Page 62 of Seduction

“That’s it, isn’t it? You finally think you can move on, and it makes you feel guilty.”

Her lids flutter open, the answer clear as day in her eyes. She’s not running from me, she’s running from her guilt.

“You feel like you died right alongside Eddie that night. You didn’t. He’s gone.You’re.Still.Here.”

“Jon….” She takes a deep breath, trying to get her words out. “Sometimes… I feel like I’m drowning. No matter how hard… I fight to break the surface, I just… keep getting dragged farther below.”

“Then let me help you,” I plead as I take her hands in mine. “Take my hand, Ellen. I’ll pull you out. I’ll save you.”

“Save me?” She rips her hands from my hold. “What makes you think you can save me? Why should I even get involved with anyone in the MC? Sooner or later, you’re all going to end up like Eddie.”

“Everyone dies, Ellen.”

“Yes, but Eddie was taken from me too soon. He should be here for me, for our son. But he’s not.”

“Gage didn’t tell you what happened that night, did he?” I tilt my head to the side, observing her. I wasn’t there, but he still talks about that night and how much he’s to blame.

“No. All he said was that Eddie got shot.”

“Mission asked Gage to go down to Jacksonville to help with one of his suppliers. He took Eddie and Razor with him.”

Ellen watches me, soaking up the information as if all her questions will finally be answered.

“Back then, your brother was more of a hothead than he is now… but I don’t have to tell you that. There was an argument. The other guy pulled a gun. Razor got him, but not before he fired a shot. Eddie jumped in front of Gage. He took a bullet doing his job, protecting his president. If he hadn’t done that, you’d be mourning your brother instead.”

“Oh, God….”

Clutching her chest, she slides down the wall and to the floor. I try to help her up, but she brushes me off.

“Don’t touch me!” she shouts. “Just go. Leave me alone!”

“No. You want to let it all out, go ahead. Take it out on me.”

“Stop that!”

“What?” I ask.

“Stop being so understanding. So… bloodyperfect!”

“That would make it easier, wouldn’t it? For you to push me away? Well, guess what? It shouldn’t be, and I’m not going to make it easy for you.”

I back away, grabbing my cut. I’ll let her have the space she needs. For now.

“You can’t keep running, Ellen. Call me if you need me.”

Bringing her knees up to her chin, she wraps her arms around them, keeping her gaze on the floor. “Aren’t you just a regular St. Jude?”

“You’re not a lost cause, and no matter what, I’ll always be here for you.”

“I don’t need you…Einstein.”

“Yeah.” I shake my head in disbelief. “See you around, Ellen.”

CHAPTER 11

***Ellen***

The last thing I expected to see when I walked into the clubhouse was Mikey sitting on Jon’s lap. They’re both eating pizza and watching a football game.Since when does Mikey watch anything but cartoons?He’s so animated, taking his cues on how to behave from Jon. Jon picks up his beer and takes a swig. Mikey does the same with a bottle of water that someone’s written the word “beer” on. I do my best with him, but I can’t teach him to be a man. That’s a father’s job. I let him spend as much time as he can with Gage and Daddy, but now I see that he needs more.