Page 34

Ashland

My thumb hovers over the contact Jeremy sent me. I’ve deleted it before, tried to stop myself, but I've looked at it so many times that the phone number is ingrained into my mind like the song you hate. I press call and hang up after the first ring in a panic.

It’s stupid to call it. Reckless. I’ve decided to try to leave the past behind, but it’s like some sort of magnet, pulling me back. The therapist I had when I was sixteen, Michelle, told me it would be like that. That’s what abuse does to you.

For all of Koda’s security, I’m still unsettled. I’ll never be able to just live my fucking life without all these goddamn skeletons and ghosts. He doesn’t seem to mind. I know I need to tell him the details. It’s not that I don’t think he’ll believe me, or that he’ll hate me, but what if he’s disgusted by me? What if he looks at me with pity instead of that vindictive possessiveness that makes me weak? What if he’s afraid to touch me?

I’ve spent a lot of my life running or pretending, which is just a nice word for lying. Koda can see through me, but he doesn’t know the truth of it all. He sees the marrow of my bones, but he can’t identify the substance. Not yet.

I bite my thumbnail in indecision. The screen goes black, and I touch it so it lights up again, illuminating my face in the dark tinted car. Alexi knocks on the window, jolting me out of my thoughts. I roll it down and glare at him.

“Looks like her flight was delayed a few minutes." He leans into the window. He can tell he’s interrupted something. “You alright?”

“I’m…”

“Don’t fucking say you’re fine,” he warns. I hate how well he and Koda have gotten to know me.

I give him a pained smile. “I’m just anxious.”

He takes stock of me, pulling down his sunglasses. “Penny is your best friend. It was just a summer. Nothing has changed.”

“Koda shouldn’t be telling you shit.”

“It doesn’t take a genius." He smirks. “Plus, you’re practically my sister-in-law. Can’t fool me.”

“We aren’t getting married.” I roll my eyes.

“Yet,” he quips.

“Oh, please, Lex. It’s senior year. We’re having fun, and it’s convenient. Koda is doing us a favor that happens to benefit him, too. Before we know it, it'll be spring, and we’ll be graduating. You guys will go pro, and Penny and I will travel the world or something.”

The words hurt, but I’m focusing on the here and the now. The future is a waste.

“Does Koda know you feel like that?”

“Are you really trying to have some sort of heart to heart with me in the fucking airport pick-up line?”

“Alright, fine,” he accepts my answer. “Do you want to stay in the car?”

“I’m not in the mood for people,” I grimace.

“Understood.” He raps his knuckles on the roof of the car. “I’ll be back once I’ve grabbed the precious cargo.” He gives me a wink and pushes his sunglasses back onto his face, smacking his gum like a heathen. Once the window is closed, I decide to call again.

I leave the car, heading off to the sidewalk to pace.

The line rings and rings and rings until it hangs up . What the fuck?

I try again. It rings and rings again until my phone beeps, signaling that the call was ended.

I’m starting to get pissed. I have a right to leave a fucking voicemail if I want to. Not that I would, but I should be able to. I look down at my phone and double check the number. It’s correct. On the third try, I hear a squeal behind me. I shove my phone into my pocket and run toward Penny, almost being hit by several cars. People roll their eyes as she jumps into my arms. It’s nice to just smell her again. Ripe strawberries. It reminds me of the summer I got to stay with my grandma. Penny is kind, just like her.

“I fucking missed you,” I mumble into her chest. She puts her nose to my hair and takes a deep inhale. I drop her, laughing. The pain is dull. It’s not gone, but it’s nothing like it was. “Did you just fucking sniff me?”

“Yes, bitch, I did. You sniffed me first." Her hands grasp my shoulders, and she looks me over. “Have you grown taller?”

“What are you? My fucking mother?”

“Your best friend, who cares very fucking much about you.” She pulls me back into a bone crushing hug.

“Where’s Alexi?” I wipe my eyes. I’ve been crying entirely too much lately.

“Baggage claim." She dismissively waves her hand in the air. “Where’s Koda?”

We link arms and head back toward the car. “Probably around the corner,” I joke. “He went to the gym after I told him this was a Cunts of the Century thing.”

“Right,” Penny giggles nervously. “I’m glad to be home. I have so much to tell you.”

“Got the bags,” Alexi huffs, carrying two suitcases and a duffel bag. “He’s got the rest.” Alexi nods behind me as he pops the trunk.

Penny’s eyes light up, and she clasps her hands together.

“You must be Ashland,” a man’s voice says. It’s deep in his chest. Grown up. I turn around slowly. If I was anyone else I would pass out.

The man is covered in tattoos. Even his face is littered with them. His brown hair is shaved on the sides, revealing more tattoos on his scalp. It’s long on top, spiky and messy. He wears black jeans with ripped knees and a carefully shredded band tee with a leather jacket to top it off. Brand new converse adorn his feet. His hand is outstretched to me, waiting for me to take it. He looks friendly, but I can see the challenge in his eyes.

I realize everyone has been staring at us, waiting. I clear my throat. “Yes, I am. And who are you?” I take his hand, and we fight to crush each other’s bones first.

The corners up his mouth turn up into a malevolent grin. “Boyfriend.”