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Chapter Seven

Ashland

I head straight toward the tattoo shop off campus after the stupid fucking conversation with Koda. He thinks I’ll come when he calls like a dog, and he’d be wrong. The sex was great, but that doesn’t mean anything. Guys like him get everything they want, and I’m not going to be one of those things. I’m not anyone’s property; I’m a person. I will, however, be Alexi’s best friend even if it’s just to piss him the hell off. Fuck, I’ll marry Alexi if it makes Koda implode. Then he can see how much I don’t give a fuck about his demands.

The navy blue painted brick comes into view with a sign hanging out front. Tattoos and piercings. I’ve come here so much over the last few years that I’ve gotten relatively close with the owner and some of the artists. When they finally asked who did my other tattoos and Penny told them it was me, they asked me to apprentice until a chair opened up. The owner, Prince, is moving to Texas, and he wants me to take his place. I took the apprenticeship at Penny’s insistence. It’s mostly cleaning, grabbing coffee, and hanging out, but I’m glad she pushed me to do it. I’ve gotten to do a little bit of tattooing. I hate to admit it, but I’ve missed it.

The theme inside is gothic chic. A black chandelier hangs from the ceiling surrounded by walls of patterned paper with gold accents. A burgundy velvet couch is positioned over a black patterned rug, and there’s a burgundy armchair to match. All of the trim has been painted black. I love this place. It’s older. Most of the buildings are, and I love that the floor creaks when someone walks by.

“You’re early,” Angel, the shop manager, smirks from behind the jewelry counter. Her pointed vampire fangs peek out over her bottom lip.

“It's been a day.”

She leans her elbows on the counter focusing on me with purple contact eyes. “Is it a boy?” She wiggles her arched eyebrows.

I laugh. “No, boys are a waste of time unless they’re using their dick.”

“You’re a menace to society. I wish I could be that way,” she sighs wistfully.

“Gavin still being a dick?”

“Always.”

I lay out on the couch. “Next time he comes in, I’ll offer him a free back tat. I’ll let a few things slip until it looks like a dangling pair of hairy balls.”

“If I didn’t know you any better I would say you were kidding. I learned my lesson last time.”

“Hey! That guy deserved it, alright? It’s not like he even realized that it was phallic.” I give her a sly smile. “Anyways, who is out today?”

“Prince is in Texas scouting out an apartment.”

“Perfect. I’m gonna reorganize his ink.”

“He’s going to kill you.”

“Nah, he thinks I’m too adorable to kill.”

“You’re probably right.” Angel starts to organize paperwork from last night. “I don’t know how you did it. He hates everyone, but he has a soft spot for you.”

I flash her a smile. “I just have a way about me.”

I skip to his private room and start putting it back together the way he likes it. When I’m finished, I huff. The buzzing of people tattooing is calming. I grab my bag, reaching for my sketchbook before remembering I’m missing it. I could swear that I had it at The Roost last, but I’m pretty fucking forgetful and tend to lose everything. I head back into the lobby.

“Hey, you haven’t happened to see my sketchbook have you?”

Angel takes a look under the counter. “Nah, girl. I don’t see it anywhere. Are you sure you left it here?”

“Probably not. Figured I’d check anyways.” Maybe Penny found it.

“Sorry, sweetie. We all know how attached you are to it. If one of us found it we would keep it safe for you.”

Another thing I love about this place. Everyone accepts that sometimes you just don’t fucking ask questions.

“Everything alright?” Angel tilts her head and furrows her brow with worry. “What’s got you so stressed out, girlie?”

“I’m just not sleeping much.” It’s true. I’m not.

“I could give you some Ambien?” she offers.

“Nah, it’ll sort itself out.” Getting stuck in my nightmares? Hard pass.

“Well, I can close up here tonight. Go home and try to get some sleep. Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

I like Angel a lot. She’s so sweet, always trying to take care of everyone but herself. It’s a shame her boyfriend is such a jackass. He doesn’t deserve her, but isn’t that how it always works? Amazing women usually don’t realize it, and they end up being dragged behind some sub-par looking asshole who gets whiskey dick and doesn’t appreciate them.

