’t have the presence of mind to answer. Staring at the empty space in front of me, my eyes trace the stitching patterns on the comforter.

Comforter. That’s a strange name for a blanket. It’s certainly offering no comfort on one of the coldest days of my life.

I’d like to be optimistic; I really would. I just don’t want to get my hopes up and be devastated when it turns out to be something serious. It’s better to expect the worst and be relieved when it doesn’t happen than to look forward to a positive outcome and have your hopes shattered. If push comes to shove, at least I’ll be with Eddie again.

Why does thatnotmake me feel better?

Because I don’t want to leave the man who’s in the room with me. I didn’t want it, didn’t expect it, but he changed me. No, he brought me back from the land of the dead where I was living with a ghost. It’s been slowly brewing, but I know without a doubt that I’m falling for Jon Emerson.

Why, God? Why give me a second chance only to rip it from me so quickly and suddenly?Even if it doesn’t go that far, will Jon look at me the same way if I have to get a mastectomy?

“Babe?”

Jon touches my shoulder and I turn to face him. That’s when I see the table he’s wheeled into the room. I don’t even know how long I’ve been lying here. Sitting up, I watch him remove one of the silver domes, revealing a bowl of soup. The smell sends my tummy rumbling. He picks it up, along with a spoon, and shuffles closer.

“Open up.”