I stop by Late Night. It'll be a peace offering to Penny since I ran off earlier. When I get home, she’s standing in her little studio in our spare bedroom painting something for another class. There’s rap music playing over the speakers. The moment I come in the door she emerges, hands covered in bright colors, and takes a deep breath.

“Is that reconciliation pizza?”

I scrunch my nose in apologetic shame. “It is."

She settles into a barstool next to me at the kitchen counter. “So you’re really okay with me leaving if I land it?”

“First of all.” I pull out some slices and start shoving them into my mouth. “You’ll get it. Second of all, fuck yes. I think it’ll be really fun. I just hate the possibility of Vale being involved. That’s all. You’ll learn a lot.”

“You could go visit everyone while I’m gone?” she suggests.

It's not that I don't care about the people we've left behind, but it's complicated. “We’ll see. I’m starting to gain some clientele, and Prince will be gone by then. I’ll be busy.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“Speaking of work, have you seen my sketchbook?”

She pauses, pursing her lips in thought. “You had it at The Roost, but I didn’t see it when I left. Did you lose it?”

“Yeah.” I see the worried look. I play it off. “It just had some tattoo ideas. It’s fine. They weren’t what I wanted anyways."

“I’m proud of you.” Her support means the world to me. She’s the only person who could say that she’s proud of me and it really mean something. “I’m glad you’re tattooing again. Everyone is.”

I roll my eyes. “So the internship?”

She tries to hide a big smile. “I’m not gonna lie I’m excited. I really thought it might take you a while to get over it.”

“What? You’re my best friend. There’s nothing I want more than for you to be happy and fucking successful. Maybe Chicago is the move after we graduate.” I wiggle my eyebrows.

“You should come visit me while I’m there,” she suggests.

“Alright. Deal. See? Easy. All you gotta do is video call me every day and things will be peachy.”

She stabs pizza in my direction. “If you think I wasn’t already gonna do that, you’ve got me fucked up. Movie nights are not off either. You can’t get out of it.”

“If you think we aren’t watching movies and that I won't cuddle my phone, you’re delusional.”

“If you stand me up I’ll just send you pictures of my super authentic Chicago style pizza to make you jealous.”

I toss the crust onto the plate. “You’re the worst.”

Penny laughs. It’s always like wind chimes.

“So, you abandoned me with Alexi and Koda earlier.”

“What was that like?”

“Alexi is really nice.”

I don’t even try to hide my distaste. “And Koda?”

“He didn’t say much. The guy looks pissed all of the time. Left not long after you did. When did you fuck him?”

I can’t keep shit from Penny. “He hates me,” I reason. Hates me while his hand is wrapped around my throat. I feel heat threatening me at my core. When I see that she isn’t buying it, I cave. “The football party.”

“I knew it! That’s, like, your favorite thing. Men that hate you,” she snickers. “He screams toxicity.”

“Well, he’s full of that. Narcissism, too.”

“Does he have a big dick, though?” she asks with a mouthful of cheese and pepperoni. I hold my hands up as measurement, and Penny’s eyes widen. “You have to fuck him again.”

“He probably has a ton of drama. You know that girl who was talking shit outside of the party?”

“Ugh. The one with the horrid red lipstick?”

“That’s the one. A real Stacy. They fuck.”

“Geez, yeah, You’re dodging a bullet on that one. Total groupie vibes, and you know how those girls are.”

“She was at Sunny’s that day. I told her she does anal to pretend she’s a virgin.”

Penny chokes so much that I reach over and pound my fist on her back. We descend into a fit of laughter until we’re crying.

“Fucking golden. Oh my God. I wish I could have heard that.” She wipes tears from her eyes.

“Cole was mortified.”

“He’s too much of a gentleman,” she sighs. “By the way, I’ve been texting Alexi.”

“Ooh,” I croon. “Got a new crush?”

“No." She rolls her eyes. “You know he’s not my type. He just seems really nice. He actually knows how to have a conversation. I think we could all be friends.”

“I have friends. You. Cole. Bam! Friends.”

“I’m starting to think Cole might tie you up in his basement,” she cackles. “He’s really laying it on thick.”

I pick the pepperonis off of my pizza. “I know.”

“Ya know, a big football player or two hanging around might give you a buffer. Good sex is also hard to come by. I know you have your whole ‘don’t fuck anything twice’ thing, but you’ve got to be running low on bodies. Doesn’t have to mean anything.”

I contemplate what she’s saying. Cole has been getting under my skin recently, and Koda comes off as scary. Alexi isn’t intimidating in the same way, but he’s cool and Cole is his number one fan. Alexi laughs like a good audience, and he surprisingly doesn’t seem the least bit judgmental. I’ve actually enjoyed some of his commentary in class. Koda did give me one of the best orgasms of my life.

“Fuck you. Alright. Fine. I’ll think about the Koda thing. I guess I can give Alexi a chance. For your sake.”

“Good, cause I invited them to study with us at the library Sunday.”

“Ugh. If he starts talking about football I’m kicking him out.”

“I’ll let him know.”

I can see that Penny considers this a win, and I’ll let her have it, for now.

Cole usually doesn’t join us on the weekend. He works doubles to make up for not working every day during the week. It’s nice getting a break from him. He’s been so overbearing recently. I’m not a child, and I’m not his weak ass girlfriend. We’re just friends.

Instead of buying a new sketchpad, I took some pages out of Penny’s. I’m still in denial that it’s lost. I’m not sure if that scares me or aggravates me. It’s not like it has my name on it, so whoever may have picked it up won’t know it’s mine. Unless they know it’s Penny in those sketches, then they might. Most likely someone tossed it and that’s probably for the best.

Some of my textbooks are spread in front of me as I draw an ancient Incan city based off of scientific research in our text book. Could I look at one on the internet? Yeah, but then I wouldn’t be able to really soak up the culture. It’s the daily life that I add into my drawings that mean something. People working in their different factions and their way of life sinks into the page.

“Holy shit,” Alexi says, leaning over my shoulder.

“This is my personal space, Alexi. I do fucking bite,” I growl.

He ignores me, per usual, plopping down in the seat next to me. “Man, I fucking hate Sundays. Saturdays are so exhausting.”

“Did you guys win yesterday?” Penny asks.

“Yeah. It’s all the social shit that bugs me. Press conferences and interviews. Thousands of people watching you. It drains you.”

“I’ll bet.” Penny nods. “Ashland got like that when we were on tour.”

“Tour?” Alexi glances between us.

Before she can say anything, I interrupt. “Penny said you’re really stupid and need help on our homework.”

Someone slides into the seat next to me. They’re large and warm and smell just like Koda fucking Armory. Since he took my phone number I haven’t heard from him. I should have immediately blocked him, but he’s piqued my interest. Instead, I just changed his contact name to Micropenis. But now he’s here sitting right fucking next to me being as irritating as Alexi.

“It’s true,” Alexi agrees.

I ignore Koda completely. “Your first problem is your notes."

“My notes?”

“Yeah.” I pull them out of his binder. “No one would be able to figure out what any of this means. There is no structure here. There are three entirely separate civilizations scattered around this one piece of paper.”

“I’ve been telling him that for years,” Koda mutters.

I turn and glare at him. “I’m sorry, are you participating here?” He smirks but goes back to unloading his backpack. “That’s what I thought. So, what you need to do here is rewrite these notes. Then I’ll be able to start helping you. Each civilization should be it’s own section. You should start from the bottom. Think about third class being the football team. You’re out there doing all of the work. Middle class would be the coaches. First class would be the dean.”

“Why the dean?”

“Because he profits the most off of having a fantastic football program and has other people do the work for him. ”

“Oh.” Alexi draws his brows together. “Never thought about it like that.”

I shrug. “Everything is about money.”

It's the most common currency. Rich men and poor men will do anything for more of it. They'll sell people for it. They'll even sell their sister.

“Do you know how much you’d cost, Ashland?” He stalks around me, surveying me.

“I don’t give a damn. Money is useless." I spit in his direction.

“Everything is about money,” he snorts. “That’s why it’s even possible that you’re here.”

It’s hot and humid in here, almost unbearably so. Probably by design. In the corner there’s a fire, and water drips from a pipe in the ceiling, hissing every time it hits the coals that burn in the corner. This place is basically a fucking sauna, and this is not how I wanted to try one.

The chains around my raw wrists clank against the metal floor. It fucking hurts. I’m trying to pretend it doesn’t, but holy shit it does. The collar around my neck is lined with spikes that pierce my skin when I pull too hard on the stupid leash it’s connected to. My feet have been numb for days but every now and then they’ll tingle, so they may not be a total loss.

The nausea is unbearable. The stench of this place is a mixture of blood, mold, and piss. I threw up twice before getting used to it. Now there’s nothing left in my stomach to keep doing it. I’m fucking weak. My momma always said so. My daddy did, too. I’m sure my brothers think the same, but they didn’t have the heart to tell me.

It’s been dark most of the time, so the light filtering in from the hallway is blinding. I can barely make out his face, except for his amber eyes. They glow like he’s been a part of some sci-fi movie experiment. He visits me sometimes, but he’s usually asking me questions about myself that I refuse to answer. I honestly don’t even know what the hell he wants. I thought I’d be on a boat to wherever they sell girls by now, but no, I’m here.

He approaches me, making a face at the smell in this room. He pulls a little bottle out of his pocket. My eyes widen. I don’t know what the fuck that is and I don’t want it, but the chains keep me in place. He holds it up and sprays. I can feel the little droplets coat my skin and then I smell it. Perfume?

He shoves his nose into my hair with a deep inhale. “It’s not that blackberry honey, but it’ll have to do for now.”

“You’re a fuckin' psycho,” I growl.

He grins, crouching in front of me. “I’d prefer you to call me Damien."

“No, psycho.”

“You’ll learn to love it. It’s my best quality.” When he smiles, I swear he has sharp teeth like a shark. If this is Damien’s best, what the hell is his worst?

“Memphis said you were a brat. I love brats. It’s so beautiful when they break.” His fingers trail down my jaw and I yank my chin away, despite the pain that erupts around my neck. I spit directly in his face. He wipes it off, inspects it, then sucks it off of his fingers. I wanna fuckin' gag.

Damien tsks. “Oh, Ashland. Can’t you see? We’re meant to be together. You just need to realize it, is all.”

“You know what I realize, you sick perv? When I’m outta these fuckin' chains, I'll kill you. I’m gonna fuckin' stab you to death and bathe in your blood and laugh . That’s if my brother doesn’t come for you first.”

“Funny. 'Cause Memphis is the reason you’re here.”

“What?” This is new information. “Are you his dealer?”

“You think I’m a dealer?” Damien doubles over laughing and spreads himself out onto the floor far enough away that I can’t get to him. There’s a knife on his hip glittering in the fluorescent light. “Oh no, baby girl. We’re far from bookies and drug dealers.”

He sits up and takes my cheeks between his palms, squeezing them together. “I saved you from that life. I was hopin' I didn’t have to be the one to tell you. I made a deal with your big brother. I paid off your daddy’s debt and made his problems disappear. Memphis was overjoyed. Grateful. Somethin' you could learn to be. Somethin' I’ll teach you.”

He paid off all of the debt? The memories of Memphis laying on the floor and the gun in the bookie's hands haunt me. He had smiled, hadn't he? Memphis knew what was comin'. He must've sold me to fix his fuckin' problems. This wasn’t some sort of kidnapping, this was the kind of taking where you don’t ever go back. Where no one is lookin'. I’ve disappeared into an abyss and everyone is gonna step over it like I never existed at all.

I start to cry. It’s the first time I have since I’ve gotten here. I’m surprised I even can with how little water I’ve been given.

“Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh." Damien wipes the tears from my cheeks. “Don’t be upset, baby girl. I’ll make sure Memphis gets what he deserves for makin' you sad. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, but you’re not listenin'. I’ll do anything for you, even the things you hate, because I know what’s best for you.” He looks into my eyes as if he’s connecting to my dying soul. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful when you cry.”

“I hate you,” I sob.

“No, you don’t." He rolls his eyes. “You’re just in love with me. I know your silly little life probably hasn’t taught you much, but what you’re feeling is love, not hate. Thank goodness I love you so much or my patience would already be wearin' thin.”

“Love me? What the fuck? Are you fuckin' delusional? Let me out of here. Now.”

He gives me a lazy smile before standing up over me. “You’re mine. You were made for me, baby girl. I’ll show you. Don’t worry."

I laugh through my tears. Is this really happening? What did I do to anyone to deserve this? I’ve barely had time to exist on this stupid bullshit planet. I remember in school one time they talked about past lives. Is that what this is? Fuckin' karma?

“Marky! Jordy! Come here,” Damien demands. I recognize the assholes who bring me water. Sometimes they yank the chain that connects the collar just to make me bleed. I think they like my screams so I do my best to choke on them now.

Marky, or maybe Jordy, hands him something, and he walks over to the bucket of coals. They advance on me, pushing me to the ground. Pain radiates through every part of my body forcing me to cry out. Something is shoved into my mouth with a thick leather strap wrapping around to the back of my head. The taste of rubber is off-putting.

Damien is holding something into the fire, the smell of hot metal mixed with rubber. My brain is screaming in warning. I try to shove it down. This psycho thinks he loves me. He won’t hurt me. He won’t, I try to convince myself.

“I’m gonna prove my love to you, Ashland,” he shouts over my muffled cries. “I’m gonna prove my dedication and show everyone that you’re mine.” He pulls the iron from the fire. It’s burning bright orange on the end in the shape of something.

Damien walks over, inspecting it. “We belong to each other. I know you won’t wanna forget it,” he says simply before pressing the brand to the skin on my ass.

I don’t know how long it lasts. It feels like eternity. My screams are unearthly. The putrid smell of my burning flesh mixed with the perfume he doused me in would make me vomit if I wasn’t already so weak. I’m sweating and shaking. I feel like I might be dying. I thought I had a fear of drowning, but now I think burning alive might be much much worse.

“You were such a good girl,” he praises.

Then the psycho takes the same brand, sticks it back into the fire, and presses it to the inside of his right wrist. Damien doesn’t even flinch, as if there isn’t a sizzle or bubbling flesh.

Jordy and Marky unbuckle my gag. Spit drips down my chin. My chest heaves trying to catch my breath from the blistering pain.

“Get the doctor,” Damien commands. They get up silently and leave. I didn’t even know there was a doctor here.

“I love you, Ashland.”

I feel a hand on my wrist and jolt out of the memory with a scream, but it doesn’t escape because there’s a palm pressed over my mouth. I take deep breaths through my nose trying to get a grip. This isn’t that place. I’m not there. I smell…I smell Koda. He’s looking into my eyes frantically while his hand slowly comes away from my mouth.

“Do you hate vending machines?”

“What?”

“I was trying to be nice and asked you if you wanted something from the vending machine and you fucking screamed.”

I look around. Penny and Alexi are gone. It’s just us.

“When did they leave?”

“Twenty minutes ago. Alexi went to the gym. Penny went to do her sculpting project.”

“Twenty?”

How long? How long was I stuck there? My disassociation episodes are getting worse. I snatch the piece of paper that was under my hand and hold it up, shielding it from Koda. It’s the brand.

“Why the hell would they leave me here with you?”

“Because you were focused and told us to fuck off. Penny didn’t want to leave, but she clearly needed to, so I told her I would stay instead of interrupting you. What were you drawing?”

He reaches over and slides the paper in front of him. I don’t want anyone to see this. I panic and kiss him, snatching the sketch from his hands and crumpling it into a ball. When I pull away, Koda looks fucking shocked.

“What? Isn’t that why you’re still here?” I sneer. I excel at being a bitch. “To fuck?”

He looks conflicted. It’s honestly funny. “All bark and no bite.”

I pack my things up and head for the door. I consider burning the sketch, but the fire alarm will go off, so I just throw it into the trash. I feel his massive form press against me. His hand reaches around my throat, restraining me. He presses down on my artery while his lips brush the spot where my neck meets my shoulder.

“Is that what you want, Ashland? You want me to bite?” he rasps.

I want to say no and punch him in the face, but I don’t speak. I want his teeth on my skin. I want the pain to remind me where I am. It felt so fucking good the last time. No one ever does it right, but he did. His teeth graze my pulse making me shiver. I want him. I want him so badly that I’m soaking wet and it took almost nothing to get me there.

“We’re in the library,” I argue.

He doesn’t leave my neck, teasing me and playing. “You really think we’d be the first? Aren’t these rooms sound proof?”

“Not enough to mute two people having sex.”

“Guess we’d better be quiet then.” He grabs my hip and grinds into me. My knees almost buckle when I feel how hard he is. Koda yanks my leggings and underwear down, sliding his fingers through my folds. “You’re always so wet, baby girl. Is all of that for me?”

The answer makes me ashamed of myself. He presses his palm into my upper back, shoving me over. I catch myself on the wall with my hands. It’s too late when I realize he might be able to see it. The brand. I’m pretty careful, finding a million ways to fuck and keep it hidden. I should cover it up with ink. I should, but I can’t. It’s the last little thing I hold on to. I can’t tell if it’s a reminder of the good or the evil. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s the same reason I’ve been holding onto that unopened letter from Memphis.

If Koda notices, he doesn’t say anything. He pushes my feet apart and notches his head in my center, and fuck I’m basically salivating at the pussy for him to push inside of me.

“Say my name,” he demands.

“Chance,” I answer with a strained laugh. He disappears, leaving cold space between my thighs. “Okay. Okay. Koda. Fuck.”

“Good girl,” he praises.

When he first pushes in, my eyes roll back and I moan. He clamps his hand over my mouth to silence me. Koda takes his time, letting me adjust, but I’m not used to that. I’m used to wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.

“Look at me,” he demands.

I look back over my shoulder. He’s focused, eyes staring directly where he’s entering me. His abs are flexed through his shirt as he bites his fist. Gorgeous. His gaze flickers to mine, and I could swear I see flecks of green among the black.

Koda is mesmerizing. He holds my gaze like I’m a snake and he’s the charmer. I should look away, but I can’t. He takes his hand from his mouth and pulls me flush to him. His arm is wrapped around my neck in a chokehold as he bites my shoulder. I would scream, but he’s cutting off my airway. His other hand reaches around and lightly circles my clit. The blood pulses in my head. The orgasm is coming for me like a tidal wave.

“Damn it, Ash. You’re gonna make me come,” he growls while pumping in and out at an even pace. “Stop squeezing me so hard.”

“I can’t control it,” I whine. “It feels s-so good.”

There’s fear in his eyes. “Ash, I...I don’t—Fuck. I can’t. I’m gonna come.”

The words spill from his lips, but it’s already too late for me. I can’t shove him. I can’t refuse. I can’t even care. Koda has put a spell on me. His dick gets harder and he holds me to him when he comes, then rides it out. I hate him for making it feel so good.

We’re both sweating and panting when we finish. I’m an idiot. I’ve once again fucked Koda Armory, without protection, and let him finish inside of me. This is not how I do things. I get drunk, make some loser wrap it, and go home hoping to never see him again. I pull my leggings up and grab my bag, contemplating what life choices led me here. The memory of Damien surges up instilling fear inside of me.

“Where are you going?” Koda asks casually.

“We don’t talk,” I snap, storming out of the door. I take the stairs two at a time, almost falling face down. I hit the main floor, fly through the doors, and I run.

I run until I make it home to my safe place. The house is dark as I blaze through the foyer, throwing my shit everywhere. Penny won’t be home for hours. I turn the shower on so high that it burns my skin, and I scrub and scrub until Koda Armory, and anyone else for that matter, is gone. I used to do that until my skin would bleed, but I stop myself. This isn’t Damien.

I repeat that—my new mantra.

This isn’t Damien. This isn’t Damien. This isn’t Damien.

Who do you belong to, Ashland?

I look at my red skin in the mirror. Me. I belong to me.